Feeling down

[Sossigpoker]

I've been riding at the riding centre since about May so didn't buy my horse not having ridden since my accident. I'm fine riding in the arena on the riding centre horses (although to start with i was so scared I cried, after a few months was jumping a course of about 2ft6) so I know I can do it. It is just the unknown and the thought of losing control that terrifies me.
But incidentally, I feel like every time I feel anxious and it makes my horse anxious yet nothing awful happens, this gives me confidence that I can do it, I can remain in control. That one time when he ran off out hacking , I stopped him, didn't even come close to falling off, and despite panicking nothing awful actually happened.
So it's a case of me sorting my head out in a way where I can think logically and not just assume and anticipate the worst.

 

[Adoni123]

Hiya,

Have you considered getting something older - a schoolmaster type who is as bombproof as can possibly be who will look after you? It sounds nice having a young thing to train up yourself but you have had a bad accident and are suffering from confidence issues. Something a bit older that knows the score will let you build up your confidence and have fun! Then maybe in a few years time a youngster would be a better idea

 

[Sossigpoker]

this is a great post.

I think it's more than just "sell the horse and buy another". when you're in a bad place in your head, like the OP said, getting on a rocking horse is a hurdle. so getting on a 30 year old schoolmaster would also be too much to contemplate.

Confidence is such a funny beast and things that are going on elsewhere in your life can have a huge impact. I have one tricky but predictable horse and one tricky and unpredictable one, I've been having a crap time at work and my mental state has been utterly frazzled. I've found them both hard to deal with and even though one is training towards GP i've felt very down about it all, i felt like I couldn't ride for toffee and it all just got a bit negative. it's very hard to stop stresses elsewhere bleeding into your riding. and couple that with the memory of a horrible accident it's no wonder it's all got a bit much.

so i think seeking some help of some kind is a good move. maybe the fears need to be talked about in a constructive way, and maybe the OP needs to find a way to deal with the other things that are affecting her mental state. In the meantime the pro can tick the horse over and the OP should probably hop on when she's feeling robust and having a good day. Counselling might be the thing, there are also riding specific confidence coaches which some people find helpful. I'd probably suggest giving that a go because they will be well practiced in dealing with people who have had accidents.

it might be that when all that is under control (or controllable) that the young horse's behaviour won't be such a flash point. i know that's true for me.

For the time being I will only ride when I'm feeling good and my coach will ride him first before I get on. This helps me mentally. We're setting small goals like walking on the Bridleways around the block without feeling the panic.
I realise that my goal of taking him to RC jump clinic is way too far away and way too big, I really need to be patient and start by setting and achieving these tiny goals.

Once other things affecting me calm down a bit I'm hoping that I will be mentally more robust again. Until a few weeks back I was hacking him out in trot , we'd trot for ages and he'd go lovely. Then we had these frights where he ran off and I panicked.

Someone made a good point above that horses in new surroundings resort to their default settings - I've been wondering if I've bought another dodgy horse since those "bolts" were such a surprise. But I guess he doesn't know me that well yet so if he's scared he won't look to me for help.
But I have since then been able to settle him so hopefully that's a good sign that he's starting to look to me for that guidance.

He has, to be fair, progressed massively in the short time he's been here, both with his schooling and his sensitivity.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Hiya,

Have you considered getting something older - a schoolmaster type who is as bombproof as can possibly be who will look after you? It sounds nice having a young thing to train up yourself but you have had a bad accident and are suffering from confidence issues. Something a bit older that knows the score will let you build up your confidence and have fun! Then maybe in a few years time a youngster would be a better idea

No I haven't. I currently have no intention of magically getting rid of my lovely horse. If you read my comments you'll see that the horse isn't the problem, it's my head.

 

[Upthecreek]

No I haven't. I currently have no intention of magically getting rid of my lovely horse. If you read my comments you'll see that the horse isn't the problem, it's my head.

And that right there is why everybody that has tried to help you is wasting their time. You are defensive to the point of being rude when anyone suggests something you don’t like the sound of and you cannot/will not see that there is a correlation between what’s going on in your head and riding a young, green, sensitive horse when you are anxious, despite numerous people pointing it out. You said yourself you are fine on the riding centre horses, which would suggest that your horse is at least part of the problem.

 

[Summit]

Well it would obviously cost twice what I'm paying now to have a second horse. ?

. Getting another horse won't fix my head so please just leave it.

I currently have no intention of magically getting rid of my lovely horse.
.

you’re rude to people who are trying to help you.

3 posts above you wonder if you‘ve bought another dodgy horse,
perhaps the horse is the problem and it’s time to rethink (As has been suggested numerous times)....or maybe horses and riding isn’t for you at this current time .....or don’t ride him

 

[Summit]

This is such an intriguing post!
I’m assuming from the laughing smiley and the fact you’ve brought it up you wouldn’t mind me asking about it?

im in the same boat, open fields terrify me

 

[Goldenstar]

Ok so the horse is not the issue .
ride the horse everyday .
it will get better .
just do it .
or riding is not compulsory you don’t need to do it .
I have broken my back twice my leg and both my hips I know intimately about all this .

 

[Flame_]

No I haven't. I currently have no intention of magically getting rid of my lovely horse. If you read my comments you'll see that the horse isn't the problem, it's my head.

Right, don't take this the wrong way, because I think you're right to try, if you want to to learn to ride the horse you've got, but what people are saying isn't that your horse necessarily has a problem, just that you might not be able to overcome your problem without a different horse! That really might be the case if your horse, just being the level of sensitivity and reactiveness he is triggers your nerves however hard you try. All I'll say is that there is no shame in making a plan to sell your horse to someone who would enjoy your horse and you buy another one that could help sort your understandable anxiety issues. Please do not get so attached to your horse that you don't keep it as an option for the future if you find that things aren't progressing in the right direction.

I still think you've got a good chance, with support of it working out with your current horse, just remember that riding is meant to be fun and if, long term, its feeling more like a resilience/ survival test there is another horse out there meant for you

 

[JulesRules]

Sorry you are having a hard time. I lost my confidence with my mare a few years back, and it took a long time to get it back so i know how you feel. It sounds like you are doing all of the right things with your instructor etc
If you are determined to keep the horse you have to come out the other side of this which just takes time. I found throwing on a neck strap helped me loads. If I was feeling tense, holding onto the neckstrap helped me to relax which in turn relaxed my horse. My other trick was singing. I chose my favourite chill out tunes and sang them when I tensed up, mainly Groove Armada "At the river". I'd also keep riding other horses.
I understand you have said you want to keep the horse, but at the end of the day horses are to be enjoyed. Maybe give yourself a time limit and if you still haven't worked through it think about selling on and getting something more steady and experienced. Following your previous injuries maybe it's not worth putting yourself at risk.
Good luck, whatever you decide.

 

[Red-1]

Look at Red's new thread on her new horse. Couldn't you just climb on board and just have fun with that horse? no worry, no panic.

Ha, I know I could do just that, as when I called about him on Tuesday he hadn't been ridden since his box rest, just had up to 3 hours turned out a day. Before I bought, they rode him the night I phoned, and the next day I got aboard and walked him round a stubble field. He was excited but felt safe.

However, since he has moved home I am giving him a week to find his feet, because he is still on limited time out of the box. In a week my arena will be set up for turnout (he is hungry as a maxi-Shetland at the moment so we need more electric) and then he will be longer out and I will commence riding. I am looking forward to it.

I have a spare Karl Greenwood book if you would like it would be happy to post it to you, someone might as well benefit from it.

If OP isn't interested, I would happily pay postage Mum's dementia has taken a huge toll on me, hence swapping from a sleek sports horse to an aged cob! Wonderful sleek sports horse is going great guns with her new owner.

I think that is the point OP. My previous horse wasn't the problem, I was, because I was stressed in other areas. The horse is going fabulously with a child rider now. proof positive that the horse was no issue.

I have a lot of experience, have previously jumped silly big jumps, have trained many large young horses, have even run my own business as a confidence coach. But that is not me now. I have my NLP practitioners, a fistful of BHS exams, UKCC too. But that is why I know, in my situation, a swap to a horse I can have fun on is the best thing for me whilst I have to pay attention to other parts of my life.

BTW, I advertised the sports horse on Saturday night, I think the advert went live at about 8.30pm. She was sold less than 24 hours later, and vetted and gone by Friday 2pm. There were so many people ringing about her, I had the pick of homes. I don't now why you think that selling would be so hard?

I accept mine was easy to sell in that she was fit, healthy and competing, but my new one... honestly advertised with his various issues explained by a lovely caring owner... was advertised on Monday night, I called on Tuesday, went on Wednesday and paid a deposit straight down. I would have collected the next day but the owner wanted some time to say goodbye so he didn't leave her until Saturday. He also had a lot of people calling, they were able to pick his home on suitability too.

At the moment, horses are flying out of the door!

You may well grow into your horse, but it is meant to be fun and no post of yours says that you are having much of it. Alternatively, if you find it fun watching the trainer than that is great.

Besides, nothing says I am actually going to be safe on my new horse. Goodness me, on Saturday I cut myself a slice of bread and took the corner of my left index finger clean off. I thought I was safe with a bread knife by now!

 

[brighteyes]

...

I didn't have a recently healed broken back to contend with though which I'd guess you do need to take into account with regards to how much extra risk there is when you fall off. If it is just a green horse needing some confidence issue then it should improve with time & the horse you fell in love with hasn't gone away. That said there's no shame in selling if you're after a horse who will give you confidence rather than the other way around.

 

[Sossigpoker]

I am always open to selling my horse if the horse isn't up to the job I want, for example, but not after 6 weeks.

Goldenstar- have your accidents left you with any kind of mental block or trauma? Or have you been able to get on and kick on regardless?

 

[Sossigpoker]

Ha, I know I could do just that, as when I called about him on Tuesday he hadn't been ridden since his box rest, just had up to 3 hours turned out a day. Before I bought, they rode him the night I phoned, and the next day I got aboard and walked him round a stubble field. He was excited but felt safe.

However, since he has moved home I am giving him a week to find his feet, because he is still on limited time out of the box. In a week my arena will be set up for turnout (he is hungry as a maxi-Shetland at the moment so we need more electric) and then he will be longer out and I will commence riding. I am looking forward to it.




If OP isn't interested, I would happily pay postage Mum's dementia has taken a huge toll on me, hence swapping from a sleek sports horse to an aged cob! Wonderful sleek sports horse is going great guns with her new owner.

I think that is the point OP. My previous horse wasn't the problem, I was, because I was stressed in other areas. The horse is going fabulously with a child rider now. proof positive that the horse was no issue.

I have a lot of experience, have previously jumped silly big jumps, have trained many large young horses, have even run my own business as a confidence coach. But that is not me now. I have my NLP practitioners, a fistful of BHS exams, UKCC too. But that is why I know, in my situation, a swap to a horse I can have fun on is the best thing for me whilst I have to pay attention to other parts of my life.

BTW, I advertised the sports horse on Saturday night, I think the advert went live at about 8.30pm. She was sold less than 24 hours later, and vetted and gone by Friday 2pm. There were so many people ringing about her, I had the pick of homes. I don't now why you think that selling would be so hard?

I accept mine was easy to sell in that she was fit, healthy and competing, but my new one... honestly advertised with his various issues explained by a lovely caring owner... was advertised on Monday night, I called on Tuesday, went on Wednesday and paid a deposit straight down. I would have collected the next day but the owner wanted some time to say goodbye so he didn't leave her until Saturday. He also had a lot of people calling, they were able to pick his home on suitability too.

At the moment, horses are flying out of the door!

You may well grow into your horse, but it is meant to be fun and no post of yours says that you are having much of it. Alternatively, if you find it fun watching the trainer than that is great.

Besides, nothing says I am actually going to be safe on my new horse. Goodness me, on Saturday I cut myself a slice of bread and took the corner of my left index finger clean off. I thought I was safe with a bread knife by now!

Life in general isn't much fun right now I'm afraid.

 

[canteron]

Would the lovely riding centre take your horse on schooling livery so you can slowly mix your good school experiences while giving your horse more confidence?

 

[Sossigpoker]

Would the lovely riding centre take your horse on schooling livery so you can slowly mix your good school experiences while giving your horse more confidence?

He would be ruined there as would be ridden by all sorts of people but thank you for the suggestion. I did think of that. And they don't take horses that need schooling as such.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Can I just say that I'm very happy with what my coach is doing with my horse, I love my little boy , he isn't the problem ,my head is. So I'm not going to get rid of him whether it's through selling or sending away etc. He's not a problem horse. And my coach is incredibly professional- if she can produce a horse to national dressage level I think my little cob isn't a problem.
I'm just keen to hear from people who have been in a similar situation and what they've done to sort their head out.

So no need to tell me to get rid of him,buy an old horse, send him away etc. Thank you.

 

[Upthecreek]

Who has said he is a problem horse? All people have suggested is that you aren’t a good match due to your current lack of confidence and anxiety issues and his need for a confident rider to continue his education.

 

[Summit]

Who has said he is a problem horse? All people have suggested is that you aren’t a good match due to your current lack of confidence and anxiety issues and his need for a confident rider to continue his education.

Perhaps this is the wrong forum for you

 

[Lolo20]

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time of it. Its so hard to get back on after an accident like that so well done you for being so brave I agree with some of the other posters that a schoolmaster might be the way forward...at least until you get your confidence back. The most important thing in our sport is to enjoy it and a sensible, sane, been around the block type might be just the thing to get things going right again. I think you are doing great in such a short time after your accident to be back riding so soon. Don't be so hard on yourself- we ALL need help with our horses (and our confidence). I'm going through the same thing as you at the moment- facing going back riding after a really bad fall. I'm terrified and probably will be for a while but I'm hoping my instructor's help and borrowing my friend's steady neddy gelding will help me find my way back. Hang in there!

 

[Polos Mum]

OP you want to go back to being the rider that you were with your old horse and before the accident. A very good plan.

When you are back to that point you (and your instructor) think you young cob will be ideal for you - Great.

You have to work out how to get from A to B. I promise (having been there myself and seen countless others) forcing yourself to ride when you are CURRENTLY scared / unhappy / nervous of him will only make your feelings worse and the gap between A and B bigger. Issues will become learned behaviour for both of you.

I forced myself to ride an unhappy ROR ex racer for nearly a year under instruction 100% convinced it would get better - it didn't. I got to the stage where I found every excuse to not ride, too hot, too cold, too windy, too sunny, too dark, flies too bad, too soon after coming in, not been in long enough, day with a y in it !!!!! I hated every minute and made myself really miserable.

He will mature while being ridden by your coach so he will come closer to you (measure this in years though not weeks - he won't be mature until 9 years old at best)- you could also look at getting an experienced sharer potentially to get him more mileage at lower cost to you (unless you have an endless supply of funds to pay your coach to ride him every day).

What can you ride NOW to help you on the journey so you can meet him in the middle - loan, share, riding centre, friends etc. I would think about that. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't get on him for at least 6 months until my confidence was better and his maturity was better too.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Update- I've ridden in the school twice in the past few days, after my coach has ridden. Only in walk. But focusing on being soft, straight (difficult due to broken back), riding leg to hand and not panicking.
And it's gone very well! I've been listening to Karl Greenwood's hypnosis tape and I think it's really helping!
Today my boy had a tiny little spook where he just jumped forwards and I somehow reacted in the right way - sit down, soft hands, leg off, reassure him. And it was over in seconds! My go-to response would normally be to grip and pull in a panic and then surprise surprise, find the horse running faster and faster.
It was only a tiny little spook, but I felt like a total legend for responding correctly! ?
I'm waiting for Karl's book to arrive with huge interest.
Feeling a lot more positive about things now.

 

[Dave's Mam]

Brilliant!

 

[Trouper]

Great news - onwards and upwards!!!