Anyone just can’t/hasn’t achieved their horsey dreams...

[Cortez]

I can honestly say after 50yrs of riding I have done everything I ever wanted to do with my horses. As a child and into adulthood being very competitive in gymkana games to xc, showjumping and long distance riding.

Last couple of years less competitive but always had aims and dreams which I have fulfilled, travelling and riding In the most fantastic places.

I have the most fantastic memories and have thoroughly enjoyed all of it. I haven’t ridden for 7mths due to a fall and I reflected a lot since then and can hand on heart say I haven’t missed it one bit. I love my horses and love being around them but I do feel I am ready for a change and now look forward to making different memories. Time for a change I think

Perhaps we should form a club?

 

[Squeak]

I think I'm not explaining myself very well. I'm not talking about succeeding on unlikely horses...because after all you are succeeding. I'm talking about, say, wanting to compete XC and finding your horse just can't cope with XC for whatever reason. If your definition of success is going out and doing the thing you want to achieve (ie XC) and your horse can't / won't do that, then if XC success is your goal above all else, you would sell that horse and buy one who will go XC. A pro would not continue to train a horse to SJ if it became apparent that it was exceedingly clumsy and knocked every pole no matter how well you train it.
Most horse owners who are not pros don't want horse ownership to be like that.
As I say, I'm just not expressing myself very well.
That's why I don't like the "if you want something you'll do anything to achieve it" quote because it skims over that aspect. It implies that if you've not reached your goal you didn't try hard enough. That may be the case, but it could also be that you had rotten luck, or you have a horse that you love and will not put your goals above your love of that horse.

I completely agree, it’s not fair to say that you succeed purely out of determination. There are so many people that deserve to succeed who haven’t.

Maybe it’s more that you’re unlikely to succeed without that drive and determination.

ETA. Debatably those of us who have a horse that’s not suitable but we can’t bare to part with could get another job some evenings or weekends or something to somehow make it possible to afford another horse to sj or xc or put the other one on cheaper livery or something to make our goals possible. You’d just have to really really want it to do that as it would be really tough to do another job on top of a full time one and manage to find the time to ride said horse but debatably that could be what someone who is really driven would do.

 

[scruffyponies]

The one little day dream I have which has never quite come off is to do a proper long ride. Turkmenistan to the UK; that kind of thing.

The nearest I ever came was 20 odd years ago. I just packed a bivvy on the saddle of my pony and head off. We got well onto the South Downs way, had dinner at a pub and I set up camp just off the path in a deserted field. Lovely. Except that by the time the sun rose the little bugger had got himself loose and headed home. I walked 3 miles with my saddle and camping gear before I caught up with him.

Worked out we did about 80 miles in a day and a half, which isn't bad, but he had girth sores, so we wouldn't have made it any further. In hindsight, I was lucky we got as far as we did and he came back sound.

 

[PapaverFollis]

I'd love to do something like LEJOG on horseback but could never be organised enough I don't think. Plus you'd have to be very sure the horse was up for it too. Would have done it on Granny horse if I could have de-aged her 10 years once we'd got used to each other. But can't see it happening with another horse. The Beast wouldn't do it. Too high maintenance.. would have to pack her weight in vitamin E for the journey. ? MrT might be up for it... maybe I'll just set off one day. ? Although that would be JOGLE.

 

[JFTDWS]

Ah well if we're not allowed to modify our goals as we get older and start to live in the real world, I'm definitely screwed. My childhood goal was to ride Shadowfax into battle and murder orcs and save Middle Earth...

But the reality is my goals shift to my horses' strengths because fundamentally what I want is to have fun with my horses. I'm pretty successful in that aim, and I feel very fulfilled in my life with horses because I try to judge myself by thinks within my control. Competitive success (in the narrowest sense of it) isn't within my control, but learning from every experience I have very much is in my grasp.

Basically, I don't believe you can work your way to the Olympics without natural talent, a good horse and luck - I don't think anyone's said you can. But I think with hard work you can make the very best of the rider you are, and the horse you have, and be happy with that - even though you'll most likely have a lot of challenges along the way.

 

[palo1]

I'm not sure I agree with all of this. I totally agree that an element of luck is required, you can do everything right, and the horse can still break its leg in the field, they are very talented self harmers, and luck is necessary. I also agree that if you add hard work and bloody mindedness to good luck you can go a long way.

Where i dont agree is that you necessarily have to ditch horses that you love in order to succeed. Plenty of riders succeed on unlikely horses, how many riders would have chosen MP's Kira as a potential Grand Prix horse? (I hope this doesnt offend you MP, I mean this as a compliment to your attitude and training, not as a negative against Kira.) MP didnt ditch her, she worked extremely hard with what she had and has achieved huge things.

The first horse I had who inadvertently got me into dressage was an failed eventer that I bought because I felt sorry for her, so not a good basis to buy a horse, I thought I could make her event again, I couldnt, I failed, but in the process of that failure i discovered for the first time in my life that I loved dressage, and so I gave up trying to event this horse, and concentrated instead on the dressage. She was a very difficult mare, but she came on side in time, then I wanted to compete her, and I discovered that some of her previous eventing career had fired her brain to the point where she found competing very stressful. I refused to put her through that stress just because i fancied competing, so you could call that a second failure. What I did instead was really learn how to train a horse properly, no cutting corners, no faking things to win a competition, just training, and I was very lucky to have an amazing trainer, and together we got to GP. I have no proof of this, as no competition record, but I could ride that horse through both the GP and the GPS in front of the trainer, and I learnt a vast amount. So I wasnt ruthless at any point, I loved my mare and I kept her, and gave me so much in return, she gave me a new career that I love and she changed my life, and that means more to me than any competition, and it was achieved without an ounce of ruthlessness, although I absolutely was lucky in finding my trainer, and my mare being tough and sound.

Thank you for sharing this - what a very lucky horse and what a brilliant attitude. So many folk could learn from this experience.

 

[scats]

I think, as well, it depends what life has thrown at you. A lot of people on this thread have had health problems or accidents that have put an end to their plans, but they have been able to carve out new plans and goals. For those people, I imagine no amount of hard work is going to help them achieve their original dream.

I am in this category. My life, as I knew it, ended when I was 11. I was in and out of hospital and my parents thought they were going to lose me. The person I was for the first 11 years, died at that time, there’s no denying that. I went from being a very outgoing, healthy and confident child, to a sickly, terrified and anxious child who couldn’t go to school, see her friends and had to spend my days in bed or if I wasn’t too bad that day, on the sofa. It was a long, slow recovery that took years and I never got fully better. The virus that attacked me sent my immune system into meltdown and I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder as a result. But a new ‘me’ was born. I am immensely proud of the person I have become, in spite of the challenges
that have been thrown at me and when people ask me if I wish things had been different, I genuinely don’t. Yes, being an ‘ill’ person sucks and I went through hell for many, many years, but I wouldn’t be who I am today if things had been different and I quite like who I am. I truly believe that horses saved me, one in particular, but I won’t get all sentimental about that. However, I had to accept that some things in life had to change and that was that. It wasn’t a case of working harder, or riding more, because I simply couldn’t.

What grounds me on a daily basis is that there was another girl in my year who came down with the same illness as me shortly after my diagnosis. As a result, our parents kept in touch. This girl hasn’t left her parents house for 25 years. She has a bed downstairs and can only sit up for short periods of time.
This puts my life into perspective. I’ll never be a top rider, ride at Grand Prix or make any waves in the world of dressage... but I think I’ve done alright.

 

[Wheels]

I haven't achieved my goals yet...

Ok some of the childhood ones like competing burghley woupd never have happened and are no longer goals

Things shift and change all of the time.
Some dreams I have managed, some i have surpassed. Some i am still aiming for I will never give up.

Just owning my own pony was once my biggest dream. Then working with racehorses. Then having a different career so I could afford my own horse. Jump affiliated 1.20 was next, ride piaffe and passage, keep horses at home - all achieved. I am very lucky.

Now I want to not only ride piaffe and passage, I want to teach my horse those things and the other GP work even if I never compete at that level

After that then who knows. I've learnt so much and loved so much that anything now is a bonus. I'm not that old yet and hope to be riding for at least another 20 years so watch this space

 

[Ambers Echo]

This thread is truly inspitrational. I have been horse obsessed all my life. My initual dream was just to have a pony. Any pony. But I grew up in Hong Kong so had to make do with a weekly riding lesson till I left home. I bought my first pony when I was at Uni. So I achieved my most important dream and have rarely been horseless since.

But I have lots of different dreams. I just love all aspects of horse ownership, the basic training, the schooling, the ground work, the care, the cuddles, the competitions, the constantly expanding knowledge and the endless opportunities for new experiences. Over the years new dreams have arisen. Some have disappeared - like a dream I once had of doing some endurance rides. Others have been fulfilled. I wanted to learn to handle horses on the ground because I really like learning. So I read 1000 books, went to demos and then volunteered to help anyone I could with catching, leading, loading etc. And got quite good at that. Then it was a dream to back a horse so I loaned a 3yo and backed him. That went ok. Then I dreamed of raising my own youngsters which co-incided with a trip to a petting farm that happened to have a weanling and yearling shetland for sale. So they came home and the yearling became the twins LR/FR a few years later. She is now the most wonderful school mistress on about her 6th child! I still get photos. (The weanling was a mini and always a companion).

Eventing as a dream was always in there too. But I had no transport. And a phobia of jumping! So instead of pursuing that, I bought myself a safe Fell pony to back (as I loved that). Then a friend with a trailer persuaded my to try a 70cm Hunter Trial and I discovered the thrill of XC riding at the age of 46..... After that I was on the hunt for an Eventer so enter Amber. I achieved my dream of BE80 and promply set my sight on BE90. Achieved that and now want BE100...... Though I want to be competitive at BE90 first and not just turn up to get round.

Amber is lame and her future is uncertain by I am not done dreaming yet! My current focus is just to get better at riding. To finally get beyond 'utterly mediocre!'. Not in a down-on-myself sense but just because I so, so, so want to improve and I work on it endlessly. It is easy to set a 'doing' goal - just enter something and have a crack at it. (Obviously finances and sound horses permitting). But it is so much harder to actually master something. So 2020 is all about back to basics. It was a back-to-basics focus anyway even prior to Covid but I've timed it well I guess.

I know for sure that no matter what I achieve I will always have new goals. Whtether it will be a competition goal, a training goal, a ride-across-Mongolia goal, who knows. But I can't wait to find out.

 

[rowan666]

I bought the horse of my dreams 10 years ago with the ambition of doing everything, specifically endurance.. I have done nothing atall with him because life got in the way then i developed a completely irrational fear of him (out of nowhere, hes NEVER done anything to warrant this sudden fear) i almost sold him but whilst on trial he suffered a minor stifle injury and was sent back so I thought right this is my second chance to make things right with him, he was rehabbed back into work then broke down now with another injury that is looking like he may need to be retired for good and I'm devastated for him and me but it has give me the kick up the arse I need to make the most of the others I have, for the first time in my life I'm managing to stick to a diet and slowly starting to get my weight down so I can do all the things I dreamed of doing with my horse with my pony instead so for the for the first time in what feels like forever i feel more positive and determined to get back in the saddle. So whilst I haven't realised my dreams yet, I absolutely will do, as small as my dreams are but my cob has bags of potential and I know she will get me there

 

[DirectorFury]

I totally agree that it depends on how you define your goals, and also what are your priorities and motivations. The answers to that are very personal, so I really feel that achievements can only really be defined by the individual that set them. [...]

Agreed. There's a concept in a book that changed my life - our struggles determine our success, and you have to choose your struggle. And, by extension, happiness isn't something that just happens to you, it's something that you always have to be working at. If you pick the struggle that satisfies you and makes you happy then life is much more enjoyable. It's this book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/

As a child I was desperate for a pony but it wasn't an option. I shared a few as an older teen but it was never the same. When I went to uni I bought Mads - 7 year old me would never have believed that this could happen! A just backed 3yo Welsh wasn't the wisest choice for a first horse but we've made it work.

My next ambition was to event but we've never quite got there. I could list all of reasons but they weren't insurmountable - if I'd wanted it enough, if I'd enjoyed the struggle, we would have made it. I like competing but strongly dislike hanging around all day (partly because Mad is a stressy nightmare and can't be left tied to or standing on the trailer) so we've spent the past few years either hacking or broken and having time off.

I now have both more money and more time (went from PhD poverty stipend -> six figure salary working 18 hour days, home 1 day of out 14 -> 30 hour a week comfortable salary local job) so maybe I'll re-evaluate our goals . Like AE I'd like to become a much better rider; I need to spend 6 months on the lunge with no stirrups! So now I need to find a way to make that happen.

 

[daffy44]

Thank you for sharing this - what a very lucky horse and what a brilliant attitude. So many folk could learn from this experience.

Thank you Palo1, thats very kind. I do agree my goals have changed, and to me thats part of growing up and adapting to life, I dont see it as a negative. As a child, all I wanted was a pony and to live somewhere with the pony in the garden, I achieved this when I was 28, and its still something I appreciate everyday. The mare I described changed my life and gave me totally new goals, which I have now achieved, but absolutely I have set new goals along the way, and I hope will continue to do this for a long time to come.

 

[milliepops]

ETA. Debatably those of us who have a horse that’s not suitable but we can’t bare to part with could get another job some evenings or weekends or something to somehow make it possible to afford another horse to sj or xc or put the other one on cheaper livery or something to make our goals possible. You’d just have to really really want it to do that as it would be really tough to do another job on top of a full time one and manage to find the time to ride said horse but debatably that could be what someone who is really driven would do.

This was the approach I took in order to keep my horse when I had a minimum wage job but wanted to go eventing. I worked 5.5 days a week in my main job, waitressed 3 nights a week and had a horse on hunting livery in the winter that effectively paid my own diy livery costs.

It was a lot of work. But it was the only way to make it work.
I'm not saying everyone should have 2 jobs to cover their costs, other people make different choices. But when it boils down to the choice of you bust a gut or you give up, if you really want it, you'll take the first option.

I got so used to being rushed off my feet it's now easy by comparison to keep my little gang up together.
Like others have said, the 9 year old me who was still dreaming of getting a pony would never believe I'd have 5 horses and be expecting a home bred ?

 

[daffy44]

Ha ha MP, snap, a fellow waitress to afford my horses, in addition to normal job etc.

 

[JFTDWS]

Like others have said, the 9 year old me who was still dreaming of getting a pony would never believe I'd have 5 horses and be expecting a home bred ?

Living the dream!

But god knows, nobody would ever have wanted me as a waitress. So many bowls of soup in people's laps

 

[milliepops]

Living the dream!

But god knows, nobody would ever have wanted me as a waitress. So many bowls of soup in people's laps

??
I wasn't clumsy but I did hate it. Being polite to drunk parties was the worst bit.

I am not ticking off the "breed a foal" dream quite yet for obvious reasons but it's been fascinating and enjoyable so far. I am loving hanging out with my mare just watching it all happen.

 

[JFTDWS]

??
I wasn't clumsy but I did hate it. Being polite to drunk parties was the worst bit.

I am not ticking off the "breed a foal" dream quite yet for obvious reasons but it's been fascinating and enjoyable so far. I am loving hanging out with my mare just watching it all happen.

Who says I'm clumsy and not just evil?

 

[milliepops]

Who says I'm clumsy and not just evil?

Oh well have it your way ? I try to see the best in people ?

 

[JFTDWS]

Oh well have it your way ? I try to see the best in people ?

I've always considered my evil streak to be one of my better qualities

 

[DirectorFury]

I've always considered my evil streak to be one of my better qualities

The real question is which flavour of evil - chaotic, lawful, or neutral?

 

[daffy44]

The real question is which flavour of evil - chaotic, lawful, or neutral?

Or a combination of all three??!! I think JFTDWS would have been so much fun to work with as a waitress!

 

[JFTDWS]

Or a combination of all three??!! I think JFTDWS would have been so much fun to work with as a waitress!

Oh I'm never neutral. I'm always out on the wing, you just never know which way I'm going to go

You wouldn't work with me for long, for sure. Unless the owner had very poor business sense!

 

[McFluff]

Another pony mad and pony less child here. My dream was to have a horse and to be able to compete. As a teenager I worked every weekend to earn enough to pay for a riding lesson. I cycled 30 miles to do all this every weekend. I then went to university and then had to work, so didn’t ride for 10 years. As soon as I had enough funds I was back having lessons.
It took until I was the wrong side of 40, but I achieved the dream. It hit me one day at a RC evening competition. I’d raced there after work, gone myself and done my first ever novice test. On a horse that I’d trained from pretty much newly broken. She was an absolute poppet, and tried so hard for me. It just made me realise that I’d achieved the dream of my inner 8 year old.
I love training, more than competing, and just love spending time with horses. I hope that never fades.
I do realise that there are 8 yo out there who achieve my dream as 8 yo, but we don’t all start from the same place. It’s not about others. It’s about being honest with yourself and finding your own happy.

And I did the waitress thing too. It takes a lot of self control not to accidentally spill on some people...

 

[LiquidMetal]

I’ve certainly achieved my dream as a horse-less child to own my own horse. And I got lucky enough to have the farm, tractor, truck and trailer to go with it! I am very grateful for all those things.

I did realize some of my horsey dreams a couple years ago by getting to participate in some cross country clinics with my first horse. Stuff I had only dreamed of jumping. Unfortunately competing that horse never became an option due to arthritis on his part but he definitely helped me reach some dreams.

I’ve had a dream of restarting an OTTB for a long time and I’m working through that right now. I don’t have big competition goals. I genuinely love training horses. To me, getting the first few good steps of leg yield, really true connection or something equally as boring is just as rewarding as winning. When I got my current horse, he literally could not even back up in a straight line. Seeing how far he has come in a year is immensely rewarding to me.

I’d love to event more seriously but the reality is I am limited by my geographic location and life’s commitments. There is no opportunity to school cross country or compete that is less than 3.5 hours away. Realistically to be competitive, I would have to move. Which is just not going to happen.

 

[meltb]

I was always a pony mad kid (posters of Milton on the wall, pretending I was galloping on him through the fields we passed on car journeys, playing Mary King's 'Rising Star' and reading the 'Jill' books constantly..you get the picture!) but having my own was always out of the question. I was very lucky to have 2 riding lessons a week and during the summer, I did the 'own a pony days' every single day at my local riding school which must have cost a fortune. I now realise this was because my parent's marriage was falling apart and the house was very toxic, so my mum tried to keep me out the house as much as possible. They inevitably split up just before the summer holidays when I was in year 6 and 10 year old me didn't take this very well. When I started year 7 I struggled very much with the change from primary to secondary, begging my Mum daily for a pony and saving every spare penny I had given to me (xmas, bday etc) in a special moneybox I covered with pony stickers. By the time I was 12 I had £1,200 saved and my mum and dad agreed to buy me a horse off the riding school (we were all v clueless and just assumed they'd have some to sell). They didn't, and that put an end to my pony dream very rapidly. I ended up using the money for a laptop for school and bits/bobs.

School continued to go badly, I was bullied terribly in primary school and now secondary school, so I became very withdrawn and spent my life on the PC- since I started secondary school I always loved computers and began to teach myself how to fix them (by breaking them first!!). I still had a weekly riding lesson paid for by my dad, who couldn't understand why I still wanted to continue riding but he paid anyway up until I was 15, but this was my only outlet for riding or being around horses. I searched for part loans in the newspaper and online but nothing came to fruition. GCSE's came up and then A-Levels. I struggled with this transition too. I was now 16 and desperately wanted a pony and so my Mum gave me the choice of 3 things to have for my 17th birthday... driving lessons/a cheap runaround car, a Macbook or a pony under 1k. I chose the pony without a doubt!! And went all the way on the train to yorkshire to view what would become my childhood pony. She was incredibly naughty to ride - in reality I was just very inexperienced for my age - but my best memory of trying her out is when she took off with me and jumped over a sheep!! Not sure who was more scared, me or the sheep!

I began to dream of showjumping this naughty pony but she brought me down to reality quickly, essentially she taught me everything I needed to know about horses- care, riding..everything. Our first show I was so determined to do well, we went in a pairs class and came 4th...I did have to throw myself off of her though, as she bolted off afterwards around the course and I couldn't stop!! somehow I balanced A-Levels and my pony, aswell as working to find the money to pay for her and got into uni. It was with this I decided I wanted another horse...well, he was a dream come true. but I underestimated the costs of 2 horses, and every penny I had went towards them both. this was during a time my mental health was terrible, coming out of an abusive relationship and admitting I was struggling with life, and how I was feeling shouldn't have been considered normal. I started to get help.

Eventually, things seemed a little 'better'; I got a job that wasn't just a job, it was a career, and worked my way up to where I am now. I still wanted to compete, and my 2nd horse made all my dreams come true- I sadly lost him a few years ago to cancer and miss him every single day. I have had project ponies which was always a dream of mine aswell, although I did 'ok' with them it was very hard work... at one point I had the old pony, my gelding and project pony- my days started at 4:30/5am and finished at 9:30/10pm (inc working a 7.5 hour shift and commuting several hours on train/by bike..I must have been mad!!) it was incredibly difficult but it was what I wanted, it kept me going on so many levels as day to day life was still so hard (for lots of reasons).

After loss of my first pony, and being horseless for a few months, I now have a lovely mare that I bought unseen and she helps me so much every day. I would love to compete her...who knows if this will happen or not?!

Sometimes I look back at 10 year old me, withdrawn and crying in my room dreaming of a pony to take me away from it all, I just want to give her a hug and tell her it'll all be ok in the end.

 

[Muddywellies]

Yep!! Tho I'm wondering what 'success' is to me? When I joined BD I was just overjoyed to be riding in an affilliated comp, albeit at prelim. That first affilliated comp, I felt I had 'made it'. However now at ele, I feel a complete failure. I've now learned that I will never really do any good at BD as I simply don't have the funds. Can't compete against those horses costing tens of thousands, with riders who don't have to work full time so can spend their time training and competing. My ultimate dream was to squeeze myself into a tailcoat and ride a few 'late behind' flying changes. But despite having horses over 40 yrs I've never ridden a single change and doubt I ever will now. So im using lockdown to assess where I go from here. We've limped to ele on a freebie native, with secondhand gear and very battered old lorry and I'm tired of feeling constantly despondent after a show. I look out of place, feel out of place, and can't produce the goods. Maybe it's time to become a happy hacker, or bow out of BD and stick with unaff?

 

[little_critter]

Yep!! Tho I'm wondering what 'success' is to me? When I joined BD I was just overjoyed to be riding in an affilliated comp, albeit at prelim. That first affilliated comp, I felt I had 'made it'. However now at ele, I feel a complete failure. I've now learned that I will never really do any good at BD as I simply don't have the funds. Can't compete against those horses costing tens of thousands, with riders who don't have to work full time so can spend their time training and competing. My ultimate dream was to squeeze myself into a tailcoat and ride a few 'late behind' flying changes. But despite having horses over 40 yrs I've never ridden a single change and doubt I ever will now. So im using lockdown to assess where I go from here. We've limped to ele on a freebie native, with secondhand gear and very battered old lorry and I'm tired of feeling constantly despondent after a show. I look out of place, feel out of place, and can't produce the goods. Maybe it's time to become a happy hacker, or bow out of BD and stick with unaff?

Oh no Muddywellies, you are currently achieving my dream! I'm toddling round at Prelim and just had a go at a Novice. My dream is riding at Ele, especially affiliated. I was doing MyQuest so a halfway house between unaff and 'proper' BD.
You are absolutely NOT a failure for getting to Ele. Well done.

 

[Roxylola]

Muddywellies, I consider my competition to be my last score not everyone else so maybe change your point of view of that if you can. Equally have you a trainer? Maybe time to change if you do or to invest in some lessons if you dont. Your dreams are achievable certainly so no need to feel you have to give up on them

 

[Muddywellies]

I really admire that. I remember reading Charlotte Dujardan's autobiography, it showed the amount of hard work she's had to do to get where she is. It sounds exhausting. I couldn't do it.

But charlotte was pretty must born into it. They had horses at home and it was a family thing. Most of us are from completely non horsey backgrounds. I lived on a 1960s housing estate and mum took me for a half hour lesson once a week. She didn't get out of the car and did her knitting whilst I rode. I'm still very grateful for what she did tho.

 

[milliepops]

Yep!! Tho I'm wondering what 'success' is to me? When I joined BD I was just overjoyed to be riding in an affilliated comp, albeit at prelim. That first affilliated comp, I felt I had 'made it'. However now at ele, I feel a complete failure. I've now learned that I will never really do any good at BD as I simply don't have the funds. Can't compete against those horses costing tens of thousands, with riders who don't have to work full time so can spend their time training and competing. My ultimate dream was to squeeze myself into a tailcoat and ride a few 'late behind' flying changes. But despite having horses over 40 yrs I've never ridden a single change and doubt I ever will now. So im using lockdown to assess where I go from here. We've limped to ele on a freebie native, with secondhand gear and very battered old lorry and I'm tired of feeling constantly despondent after a show. I look out of place, feel out of place, and can't produce the goods. Maybe it's time to become a happy hacker, or bow out of BD and stick with unaff?

OK. I speak as someone with a freebie native who works full time, buys 2nd hand clothes and only got a crappy lorry 5 years ago, having previously had no transport.
it is possible. it's even possible to beat the warmbloods some days! it's possible to qualify for things and get a heap of personal satisfaction. but you have to change the way you look at things. you have to play to your strengths, not let a single mark slip, no stone left unturned to produce the most correct work you possibly can. You have to just learn to ignore the fancy ones in the posh lorries and the nice clothes and the trainer tagging along and just 100% concentrate on YOU. They are irrelevant when you are in the ring, just you and the judge.

From experience, I think it actually gets easier to take on the £££ horses as you progress up the levels because natural way of going counts for less. At Medium shit gets real. you can have a super fancy floaty trot but if your half pass has the quarters trailing it won't be getting a good score no matter how much your hat cost, but a more limited native doing a really correct HP will get a better score. There aren't any short cuts, you can't buy your way to that score.
If you can train a change, then again that's another huge threshold that many people even with the £500 jacket won't be able to cross.

it's not about stuff, it's not about how much your horse cost. it's about effort, grit and resiliance, and positivity, and detail and thinking outside the box and GREAT bloody training, and more resiliance and more effort and positivity.
you need all those things with a swanky horse too