Boggle- USA bound!

[Michen]

I don't even know what to say at this point everyone, you guys are unreal with your kindness and generosity. I literally couldn't believe it when another email dropped into my inbox and there were more tears . And especially @CanteringCarrot for organising, again! I cannot thank you all enough and know that if any one of you ever wants to visit Colorado and explore there is a spare bedroom with an open invite. Any time. I mean that.

I've said it before but the support you have all given me, and Bog, means so, so much. Just thank you. If I wrote it a million times it wouldn't be enough to show how touched I am by all of your kindness.

XXXXXX

 

[CanteringCarrot]

It was more than just me. I have to give @TPO credit for starting it all and all of her efforts.

 

[TPO]

It was more than just me. I have to give @TPO credit for starting it all and all of her efforts.

Group effort, @PinkvSantaBoots and @FlyingCircus too plus lots of HHO friends from this thread who were an equal part too. @druid had a good idea and everyone has pitched in and done their part.

Hope it helps cheer you up a little x

 

[Michen]

Thank you all so much, TPO, FlyingCircus, PinkyBoots, Druid and all of you for pitching in. It really did cheer me up!!!!!! Thank you

 

[wren123]

I'm really pleased it cheered you up.
How are you feeling today?

 

[Michen]

Safe to say I’m fairly glum in general, I haven’t been eating at all healthily (huge pizza and a tub of Ben and Jerry’s last night) or exercising which is not remotely helpful so I need to get on that next week, as I know it affects my mood! But I left myself slob around anyway then gets stuck in a cycle of unhealthy ness and feeling pretty gross, which isn’t helpful mentally!

It’s dumping with snow here at the moment though so no exercise today!A work deal dropped out on Friday that was going to cover my remaining 20k left on the vets bill, not a total disaster I can still sort it but not ideal as I was hoping to rebuild a bit of a cushion in the bank. I could sell my truck and trailer but I have a steady stream of uk visitors Jan- march and I want them to have a vehicle to drive (they can’t drive my company car). And I guess at the back of my mind I’m still hoping somewhat that maybe, maybe I’ll need it for Bog. I have an insane couple of weeks coming up with work, it’s going to be really intense- but that’s okay. There’s a huge amount of chatter in the divers WhatsApp group about what happened and people writing reports which is a constant reminder. Boggle seems kinda sore, I expect he’s done something mucking around.

I did go see a therapist because the biggest issue I seem to have from this year (and if I’m honest it was slightly there before the shark attack) is this constant feeling of doom. Like I get on a plane and as it lands I’m thinking it’ll probably crash. If someone rings me I’m assuming it’s to tell me something bad, I get a wave of panic if it’s a friend or family member. It’s very weird and very horrible as it’s just not my personality to be like this.

I am also really regretting the steady stream of bloody Mary’s I drank all afternoon with my friends because now the above seems even worse than it would

On a positive note, I had pretty much thought I couldn’t go to Australia because the flights were just so expensive (nearly 4k) and I felt it was unjustifiable especially in light of the work deal dropping out. I had checked the flights that morning then checked again and this random combination with Fiji airways popped up for $1500, I almost think it must have been a mistake on their part as it wasn’t there in the morning and the same combo doubled in price straight after I booked it. So glad I booked it immediately! So that was a nice win, as that saving will cover Boggles EPM meds for another month and more.

Sorry- what a whine- bet you wished you hadn’t asked haha. And none of this is a big deal really, least I’m still here to experience it

 

[Michen]

Ps I hope that doesn’t sound ungrateful as honestly you guys really did cheer me up with everything, especially as it was on Friday and that was a horrid day until that email came through! Xx

 

[little_critter]

You are perfectly entitled to feel glum given the time you’ve had. And you are welcome to pour it out on here.
Good food and exercise is a good plan, just don’t beat yourself up with it.

 

[Michen]

You are perfectly entitled to feel glum given the time you’ve had. And you are welcome to pour it out on here.
Good food and exercise is a good plan, just don’t beat yourself up with it.

A silver lining on all this was that I'd finally nearly shifted my "move to america" weight Now I've undone it all, haha.

 

[Sheep]

I’m just so glad that you are able to be open & honest here with us, and it’s lovely to know that you can do that… we aren’t here just for the happy stuff, we want to walk alongside you when the going gets tough, too.
Hopefully the therapist trips help, that state of heightened anxiety is so tough to live with xx

 

[CanteringCarrot]

A silver lining on all this was that I'd finally nearly shifted my "move to america" weight Now I've undone it all, haha.

Honestly, it's so hard to be slim in America. You have to be so very careful

 

[Michen]

I’m just so glad that you are able to be open & honest here with us, and it’s lovely to know that you can do that… we aren’t here just for the happy stuff, we want to walk alongside you when the going gets tough, too.
Hopefully the therapist trips help, that state of heightened anxiety is so tough to live with xx

Thank you! Well it does just sound very pathetic and whiny.

I'm finding the whatsapp group with the divers stressful, think I need to leave it. Or mute it and not be tempted to read. It's amazing how people can go from praising the crew, the boat, agreeing there was no blame to throwing it around so quickly when the dust settles and it seems to be to try and get refunds. It's quite depressing.

 

[DabDab]

Yeah I definitely couldn't be in something like that for much time before finding it too much. Understand setting it up in the immediate aftermath, but once people are trying to move on and heal from something traumatic it's probably not the most helpful communication channel for anyone.

 

[teapot]

Safe to say I’m fairly glum in general, I haven’t been eating at all healthily (huge pizza and a tub of Ben and Jerry’s last night) or exercising which is not remotely helpful so I need to get on that next week, as I know it affects my mood! But I left myself slob around anyway then gets stuck in a cycle of unhealthy ness and feeling pretty gross, which isn’t helpful mentally!

It’s dumping with snow here at the moment though so no exercise today!A work deal dropped out on Friday that was going to cover my remaining 20k left on the vets bill, not a total disaster I can still sort it but not ideal as I was hoping to rebuild a bit of a cushion in the bank. I could sell my truck and trailer but I have a steady stream of uk visitors Jan- march and I want them to have a vehicle to drive (they can’t drive my company car). And I guess at the back of my mind I’m still hoping somewhat that maybe, maybe I’ll need it for Bog. I have an insane couple of weeks coming up with work, it’s going to be really intense- but that’s okay. There’s a huge amount of chatter in the divers WhatsApp group about what happened and people writing reports which is a constant reminder. Boggle seems kinda sore, I expect he’s done something mucking around.

I did go see a therapist because the biggest issue I seem to have from this year (and if I’m honest it was slightly there before the shark attack) is this constant feeling of doom. Like I get on a plane and as it lands I’m thinking it’ll probably crash. If someone rings me I’m assuming it’s to tell me something bad, I get a wave of panic if it’s a friend or family member. It’s very weird and very horrible as it’s just not my personality to be like this.

I am also really regretting the steady stream of bloody Mary’s I drank all afternoon with my friends because now the above seems even worse than it would

On a positive note, I had pretty much thought I couldn’t go to Australia because the flights were just so expensive (nearly 4k) and I felt it was unjustifiable especially in light of the work deal dropping out. I had checked the flights that morning then checked again and this random combination with Fiji airways popped up for $1500, I almost think it must have been a mistake on their part as it wasn’t there in the morning and the same combo doubled in price straight after I booked it. So glad I booked it immediately! So that was a nice win, as that saving will cover Boggles EPM meds for another month and more.

Sorry- what a whine- bet you wished you hadn’t asked haha. And none of this is a big deal really, least I’m still here to experience it

The constant feeling of doom is expected considering the year you've had, but seriously get your hormone levels checked too. They can play serious silly buggers with stuff like anxiety, especially with regards perimenopause (I know I know, but it does hit women in their 30s, speaking from literal experience of my anxiety levels going through the roof over the most stupid of stuff).

It's also becoming quite well known as a long lasting covid side effect.

 

[Michen]

The constant feeling of doom is expected considering the year you've had, but seriously get your hormone levels checked too. They can play serious silly buggers with stuff like anxiety, especially with regards perimenopause (I know I know, but it does hit women in their 30s, speaking from literal experience of my anxiety levels going through the roof over the most stupid of stuff).

It's also becoming quite well known as a long lasting covid side effect.

Thanks that's good advice. Never tested positive for covid, but who knows. I need to deal with this heart thing in february (soonest I could get an appointment with a lipidologist), I have no doubt I'll already have signs of issues or disease or whatnot, I wish I'd never found out it was a thing! Ignorance is bliss.

I am lucky though that in the next 8 weeks I'll be spending nearly 6 of them with two of my UK best mates

 

[Michen]

On a lighter note here is Bogs face yesterday when he saw the pig. It’s almost amusing now tbh, he’s the bravest horse I’ve ever known. Loves cows, sheep, dogs. The pig sleeps in his Arabs friends stable at night (she oinks outside until you let her in and he seems to love it!). Yet Boggle.. still a hard no.

Pepper also feeling hard done by, haven’t worked out why yet.

 

[little_critter]

Oh he’s such a handsome Bog.

 

[Pinkvboots]

Thank you! Well it does just sound very pathetic and whiny.

I'm finding the whatsapp group with the divers stressful, think I need to leave it. Or mute it and not be tempted to read. It's amazing how people can go from praising the crew, the boat, agreeing there was no blame to throwing it around so quickly when the dust settles and it seems to be to try and get refunds. It's quite depressing.

Maybe block it for a while

 

[Pinkvboots]

On a lighter note here is Bogs face yesterday when he saw the pig. It’s almost amusing now tbh, he’s the bravest horse I’ve ever known. Loves cows, sheep, dogs. The pig sleeps in his Arabs friends stable at night (she oinks outside until you let her in and he seems to love it!). Yet Boggle.. still a hard no.

Pepper also feeling hard done by, haven’t worked out why yet.

View attachment 129351
View attachment 129352

That eye is funny

Arabi has a very similar look when his not impressed by something.

Cute that the pig sleeps with the Arab both my Arab's are fine with farm animals I think they are particularly keen on the sheep.

 

[Clodagh]

I was talking to a diet expert friend yesterday and she said when you go through trauma your body uses all your omega 3 (I think ) that is stored to calm the resultant inflammation, leaving you with an excess of omega 6 (again, I think that’s right). Just a thought.

 

[Sheep]

When I’ve had WhatsApp groups I’ve needed to step away from, but not leave, I’ve found muting & archiving to work for me, short term at least!

 

[Ahrena]

I think it’s totally normal to want to hole up with some comfort food once the dust settles on a trauma (god knows I’ve doubled in size this summer!) but you’re right, it becomes a viscous cycle of feeling crappier for it.

Maybe get Pepper out on some good hikes? The scenery will be good for your soul.

I think it’s fine to leave the WhatsApp group or mute and archive. It sounds really hard to deal with and a constant reminder popping up in your inbox isn’t great.

You know you can whinge at me anytime too, you’ve put up with enough shite from me over the years. I think the way you’re handling this is incredible, even if you don’t feel like it

 

[Ahrena]

Also you have defo offended Pepper, that face

 

[Apercrumbie]

I did go see a therapist because the biggest issue I seem to have from this year (and if I’m honest it was slightly there before the shark attack) is this constant feeling of doom. Like I get on a plane and as it lands I’m thinking it’ll probably crash. If someone rings me I’m assuming it’s to tell me something bad, I get a wave of panic if it’s a friend or family member. It’s very weird and very horrible as it’s just not my personality to be like this.

I think this is a very understandable reaction to a stressful year, even before your recent trauma. A few years ago I had a period where 3 family members basically took it in turns to nearly die every single week for several months. When you get phone calls with bad news so often, you can imagine that I felt exactly the way you describe here, and it took probably about 2 years to shift it. Sadly it can return at times, but it's pretty much under control now. I promise you that it does get easier.

I think it's great you're seeing a therapist and I hope you find/have found one that you respond well to. I also hope that they are reassuring you that all your reactions to recent events are to be expected and that you're not weird in the slightest! Brains are fragile things and it's only natural that sometimes they need a bit more help.

ETA - muting the whatsapp chat sounds very sensible.

 

[SO1]

It is normal to feel gloomy and see the darkness in the world rather than the light after an experience of sadness.

What happened with Boggle who is such a key part of your life and happiness before you had the awful experience diving could easily be enough for you to start seeing doom scenarios.

Some people may say he is just a horse and he is still alive etc but different things have different levels of significance to different people you nearly lost him to pneumonia and then again the ataxia which both came on suddenly and he is a young horse who you thought you could compete and enjoy without worry for many years to come.

When Homey died I really started to see life differently and became more aware of mortality, suffering and loss of loved ones/being alone than before. I am hoping I will return to a more carefree way of thinking in time but it doesn't help that my parents are in their 80s and in poor health but I am very lucky to have a great sister and good friends.

I hope you start to feel better soon but it is early days. I found card games quite therapeutic. You are young and although you may not want to dive again hopefully there are other activities you can learn and enjoy and other pleasures awaiting you in life.

If the WhatsApp group is causing you stress or unhappiness then I would suggest you mute it if you don't feel ready to leave it quite yet. Everyone is different in how they deal with trauma.

 

[Slightlyconfused]

You can mute and archive the group chat, have done that with a few when needed for MH.

You are dealing with a ton of emotional trauma from the past year, keep talking to us as much as you want/need. X

 

[Michen]

It's actually very helpful to know that doom feeling is not totally crazy, and I guess a normal response to a rubbish year. SO1 I know have been through the emotional wringer losing Homey.

I muted and archived the whatsapp but I still see the little notification that something is active albiet it's a subtle one, and I can't help but look even though it does me no favours! Need to exercise some self discipline.

 

[Michen]

On another note wondering if you guys can help. When I back Boggle up (an important part of neuro rehab) He does clear diagonal pairs for the first few strides then goes un cordinated, his front legs kinda lag behind his back legs. In all honesty I'm not sure if he ever did this before or not, I assumed it was an ataxia thing. But then I tried it with my friends arab, and he was totally un coordinated from the start, I couldn't get any clear diagonal pairs from him at all! So now I'm not sure?

He does sometimes back up more than a few strides completely diagonally, but usually when he's putting more effort or a little fired up into it such as if the pig is in his eyesight lol. So I'm also not sure if it's a slight laziness.

So, Q, do your horses back up for more than 3/4 strides with complete diagonal pairs? Or not?

 

[gallopingby]

Michen in my experience ‘backing up’ perfectly is something that comes with practice and therefore time. Some of mine will do it straight off, no probs for as long as you want. I have a couple who might or might not get it right. It’s one of the trec movements/phases so we do try to improve from time to time in the hope of actually completing a few of the phases correctly

 

[Pinkvboots]

I agree with gallopingby it's not easy for alot of horses mine struggle a bit now they are older and have arthritis, Louis has and still will on occasion go backwards as fast as he can go forwards his always done it makes it look easy, but asking him to do it is totally different and it's certainly not perfect.