Feeling down

[Sossigpoker]

I would say be a bit kinder to yourself ! Have you considered that you may be suffering from PTSD following your serious accident ? Nine months is no time at all - no wonder you froze/panicked when your horse behaved unpredictably and then felt so stressed and anxious afterwards . Rather than beating yourself up and dwelling on the negatives , you should be looking at the positives . At the end of the day you dealt with the situation - perhaps not perfectly , but you DID deal with it . Well done you !

Thank you so much! Yes I do think I may have some form of PTSD about it. Not sure how to deal with it, I've been reading articles and self help things about it and stuff.
You are right though, I'm so hard on myself !

 

[doodle]

Yep robin is forward too so it feels counter productive. He does still have silly spooks but less when I am supporting him.

All that said. Before him I bought an on paper perfect horse. But Very very green and so laid back getting anything out of him was impossible. I sold him after 6 months as we just didn’t get on.

 

[Muddywellies]

Youre saying he's bolting. Do you mean he shoots off with you, then stops, which can be dealt with, or bolting as in runs in sheer and blind panic, over a very long distance, regardless of fences, vehicles, roads, etc, which is a whole different kettle of fish.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Youre saying he's bolting. Do you mean he shoots off with you, then stops, which can be dealt with, or bolting as in runs in sheer and blind panic, over a very long distance, regardless of fences, vehicles, roads, etc, which is a whole different kettle of fish.

He has run off when frightened twice now, I guess it's not true bolting as I was able to do an emergency stop (one rein) but feels pretty terrifying when it'd happening. Once you've stopped him, if you then take leg off, soften hand and reassure him he's fine and will stand there. It's that bit I struggle with as every instinct tells me to grip and cling on! But today it was shown that if I relax and reassure, he doesn't turn try and run off again, so it's not him being a shit and tanking off, it's his response to being frightened. Today there was something in the hedge, a cow or a deer.

 

[Muddywellies]

He has run off when frightened twice now, I guess it's not true bolting as I was able to do an emergency stop (one rein) but feels pretty terrifying when it'd happening. Once you've stopped him, if you then take leg off, soften hand and reassure him he's fine and will stand there. It's that bit I struggle with as every instinct tells me to grip and cling on! But today it was shown that if I relax and reassure, he doesn't turn try and run off again, so it's not him being a shit and tanking off, it's his response to being frightened. Today there was something in the hedge, a cow or a deer.

OK so that's totally manageable. Indeed, it is scary, and my own horse scares the bezeezus out of me sometimes with her antics. If yours was bolting I would be saying absolutely don't get on it, and call the vet for further investigations. But as it is, I can't add to all the advice above. Be kind on yourself, take baby steps, but stick at it. You'll get there.

 

[Winters100]

Ignore everyone that tells you that X is an ugly horse - if he’s going to do your job then buy him! I know people who have sold the ugly schoolmaster and lived to regret it, there will be one out there waiting for you and hopefully you’ll soon be able to enjoy riding again.

I do so agree with this. After the same injury as OP I sold my horse and bought a saint of a schoolmistress. My first thought when I saw her was 'what a huge head', but honestly now I genuinely find her absolutely stunning - and I think it is because she just does exactly what I need every single day. As my confidence has returned I have added 2 more to the family, both sane and sensible, but with a bit more power, however she is special and has a home forever. I don't know if I would have carried on riding without her, but I do know that I would not have the confidence 100% back and be loving it as I do. I have had her almost 2 years and she has not put a foot wrong. I ride every day, only 1 day in 10 off, and she has never spooked or done anything to make me nervous. She is not a plod, nice and forward going, but knows her job and gives me exactly the speed I want, even if that means dropping behind while others race past. It is really true that beauty is as beauty does.

 

[shortstuff99]

I have ridden quite a few cobs (and owned), I only ride cobs or Spanish horses and weirdly I find them quite similar. Cobs are often actually quite sharp but their (often) generous nature means they are put into situations or expected to behave like an older horse, which a more highly bred young horse wouldn't be expected to do. This can lead to difficult situations.

With your back injury too I can see how this has become quite scary for you! Could you have him schooled on by the pro and you have school master lessons to help improve your confidence?

 

[Sossigpoker]

OK so that's totally manageable. Indeed, it is scary, and my own horse scares the bezeezus out of me sometimes with her antics. If yours was bolting I would be saying absolutely don't get on it, and call the vet for further investigations. But as it is, I can't add to all the advice above. Be kind on yourself, take baby steps, but stick at it. You'll get there.

[/
He doesn't stop but is stoppable if you know how to do it (nose to knee emergency stop stopped him today ) if that makes sense. He has only done it twice and both times out of being frightened so not just for the sheer hell of it. Today I managed to stop him after about 30-50 metres .

 

[Ceriann]

I got Robin 4.5 years ago. I was initially anxious about hacking him but told myself I just had to do it. We have a lovely big field on the yard and I decided that would be perfect. Plan was just to have a nice walk round. First day he was very tense but nothing too bad. I thought I just had to keep repeating till calm. So next day off we go. He had an utter melt down. Exploaded and leapt all over the place. Made myself carry on with him and me soooo tense. He spotted a dear. He froze and I got off. Led him round field and he was lathered sweat by the time we got to gate. Yo took over, got on him and cantered him round 3 times. He was perfect. She then started eventing him, then another girl evented him. All singing praises, he had the odd moment but was great and nothing better than going for a canter round the fields. I was terrified to hack him. I would get on and walk up and down the drive. Would occasionally do a longer road hack. I was terrified of going in a field with him.

beginning of last year I had another sharer. It very quickly went wrong and she was very nasty to me. I didn’t deserve a horse like him, he was too good for me and I didn’t treat him right by not riding enough. I decided I needed to sell OR learn to ride him myself. I decided I couldn’t sell.

I realised I was riding him wrong. With Minto and soli you had to sit very very quietly. I did the same with robin. The more wound up he got the more I darent move. This scares him. I was making the situation a million times worse and he couldn’t cope. I learned I needed to RIDE him. Best bet for a field was to put leg on, take a contact and trot. He likes his hand to be held and he panics if he feels you have deserted him.

I started very slowly. I would walk along the side of a certain field to a strip of set aside. I would ride a large circle in trot and come back. Whole thing would take 10mins max. I ignored the comments from the yard about not riding for terribly long. I slowly slowly built up. Pushing my braveness but having seen him out eventing I knew he wouldn’t do anything toooo wild. Initially made the circles bigger and going further down field. But always making myself take control and riding him. I would go out alone as I didn’t have to worry about another horse setting him off.

I have just been for a hack. Cantering round stubble fields for an hour and having the best time. I can’t imagine being scared to ride him. He is bold and forward. And yep they were right having a canter round a field IS the best feeling ever. People are now commenting how happy we look and how confident we are. And in fact have now been the nanny to nervous people!!!

He still has the odd bounce which makes me laugh. He does occasionally see something that makes him anxious. The thing now is if he does I put my leg on and tell him he is ok and he believes me.
It’s not been plain sailing. Last summer he had a different sharer who was too scared to hack him out which actually made me feel better.

So what I am trying to say is it is not easy for everyone with a new horse. I really struggled with him. I said I would never hack him again. I didn’t even much like riding in the school. But again getting to know him better means I know he is perfectly happy to go in the school but day in day out he gets bored and then he gets backwards which makes him spooky and silly. We now hack out all the time and can’t wait to ride again. I did take great pleasure hacking out with nasty sharer on her horse. She was the nervous one and we were leading her up the field in canter. And. Is she has booked us to nanny her as she dosnt think her horse will be ok going a certain route.

So it can be done. 6 weeks is no time. If he is feeling anxious try changing how you ride him. If I ride Minto the way I ride robin I would be in orbit. But riding robin the way I rode Minto also had us in orbit.

Lovely post - shows confidence is achievable but develop it on your terms. I’ve been desperate to hack mine through fields now ground is softer but we’ve had a couple of wobbles summer - I’m going to channel some of this! Thank you

 

[Sossigpoker]

I have ridden quite a few cobs (and owned), I only ride cobs or Spanish horses and weirdly I find them quite similar. Cobs are often actually quite sharp but their (often) generous nature means they are put into situations or expected to behave like an older horse, which a more highly bred young horse wouldn't be expected to do. This can lead to difficult situations.

With your back injury too I can see how this has become quite scary for you! Could you have him schooled on by the pro and you have school master lessons to help improve your confidence?

Yes my yard owner rides him more than I do. I've been having schoolmaster lessons since May before I bought him. Currently my YO doesn't have anything safe enough to teach me on as all hers are way too sharp for me (competition horses). She says I can ride perfectly well enough , it's the mental side of things I have a problem with. Very frustrating!

 

[shortstuff99]

Yes my yard owner rides him more than I do. I've been having schoolmaster lessons since May before I bought him. Currently my YO doesn't have anything safe enough to teach me on as all hers are way too sharp for me (competition horses). She says I can ride perfectly well enough , it's the mental side of things I have a problem with. Very frustrating!

Have you thought about seeing a sports psychologist? They might be able to help you. There is nothing to say he can't become the perfect horse for you, might just take some time

 

[Sossigpoker]

Have you thought about seeing a sports psychologist? They might be able to help you. There is nothing to say he can't become the perfect horse for you, might just take some time

Thank you hadn't thought of a sports psychology- definitely worth looking into ?

 

[doodle]

Lovely post - shows confidence is achievable but develop it on your terms. I’ve been desperate to hack mine through fields now ground is softer but we’ve had a couple of wobbles summer - I’m going to channel some of this! Thank you

The thing is no one can say anything that will magically make you confident. Sharer who evented him could say all she liked how good he was and how amazing it felt. I could see him warm up for XC lovely and that did help too. Yes I was terrified to start with but I loved him so much I didn’t want to sell so I actually had to be tough with myself. Some days I still think eeekkk it’s windy or whatever and those days I say I’ll just do a quick lap of the field and take pressure off that way. And the more you do it the easier it is!

 

[Ceriann]

I broke my hip in a riding accident 6 years ago - different horse. I now have a saint - she’s been fantastic for me but I still have wobbles. We have the odd misunderstanding, sometimes I can brush them off, other times I have to work through some fear. Self doubt and confidence issues are so hard - do what you feel comfortable with and enjoy it. Don’t beat yourself up - you are not alone!

 

[Ceriann]

The thing is no one can say anything that will magically make you confident. Sharer who evented him could say all she liked how good he was and how amazing it felt. I could see him warm up for XC lovely and that did help too. Yes I was terrified to start with but I loved him so much I didn’t want to sell so I actually had to be tough with myself. Some days I still think eeekkk it’s windy or whatever and those days I say I’ll just do a quick lap of the field and take pressure off that way. And the more you do it the easier it is!

I know that feeling. My current blip is a fear of cantering not only in the field but also in the school. I’ve happily done both with her but a fall earlier this summer has really got to me. I’ve told myself I’m being stupid, she’s an angel that has the v odd bad day in season, she’s never bucked, reared or tanked (but has a cracker of a spook leap when she fizzes), I’ve had others ride her and show me but I know I need to just do it myself. We’re riding 6 days a week - road and field hacking as well as schooling. Booked a lesson for Friday too. Just need to make the final push!

 

[doodle]

I know that feeling. My current blip is a fear of cantering not only in the field but also in the school. I’ve happily done both with her but a fall earlier this summer has really got to me. I’ve told myself I’m being stupid, she’s an angel that has the v odd bad day in season, she’s never bucked, reared or tanked (but has a cracker of a spook leap when she fizzes), I’ve had others ride her and show me but I know I need to just do it myself. We’re riding 6 days a week - road and field hacking as well as schooling. Booked a lesson for Friday too. Just need to make the final push!

Break it right down. If it feels right then aim to canter 2 strides/1/4 circle and leave it there. Congratulate yourself. Maybe tomorrow you want to canter 1/3 circle maybe you don’t maybe 1/4 circle is enough.

 

[Ceriann]

Thank you - sorry OP, didn’t mean to hijack the thread.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Thank you - sorry OP, didn’t mean to hijack the thread.

No problem , it's always good to share tips and experiences.

 

[blondetraveller]

To me my horse is perfect. To everyone else, he bolts, he bucks and is not a saride.... yet I’ll get on a riding school horse and have a rotten time and feel like an idiot who shouldn’t be around horses!

We all have bad days and no horse is perfect, especially at six and in six weeks!

I feel like if you close your eyes and imagine your horse you’ll ever get a happy spark feeling or a negative one! That should guide you if you should go down the sell for something older or keep route.

If keeping maybe do some groundwork to work on spookiness and I you might want to ride in a martingale when hacking if you don’t (talk to your coach).

Best of luck but please know that you’re not alone in having a meh day with horses!

 

[SJJR]

I had a spinal injury which has left me with reduced mobility/flexibility. Rehab was a long process and it was 10 months before I was able to sit on a horse again. I found I was so protective of my back fear was taking away all my ability to reason, I was expecting something to go wrong and was so protective over my back I was completely tense, you could find ironing boards that were more flexible than I was. I would be led from the ground and jump of at the end of the drive in tears of sheer terror because I was expecting something bad to happen. I don't believe counselling would work for me and realised I needed a calmer horse and bought ....an older ex racehorse. Not what you would expect to be recommended but he did not bother with farm traffic, motorbikes, skip lorries or artics. I could relax and start to forget about my back. I had a year with him before injuries put paid to riding but by then felt comfortable with the original horse who I had a friend riding. My advise would be find a been/their done it horse either for lessons/loan or buy. After a few months or so you will hopefully feel able to return to your current horse

 

[pansymouse]

I had a very serious accident - smashed up both legs and had a catastrophic loss of confidence and sold the horse. I gave it few months and bought a 16 yo perfectly schooled retired competition horse who I trusted almost instantly. She nursed me through a tentative period but within three months my confidence had flooded back and we were having a ball. 11 years on we're still both going strong and having masses of fun. For me find the right horse is everything when it comes to regaining confidence and a retiree is established enough to generally look after itself giving you time to focus on your journey back to enjoying riding without anxiety.

 

[Annagain]

I have a new horse whom I've owned 6 weeks too. He's a darling (probably not what you wanted to hear, sorry) but I still have wobbles on him. My old boy and my share horse are both 24 and I've ridden them and nothing but them for 15 years so I'm finding the whole thing very daunting.

I'm not blessed with bags of confidence and my thing is catastrophising (imagining the worst possible scenario). In my head I think anything short of situation X will be bonus so it's good that I'm doing it but in reality I'm just winding myself up. As soon as I get over one thing, I move on to the next. Traffic was the first thing, once I realised that was ok, him running away with me was the next, then bucking going into canter etc etc etc. All my posts on here have been about how good he is - which is true as he puts up with all my crap - but the reality is I'm still nervous as hell. I did come off two while I was looking but nowhere near as nastily as you did so your nerves are totally understandable.

It's getting better each time and I know I'll get there. I just need to get to know him. After every ride I make myself make a mental note of three things that went well and I focus on those. It might be as small as I got on without help (mounting's a bit of an issue - there's no malice in him he just doesn't understand a mounting block) or I cantered and he didn't buck (I don't know why I think he will, he's never shown signs of it yet!) or we went out on our own and he was good. I then pick one thing to improve. I work on that the next time and if that shows even the slightest improvement it becomes one of my positives.

I think you can get there too. You learned from the first situation and handled it much better when it happened again. That's a really good thing. The fact you got nervous afterwards isn't the big deal here. You did it. Next time you'll do it and maybe you won't get so nervous or you will but you'll get through it and soon, like me with my old boy you'll be laughing at things he does that, if another horse did to you, would terrify you!

Chin up and good luck.

 

[paddy555]

it seems like you have a lovely horse but he is not the horse for you now but, with a year's more experience of life, he could be and you love him.
You are not yet the rider for him, after your accident you need a few months on a totally reliable horse to get you up to scratch so that you have your confidence totally back and can easily deal with your lad.

Can you simply get your lad ridden for a year by someone who can easily cope with him and who can then slowly teach you how to ride him. At the same time can you beg, borrow or steal a quiet horse that you can do anything on? It doesn't have to be perfect just something you are sure is not going to let you get hurt. Some of the riding centres loan out horses for the winter, would any of them have something for you perhaps? old, slow, ugly but safe.
A young horse, which a 6yo is, can come on leaps and bounds in a year.

 

[Upthecreek]

Unfortunately it sounds like you’ve made the mistake of buying now what should probably be your next horse. You cannot give a young horse confidence if you don’t have it. He sounds very green and needs bringing on and producing, which is very hard to do if you are scared. You might get away with it if you can somehow crack on with riding him, alternatively in a year from now your confidence may be even more shredded from doing so. You could pay a pro to bring him on, but then you don’t have a horse to ride for a year.

What made you decide to buy a 6 year old horse 9 months after a very serious riding accident? Did you properly try him in all ridden situations before you bought him? Is it a surprise to you that he hasn’t turned out to be the confidence giver you need?

I’m really sorry that probably isn’t what you want to hear, but it doesn’t sound like you are a good match for each other right now. That doesn’t mean he’s a shit horse as you put it, or that you’re a shit rider. Just that your level of confidence and ability is not compatible with a young green horse that needs educating.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Upthecreek, he is ridden mainly by a pro at the moment and being brought on so that's covered.

He's not spooky about things like bins , drain covers or lawn mowers , in fact when I ride I end up having to give the lead past monster bins because the daft competition horses go into a meltdown.

I feel better about things today. I stopped him, stayed on and he calmed down quickly. So next time I just need to do exactly what I did to stop him and then immediately soften, and trust that he isn't going to run off or explode. Like my previous horse had a tendency to do! ??

 

[Sossigpoker]

I bought him because I liked him and because he is now at a professional yard being schooled by a professional rider. I am not stupid enough to buy a young horse again and try and do the work myself - which resulted in a broken back last time.

 

[Sossigpoker]

To me my horse is perfect. To everyone else, he bolts, he bucks and is not a saride.... yet I’ll get on a riding school horse and have a rotten time and feel like an idiot who shouldn’t be around horses!

We all have bad days and no horse is perfect, especially at six and in six weeks!

I feel like if you close your eyes and imagine your horse you’ll ever get a happy spark feeling or a negative one! That should guide you if you should go down the sell for something older or keep route.

If keeping maybe do some groundwork to work on spookiness and I you might want to ride in a martingale when hacking if you don’t (talk to your coach).

Best of luck but please know that you’re not alone in having a meh day with horses!

I feel better about things today. Just had a really really rubbish day yesterday!

Incidentally he was lovely to catch this morning and his usual cute himself to bring in and settle for the day, so that's made me pretty happy.

 

[Dave's Mam]

I feel better about things today. Just had a really really rubbish day yesterday!

Incidentally he was lovely to catch this morning and his usual cute himself to bring in and settle for the day, so that's made me pretty happy.

Love this! Long may the positivity continue.

 

[PeterNatt]

I think it is all a matter of 'horses for courses' and we all want different things from our horses and to do different things. It takes me about 3 years to get used to a horse and trust it in all situations. I just want to hack - nothing more but my horses must be 100% bomb proof and spook proof. (My groom calls them brain dead - but they really aren't!). My horses have to have the temperament to be ridden along busy roads by themselves (including central London traffic and not react to anything). You need to be honest with yourself and know what you want to do with your horse and buy one that is 'ready made' and will make you feel at ease all the time and in all situations.

 

[Sossigpoker]

My coach is a very experienced, professional rider, she is making this horse for me, that is the plan.

Thank you for those who reassured and cheered me up. To those of you insinuating that it won't work etc , I'm not going to go to the ins and outs of what my situation is but rest assured that my horse is being trained by an extremely capable and experienced rider, whilst I might seek emotional support in my woe is me moments online, I really don't need advice from strangers who don't know me, my ability or my horse, and suggestions that I shouldn't have bought him don't really help anyone.

I'm feeling more positive today and will try to keep it that way (I am also waiting for a family member to die from cancer so my mood isn't great in general) so don't really need anyone trying to bring me down.