Yard 'Types'

[Saxon]

Pony mad but ponyless:
Usually a friend of someone on the yard, aged between 11 and 15 and obsessed with horses, will help anyone out if it means they get their horsey fix until their dad gives in and buys them a pony

 

[Littlelegs]

The tramp- always short of cash, too skint for farriers, dentists, feed, fly repellent etc. But plenty of cash for expensive non necessaries, & a social life. Moans about the cost of hay & that they can't afford it. Then appears with a brand new thermatex rug & leg wraps. Then asks to borrow some hay because she's skint.

 

[elliefiz]

Brilliant thread! I am the ultimate yard mongrel- I am a tea drinker (love a gossip in the kitchen!), a flirt (my vet is VERY attractive!), vanity project owning(intermediate event horse with a trot I can't ride either side of!) perfectionist ( horse has best of everything and it has to be immaculate) but am also a total scruff who usually has grass stains where horse has dribbled on me and every outfit I wear to yard goes straight in washing machine as im always filthy! Totally in awe of the matchy matchy brigade who manage to keep clean and look so neat and tidy posing round the yard in head to toe designer riding gear like something out of a catalogue!

Something that defo applies to me is the Very Gullible type. Typically will buy anything that vet/ physio/ farrier/ rip off merchant is selling. If someone says something is good the very gullible will have to try it so their horse isn't deprived in any way! Has a huge collection of gadgets, lotions and potions they cant make head nor tail of and are an ardent follower of 'equine trends'. Subscribes slavishly to whatever their horsey heros say and then ends up thoroughly confused with all the contradicting information. Even horse has a resigned look on its face when owner shows up with the latest must have gadget which is definitely going to turn horse into the next Milton! Tack shop owners rub their hands together in glee when they see this type coming!!

 

[blacksabbeth]

Got to say I am probably the realist,as long as my neds are happy and comfortable,then so I am I.Prefer being on my own little yard with out gossip and bitching lol.

 

[showjumpingfilly]

The disinterested kids one is spot on!

Have had several - the tea drinker one is priceless as reminds me of someone to a t!
The yo assumer one is very good.

We've had a - woe is me

Horses ALWAYS got something wrong - coughing, not eating hay, skinny, fat, lame, field not got enough grass, field got too much grass might get colic, field too muddy, i want that field, now i want that field.
Same person also was worst off - dont you know i have 2 kids 2 horses a house to clean AND i work - wouldnt mind but we all have 2 horses each there and whilst we all work full time and do our horses ourselves, she is only one that - wait for it - has a groom, lives closest, and works 2 days a week!!

 

[Mince Pie]

The Yard 'Biddy'

Catch phrase is we don't do it like that here.
Usually women of a certain age who have been there forever. They often forget that they don't actually own the yard and issue a stream of orders to all and get the raging hump if ignored...

The Sweetheart:
The nicest, kindest, most generous person you could hope to meet. Always on hand with home baked cakes, sloe gin, proper coffee and words of kindness or encouragement if you are on a downer.

We have each of these, but to be fair the 'biddy' is actually ok!

The too busy to help

When asked to do any help on the yard (muck heap, bringing in etc) always has an excuse as to why they can't - "got to dash off home" or "has a bad back". Generally does their own horse and disappears again.

 

[Box_Of_Frogs]

The Mother Hen

Has an unquenchable need to feed and nurture anything that appears in front of her. She will take on rescue ponies, tirelessly raise money for her local Rescue Centre, buy Tescos madeira cake to feed the yard chickens, sneak handfuls of feed to sad or thin looking horses, cry over a dead vole the yard cat has brought in, let all the little free range girls "help" her, care for her own horses as if they were minor gods and generally worry about all living things. If a horse has been sedated to have its teeth done and must stand in a bare, hayless stable for 2 hours afterwards, notes addressed to her are left pinned to the horse's stable door saying DO NOT FEED.

Ha ha, this is me!!! Don't even ask about the rescued pigeon or the sick goldfish!!!

 

[Ladyinred]

How about sulky teenage girls. We have one on our yard that some days danes to speak when spoken to not otherwise and other days treats you like something nasty she has trodden in. She also never forks up her muck on the muck heap just leaves it in the middle of the track for everyone else to deal with.

She used to be on our yard She had her own set of rules which included her pony gallopping freely round the yard when she felt like it, irrespective of anyone else. Oh, and never closing gates (beneath her, doncha know!) It was the gates that finally got her thrown off yard after I blew a gasket finding 6 big horses with nothing but a single strand of (turned off!) electric tape between them and a stroll down the main road.

 

[EstherYoung]

I am sticky tape woman. You can't take me anywhere.

I also have collector tendencies and shades of realist, practical and ninja.

 

[depurple1]

Suited and booted here - although I've done it in reverse too. When it was snowing I went into the office in skirt suit and Hunters.

 

[miss_c]

I used to be on a yard with a 'woe is me' - it did my nut in!

 

[jump?howhigh]

I was 'exploited child labour' and now I would fit general dogsbody and velcro women dirt just throws itself onto me. Usually targeted by gods gift and equine college students for some abuse or their 'opinion' and looked at in disgust when the posh pony clubbers turn up in there big fancy car all geared up £££ and you're stood shoveling a pile of muck taller than you onto the trailer...

 

[HayleyandBob]

How about:

The hyperactive teenager.

Really bubbly, bright and fun. If you want a good hack, go with them. If you want a favour just ask and they'll skip away to do it. Regulally invites their horsey friends who don't own ponies to come and ride theirs and so stupid things like 5 bounces in a row without stirrups and doing YMCA or jumping tackless. Usually seen with a video camera to catch it all. Has a lovely horse who she devotes her time to and although acts casual is determind about getting to 4*. doesn't have the most expensive anything but doesn't care, she'd rather have fun. Is also known for doing silly things like hacking down the gallops in the snow/pitch dark with a torch. If they fall off they get back on with a smile to try again, despite mother's protests, only to be told they have concussion and tissue damage. Generally fun to be around and will always try to cheer you up

Im definitely the yard hyperactive teenager (although technically an adult )
Often seen (or that should be not seen ) at the yard at stupid o clock in the morning before the rest of the world has even go out of bed, having mucked out and set off for a ride before anyone else arrives. Tack, pony and bed are all immaculate at all times!
5 bounces in a row? try 10. Jumping tackless...check. Dissappearing off into the hills on a sunday morning not to be seen for atleast 4 hours ...check! Continue a days hunting despite having had all front teeth knocked out...check
Pony is often described as quite a character and equally hyperactive but is a best friend and noble companion
My mum refuses to watch me ride anymore...

 

[Shysmum]

The "The Atmosphere Creator Deluxe livery.

Don't speak, don't even LOOK in my direction, I am in a mood with YOU grrrrrrr (from said livery). Oh dear, has she read my "sunday rider" post above urgh.

I hope so, gets me off the hook, doesn't it.

 

[NooNoo59]

The natural horsemanship/parelli person who does that instead of riding the horse cause they are frightened of it, and the know it all teenager, who has no lessons, never asks for advice but is always dishing it out is either cuddling or shouting at the pony, never looks you in the eye, makes remarks under her breath, never says thank you or hullo, oh i could go on!!!!!!!!!

 

[Shysmum]

OH NO - not the carrot stick provider

 

[Brightbay]

I am Sticky Ninja Woman

Horses live out year round, so I rarely appear on the yard, but work from field gateway about a quarter of a mile away. Always, as a result, covered in feed from over affectionate slobberers, bits of hay from trying to dispense piles of hays in gale force winds, and mud, just because horses are either standing in it or covered in it.

On the rare occasion I take a horse down to the yard, I am met with shock... "who's the strange mud covered woman riding her horse in wellies in the school?? "There's some trespasser using our yard!"

It's also quite funny because I have been at yard for 6 years now, and seen many liveries come and go - nobody there now was there when I first arrived. And yet, the legend of the Sticky Ninja has somehow never been passed down to new arrivals

ETA I know a lot of tea drinkers. I don't have anything much to do with them, as I am "no messing" woman. I arrive, have horse groomed, tacked up and ready to ride within 5 minutes, then I ride. I cannot be doing with all this bandaging, and fancy tack that takes hours, and horses needing to have cleaned and conditioned manes and tails before riding. Waste of time, IMO. However, I have shared a yard with the interesting hybrid Parelli Tea Drinker. It took HOURS to get her ready to ride, including waiting until the horse gave permission for saddle to go on (this morning, I was a tad slow getting the saddle out and the horse had virtually left without me, rolling his eyes and implying I should just "get the bloody thing ON!".). While waiting for air traffic control to give permission to saddle, much rope circling was done, and then tea in thermal mugs would be provided for all. Once this was drunk, and saddle was on, we might just be ready to go, 75 minutes later. The first few times, I made the mistake of tacking up and being ready. After that, I just said "let me know when you're ready and I'll go catch my horse..."

 

[Madam Min]

Or:

The practical one

Realises that a horse is infact, a horse and CAN go out if it's raining/windy/frosty/there are loads of flies. If horse has an injury, waits a couple of days to see if it'll heal on it's own before calling the vet. Has a naughty horse but isn't afraid to tell it off so that it learns manners. Loves a good days hunting.

Ha ha think this me and my OH, through the winter, there's usually only us that'll brave riding in the outdoor!

 

[9tails]

The Shouty One

Whenever she talks to her horse, she's shouting. "Get Over" "Walk On" "Back BACK" and when lunging she's forever cracking the whip and yelling "CANTER". Horse may now be deaf.

 

[SouthWestWhippet]

How about STAFF LIVERY

Works on the yard and also keeps her horse there. Always intends to get horse sorted and ridden in under an hour on her day off so she can spend some quality time Not At Work. In reallity ends up spending as much time on the yard on her day off as when she's working, just drinking more tea and gossiping. Makes sulky mutterings about it "being her day off" if anyone ask her the smallest question despite being at the yard so much, most liveries think she lives in the stable with her horse.

 

[spotty_pony]

What an interesting read this thread was!

I think I am Staff Livery/Perfectionist/Faffer/tea drinker!

I work at the yard where I keep my boy, today was my day off and I was still up there for 6 hours riding him and another horse, doing his stable etc all at a leisurely pace!! My car resembles a stable, all of my money goes on my boy and he wants for nothing - his bed is immaculate and he has the best of everything. However, he isn't an overgrown pet and is worked properly - he is very fit and hunts 2/3 times per month. I am a bit of a faffer I guess as I'm always checking the weather and changing rugs etc and getting other liveries to check on him for me in the evenings even after I have done him for the night! And I do like my tea and chatting in the kitchen with the other liveries!

 

[muckypony]

The 'I have A horse' owner!

The owner who has a potentially lovely horse, constantly brags about how they have this wonderful horse... That never gets ridden... The are on DIY because they can't afford anything else, despite the fact they moan about every single chore, as if it wasn't their choice to buy a horse in the first place! They only have a horse so they can tell their non-horsey acquaintances that they have a horse because it sounds good!

I most definitely used to be the hyperactive teenager... I remember the days where I would think nothing of whacking up a 1.10 course and jumping my little 14hh bareback, just because..! And I would go hacking for hours with just a headcollar... Madness!!

 

[Pale Rider]

The natural horsemanship/parelli person who does that instead of riding the horse cause they are frightened of it,

I used to get wound up about people who talk about NH people like this. However, having had to broadened my horizons and now visit yards where the majority are what you might call 'traditional or conventional' or whatever, I find the reverse to be true.

 

[Littlelegs]

Omg, being on diy because they can't afford anything else, that's outrageous. One wishes the peasant underclass would come to their senses & realise only the upper classes are allowed to own horses.

 

[muckypony]

Omg, being on diy because they can't afford anything else, that's outrageous. One wishes the peasant underclass would come to their senses & realise only the upper classes are allowed to own horses.

Sorry didn't mean it in that way, just meant the type of person can't afford a horse they just 'want' one!

I am in fact a diy'er so most definitely didn't mean it in that way!

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

This thread is great. . I used to be the exploited child labour, now I'm the sticky tape woman.

 

[skint1]

The 'Liver and Breather'

Their car is in that bad shape you begin to wonder if rust was an optional extra. wear the same clothes day in and day out which are in bad shape. seems to be at the yard every spare minute of their day. Usually older, and single. look weathered. but horses live like kings!

That's me, but not single!

 

[Copperpot]

I think I'm suited and booted x vanity purchaser! Although he's
on full livery I do get changed before I go up there and my wellies do have mud on from walking the dogs

 

[skint1]

I think I also have shades of the sticky tape woman. Even though I change all my clothes when I leave yard to got to work in the morning I somehow end up leaving a trail of hay in my wake wheresoever I may go

 

[Copperpot]

Sorry the perfectionist!! Cos I am always always buying horsey things I don't need. All the gear no idea is most def me