Feeling down

[Winters100]

My coach is a very experienced, professional rider, she is making this horse for me, that is the plan.

I really don't need advice from strangers who don't know me, my ability or my horse, and suggestions that I shouldn't have bought him don't really help anyone.

I really feel for you, but honestly this really is not a fair comment. I didn't see anything here which was mean, just that some people feel that you made a wrong decision - we have all done that - I know that I have. To be fair you did ask for advice, and you also said "in the last week or so he's bolted twice." You later explained that is was not a real bolt, but you can't blame people for thinking that you made a mistake. To be honest it could reasonably be viewed that either it was 1. a bolt, or 2. something less serious, but an inexperienced rider interpreted it as a bolt. I do feel for your situation, and I am delighted that today you feel better, but do try to respect the views of those who have responded to your request for advice, even if that advice is not what you hoped to hear.

 

[Sossigpoker]

It was more moral support I was after didn't ask for advice but thanks.

Incidentally he's had a good schooling session today, coach was pleased with him after the past few days of him being unfocused and a bit cranky. He doesn't do anything horrid he's just unsettled and tense and doesn't really try when he's like that - today he tried.

Telling someone you don't know, whose horse you don't know , that they've made the wrong decision doesn't help anyone , first of all you just don't know enough to make that assessment and secondly, telling someone who's feeling low that they shouldn't have bought the horse is demoralising. What are they supposed to do? Shoot the horse? Turn back time?

And I don't actually think I've got the wrong horse , I was just mentally in a bad place yesterday and felt like everything goes wrong for me when everything seems to go right for everyone else.

 

[Upthecreek]

Sorry I’m confused - you don’t need advice from strangers that don’t know you, but you do want to be reassured and told you’re doing the right thing even though you may not be?

Definition of a forum is ‘a place, situation, or group in which people exchange ideas and discuss issues’. That is what we do here. We many not always have the same opinion, that is fine. If you post on here you need to accept you may be told things you don’t want to hear. There will be both positive and negative comments. As long as that is done in a polite and helpful way people are entitled to give their opinion. I did not say anything disrespectful or rude and I stand by what I said. Nobody has been unkind.

Obviously this being a forum none of us know each other personally, including riding ability or level of the horse; you can only comment on the information provided by the poster. The information you gave in your first post absolutely sounded like you and your horse are not a good match - you said the horse was bolting and you had a riding accident 9 months ago. I hope it works out for you but you are not really starting from a good place because he is young and green and you lack confidence on how to deal with that from what you said in your post.

When you buy a horse because you like it, which is what you said you did, it doesn’t necessarily mean it is suitable. Many members on here have experience of buying ‘the wrong horse’. I’ve done it twice in 25 years of owning horses. The first time I did as you are doing and spent time and lots of money on a professional to help me. After a year I was broke, my confidence was at an all time low..... and I still had a horse I couldn’t ride. I made the difficult decision to sell and he was very successful and happy in his new home. The other was a pony for my daughter, which it turned out she wasn’t quite ready for. This time I knew better than to persevere for too long so we sold and next year pony was out winning everything! We were gutted, but it wouldn’t have been a successful partnership for my daughter at that time.

The point is there is no shame in admitting you bought the wrong horse and finding it a more suitable home if you aren’t right for each other. But please put me on UI if you don’t want to hear what I have to say.

 

[canteron]

My coach is a very experienced, professional rider, she is making this horse for me, that is the plan.

Thank you for those who reassured and cheered me up. To those of you insinuating that it won't work etc , I'm not going to go to the ins and outs of what my situation is but rest assured that my horse is being trained by an extremely capable and experienced rider, whilst I might seek emotional support in my woe is me moments online, I really don't need advice from strangers who don't know me, my ability or my horse, and suggestions that I shouldn't have bought him don't really help anyone.

I'm feeling more positive today and will try to keep it that way (I am also waiting for a family member to die from cancer so my mood isn't great in general) so don't really need anyone trying to bring me down.

Good for you - we all have good and bad days and if what you want to do is build a partnership with this particular horse, then I for one get that, and taking all the time needed and working with inspiring people is key.

But remember, on a public forum, you will always get a spectrum of view and experiences - the trick is to use it as a tool and search through for the things that may help you on your particular journey.

Ps I always have had unsuitable horses - and kept them till the end. One took me 15 years to build a solid trust ..... but I loved (most) of it and it taught me so much .... I wouldn’t change a thing!!

 

[Arthur02]

If it makes you feel any better i have an ex racehorse that I am yet to even walk him in an open field? and I have had him for over 5 years now. I am working my self up to it but time is everything.

 

[planete]

You are doing just fine. Feeling wobbly about a new horse is pretty normal, especially if you have had a nasty accident. I fully understand the need for some moral support to get through the initial teething problems. You are probably going to need to adapt what you do with your new horse to how you feel each day. If you are not feeling brave one day, go in the school and do in hand work, or just give your horse a pamper session. On days you are feeling on top of the world challenge yourself a bit more. Everything you do with your horse will help rebuild your confidence and will increase your trust in each other. You have been wise enough to enlist the help of a pro rider you obviously trust, keep making the most of her. I am willing to bet you are going to have more and more good days as time goes on, just be kind to yourself and enjoy every day's achievements, even if they are only small ones. xx

 

[Red-1]

What made you decide to buy a 6 year old horse 9 months after a very serious riding accident? Did you properly try him in all ridden situations before you bought him? Is it a surprise to you that he hasn’t turned out to be the confidence giver you need?

I think this ^^^ was not really well worded for someone who is feeling low, although the rest of the post contained some good points, but this...

It was more moral support I was after didn't ask for advice but thanks.

Telling someone you don't know, whose horse you don't know , that they've made the wrong decision doesn't help anyone , first of all you just don't know enough to make that assessment and secondly, telling someone who's feeling low that they shouldn't have bought the horse is demoralising. What are they supposed to do? Shoot the horse? Turn back time?

was quite unfair to people who have tried to help.

For context, I am a very experienced rider, who bought a lovely horse, but then life happened which made me less resilient, and 2 1/2 years later I find that the horse who was perfect for me, no longer is.

No, I could not turn back time, nor did I shoot the horse (!), what I did was sell the horse to a lovely family who, within 1 week, are doing with her what I dreamed of. Hopefully, this morning, I am picking up the horse which will be perfect for my now situation.

I used to teach with my own business. Some people could be helped with their current horse, some I recommended a horse change. The ones who changed, well... Give you an example. Someone with a young cob (a child), been having lessons but only felt safe on the lead rein or lunge, however, within 1 week with their new (20+ year old pony) was doing an arena hire within 1 week and was a a X pole show the week after and then spent the summer doing pony club, hacking, having a fabulous time. That simply would not have happened with the first pony.

I think people considering a different horse may be a good solution is fair enough. It is also fair enough if you decide that the coach you have schooling your horse is a good option.

A forum is a discussion group. People have discussed. There are many knowledgeable people on HHO. It tends to be the Faceache groups where you are just told that you are dong great, hun. That is, IMO, not half as helpful as HHO, even if some of the answers need sifting through. Of course people don't know the whole story, they only know what you tell them. Horse bolting twice sounds pretty scary, dangerous too. Even if the horse didn't, after all, bolt, it obviously had a big effect on you.

If something is so close to the bone with you, it may be safer to listen to the trainer you trust and who knows the horse. Or, take each reply with a pinch of salt. They are strangers who don't know you, after all...

 

[Upthecreek]

I agree Red-1, OP was feeling low & I probably should have been more sensitive. However, if you’ve had a very serious riding accident only 9 months ago I would think it even more crucial than for the average horse buyer to buy the right horse. Top of my list in that situation would be an established horse with a great attitude that would be a confidence giver. Not setting myself up to fail with a young green horse that needs educating.

 

[shamrock2021]

Nervous Young horse and nervous ride Will never work. You need a older experience type of horse. If you need to pay for someone to school a horse for you than the horse isn’t suitable for you. Not trying to be rude but as someone who keep a horse when it wasn’t suitable . There no enjoyment In keep a horse that’s no suitable.

 

[Pinkvboots]

No problem , it's always good to share tips and experiences.

You sound a bit like I was after my accident my horse fell on me and I broke my ankle in 2 places so have plate now, I just sort of forgot how to ride and if things didn't quite go yo plan I would get very upset with myself.

I did a fantastic rider confidence course at the horse combat centre in Hemel Hempstead, I would really recommend it I am actually back to my old self almost now and the effect was more or less immediate, they have a website with all the course dates have a look.

 

[Hatts24]

You sound just like me! I was looking for a bombproof schoolmaster for my first ever 'owned' horse - always loaned before - and I ended up with a green 5 year old!

I was falling off left, right and centre with all his spooks/bucks/tricks at first but nearly 2 years later I can pretty much deal with whatever he throws at me (most of the time!). I felt like I had to totally learn to ride again though, and it helped with my good friend out hacking who used to shout at me 'DON'T LET HIM THINK YOU'RE SCARED' as I tried not to lean forward, curl up and grab the neck strap when he threw in his napping episodes!

Stick with it - the reward and satisfaction later down the line is worth it.

 

[Sossigpoker]

So because I pay for a professional to school my horse that horse isn't for me? Sorry but what utter load of rubbish! Even if I had a kick-along i would still want it professionally educated!

 

[Sossigpoker]

You sound a bit like I was after my accident my horse fell on me and I broke my ankle in 2 places so have plate now, I just sort of forgot how to ride and if things didn't quite go yo plan I would get very upset with myself.

I did a fantastic rider confidence course at the horse combat centre in Hemel Hempstead, I would really recommend it I am actually back to my old self almost now and the effect was more or less immediate, they have a website with all the course dates have a look.

I'd love to have details of that course- do you have a link please? I'm glad you're doing so much better!

 

[Sossigpoker]

You sound just like me! I was looking for a bombproof schoolmaster for my first ever 'owned' horse - always loaned before - and I ended up with a green 5 year old!

I was falling off left, right and centre with all his spooks/bucks/tricks at first but nearly 2 years later I can pretty much deal with whatever he throws at me (most of the time!). I felt like I had to totally learn to ride again though, and it helped with my good friend out hacking who used to shout at me 'DON'T LET HIM THINK YOU'RE SCARED' as I tried not to lean forward, curl up and grab the neck strap when he threw in his napping episodes!

Stick with it - the reward and satisfaction later down the line is worth it.

I'm kind of meaning ride again , or should I say I'm learning to ride properly. My coach is by far the best instructor I've ever had and has taught me more in 4 weeks than all others in so many years before.
I also think I put myself down because I feel like there's so much I'm doing wrong - although I know that most people wouldn't even pick up on those things.

 

[bouncing_ball]

I'd love to have details of that course- do you have a link please? I'm glad you're doing so much better!

https://www.horsebackcombat.co.uk/courses/rider-confidence-lessons/

 

[Sossigpoker]

https://www.horsebackcombat.co.uk/courses/rider-confidence-lessons/

Thank you!

 

[Sossigpoker]

Oh it's Karl Greenwood - I follow him on Facebook!

 

[Flame_]

Just seen this. I think your trainer's spot on - give it six months, though I'd add "unless this gets progressively more dangerous in spite of instruction". You've bought him now, you may as well try and make a go of it with good support before just throwing the towel in. Sell him next year if he's not turning out to be what you want. My horses all have a twelve month probation period while I'm getting to know them, unless they totally disgrace themselves (and even then I usually still stick with it for at least a year). Good Luck!!

 

[Ceriann]

So because I pay for a professional to school my horse that horse isn't for me? Sorry but what utter load of rubbish! Even if I had a kick-along i would still want it professionally educated!

Many riders use professionals or more competent/confident riders to support them during stages of ownership. I don’t see it in itself as an indication that you should move on.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

No, everybody else isn't having only perfect, great times with their new horses, horses aren't like that.

This is the truth of it.

Mimosa is probably the closest to perfect in every way. If you ever see my posts about her, she’s dream pony material.

She has also spent the last few weeks intent on breaking out of every fence I have put up, and crawls under them to the point that she’s actually sore through her pelvis now and is costing me a fortune in physio bills.

She objects massively to any attention being given to my other mare, and goes completely nuts around the field and yells her head off if I dare to ride the other horse. It makes trying to do anything with the other horse awfully stressful and very unpleasant on the ears.

And the other day she spooked and knocked me into the electric fence, stood on my leg, ripped the rein from my hand and cut it, and belted off at 100 miles an hour while I was left being zapped repeatedly and trying to unravel myself from fencing.

It doesn’t matter how perfect the horse, they are animals, and they will do things that we can’t predict and don’t understand - more so when they are still young.

Everyone tends to share the good bits, including me; I love to celebrate Mim’s little achievements. But that doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. We all have our own struggles with our horses

 

[Winters100]

This is the truth of it.

Mimosa is probably the closest to perfect in every way. If you ever see my posts about her, she’s dream pony material.

She has also spent the last few weeks intent on breaking out of every fence I have put up, and crawls under them to the point that she’s actually sore through her pelvis now and is costing me a fortune in physio bills.

She objects massively to any attention being given to my other mare, and goes completely nuts around the field and yells her head off if I dare to ride the other horse. It makes trying to do anything with the other horse awfully stressful and very unpleasant on the ears.

And the other day she spooked and knocked me into the electric fence, stood on my leg, ripped the rein from my hand and cut it, and belted off at 100 miles an hour while I was left being zapped repeatedly and trying to unravel myself from fencing.

It doesn’t matter how perfect the horse, they are animals, and they will do things that we can’t predict and don’t understand - more so when they are still young.

Everyone tends to share the good bits, including me; I love to celebrate Mim’s little achievement. But that doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. We all have our own struggles with our horses

Sorry Lady G - I know I should not have laughed when I read about the fence....but the image of her happily disappearing in the distance leaving you, the hand who feeds her, tangled in an electric fence did make me laugh out loud! No offence intended.

 

[Sossigpoker]

How do people deal with their head being a mess and fears and even flashbacks interfering with riding? I've not enjoyed riding him the last couple of days. Nothing to do with my horse, it is my head that is a mess, it is the thought of being out of control that terrifies me.
I seem to be not in a good frame of mind mentally right now- stuff going on at home and at work - so will probably not ride him for a bit as he's so sensitive and I would just make him anxious the way I am right now.

 

[Summit]

How do people deal with their head being a mess and fears and even flashbacks interfering with riding? I've not enjoyed riding him the last couple of days. Nothing to do with my horse, it is my head that is a mess, it is the thought of being out of control that terrifies me.
I seem to be not in a good frame of mind mentally right now- stuff going on at home and at work - so will probably not ride him for a bit as he's so sensitive and I would just make him anxious the way I am right now.

See this comments just confirms what’s been said previously, I don’t think you’re right for each other.....but you probably wont want to here that

 

[Flame_]

Have you read Karl Greenwood's book? I'm generally pretty confident but after losing a very good young horse, in part, due to management mistakes and then buying a strong-minded young arab keen to wholly embrace his Kevin phase, I had to have a battle with myself to get back to normal. The book really helped me to get the right perspective back, I'd recommend that.

 

[Ceriann]

How do people deal with their head being a mess and fears and even flashbacks interfering with riding? I've not enjoyed riding him the last couple of days. Nothing to do with my horse, it is my head that is a mess, it is the thought of being out of control that terrifies me.
I seem to be not in a good frame of mind mentally right now- stuff going on at home and at work - so will probably not ride him for a bit as he's so sensitive and I would just make him anxious the way I am right now.

I would take him out for walks- in hand. I had to rehab my mare for months and the in hand walking desensitised her, kept her sane, kept us both fit and created a trust in each other we didn’t have before. So when it got to getting back on and hacking out I knew her so much better than I did before. I’m still not the most confident rider but I do ride her most days and I’m loving it. Don’t stop riding on a bad note and do nothing with him it will be so much harder to get back on.

 

[Sossigpoker]

See this comments just confirms what’s been said previously, I don’t think you’re right for each other.....but you probably wont want to here that

I would have the same problems sitting on a rocking horse right now but thank you for the unwanted and unhelpful input.
My horse hasn't done anything wrong, literally not put a hoof out of place but it would appear I have some form of PTSD.
I don't see how getting rid of him will resolve that but I guess it would make you happy?

 

[Sossigpoker]

Have you read Karl Greenwood's book? I'm generally pretty confident but after losing a very good young horse, in part, due to management mistakes and then buying a strong-minded young arab keen to wholly embrace his Kevin phase, I had to have a battle with myself to get back to normal. The book really helped me to get the right perspective back, I'd recommend that.

I haven't but will look it up now .
I was wondering if seeing a sports psychologist might help too?

 

[maya2008]

A little advice you may or may not want... I have never had a young horse without another, older one running alongside. Young horses are excitable and they have their moments. If they are all you ride, sometimes they can make you a bit nervy because you are always expecting the next spook, and then your nerves make your horse more nervous and the spooks increase. Taking a break and riding something older is often good for both of you. Could you share something steady for a bit while your horse is still learning with the pro?

I am currently 'making' two steady ponies/horses, one for my son and one for my OH. They are so very very good for 5 year olds really, and I can take them both hacking solo without any worries - past spooky things, in open fields, to shows or arena hire, no bucking or issues or anything. They aren't quite so perfect for a less confident rider though - in part because I feel the slight tenseness about the bird in the hedge and tell them to stop being silly and ride forwards, whereas the less confident rider feels the tenseness and gets scared, then off the pony goes! I react quicker too - a 'spook' that could be a leap and a run becomes half a step forwards before my reins tighten and the horse stops - I barely notice it, whereas with a less confident rider, it takes longer (and the horse is moving faster) before the rider reacts. As time progresses they are constantly improving, but both riders are currently riding other, older horses and I am on the youngsters. They will both grow into amazing adults, as I am sure your horse will, but these things take time. 6 is still so very young!

 

[Summit]

My horse hasn't done anything wrong, literally not put a hoof out of place

In your first post you said he’d run off with you twice hence your lack of confidence

 

[Flame_]

I haven't but will look it up now .
I was wondering if seeing a sports psychologist might help too?

I don't suppose it could hurt but unlike some other sports, just telling yourself that all you need is positive thinking and a (possibly deluded) belief that all will be fine if you apply more courage and determination would be dangerous! You need to structure your horse's work plan so as to set you both up for success and good experiences one tiny step at a time for both of you to develop your confidence.