Anyone just can’t/hasn’t achieved their horsey dreams...

Roxylola

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Yes I think that's a bit modest Red, I so agree about the teaching though my goal is to give people the tools to ride well and confidently. I want thinking riders, I'm rubbish at just directing traffic.
Dont berate yourself, you've achieved more than enough!
 

little_critter

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Yup, I've just hit that ditch again. I've been a horse owner for 8 years now and I just want to make steady progress but it feels like I'm forever lurching between saddle fit issues, horse health issues, and last year a rider injury.
I never seem to be able to get a good run of work / improvement / competition. I had a stab at a Novice dressage test in March just before lockdown. We weren't totally ready but I thought what the hell, I'll have a go. We did ok-ish. Then we had lockdown, then the saddle stopped fitting and now my horse is also lame. At least I've managed to combine 3 road blocks at one time this time.
 

Cortez

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I have had the immense good fortune of having achieved everything, and more, that I ever wanted with horses. Strangely some of the things I thought I wanted the most have been less than satisfying, and a couple of times I've swerved away from things when they started to become reality after I realised the price to achieve them was too high (for the horses, mostly). Life does get in the way; my "prime", if you want to call it that, was cut short by a catastrophic car accident that ended my high-level competition career, but that in turn led to a less pressurised direction that has been immensely satisfying. I am now nearly "post horse", but I shall always treasure the precious, golden memories of a life deeply enriched by living it with such wonderful creatures.
 

PaddyMonty

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If we're talking dreams then no I didn't. I rode to compete, simple as that and my two dreams were to jump the hickstead derby track and badminton XC. We did say dreams here.
I only ever really had one goal, to beat the competition. I tried often and failed often but each failure gave clues to improve for the next time. Eventually you succeed then move up a level and start all over again. Made a bit harder by generally riding horses for owners that no one else was daft enough to. That gives you opportunities but you also find that once the so called problem horse becomes a nice ride it gets sold and you start back at square one. Overall I'm happy with my comp record.
 

Jill's Gym Karma

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i was a pony-mad-but-pony-less kid, avidly devouring all the books about the girl with the cheap pony beating the poshos at the local show; having a pony that lived in the field next to your house that came when you called its name; a horse that only you could ride because you had such a special bond etc etc.

I'm now in my 40s and still never owned a pony, although planning to move out of London and make it happen within the next 3 years or so. My horsey fix is obtained from volunteering with the RDA. A few years back after leading my favourite horse (a quirky old git that nobody else liked to lead) one of the teenage helpers came up to me and said "you look really happy when you're with him". Now I'm a jaded old cynic but that really moved me.
 

Courbette

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Ah I misunderstood. I thought we were talking competing. My childhood dream was ride an Andalusian. I have never owned my own horse (unless you count 1% of a PRE stallion for 12 months!) but I have been lucky enough to ride several PRE, PSL and other baroque breeds. I'm hoping I will still get my shot at competing but if I had to choose between having ridden some of the lovely horses I have been able to try or getting to do some more riding club outings I would't give up some of my wonderful memories for anything. I also wanted to go to Badminton on XC day. It took me 20 years but I made it last year and should of been camping this year if the event had ran. Like others have said, I came from a non-horsey family so riding at all is a dream come true.
 

Jango

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I was the pony mad kid with non horsey parents (like many others on here) and I rode in riding schools and then part loaned from the age of about 11 to 18. All I ever wanted was my own horse. I rode a random selection of horses at uni and then spent a summer in America on a dressage yard to see if I wanted to work with horses full time. Absolutely couldn't hack the pressure and hated having to make the horses fit the client's schedule, rather than treating them as individuals. So decided to try and get a well paid career (without long hours) to enjoy horses as a hobby. My mum bought me my first horse at 22 under the agreement I paid for all his care, vet etc and he was the best present I will ever receive. In the last 10 years horses have brought me my biggest ups and downs and some of my best friends. I still have a goal to compete in a medium BD class (got to Elem before my old lad retired) and I would absolutely love to do Badminton grassroots one day (I've done 1 BE80 ?). I achieved a long term goal of getting my own transport on Sunday, so hoping for horsey adventures of all kinds this summer :-D I have always made decisions on career with the horses as the main focus, so always the best paid option without silly hours. I have a good salary and have a mortgage on a modest house. If I had made different choices with work I could earn a lot more, but for me having time to ride 5x a week every week and have my mare on DIY is way more important. I don't have the drive to ride at 5am, never go on holiday or give up my social life for it though. If I had make those sacrifices to have a horse I would probably part loan instead. They are a huge huge part of my life, but travel and my friends and family are equally important for me.
 

Michen

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Just to add to this thread really. I think if you've lost a horse of a lifetime often your horsey dreams change because everything shifts perspective wise.

I can honestly say my horsey dream is that Boggle grows to a ripe old age (at least 30!!), and I have him with me for the next 20 plus years of my life. I don't care if that's ridden, unridden, lightly ridden.... I really do just care that he's around and happy.

I had bargain bin ponies when I was younger and no transport so never ever did pony club etc (in rural scotland also), so I don't take having a lorry and competing, hunting etc for granted for one minute- that was certainly my dream in my early twenties even. But it is just so secondary to the horses themselves.
 

Tarragon

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I was never overly ambitious. I suppose, in my minds eye I would be cantering across beautiful rolling hills on a beautiful horse with my OH on another horse beside me, and, of course, I would look beautiful too. I have a completely non-horsey husband, so I haven't managed that one, and I have never managed to look beautiful, especially on a horse, but I have two wonderful ponies and we ride out together almost every day and a good ride still makes me feel on top of the world.
 

Squeak

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One of the top riders said to me once that if someone really really wants to do something then they'll find a way. I see it all the time in life not just with horses, if someone wants to go on that date or on that holiday or buy that car etc it's amazing what people can do when they really really want it.

I also remember them saying about how Mark Todd had a 'challenging' horse who had got a 54 dressage at an event. They saw him after their next event and asked how he'd got on. Mark replied that he was really pleased and he'd got on really well - He'd got a 52.5 dressage this time.
 

Sussexbythesea

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i was a pony-mad-but-pony-less kid, avidly devouring all the books about the girl with the cheap pony beating the poshos at the local show; having a pony that lived in the field next to your house that came when you called its name; a horse that only you could ride because you had such a special bond etc etc.

I'm now in my 40s and still never owned a pony, although planning to move out of London and make it happen within the next 3 years or so. My horsey fix is obtained from volunteering with the RDA. A few years back after leading my favourite horse (a quirky old git that nobody else liked to lead) one of the teenage helpers came up to me and said "you look really happy when you're with him". Now I'm a jaded old cynic but that really moved me.

I really hope you make your dream happen ?
 

zandp

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I was another weekly rider at a riding school as a child. We moved at least every 3 years so I've ridden at a lot of different schools ! My dreams as a child were to own a horse and that seemed so far removed from possibility I don't think I ever got past that. Although I did always love jumping. Had a bad accident out hacking at age 17, did A levels and gave up riding when I went to poly to do my degree. Fast forward some years and I was the sharer of a horse and then an owner of my first, she's still with me, had her 16 years now and she's 26. She was the perfect first horse - done everything, great jumper, sane. She broke after the first year and it took 3 years of exams / box rest / riding / lameness to work out what was wrong with her. We started again and I bought a youngster to replace her as we weren't sure if the first was going to stay sound. Youngster's education has been very sporadic due to her SI issues, me coming off her and fracturing my coccyx and just as we worked through her SI problems mum became terminally ill so my spare time was mostly spent going from Somerset to Bedford.

I need to get her going properly now, she's fine to sit on but very nappy and reary and i'm now looking for someone to help me with her as I have not got the bounce again and can't break any more of my body. Owning her has been a great learning experience as I'm a different rider now and have learnt and been exposed to so much more with her.

So yes, i have twice the dream - as have 2 wonderful mares. But also have lost the original dream and do struggle with life interfering.
 

BlackRider

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I did achieve my dreams...

I too was the weekly riding school rider, that begged for a horse. It didn't happen so when I was working I bought my first arab, when I was in my early 20s. I competed badly at first at riding club level - then as we both learnt and progressed became quite successful, and I was delighted to get placed at a regional riding club comp.

Mist was 20 then, so I stopped competing her and I still lightly rode her until she in her early 30s.

After I retired Mist from competitions, enter Apache - he was very challenging from the beginning, I'd never have been able to afford Apache had he been a "made" horse. It took a while but when we clicked - he really did become my horse of a lifetime. He also did brilliantly (when he was having a good day) winning the Open Ridden in a regional Arab show (beating a horse that had been placed at HOYS), then being placed at British Arabian Championships too.

The following season on the way back from a show. he became upset travelling, so I called it a day competing - no rosette was worth risking injury to him.

Broke my heart when I lost him age 23.

Bought my fell pony after that - had fun hacking, schooling and doing online agility competitions with him. Freak accident in the stable smashed my spine and changed my life.

When I was in hospital - I was asked if i'd ever regretted getting into horses because of my accident, and without even thinking i said "no, not for a single minute".
 

ycbm

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One of the top riders said to me once that if someone really really wants to do something then they'll find a way.


This just isn't true though. It also needs huge luck in all sorts of ways and not everyone can have that luck no matter how hard they work or how much they want it.

It's the same in all sports and arts and most careers, but it's doubly difficult with horses because first you have to have the luck to ride one with talent, and then you have to keep it alive and sound.

.
 

ForeverBroke_

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Yep, me.

I'm by no means a good rider but after 8 years of bad luck, losing horses etc I bought one which I thought together we could go places and live 'the dream' together. I could never afford a horse as nice as him, and got him purely by 'luck,' so I wont have the opportunity again I don't expect.

He went lame by the time he was 6 , before I even got a lovely photo of us out doing anything!

Gutted is an understatement, but I still have him so that's all that matters.
 

Frumpoon

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I think this idea that somehow winning riders are there by hard work alone is really insulting to those who work a full time job with a long commute, pay their bills, keep their animals alive and somehow go to the odd show

Addendum - I'm not much of a competitive rider and this lockdown has been brilliant for just spaffing about with my horses in a field, however I do attract contempt and derision for this attitude from some in my wider circle...mainly the same people who ignore the fact I regularly ride and used to compete horses that many professionals were not willing to sit on...
 

little_critter

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This just isn't true though. It also needs huge luck in all sorts of ways and not everyone can have that luck no matter how hard they work or how much they want it.

It's the same in all sports and arts and most careers, but it's doubly difficult with horses because first you have to have the luck to ride one with talent, and then you have to keep it alive and sound.

.
It depends on how ruthless you want to be. If you want competetive success and that is your big goal above all else then you need to be ruthless, you may have a horse you love the bones of, but if they are not going to bring you the wins you want then you need to move them on and get something that will. That's how the top riders get to the top, they don't waste their time with horses that can't get them there.
Now many (most) non-professional riders don't want to own horses in that way, they want the bond and the connection. Sometimes you get lucky and get a great bond with a good competitive horse...but for most people it will have to be a compromise.
 

Flame_

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This just isn't true though. It also needs huge luck in all sorts of ways and not everyone can have that luck no matter how hard they work or how much they want it.

It's the same in all sports and arts and most careers, but it's doubly difficult with horses because first you have to have the luck to ride one with talent, and then you have to keep it alive and sound.

The arguement is that if you're competitive minded enough you dust yourself off after one failure, figure out what you could have done differently and need to do next and stay focused on the goal.

I can't, I'm actually full of guilt about everything I should have done differently and can't face putting another horse under pressure to live up to my BS ideas about what it ought to do for me. My current horse is inclined to say "no, why should I, it'll just be a load of stress and danger". I kind of think he's right most of the time.

International velvet has a lot to answer for with regards to my delusions. She made it all look so easy to my little ten year old brain.
 

ycbm

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It depends on how ruthless you want to be. If you want competetive success and that is your big goal above all else then you need to be ruthless, you may have a horse you love the bones of, but if they are not going to bring you the wins you want then you need to move them on and get something that will. That's how the top riders get to the top, they don't waste their time with horses that can't get them there.
Now many (most) non-professional riders don't want to own horses in that way, they want the bond and the connection. Sometimes you get lucky and get a great bond with a good competitive horse...but for most people it will have to be a compromise.


You can be as ruthless as you like, it does not guarantee you will ride at GP level no matter how much you want it or how hard you work for it.

Horses break and die, on top of not making the final grade after years of effort put into them.
.
 

ycbm

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The arguement is that if you're competitive minded enough you dust yourself off after one failure, figure out what you could have done differently and need to do next and stay focused on the goal.


And for some that gets them where they want to be and for others it leaves them sitting with a negative bank balance and a string of dead, broken, or not good enough horses behind them.

If we all lived forever and had bottomless bank balances then everyone who could maintain that attitude would eventually succeed. But we don't, and people run out of time, money or gumption.

.
 

ownedbyaconnie

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My horsey dream as a child was to own a grey connemara. I now have a grey connemara (who spends most of the time poo/grass coloured), so that is one goal ticked off.

My goal now is to score 65%+ at intro and prelim. I don't care if 65% gets me first place or last place, to me it will signify a huge improvement in my mare from tense, headshaking and with no rhythm, balance or suppleness to a pony working happily and forward into some form of a contact without being forced there. Yes I could probably get there quicker with gadgets or by getting someone else to school her, but as long as my mare is happy and relaxed then I've won.
 

Follysmum

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I can honestly say after 50yrs of riding I have done everything I ever wanted to do with my horses. As a child and into adulthood being very competitive in gymkana games to xc, showjumping and long distance riding.

Last couple of years less competitive but always had aims and dreams which I have fulfilled, travelling and riding In the most fantastic places.

I have the most fantastic memories and have thoroughly enjoyed all of it. I haven’t ridden for 7mths due to a fall and I reflected a lot since then and can hand on heart say I haven’t missed it one bit. I love my horses and love being around them but I do feel I am ready for a change and now look forward to making different memories. Time for a change I think
 

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It's always been my ambition to compete at BE80. Not a huge ambition, but it is for me, as I find that big!
I had a lovely cob, but cobs are hard to get that fit, and jumping even 80 as a course can be a challenge. Sadly I lost him to cancer at the age of 8.
Then I had a wonderful, safe, lovely 16.2 SJ, who made that height easy. But he went lame.
Now I have another wonderful cob, and have found that actually I don't care about BE80 any more. She is safe, fun, pops round 70 happily, with me smiling and not sick with nerves, I can take her to the beach, camp, the Downs, riding holidays, hack alone, in company, travel her alone, take her out alone....and actually she is a dream horse. So I have laid aside my ambitions and dream in the realisation that I am SO LUCKY to have what I have.
 

little_critter

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You can be as ruthless as you like, it does not guarantee you will ride at GP level no matter how much you want it or how hard you work for it.

Horses break and die, on top of not making the final grade after years of effort put into them.
.
Oh I realise that. I'm just saying that being ruthless (or rather not putting your love of a horse above your desire for success) is one element that could help you progress up the ladder. You could be determined to succeed, but still have s**t luck. Hard work and bloody mindedness is not a guarantee of success, but if you get a lucky break it's what will give you the edge.

I feel it's a bit unfair to say to someone " if someone really really wants to do something then they'll find a way " but not also say "you have to be hard headed and ditch the horses that won't get you where you want to go - even if you love them"
 

daffy44

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Oh I realise that. I'm just saying that being ruthless (or rather not putting your love of a horse above your desire for success) is one element that could help you progress up the ladder. You could be determined to succeed, but still have s**t luck. Hard work and bloody mindedness is not a guarantee of success, but if you get a lucky break it's what will give you the edge.

I feel it's a bit unfair to say to someone " if someone really really wants to do something then they'll find a way " but not also say "you have to be hard headed and ditch the horses that won't get you where you want to go - even if you love them"

I'm not sure I agree with all of this. I totally agree that an element of luck is required, you can do everything right, and the horse can still break its leg in the field, they are very talented self harmers, and luck is necessary. I also agree that if you add hard work and bloody mindedness to good luck you can go a long way.

Where i dont agree is that you necessarily have to ditch horses that you love in order to succeed. Plenty of riders succeed on unlikely horses, how many riders would have chosen MP's Kira as a potential Grand Prix horse? (I hope this doesnt offend you MP, I mean this as a compliment to your attitude and training, not as a negative against Kira.) MP didnt ditch her, she worked extremely hard with what she had and has achieved huge things.

The first horse I had who inadvertently got me into dressage was an failed eventer that I bought because I felt sorry for her, so not a good basis to buy a horse, I thought I could make her event again, I couldnt, I failed, but in the process of that failure i discovered for the first time in my life that I loved dressage, and so I gave up trying to event this horse, and concentrated instead on the dressage. She was a very difficult mare, but she came on side in time, then I wanted to compete her, and I discovered that some of her previous eventing career had fired her brain to the point where she found competing very stressful. I refused to put her through that stress just because i fancied competing, so you could call that a second failure. What I did instead was really learn how to train a horse properly, no cutting corners, no faking things to win a competition, just training, and I was very lucky to have an amazing trainer, and together we got to GP. I have no proof of this, as no competition record, but I could ride that horse through both the GP and the GPS in front of the trainer, and I learnt a vast amount. So I wasnt ruthless at any point, I loved my mare and I kept her, and gave me so much in return, she gave me a new career that I love and she changed my life, and that means more to me than any competition, and it was achieved without an ounce of ruthlessness, although I absolutely was lucky in finding my trainer, and my mare being tough and sound.
 

little_critter

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I'm not sure I agree with all of this. I totally agree that an element of luck is required, you can do everything right, and the horse can still break its leg in the field, they are very talented self harmers, and luck is necessary. I also agree that if you add hard work and bloody mindedness to good luck you can go a long way.

Where i dont agree is that you necessarily have to ditch horses that you love in order to succeed. Plenty of riders succeed on unlikely horses, how many riders would have chosen MP's Kira as a potential Grand Prix horse? (I hope this doesnt offend you MP, I mean this as a compliment to your attitude and training, not as a negative against Kira.) MP didnt ditch her, she worked extremely hard with what she had and has achieved huge things.

The first horse I had who inadvertently got me into dressage was an failed eventer that I bought because I felt sorry for her, so not a good basis to buy a horse, I thought I could make her event again, I couldnt, I failed, but in the process of that failure i discovered for the first time in my life that I loved dressage, and so I gave up trying to event this horse, and concentrated instead on the dressage. She was a very difficult mare, but she came on side in time, then I wanted to compete her, and I discovered that some of her previous eventing career had fired her brain to the point where she found competing very stressful. I refused to put her through that stress just because i fancied competing, so you could call that a second failure. What I did instead was really learn how to train a horse properly, no cutting corners, no faking things to win a competition, just training, and I was very lucky to have an amazing trainer, and together we got to GP. I have no proof of this, as no competition record, but I could ride that horse through both the GP and the GPS in front of the trainer, and I learnt a vast amount. So I wasnt ruthless at any point, I loved my mare and I kept her, and gave me so much in return, she gave me a new career that I love and she changed my life, and that means more to me than any competition, and it was achieved without an ounce of ruthlessness, although I absolutely was lucky in finding my trainer, and my mare being tough and sound.

I think I'm not explaining myself very well. I'm not talking about succeeding on unlikely horses...because after all you are succeeding. I'm talking about, say, wanting to compete XC and finding your horse just can't cope with XC for whatever reason. If your definition of success is going out and doing the thing you want to achieve (ie XC) and your horse can't / won't do that, then if XC success is your goal above all else, you would sell that horse and buy one who will go XC. A pro would not continue to train a horse to SJ if it became apparent that it was exceedingly clumsy and knocked every pole no matter how well you train it.
Most horse owners who are not pros don't want horse ownership to be like that.
As I say, I'm just not expressing myself very well.
That's why I don't like the "if you want something you'll do anything to achieve it" quote because it skims over that aspect. It implies that if you've not reached your goal you didn't try hard enough. That may be the case, but it could also be that you had rotten luck, or you have a horse that you love and will not put your goals above your love of that horse.
 

LaurenBay

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I'd say no. I really wanted a Horse to do low level showing with and low level SJ. Just a nice little all rounder. I however suffer with nerves so it takes a pretty special Horse to give me the confidence to do the above. I did have one of those Horses, at first she was too green (and me too nervy) to be able to do much. By the time we have a good bond and the trust and schooling was there, she had on and off lameness issues. We did get out to a couple of local shows and a sponsored ride though. Sadly she was PTS. I don't have my own Horse and although I share (and he is a great boy!) I don't have the level of confidence I did with my mare and so I can't see me competing again. I will get my own Horse in the future but at this point I would just like a really safe and sensible Horse that I can have fun with and hack for miles on.
 

ycbm

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Oh I realise that. I'm just saying that being ruthless (or rather not putting your love of a horse above your desire for success) is one element that could help you progress up the ladder. You could be determined to succeed, but still have s**t luck. Hard work and bloody mindedness is not a guarantee of success, but if you get a lucky break it's what will give you the edge.

I feel it's a bit unfair to say to someone " if someone really really wants to do something then they'll find a way " but not also say "you have to be hard headed and ditch the horses that won't get you where you want to go - even if you love them"


Completely agree with you.


I think a lot of people on this thread are not talking about having achieved their dreams, they are talking about modiying their dreams to suit the horses they have instead of dumping them, and that's not the same thing at all!

.
 

little_critter

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I have pretty low level dreams: to ride a reasonable Novice test, and have a crack at an Ele. To do a bit of low level SJ (90cm would feel enormous), to XC 80cm, maybe 90cm if I can keep my eyes closed.
But after 8 years trying trying trying I'm still not there. Just feels like I keep having setbacks
 
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