Anyone just can’t/hasn’t achieved their horsey dreams...

[Muddywellies]

Oh no Muddywellies, you are currently achieving my dream! I'm toddling round at Prelim and just had a go at a Novice. My dream is riding at Ele, especially affiliated. I was doing MyQuest so a halfway house between unaff and 'proper' BD.
You are absolutely NOT a failure for getting to Ele. Well done.

Bless you. Massive virtual hug. Thank you for those lovely comments.
See this is why in my first sentence I questioned what 'success' is to me. If I look at it from a whole different angle I have indeed achieved success.
Ps. Take it from a fattie on a freebie cob with no money and secondhand riding boots. If I can get to ele, you DEFINITELY can. Xxxxxxx

 

[JFTDWS]

I think it's unfair to say you need a fortune to be successful at BD - unless your intentions are the Olympics, or placings at the nationals. I think this is especially true now there are cob / native / heavy champs to aim for if your horse is non-traditional.

I trained a pony from unbroken to medium with no facilities and next to no money, but with good (not frequent!) training from a few sources. We weren't competitive at BD (a few good placings, a few mediocre scores!) mostly because I was never prepared to invest the time or the preparation into competitions. In fact, I did less than a season of BD, and then threw all the money at more classical training. I think I took my pony to the limit at which he could easily work without biomechanic compromise. I don't see my scores in the few BD competitions I did as being representative of that journey - the real outcome of it is the nicely schooled pony and the skills I now have for my others. There are loads of people on here who have gone the other way and thrown all their effort at competitive results - including milliepops, but also others - and have had great success that way.

And before we go down the "that's not a dream" argument - that literally was my dream. Winning competitions was a goal, to evidence my training, because, you may as well try. Thinking back to my dreams as a child, other than riding into battle, they were all about the doing - cantering through the woods on my own horse, with my dogs, riding and training horses for dressage, jumping, or whatever I'd seen recently that looked fun. I don't think I ever dreamed about standing around in a car park with a red rosette and a sheet of scores.

 

[Muddywellies]

OK. I speak as someone with a freebie native who works full time, buys 2nd hand clothes and only got a crappy lorry 5 years ago, having previously had no transport.
it is possible. it's even possible to beat the warmbloods some days! it's possible to qualify for things and get a heap of personal satisfaction. but you have to change the way you look at things. you have to play to your strengths, not let a single mark slip, no stone left unturned to produce the most correct work you possibly can. You have to just learn to ignore the fancy ones in the posh lorries and the nice clothes and the trainer tagging along and just 100% concentrate on YOU. They are irrelevant when you are in the ring, just you and the judge.

From experience, I think it actually gets easier to take on the £££ horses as you progress up the levels because natural way of going counts for less. At Medium shit gets real. you can have a super fancy floaty trot but if your half pass has the quarters trailing it won't be getting a good score no matter how much your hat cost, but a more limited native doing a really correct HP will get a better score. There aren't any short cuts, you can't buy your way to that score.
If you can train a change, then again that's another huge threshold that many people even with the £500 jacket won't be able to cross.

it's not about stuff, it's not about how much your horse cost. it's about effort, grit and resiliance, and positivity, and detail and thinking outside the box and GREAT bloody training, and more resiliance and more effort and positivity.
you need all those things with a swanky horse too

It's the resilience that I simply don't have. I'm just not tough enough. But having had a reality check on here just now. I can see that limping to ele is an achievement. Won't get in that tail coat or ride a flying change, but maybe I just need to reassess the goals. I've got a lovely pony, set of wheels, supporting husband and own a good chunk of the house so time to be grateful for what I've got.

 

[milliepops]

It's the resilience that I simply don't have. I'm just not tough enough. But having had a reality check on here just now. I can see that limping to ele is an achievement. Won't get in that tail coat or ride a flying change, but maybe I just need to reassess the goals. I've got a lovely pony, set of wheels, supporting husband and own a good chunk of the house so time to be grateful for what I've got.

So in that case the blockages about not having the smart kit or feeling out of place are red herrings, I think? I think you're right to see what you have achieved in a more positive light it's easy to overlook how far you've come already.

but then like all of us do, this is when a bit of evaluation with yourself is probably timely. If you really want to ride flying changes or compete in tails, the requirement that is more significant than anything else probably, IS resiliance, because it's really hard to learn especially if you plan to do it on your own horse that also needs to learn. Like learning any new skill, there are endless days of failure that you have to be able to dust yourself down from, and try again honestly believing you will crack it. The article I linked early on in this thread is basically all about that.

if you know, in your heart of hearts, that you either don't really want to or can't face climbing that mountain, then re-framing your goals is probably a good idea so you don't feel like you are failing, that's not a good place to be in. How about going sideways with some musics (forgiving way to try going up a level) or some schoolmaster lessons (get to ride those changes)?

 

[HufflyPuffly]

OK. I speak as someone with a freebie native who works full time, buys 2nd hand clothes and only got a crappy lorry 5 years ago, having previously had no transport.
it is possible. it's even possible to beat the warmbloods some days! it's possible to qualify for things and get a heap of personal satisfaction. but you have to change the way you look at things. you have to play to your strengths, not let a single mark slip, no stone left unturned to produce the most correct work you possibly can. You have to just learn to ignore the fancy ones in the posh lorries and the nice clothes and the trainer tagging along and just 100% concentrate on YOU. They are irrelevant when you are in the ring, just you and the judge.

From experience, I think it actually gets easier to take on the £££ horses as you progress up the levels because natural way of going counts for less. At Medium shit gets real. you can have a super fancy floaty trot but if your half pass has the quarters trailing it won't be getting a good score no matter how much your hat cost, but a more limited native doing a really correct HP will get a better score. There aren't any short cuts, you can't buy your way to that score.
If you can train a change, then again that's another huge threshold that many people even with the £500 jacket won't be able to cross.

it's not about stuff, it's not about how much your horse cost. it's about effort, grit and resiliance, and positivity, and detail and thinking outside the box and GREAT bloody training, and more resiliance and more effort and positivity.
you need all those things with a swanky horse too

Muddywellies 100% this and more with nobs on!

It is not the £££'s it is the determination to get there.
If you are at elementary you have enough canter to try a change, give it a go why not, what do you have to loose? If they are late or don't happen, it doesn't matter there is nothing stopping you from trying them (I wish I had this advice and not a slightly soul crushing don't do it, you will do it wrong and ruin it).

I learn so much by reading/ watching clinics/ youtube/ etc, yes lessons are amazing for progressing quicker but you can still do an awful lot on a budget! I am also the one in slightly shabby transport and a slightly feral carthorse, in fact my very first advanced test (yes the one where my top hat fell off lol), someone came to watch as "it's amazing to see a none warmblood doing this level", it could have wobbled my confidence that we 'shouldn't' be there, but actually she meant it kindly that it's nice to see variety at higher levels.

 

[milliepops]

I'd add, I know it's difficult. it's really difficult sometimes, there's no denying that. I have to remind myself of this from time to time, it's supposed to be hard, to progress, that's why they are the higher levels. I think it's important to remember that to stop yourself getting despondent. Not everyone gets there, lots of people aim at GP and fall short. I am reliably informed that training a horse to GP is almost impossible! if it was easy, everyone would be winning and that sort of makes the sport a bit pointless.

 

[Muddywellies]

So in that case the blockages about not having the smart kit or feeling out of place are red herrings, I think? I think you're right to see what you have achieved in a more positive light it's easy to overlook how far you've come already.

but then like all of us do, this is when a bit of evaluation with yourself is probably timely. If you really want to ride flying changes or compete in tails, the requirement that is more significant than anything else probably, IS resiliance, because it's really hard to learn especially if you plan to do it on your own horse that also needs to learn. Like learning any new skill, there are endless days of failure that you have to be able to dust yourself down from, and try again honestly believing you will crack it. The article I linked early on in this thread is basically all about that.

if you know, in your heart of hearts, that you either don't really want to or can't face climbing that mountain, then re-framing your goals is probably a good idea so you don't feel like you are failing, that's not a good place to be in. How about going sideways with some musics (forgiving way to try going up a level) or some schoolmaster lessons (get to ride those changes)?

I did music and enjoyed it (and didnt do too bad) just no pennies now to get music redone and IT illiterate so unable to do my own (I've tried). I know quite a few people who are 'successful' at BD and they all have the financial backing - just a whole different world to mine. Im now past the riding at 7am in the freezing cold, before work, to still come away with low 60s at best (spent the last few years doing that, in the belief it would get me somewhere). All I did was absolutely exhaust myself and leave myself destitute. I'm in awe of people that keep on keeping on, with their limited funds and unconventional dressage horses. But I'm getting closer to 50 than I'm comfortable with, and now feel if I am ever to realise my dream, it will be on a ready made horse that knows its job. So I just need to try a bit harder on the scratch cards ?. I've done well to get where I have, but have taken it as far as I'm able to (for now anyway) So time to bow out I think and do things that genuinely make me happy, and be happy with what we did manage to achieve ?. Who knows, after a long break, with resilience restored, I may get back to it.

 

[milliepops]

If that's the decision you have come to then I think that's grand. But if or when you decide to start again, actively surround yourself with your peers. We are out here. I have friends who are doing the same as me, hoiking themselves up despite having limited time, money, limited horsepower, tatty lorries or trailers, but just plenty of passion for the sport that keeps them going. I cheered one through her first Inter2 a while back and just before lockdown she did a GP. I'm so so pleased for her, she has inspired me even more because I can see that her horse isn't the ideal model either and I know she's worked really hard at it and achieved something amazing.

 

[Slightlyconfused]

If you go by competitive results alone, I'm about as unsuccessful as they come.

But I like the phrase "You either win, or you learn". I don't consider myself unsuccessful, because I've learned so much through it all.

Yep this.

I do have a mind that one day i would like to compete however i my main goal is to train a horse up to GP Dressage, not really to compete thats just aside thing i would like to experience. I would just like to enjoy and learn from the journey of training a horse. I was getting really good progress with my spotty. We were able to adjust the frame well and hold a higher frame for longer, getting stronger in Medium and our canter starting to really be able to play through the gears and our lateral work was coming on to the point we could ask for more. Then he went Lame just before Christmas and we have not been able to find out why. We got sound and back into a small amount of work and then he went lame again so he is in the vets tomorrow to find out wh

 

[Slightlyconfused]

Red, Can you tell me how you went about training as a Emotional Learning Support Assistant? I am at a bit of a cross roads in where I want to go after I finish my Level 3 Apprenticeship next year and this just sparked my interest. I have really enjoyed my shadowing at work with the Apprentice Trainers and talking with the young adults there who have had interesting and sometimes difficult backgrounds and wasnt sure what type of job there is like it.

That took me aback. I had always intended to retire early then teach more, compete more, write more, but by the time I did retire I was broken and burned out. I am always berating myself for simply fading way in what should have been my prime. Hence stopping teaching, I felt as if I had nothing left to say.

I kind of feel like I have thrown something away, but have been so busy with mum. School is great though, have trained as an Emotional Learning Support Assistant, so help kids who are going through difficulties as well as working 1-1 with kids with additional needs.



Haha, I am a nobody. Never won anything of note. I am a rubbish jumper. I did used to be good at helping nice people get nice results with nice horses. That is actually an art in itself, confidence is key for horses and people alike. When I was invited as a speaker at YHL I thought it was a mistake at first, like, did they get the right Red-1? But no, it was me, gave 3 talks in the something zone. Can't remember what it was called now, but I was rather awestruck when I saw some people who you would know watching me As for the magazine articles, I only did 8, for 2 publications.[/QUOTE

 

[WelshD]

I rode well as a child and teen, had some fantastic fun but as an adult I dont ride.

Instead I pour a huge chunk of money in to supporting the dreams of a friends child who rides my ponies for me - I actually get more enjoyment out of that surprisingly.

 

[Slightlyconfused]

Ah well if we're not allowed to modify our goals as we get older and start to live in the real world, I'm definitely screwed. My childhood goal was to ride Shadowfax into battle and murder orcs and save Middle Earth...

But the reality is my goals shift to my horses' strengths because fundamentally what I want is to have fun with my horses. I'm pretty successful in that aim, and I feel very fulfilled in my life with horses because I try to judge myself by thinks within my control. Competitive success (in the narrowest sense of it) isn't within my control, but learning from every experience I have very much is in my grasp.

Basically, I don't believe you can work your way to the Olympics without natural talent, a good horse and luck - I don't think anyone's said you can. But I think with hard work you can make the very best of the rider you are, and the horse you have, and be happy with that - even though you'll most likely have a lot of challenges along the way.

Pretty sure Dae or Captain Carrot would love to ride into battle, murder orcs and save middle earth

 

[JFTDWS]

Good luck at the vets, @Slightlyconfused

 

[Slightlyconfused]

Good luck at the vets, @Slightlyconfused

Thank you. Though he is no longer insured for vets fees so vet has a limit then phone to discuss making it higher. i just want to know if its either fixable or if he will be pain free in a field

 

[JFTDWS]

Pretty sure Dae or Captain Carrot would love to ride into battle, murder orcs and save middle earth

Oh I'm totally sure they would. Just the logistics of existing in a fantasy world in my way

Thank you. Though he is no longer insured for vets fees so vet has a limit then phone to discuss making it higher. i just want to know if its either fixable or if he will be pain free in a field

Balls. You've not had a lot of luck. But many, many things can come right given enough rest, time and rehab, so it's entirely possibly you'll be able to have fun if you can wait it out. I really hope that will be the case.

 

[palo1]

So interesting and inspiring to read all of these posts. For anyone who has dressage dreams or aspirations I had a funny experience about 3 or so years ago. Purely for fun and to encourage a friend who wanted to get back out there (she is actually pretty good having got elementary points but loss of confidence, time etc meant she was going through a less positive phase and hadn't competed for a few years) I agreed to 'go and do dressage'. I had done a little previously but only a really half-arsed effort - enough to get us through the dressage phase of 1 day eventing (PC/RC) but hey ho, I have a nice horse and not much competitive ambition. I registered with BD somehow and actually practised a little accuracy out hacking (Prelim test only) and off we went. I had a lovely day, thoroughly enjoying trotting down the centre line with the judge's attention on us, me thinking how beautiful and kind my horse was. I think we made some major errors but it was safe, clean and we were finished before lunch so that was a winning situation for me!! I was utterly delighted and thrilled to get 58.5 for my test and felt so encouraged, seeing plenty of room for encouragement that I truly considered that I should do this more often. My mate actually won her class (I can't remember her exact mark or the class she entered) which she seemed pleased enough about so it was a good day out. However, a few people I spoke to afterwards expressed some regret and disappointment that I had 'only' got the mark I did. I was boggled frankly - our preparation had been out hacking, my horse had only ever been in an indoor arena once previously and certainly never with flowerpots and music and I had frankly applied beggar all work or consideration to the enterprise. I just had a lovely day out with professional judges giving me their attention and advice; I thought it was totally brilliant. I think dreams and aspirations are so 'internal' and so related to other stuff that we can often forget what success FEELS like. That day I felt I had succeeded even though just about no-one else would agree. I still feel really proud of my horse and me that day. My mate hasn't really got back into it sadly having lost a horse, then had some time supporting her children and has now bought a horse that is more of an all rounder. So far she is loving that. Success is so hard to define.

 

[milliepops]

love that palo. it's all relative

 

[palo1]

Quite so!! My 8 year old self would have been amazed (in a positive way) to have seen me competing in such a care-free way and that seems like a really good and positive thing Usually I hate doing things in a half-hearted fashion. But going competing that day wasn't about me or my dreams so I was able to enjoy it for what it was and not putting myself into the equation taught me about how success might feel if I changed my mindset a bit. Whilst my older horse really isn't interested in dressage the new one might be so who knows??!! I don't think I will easily forget about how happy I felt with what I got that day and how motivating that feeling was to work harder and be interested in something new and difficult.

 

[Sprat]

Lovely story Palo.

I think sometimes we all need to take a step back, breathe, and realise how far each of us as individuals have come (I am going off piste slightly here).

A friend took some photos of me schooling yesterday and initially I cringed at them. Bean was a bit long and flatter than I would like, and I started kicking the crap out of myself for riding like a bag of spuds, and moping that we weren't schooling at a higher level. Then I had a look back at a picture of this time last year, and I was able to pick up that she was a hell of a lot more consistent in the contact and my position was a lot better in the recent photo. It took a bit of talking to myself, but I WILL take something positive out of every ride, competition or otherwise.

I think we all put so much pressure on ourselves to beat the competition, achieve this or that movement etc. that we forget how much of a journey we all go on. As someone said above, if it was easy everyone would be doing it. None of it is easy, whether you are showjumping, eventing, dressaging or even hacking!

I think we all need to remember those dreams we had as kids, whether that be riding at GP, or hooning around the countryside on your heart horse. Even if circumstances mean you have had to change that dream slightly, keep aiming for something and enjoying the time you have with your horses, instead of beating yourself up about not being where you think you should be.

Go sniff your ponies and remember that you are all awesome.

 

[milliepops]

A friend took some photos of me schooling yesterday and initially I cringed at them. Bean was a bit long and flatter than I would like, and I started kicking the crap out of myself for riding like a bag of spuds, and moping that we weren't schooling at a higher level. Then I had a look back at a picture of this time last year, and I was able to pick up that she was a hell of a lot more consistent in the contact and my position was a lot better in the recent photo.

.

I did this just yesterday. Yesterday's pictures on the project aren't perfect, i could pick out 100 faults. but compared to the stills I found from November, we're doing 100 times better!

I know the heartbreak of horses, and I totally agree you have to find something good in every ride because you never know which will be the last one.

 

[Sprat]

I did this just yesterday. Yesterday's pictures on the project aren't perfect, i could pick out 100 faults. but compared to the stills I found from November, we're doing 100 times better!

I know the heartbreak of horses, and I totally agree you have to find something good in every ride because you never know which will be the last one.

Couldn't agree more!

 

[daffy44]

Palo1, I also love that, I really believe success is utterly personal.

MP is explaining things better than I can, but I really think she has nailed it when she talks about resilience. It matters a million times more than money, and Muddywellies posts make me sad, because she doesnt sound happy with her achievement.

After I trained the horse I mentioned earlier in this thread I got the dressage bug and my big ambition was to train a horse from the start to GP, but competing this time, I bought a warmblood that was three weeks under saddle, I loved this mare from the first second I sat on her, and I believed utterly she would be my GP horse. Everything started well, and then we hit the roadblock of flying changes, I had taught changes successfully to other horses, so I felt ok about it, but for some reason this mare just didnt get it. We had many sessions where I just got off and cried afterwards because I felt so useless, that I was failing, that I wasnt good enough, etc etc. It took me two years to get a clean change each way. I was not ruthless, I did not sell her as a medium horse, I was too skint to send her away and get someone else to train her, so I stuck it out. It was slow and painful, and I felt like a failure 99.9% of the time, but I kept going, I was resilient, and it worked, the mare flew through her tempis once she got that clean change, then we hit the one tempis and we derailed again, but this time it took eighteen months rather than two years (improving!) and yes, she became my GP horse. Changes were never her highlight, but they never got less than a 7 either, they are on my aids, clean, straight and correct, and now she can do as many tempis of any description as I want, shes brilliant, and she retired from competition last year aged 17, fit, sound and well, and I have never stopped loving her, believing in her and trying.

So you just have to be mentally tough, a warmblood is not a magic wand, they dont magically know how to do everything, they may well be more physically talented, but they may also sometimes be mentally more difficult, you need resilience more than you need a warmblood.

 

[Slightlyconfused]

Oh I'm totally sure they would. Just the logistics of existing in a fantasy world in my way



Balls. You've not had a lot of luck. But many, many things can come right given enough rest, time and rehab, so it's entirely possibly you'll be able to have fun if you can wait it out. I really hope that will be the case.

Yep. Thankfully the people that suggested last time to just give him rest haven't this time considering if I hadn't of sent him in he would be dead now with a fractured pedal bone from the huge keratoma in his hoof ?‍

I'm more than happy giving him time off. Just need to know

 

[milliepops]

After I trained the horse I mentioned earlier in this thread I got the dressage bug and my big ambition was to train a horse from the start to GP, but competing this time, I bought a warmblood that was three weeks under saddle, I loved this mare from the first second I sat on her, and I believed utterly she would be my GP horse. Everything started well, and then we hit the roadblock of flying changes, I had taught changes successfully to other horses, so I felt ok about it, but for some reason this mare just didnt get it. We had many sessions where I just got off and cried afterwards because I felt so useless, that I was failing, that I wasnt good enough, etc etc. It took me two years to get a clean change each way. I was not ruthless, I did not sell her as a medium horse, I was too skint to send her away and get someone else to train her, so I stuck it out. It was slow and painful, and I felt like a failure 99.9% of the time, but I kept going, I was resilient, and it worked, the mare flew through her tempis once she got that clean change, then we hit the one tempis and we derailed again, but this time it took eighteen months rather than two years (improving!) and yes, she became my GP horse. Changes were never her highlight, but they never got less than a 7 either, they are on my aids, clean, straight and correct, and now she can do as many tempis of any description as I want, shes brilliant, and she retired from competition last year aged 17, fit, sound and well, and I have never stopped loving her, believing in her and trying.

thanks for sharing this because I think it's really helpful to know that even the people who have "made it" have had those horrible periods where you just feel like you can't do it. it's not all plain sailing, though it's easy to believe it must be when you see people at the top of their game making it all look effortless. so much of riding is the mental battle to keep believing you can improve, when all the evidence is that you are stuck somewhere!

 

[Red-1]

Red, Can you tell me how you went about training as a Emotional Learning Support Assistant? I am at a bit of a cross roads in where I want to go after I finish my Level 3 Apprenticeship next year and this just sparked my interest. I have really enjoyed my shadowing at work with the Apprentice Trainers and talking with the young adults there who have had interesting and sometimes difficult backgrounds and wasnt sure what type of job there is like it.

Hi,

I was a confidence coach in my own business, I also did the UKCC coaching level 3, and was an NLP practitioner. Then, when I went to work in school, I was drawn to the kids who were having difficulties. I then did the Mental Health First Aid course through work, and got some kids discussing more stuff through that. Then the school sent me on an ELSA course. It is a national course, but run by local authorities, it is not just the course, to stay an ELSA you have to have regular (once a term) supervision. It is the local authority who organise it all in our area.

 

[daffy44]

thanks for sharing this because I think it's really helpful to know that even the people who have "made it" have had those horrible periods where you just feel like you can't do it. it's not all plain sailing, though it's easy to believe it must be when you see people at the top of their game making it all look effortless. so much of riding is the mental battle to keep believing you can improve, when all the evidence is that you are stuck somewhere!

No problem, the mental attitude is everything!

 

[ponies4ever]

I'm not sure if lockdown has made me delirious but I've welled up reading this thread! so many amazing things achieved by all of you. I've still got a long way to go with my horse journey (I hope!) and yes there are countless things I want to tick off the list despite looking back on my competition record thus far and somewhat grimacing, but I know for sure that Ive completed my big goal of owning a horse in the first place. I saved every penny I got from the age of 6 till I was 13 (I also used that time to gradually wear down my non-horsey parents who I'm sure like many hoped id grow out of it) and I'm not sure a scrawny very green cob was what most people dream of in a first pony but I adored her then and still do now.

 

[little_critter]

No problem, the mental attitude is everything!

Daffy / MP, thank you for sharing your stories. I don't doubt you've put in the hard graft and long difficult hours.
Do you have any advice for those of us who have much more modest dreams and are still struggling to progress?
I've heard it trotted out on here "any horse should be capable of jumping 1m and riding an Ele test" well that level of riding is my dream and despite trying I'm nowhere near that level. And it does get to me.

 

[milliepops]

Daffy / MP, thank you for sharing your stories. I don't doubt you've put in the hard graft and long difficult hours.
Do you have any advice for those of us who have much more modest dreams and are still struggling to progress?
I've heard it trotted out on here "any horse should be capable of jumping 1m and riding an Ele test" well that level of riding is my dream and despite trying I'm nowhere near that level. And it does get to me.

I think daffy is better placed to advise really but i guess a bit more info is needed. I think you've had horsey health problems in the past? which are a pretty limiting factor

I think the thing that helps me the most is having a really good trainer who I see quite often and who is genuinely invested in helping me to learn and progress (even with my weird steeds), helps me set achievable goals and then provide the stepping stones to achieve them so it's fairly clear what the priorities need to be for our work at home. I spent years without regular lessons, piggybacking watching other people's or reading articles/watching videos etc and then experimenting by myself which got me up to medium with a previous horse, but it was pretty slow progress, being the blind leading the blind and I would have got stuck on changes without external help.

I don't know your situation but I think a lot of people go for regular lessons but end up stuck in a bit of a rut with an instructor who doesn't really have a track record for helping people progress (sadly I know quite a few of these locally )

 

[Ambers Echo]

I think what MP said about having the right people around you is massively important. The friend who convinced me to try a Hunter Trial was so supportive and encouraging. She saw no reason why a terrified rider on a hairy fell shouldn't have a go and I'd never have done it without her.

I am now on a yard with her and other people who compete none of whom have much money. One girl is a care worker, long shifts high stress. She competes dressage pretty successfully on her childhood cob as she has never been able to buy anything more suited to the job.

But as well as a good support network you also really need the desire. Is your dream really a dream? As opposed to a vague fantasy. I think it is the Chimp Paradox that takes you through a decision matrix about whether a dream is actually a dream? Does it inspire, excite, motivate, drive you. Does it light you up. If so, why? And if it IS a dream then people will go to extraordinary lengths to realise it. And that is not for everyone which is absolutely fine.

My kids enjoy competing and have had a lot of fun but they are not driven. And that is fine. Their best friend (the above friend's daughter) on the other had is 100% focused and committed and has been since she was 6 years old! When my friend and I get back from an event my kids want to to go home as they have been up since 4 am grooming for me all day. Whereas she always, ALWAYS insists that it is now time for her to school her pony. No matter how late they get back. I remenber when they were al learning to ride together. She was not super talented but she was always super-driven. She had a very cheap Section A who she won a fair bit with, then sold that to fund a rearing napping 13.2 who she also won quite a bit with but they could not sell on for much because of the limited market for a rearing napping kids pony. Then could not afford a 148 so loaned one who had done nothing and took it up to qualify for regional finals at BE90. She does not have a silver spoon in her mouth nor expensive horse power but does have a shedload of determination and is willing to put in a lot of very hard work.

I have seen her compete for NSEA with a migraine that led to her being sick every 20 minutes. She jumped off her pony to thow up in the warm up ring just before going in to ride. Jumped clear. Then threw up again! She could barely see the fences. My kids would NEVER do that. Thankfully! I am not sure I'd want a child that driven to succeed but I do believe you can do well without the money, facilities and fancy horses if you want it enough.

Has anyone read Bounce by Matthew Syed. He talks about the need for life to be tough for the best athletes to flourish. If you give people everything on a plate then they may enjoy it enough without working too hard to get quite far along in their competititve career. But won't suceed long term as inevitably something will discourage them - injury or a plateau or the demands of the training. So perfomance funding given too early means the wrong people are supported. But if you don't ease the journey too soon, then only those with that real desire will get anywhere at all so you find the people with that mindset early on. THEN help them with funsing, faclities etc. Makes sense to me....