A bit miffed.

[ycbm]

Thank you. I think I needed someone to tell me that my reaction to be mad wasn’t unreasonable.

On what planet could what your sharer did ever be considered reasonable?

I'm pretty baffled by your reaction, to be honest.
.

 

[Crazy_cat_lady]

I don't have a horse anymore but when I did I was far too precious to let anyone else ride him, especially coupled with these horror stories about owners being sued. He wasn't even anything amazing or difficult bar the Welsh D hysteria.

I would absolutely lose my s**t and sack sharer on the spot. Presumably friend doesn't have insurance - what if there'd been an accident?! It would have been bad enough her riding him unauthorised in the school but the road has even more perils with other road users being at risk.

If she's young I'd be sending her parents a letter detailing exactly why she's been sacked!

 

[Red-1]

I’m afraid I was even beyond considering the trust being broken it’s the worry of what could have happened that sickened me. Had there been an accident who would I have even called?

As nothing happened, there is no ongoing worry. They simply don't come back. I too would supervise when she came to collect her stuff.

You are also nicer then I am. The last thing on my mind would have been who to call if there was an accident, unless you meant the vet! I guess 999 would have shipped her or her friend off (although I am surprised you don't have parents' details - not that I would need them going forward, other than to let the parent know what had happened to get their darling daughter sacked from the share agreement).

 

[Peglo]

Your calm response and decency is very admirable. I would not have behaved so well and would not have cared about their young age at the time.

I definitely think it’s time for a new sharer. And you’re right, not all young people are like this and would so appreciate the opportunity you’ve offered. But time to get rid of this one.

 

[Cowpony]

I don't think I'd have been as restrained as you! Taking a horse without permission is absolutely outrageous.

But not all younger people are like this. I have a young lady who has shared mine since she was 14. She's very mature and cares for my horse as if she was her own. She'll be going off to university in September and I'll miss her.

 

[Errin Paddywack]

A friend of mine had an old ex-racehorse. She had a girl help her with exercising him who was told explicitly never to let anyone else ride him. One day this girl let a friend ride him, friend trotted off, supposed to be walking only, and he took off. She couldn't really ride and was screaming which made things worse. She fell off backwards and was killed. Tragedy and completely avoidable.

 

[Goldenstar]

Just get rid of the sharer .

 

[Suby2]

I’m usually quite relaxed but something that happened last week has got me quite miffed and I think I just need a sense check.

I have had a young sharer riding my horse for a few months. We have had a few teething issues about not looking after tack and equipment but on the whole things are okay.

Last week I got to the farm to find that her and a friend were coming back from a hack along the main road and had ‘borrowed’ my carefully managed competition horse. I have never met friend and no one had asked my permission.

I have put it down to youthful ignorance but if something had happened where would I stand? No one had my permission to take the horse. I don’t even know friends name let alone if they had insurance for the road. No idea if she can ride. What if she/horse had been injured?

I know I need to say something but I was a bit too mad at the time.

 

[millikins]

This is the behaviour you have found out about, what else is/has been done behind your back? Get rid, she can't be trusted.

 

[Glitter's fun]

You only know about this because you happened to turn up & witness it, so I'd be wondering if its been happening regularly & what else she's been doing. She obviously has a mindset that these horses belong to her.
Definitely end the share.


ETA cross posted with Millikins!

 

[SDMabel]

The trust has been broken , I'd be waving the loaner goodbye and searching for someone trustworthy .. the cheek of it !

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

As she is under 18, I assume you liaised either her parents before allowing her to share your horse? I would now liaise with them over ending g the share. They, as well as she, need to know that what she has been up to is completely unacceptable.

 

[lynz88]

I had something similar years ago!!! I had a sharer contract with a younger girl - her parent signed the contract to make it legal and everything as she was under 18. Everything was good apart from a few minor things here and there....

And then I found out that not only was the sharer riding my horse, but so was her younger sister. I hung around the yard one afternoon when she was due to be down to see. Her sister didn't ride while I was there though I gave her a few tips as she was riding.

Well. She went and complained to her mom that I was at the yard and I shouldn't be at the yard when she is down at the yard and that she didn't appreciate me instructing her from time to time and that she will ride my horse how she sees fit. I told her mom no, this is MY horse and it was the first time I had been down at the same time as her daughter in the few months that she was sharing. I also brought up that I had become aware that her sister was riding my horse and told her that that was not acceptable. The mother proceeded to tell me it was and they could decide who rides my horse and when. I told her absolutely not, not without my permission as my contract is between her daughter and I, not both her daughters and I do not know her other daughters riding ability, whether she had insurance, and horses are dangerous. This then got out of hand and I continued to push using my contract and they ended the agreement (which is what I wanted as they then owed me an additional month for severing the contract without notice).

This is the nice version of the story. I was absolutely livid - especially when the mother decided that she could decide who rides my horse in their family, that her daughter deserves only alone time at the yard with my horse, that her daughter will ride my horse as she sees fits....it was an absolute joke!!!

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

I would have gone mental I think you need to get rid of this sharer that's just not on.

 

[Trouper]

The only thing that stops this incident being theft is that she did not intend "permanently to deprive you" of your second horse. I'm with @Caol Ila on this - I'm not sure the world would be ready for my reaction and flogging round the fleet is too lenient a punishment - but then I'm old school.

Please look for a mature individual who has been taught some manners and who will value both your horse and the opportunity to share.

 

[Ossy2]

I think as this is the horse the sharer shares and I’m assuming on a day allocated to her share would be the reason I wouldn’t completely have lost it with her. Given she is under 18 it maybe she genuinely didn’t see or know it would be an issue, potentially a good conversation to align expectations is all that is needed to sort this out. Assuming good sharers for a carefully managed competition horse might be hard to find maybe think whether this is a relationship you want to try and mend.

 

[Arzada]

I think as this is the horse the sharer shares and I’m assuming on a day allocated to her share would be the reason I wouldn’t completely have lost it with her. Given she is under 18 it maybe she genuinely didn’t see or know it would be an issue, potentially a good conversation to align expectations is all that is needed to sort this out. Assuming good sharers for a carefully managed competition horse might be hard to find maybe think whether this is a relationship you want to try and mend.

Seriously? An under 18yo thinks it's ok to take and ride a horse without asking? I think I learned about sharing, asking and borrowing well before I was 5yo. The carefully managed competition horse is not the share horse.

 

[Ossy2]

Seriously? An under 18yo thinks it's ok to take and ride a horse without asking? I think I learned about sharing, asking and borrowing well before I was 5yo. The carefully managed competition horse is not the share horse.

I read an update from OP that the competition horse was the horse the sharer was sharing? I may have misread If that is not the case then agree but I thought it was a case the sharer had let a friend ride the horse the sharer had on share on one of her share days?

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

I’m usually quite relaxed but something that happened last week has got me quite miffed and I think I just need a sense check.

I have had a young sharer riding my horse for a few months. We have had a few teething issues about not looking after tack and equipment but on the whole things are okay.

Last week I got to the farm to find that her and a friend were coming back from a hack along the main road and had ‘borrowed’ my carefully managed competition horse. I have never met friend and no one had asked my permission.

I have put it down to youthful ignorance but if something had happened where would I stand? No one had my permission to take the horse. I don’t even know friends name let alone if they had insurance for the road. No idea if she can ride. What if she/horse had been injured?

I know I need to say something but I was a bit too mad at the time.

I would terminate the contract, as your horse is most like not covered in an accident. I would be furious if my sharer let someone else ride her or him with out my concent.

 

[equinerebel]

As she is under 18, I assume you liaised either her parents before allowing her to share your horse? I would now liaise with them over ending g the share. They, as well as she, need to know that what she has been up to is completely unacceptable.

This. These are children at the end of the day, so I would go via the parents. OP, I think you're very gracious, kind and patient.

 

[Dexter]

Nope. I would no longer have that sharer! I would clearly explain that any trust I'd had was gone. She could say what she liked, but her understanding of respect and boundaries are so far different to mine, that whatever she said, there would be no coming back. I would also say that her judgement had been shown to be so lacking that I didn't want her anywhere near my horses.

Out of interest, which young rider was riding your carefully managed competition horse down the road?

ETA - Surely this is made up?

Might not be. I had a sharer for a young cob I had, he needed lots of work to keep the weight off so a keen teenager was the best bet. I had my older, semi retired boy. He only ever hacked and I treated him like he was made of glass. The teenage sharer went up to the yard when she knew I would have left, brought a friend and took both horses in the school, which had a terribly beach sand surface and was never used by me, and they had a marvellous time riding for over an hour.

When I found out luckily they weren't there or Id have given them the dressing down of their lives. Instead I banned them from the yard, informed the yard owner and other liveries that if they saw them to call me ASAP, and rang both sets of parents and advised I was getting the vet out and they would get the bill for any issues found. NEVER again!

 

[Slightlyconfused]

Good grief, ‘miffed’? I’d have been incandescent!

Neither the sharer nor the friend would be returning to the yard!!

This, 100%.

 

[dorsetladette]

I'm agree on you behalf! Get rid of the sharer pronto!

 

[ester]

No more sharer

 

[Surbie]

Well done for being calm, I don't think I would have been.

I'd sack the sharer, and be absolutely clear with the sharer and their parents how unacceptable and potentially dangerous and costly their behaviour was. I would also make sure the YO knows what has happened if you are on livery so there is no sneaking back at any point.

 

[Errin Paddywack]

Going back to 1970, my sister had the ride on a little welsh pony on the understanding she taught the little girl whose pony he was how to ride. A close friend of my sister's also rode him sometimes until my sister discovered she was taking him back to where she lived and giving local kids rides on him. She never took his own child out on him. It was the owners of the pony who had found out and were seriously displeased. My sister rang her up and tore strips off her, they never spoke again which was sad as they had been good friends. You just do not betray someone's trust like that. Get rid of your sharer.

 

[AandK]

I read an update from OP that the competition horse was the horse the sharer was sharing? I may have misread If that is not the case then agree but I thought it was a case the sharer had let a friend ride the horse the sharer had on share on one of her share days?

I read it that the sharer was riding the comp horse, and sharer's friend was riding the share horse.

If this is correct, the sharer needs to be sacked pronto. What on earth is going on in someone's mind to think they can just borrow someone else's horse without asking?! Words fail me...

 

[GinaGeo]

I sacked a previous teenage sharer of one of mine for turning up with an entourage of unhorsey teenage friends. The first time it happened I reminded her that it was our home, and that we didn’t want strangers wandering around, and asked her not to do it again.

The second time, was the last time she came.

If they’d laid a finger on any other horse, let alone ridden it, I think you’d still be peeling me off the ceiling.

Current sharer is fantastic, and wonderfully trustworthy - good ones are out there.

 

[Cortez]

I think as this is the horse the sharer shares and I’m assuming on a day allocated to her share would be the reason I wouldn’t completely have lost it with her. Given she is under 18 it maybe she genuinely didn’t see or know it would be an issue, potentially a good conversation to align expectations is all that is needed to sort this out. Assuming good sharers for a carefully managed competition horse might be hard to find maybe think whether this is a relationship you want to try and mend.

Presuming that the "children" involved are over the age of five, they should be aware of the concept of right and wrong. It is especially important to inform younger people of errors as they occur, that is how they learn. In this particular case I would hazard that the young lady knew well and rightly what she was up to.

 

[lynz88]

It is amazing me the number of people that have similar-ish stories and what's worse is these people think they suddenly own the horse and have a sense of entitlement.

I guess OP, this doesn't make you the only one in a situation like this but still....I haven't read the whole thread but if you have a contract, sever it. If you have a clause that requires a notice period or money in lieu of (from the sharer), see if you can get them to sever it first with immediate effect so you can claim some extra money. If it becomes too much of a hassle, then scrap the money and just cut ties now. You will save yourself headaches down the road. I did threaten legal action when the mother of my sharer said she didn't feel she had to pay monies in lieu of (she was the one who decided to sever the agreement immediately as she found my conditions unreasonable and wanted nothing more to do with me given the stink I raised) - I reminded her of the contract and her obligations of she signed as legal guardian/parent and of which she still refused. I threatened legal action and she caved.