A bit miffed.

[Red-1]

I am actually shocked at how common this seems to be.

You have given me a lot of food for thought and I am pleased that I wasn’t over reacting.

The money for the share is minimal (less than £5 a day) and so doesn’t invite me to deal with hassle and certainly doesn’t warrant the sleepless nights I’ve had since this.

Yet nowhere have you said you are sacking the sharer

ETA - I do admire your ability to stop and think calmly, just don't understand it

 

[Ratface]

I commend your calmness, 05jackd.
I would probably been monosyllabic, using words such as "Out". "Now". "NOW".
I'm usually a calm, pleasant and polite person, until it comes to the mismanagement of animals.
If the animals in question were mine, and I'd observed such behaviour, I would have been eerily quiet, apart from the above words.
I would have arranged a visit to the young woman and her parents and explained why she was never to come near or by again, and followed it up with a written letter confirming my statement, sent by registered post.

 

[scats]

I tried to part loan a pony out about 20 years ago. The perfectly nice teenager didn’t put my saddle back on the rack properly and I got very, very annoyed. It was then that I realised I wasn’t the right person to tolerate a sharer

Same pony was accidentally used by the RDA for a lesson once. He resembled their usual pony and they sent a volunteer round to get it… and somehow they landed at my pony’s stable.
Apparently he behaved very well, albeit seemed confused to be lined up at a ramp while a wheelchair was pushed up and the person helped onboard. The pony was cold backed (X-rays didn’t show a thing, we never worked out what caused his issue) and would chuck you off if you mounted from the floor, so they were very lucky not to end up with a nasty accident!

 

[ycbm]

There are places for calmness but if this incident happened as described,
then there was a horse welfare issue, a rider safety issueand a horrific breach of trust, so I don't understand either the calmness or the apparent inaction.

 

[Fjord]

I would have been more than miffed. What have you decided to do OP?

 

[05jackd]

As the contract is with the parents I have rang them and asked for a meeting. I want to make sure they are aware of the situation and how dangerous it could have been and that’s why I can’t continue.

 

[dogatemysalad]

I am actually shocked at how common this seems to be.

You have given me a lot of food for thought and I am pleased that I wasn’t over reacting.

The money for the share is minimal (less than £5 a day) and so doesn’t invite me to deal with hassle and certainly doesn’t warrant the sleepless nights I’ve had since this.

It is quite common unfortunately.
I discovered my horse, who was perfectly capable of doing 3 hour hacks, wasn't actually hacking. He was seen on the local University campus being used as a toy for the sharers student friends.
My beautiful, generous, kind horse deserved better.

 

[Tiddlypom]

As the contract is with the parents I have rang them and asked for a meeting. I want to make sure they are aware of the situation and how dangerous it could have been and that’s why I can’t continue.

Good, as she is under 18 you should speak to the parents too. No need to justify why you are stopping the share beyond it being a gross breach of trust to use the second horse.

This all happened last week, though, according to your OP . Please say that you haven't allowed the girl to continue the share in the interim.

As a parent, I would be incandescent if either of the lads had done similar and would expect the horses' owner (you) to completely shred them as part of ending the share.

Whatever you do, don't fall for crocodile tears and give her a second chance, she's shown her true colours.

 

[PSD]

I’m quite horrified to see how common this situation is!

OP good on you for speaking with parents, I hope they’re understanding and don’t give you a hard time.

 

[cauda equina]

And even if they do, don't cave in

You owe this girl nothing, and your horses everything; they have no advocate but you

 

[estela]

Sorry but that's awful. I too would end the share wie. Good luck.

 

[Lois Lame]

This was my feeling. I had to calm myself down to write my reply.

 

[J&S]

We have talked about the sort of attitude that abounds nowadays....... "Oh, you don't mind if I do.... do you!" and think that a passing apology later will be sufficient.

 

[Aperchristmas]

Christ alive I'd have hit the roof. I hope the parents understand the severity of the situation. Don't let her near the yard again!

 

[SEL]

I tried to part loan a pony out about 20 years ago. The perfectly nice teenager didn’t put my saddle back on the rack properly and I got very, very annoyed. It was then that I realised I wasn’t the right person to tolerate a sharer

Same pony was accidentally used by the RDA for a lesson once. He resembled their usual pony and they sent a volunteer round to get it… and somehow they landed at my pony’s stable.
Apparently he behaved very well, albeit seemed confused to be lined up at a ramp while a wheelchair was pushed up and the person helped onboard. The pony was cold backed (X-rays didn’t show a thing, we never worked out what caused his issue) and would chuck you off if you mounted from the floor, so they were very lucky not to end up with a nasty accident!

When I worked with the special needs kids I turned up one day to see the feral black TB from the top paddock in one of the stables. Incredibly unpredictable and destined sadly for the hunt. Wasn't sure why he was in on a Saturday when it was going to be full of kids until one of the mums walked in his direction with a saddle.

She'd got him muddled with the ancient 14h native pony mare - they were both jet black but similarities finished there. Surprised she managed to catch and stable him. I think he was pretty confused too.

Same YO was regularly known to "borrow" livery horses if he'd overbooked a lesson.

OP - relieved you're able to work out what you want to do and I commend you on your restraint.

 

[Lois Lame]

I would have gone mental I think you need to get rid of this sharer that's just not on.

Me too.

 

[Lois Lame]

As the contract is with the parents I have rang them and asked for a meeting. I want to make sure they are aware of the situation and how dangerous it could have been and that’s why I can’t continue.

Yes, but is it still continueing?

It has to be stopped now. Then you can explain.

 

[Lois Lame]

Good, as she is under 18 you should speak to the parents too. No need to justify why you are stopping the share beyond it being a gross breach of trust to use the second horse.

This all happened last week, though, according to your OP . Please say that you haven't allowed the girl to continue the share in the interim.

As a parent, I would be incandescent if either of the lads had done similar and would expect the horses' owner (you) to completely shred them as part of ending the share.

Whatever you do, don't fall for crocodile tears and give her a second chance, she's shown her true colours.

Agreed.

OP, the parent/s might be just as bad as the daughter.

I suspect most of us have either experienced similar people or know of others who have. They refuse to see the error of their ways because they feel entitled.

 

[MissTyc]

I am feeling extremely grateful that my sharer called to ask permission for her friend to come visit the yard to SEE her share horse. Literally just walk onto my yard and look at/maybe brush the horse ... I later found out she didn't even allow said friend into the field to come with her to catch the horse and made her wait on the yard as she wasn't sure if safe for a rando to be around all the other horses, even though having permission to be around my horse. Good attitude, that!

Am still in shock from OP! I wouldn't have got heated, I'd have gone quiet. The girl would not have come to the yard again.

 

[Gallop_Away]

Any update OP? Please tell me you've ended the share

 

[saddlesore]

I’m assuming the share has been terminated OP?

 

[05jackd]

Yes, I spoke to the parents. I explained that I was seriously concerned with the potential risks of a person I did not know and had never seen ride taking a horse out without permission. I am not sure they really understood the ramification as they are not horsey themselves and I imagine they sort of thought that if you can ride one you can ride them all.

I think there was a lack of understanding and thus not a great deal of remorse but we have agreed that I do not feel that it is a suitable arrangement. In some ways it is sad as the girl got on quite well with the horse she shared but it has allowed me to sleep a bit easier.

 

[Tiddlypom]

Thanks for the update. You are well shot of the whole family if the parents have an attitude like that, no wonder the girl thought that she could get away with it.

 

[Gallop_Away]

The cheek of some people. Replace the word horse with car. Is it acceptable to drive someone's car without asking? After all if you can drive one you can surely drive any car right?
It sounds like you are well shot of them OP. Onwards and upwards. Thank you for the update.

 

[Ratface]

Well done on two counts:
1. Not being verbally "forceful" with the parents.
2. Achieving, in this case, an end to the irresponsible young person being on your yard.
I hope you soon find a more suitable rider.

 

[splashgirl45]

Well done for keeping your cool . I am afraid I would have been livid and wouldn’t have been able to be as restrained as you

 

[Velcrobum]

Well done for keeping your cool . I am afraid I would have been livid and wouldn’t have been able to be as restrained as you

Likewise.

 

[Dust Bunny]

I find the behaviour shocking! Under 18 plays no role here, and I agree with the majority of others that trust has been broken. This time you caught her - who knows what's happened before! There's definitely a lack of respect been shown here. I'd be looking for a new sharer that I could trust. Good luck with the search, and make sure you talk about the do's and don'ts quite clearly before handing over the reins!

 

[Red-1]

At least your competition horse is safe now. So is the girl.

 

[black and brown]

I think I might also make it well known to everyone on the yard that the share arrangement has been terminated and that the sharer has no further involvement with your horses.