Grief due to loss of horse

[Redcow-hat]

I lost my girl a few months ago after 16 years, she was my first pony. I've generally been okay but every now and again it hits really hard. They're such a huge part of your life and so many people don't get it. My partner doesn't really understand that I'm still not quite right and that she was so much more than a pet, she was a part of my childhood, my oldest friend who was with me through every stage of my life, from grouchy preteen girl to settled woman with a career. I cried to her when my first boyfriend dumped me, she was the first one I told when I got into my first choice uni, celebrated with her when I got my first job then my second and third, when I met my current partner, when i bought my first fancy horse by myself.

It does get better though. I have another horse which helps, although it's not the same. And the good memories stay forever. It will get easier, I promise. Grief is the price you pay for love unfortunatly. I'm sure you'll find another pony who will fill some of the hole in your heart. It won't be the same but it will be as good, just in a different way

 

[gallopingby]

It is really hard isn't it to fill the gap left by our equine friends.

I am not rushing to get another as it is a massive commitment and I don't want to end up getting the wrong one out of desperation.

The RS has been understanding I have explained the situation. Going to the RS gets me out the house and it is preparing me for trying out different ponies. I think that is important for me having ridden the same pony for last 15 years I have to get used to trying new ones.

SO1 it’s a really good idea to ride lots of different ponies / horses So you’ll feel confident when you eventually go to visit some looking for a home. A friend of mine is currently looking for one for her daughter but they’re struggling because the ones they’ve tried so far ‘don’t feel right’ the stride is different sometimes too ‘choppy’ other times too long. Good luck and kept riding.

 

[scats]

It’s such early days for you SO1. I promise it will get easier, but it takes time.

It’s 4 years this week since I lost Diva aged just 10. I’ve had to make the decision for a fair few over the years, but this one was different and I don’t think I’ll ever really get over losing her. She was the most important thing in my life, she walked in and blew everything else out of the water. I’ve never felt an intense love like it before. I worry sometimes that it has put a wall up between me and other horses and it certainly did with Millie at first, but although I know Millie will never be Diva and I won’t ever have ‘that’ feeling with her, we have a solid relationship now.
I doubt I’ll ever feel the way I felt about Diva with any other horse, but I think that’s ok now.

 

[SO1]

So I am on week 7 now.

Yesterday I sent his passport back to the breed society.

This morning I felt really alone and life felt empty without him and I cried.

I went for a hack at the riding school and got to ride my favourite horse. This is the third time I have hacked him and he is a lovely ex hunter. I gave him a kiss and cuddle and that felt comforting but when I am at home life I really feel his loss.

I came home and now the day is empty I used to live for the weekends being at the yard and spending time with Homey and yard friends and now feel lonely and not much of interest to do sitting at home all afternoon. I have an online card game at 7pm for an hour and half and then I might read for a bit.

The insurance is dragging on with the vets admin being really slow and making some mistakes due to holiday season and people being on AL and I still don't have an itemised bill for the last hospital visit scope and put to sleep. I have three outstanding claims and I just want closure and not having to call and email the vets every week to find out where they are at with the claims. I can't even think about getting another horse until I know what is going to be covered by the insurance as I have nearly 4k remaining to pay the vets and also if I am going to get any loss of horse money from the insurance as I will either be clear of 7k as a starting point for my budget if the insurance claims are accepted and I get the loss of horse money or I will be needing to pay the vets 4K and not having anything from the insurance for a new horse and will need to save for longer as I want a big budget just in case something horrible happens in the first two week before the insurance kicks in so I can cover a huge vets bill. I am not in a massive rush to get a new one as I don't want to end up with the wrong one due to grief but financially I do want to know where I stand.

Homey is irreplaceable but a 7K budget would be a good starting point for some decent pony power. Even if it was not as special bond it would at least yet me out the flat more and prevent the boredom.

I was looking through some photos today - I found this one which was from a photo shoot taken in 2017 he was 15 I am so glad I did the photoshoot my mum and my sister came and we had a group photo as well as getting individual ones. I got some lovely photos from the day (excuse me for not wearing a hat in this photo I know it is risky).

 

[Barton Bounty]

So I am on week 7 now.

Yesterday I sent his passport back to the breed society.

This morning I felt really alone and life felt empty without him and I cried.

I went for a hack at the riding school and got to ride my favourite horse. This is the third time I have hacked him and he is a lovely ex hunter. I gave him a kiss and cuddle and that felt comforting but when I am at home life I really feel his loss.

I came home and now the day is empty I used to live for the weekends being at the yard and spending time with Homey and yard friends and now feel lonely and not much of interest to do sitting at home all afternoon. I have an online card game at 7pm for an hour and half and then I might read for a bit.

The insurance is dragging on with the vets admin being really slow and making some mistakes due to holiday season and people being on AL and I still don't have an itemised bill for the last hospital visit scope and put to sleep. I have three outstanding claims and I just want closure and not having to call and email the vets every week to find out where they are at with the claims. I can't even think about getting another horse until I know what is going to be covered by the insurance as I have nearly 4k remaining to pay the vets and also if I am going to get any loss of horse money from the insurance as I will either be clear of 7k as a starting point for my budget if the insurance claims are accepted and I get the loss of horse money or I will be needing to pay the vets 4K and not having anything from the insurance for a new horse and will need to save for longer as I want a big budget just in case something horrible happens in the first two week before the insurance kicks in so I can cover a huge vets bill. I am not in a massive rush to get a new one as I don't want to end up with the wrong one due to grief but financially I do want to know where I stand.

Homey is irreplaceable but a 7K budget would be a good starting point for some decent pony power. Even if it was not as special bond it would at least yet me out the flat more and prevent the boredom.

I was looking through some photos today - I found this one which was from a photo shoot taken in 2017 he was 15 I am so glad I did the photoshoot my mum and my sister came and we had a group photo as well as getting individual ones. I got some lovely photos from the day (excuse me for not wearing a hat in this photo I know it is risky).

View attachment 99229

Thats a beautiful photo

 

[SO1]

With my me my mum and my sister at the photoshoot.




My mum made me this one xmas



It just seems to unfair that he was taken from me at just 20. He was so loved by everyone.

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

I lost Benji a year ago yesterday. Felt so rubbish. The following day I had to have the vet out to Flicka too.

Sorry the insurance claims are taking time, it adds stress to the already difficult loss. Thinking of you.

 

[SO1]

I am still struggling with the loss of Homey. I think of him every day and still feel sad.

It is really hard.

The insurance finally paid out including loss of horse as he was PTS under BEVA guidelines so I don't need to save up for a new pony.

YO made an enquiry about a NF she thought might be good for me and I was secretly glad he was over budget at 15k.

Thankfully I really enjoy riding at the RS but my life feels empty without him. Xmas will be hard as I always spent lots of time with him over Xmas. It was my birthday on 5th November and nobody knew what to get me as for the last 15 years they just got me something for Homey. Xmas will be the same.

I now question if a new pony would help me be less sad I am not convinced it will do. Homey was a forest run stallion for a couple of seasons so has offspring and a stallion son so if I am lucky I might be able to get a decendent.

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

I am sorry you're still finding it difficult. You are not alone. I can not bring myself to go through pictures of Flicka, just don't think I'd cope. I know you don't want youngstock but Brookshill Jasper has thrown some nice foals. One to look out for in the future.

 

[Caol Ila]

I know we all process grief differently, but having Hermosa and then Fin definitely helped me get through the day. And neither was even that much fun at first. She was a two-year old with a BOGOF foal and he was (and is, lol) a weird little ex-feral. I did not have the bond with them that I had with Gypsum. For a long time. She was put down on June 2nd, 2021. Hermosa's BOGOF was born on June 9th. I bought Fin on July 22nd.

Fin and I are still working on our relationship (he definitely likes OH more than me), but I think Hermosa and I are finally developing the connection that makes horse ownership so worthwhile.

Initially, it wasn't about having that deep, mind-reading relationship. That takes time and luck. It was about going to the barn and hanging out with a horse, which I needed to do. Everything would have seemed so empty without that.

 

[Flyermc]

I am still struggling with the loss of Homey. I think of him every day and still feel sad.

It is really hard.

The insurance finally paid out including loss of horse as he was PTS under BEVA guidelines so I don't need to save up for a new pony.

YO made an enquiry about a NF she thought might be good for me and I was secretly glad he was over budget at 15k.

Thankfully I really enjoy riding at the RS but my life feels empty without him. Xmas will be hard as I always spent lots of time with him over Xmas. It was my birthday on 5th November and nobody knew what to get me as for the last 15 years they just got me something for Homey. Xmas will be the same.

I now question if a new pony would help me be less sad I am not convinced it will do. Homey was a forest run stallion for a couple of seasons so has offspring and a stallion son so if I am lucky I might be able to get a decendent.

I cant help, but i know what your going through.

I lost my boy in Oct 2017 after owning him for 17.5 years. I got him when i was 17 and he was(is) my first and only owned pony. Im still not 'over it' i still miss him and the horsey life style and i still even 'forget' he's no longer here. I havent replaced him because i cant, i can not bring myself to do it. I can like and admire other peoples ponies, but i have no 'draw' and if im being honest, i just want MY pony back.

I lost him to a field accident and still torment myself with 'what if's' i still dont know how he hurt himself and im the same as you, i had no choice but to let him go, he also met BEVA guidelines.

I have no answers.

 

[SO1]

Just looked him up. His face reminds me of Homey a bit. He is five so there maybe something from that year of Thundercloud foals that may come for sale.

I am sorry you're still finding it difficult. You are not alone. I can not bring myself to go through pictures of Flicka, just don't think I'd cope. I know you don't want youngstock but Brookshill Jasper has thrown some nice foals. One to look out for in the future.

 

[SO1]

Yes that is the problem it doesn’t matter how fantastic other ponies are at the moment I just want my Homey back.

My parents when they lost their 2nd dog decided not to get any more dogs because they could not cope with the pain of loosing them.

However their elderly cat died they went the next day to cat rescue and got another one.

I cant help, but i know what your going through.

I lost my boy in Oct 2017 after owning him for 17.5 years. I got him when i was 17 and he was(is) my first and only owned pony. Im still not 'over it' i still miss him and the horsey life style and i still even 'forget' he's no longer here. I havent replaced him because i cant, i can not bring myself to do it. I can like and admire other peoples ponies, but i have no 'draw' and if im being honest, i just want MY pony back.

I lost him to a field accident and still torment myself with 'what if's' i still dont know how he hurt himself and im the same as you, i had no choice but to let him go, he also met BEVA guidelines.

I have no answers.

 

[Peglo]

So sorry your struggling.

i must admit I’ve gone through times when I’ve been low after losing Flo in the summer. I didn’t expect to as she was old and had her time and I had longer with her than I might’ve. I feel very lucky I had my other 2 to keep me smiling.

after my cat died in a traffic incident I was so so low. I had surgery on me knee shorty after so was stuck in the house. I decided I needed a focus and got 2 feral kittens to try and tame. It took longer to get that strong bond after such heartache but I really needed to put my energy into something and I love them dearly now.

it takes time to build a special relationship and it’s never the same, nor it should be as your not replacing that lost love, your starting a new one. But sometimes folk do just need longer.

 

[olop]

I’m sorry you’re struggling, I lost my old mare 12 years ago and I still think about her now. I was in bits when it first happened as I’d never had to have a horse pts before. Unfortunately I was signed off work for six months as I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind for months. I would literally cry everyday but I think you need to do that. I can’t remember exactly when I started to go back to normal but I know it took time.
Look after yourself, keep yourself busy and most of all cry it does help. It will get better I promise xx

 

[Bluewaves]

I'm really sorry you are going through such a hard time. Those photographs you posted from your photo shoot are lovely, he was a gorgeous boy.

I don't think I've ever met a New Forest pony in real life. How did you come to buy him? I love the idea that they let the stallions run free in the Forest for a few years so they can pass on their lines.

I haven't lost a horse yet. I lost my first cat more than 14 years ago and was heartbroken. I was persuaded and somehow ended up with three little kittens a few months later and took a while before i could bond with them. The fact that they were different from my first cat was a barrier. They are the light of my life now.

I think it's good to keep talking about him, writing about him and remembering him. It all helps to deal with the grief.

Take care x

 

[Birker2020]

So sorry you are finding it hard to process, have been through this five times now and it never gets easier.

I hope you manage to find a way through this. You will get there one day. x

 

[maya2008]

Maybe something really different would fill the hole a little without making you feel that you are replacing him? A mare, a different breed, a…?

A friend of mine was so distraught after losing her pony of many years that she just bought a couple of foals and enjoyed having something to love but not to ride for a while. A young one could live out at grass near your parents and be visited at weekends while you ride during the week at the Riding School. Our yearlings have given so much joy since we got them - they are so unbearably cute!

 

[sportsmansB]

I lost my horse of a lifetime and my soul mate 5 years ago this week (the grey mare in my sig)

I can promise you that missing them will never go away, but it will get easier over time.
I got a new horse about 8 months later, (have just retired him to be an ornament and got another one, but thats a whole other story) none will ever come close to her. I know that. But I needed another horse to remind me that horses are more than heartbreak, and to fill the big gap in my life. Finding another was NOT easy, and having gone through it twice now she's still the gold standard and neither of my boys will come close, I know that - but I'm super fond of them and they both have great qualities, some of which she didn't even have.

if someone offered me a million pounds or to have my Bella back, I'd still take her every time.

 

[tristar]

I am still struggling with the loss of Homey. I think of him every day and still feel sad.

It is really hard.

The insurance finally paid out including loss of horse as he was PTS under BEVA guidelines so I don't need to save up for a new pony.

YO made an enquiry about a NF she thought might be good for me and I was secretly glad he was over budget at 15k.

Thankfully I really enjoy riding at the RS but my life feels empty without him. Xmas will be hard as I always spent lots of time with him over Xmas. It was my birthday on 5th November and nobody knew what to get me as for the last 15 years they just got me something for Homey. Xmas will be the same.

I now question if a new pony would help me be less sad I am not convinced it will do. Homey was a forest run stallion for a couple of seasons so has offspring and a stallion son so if I am lucky I might be able to get a decendent.

sorry you are going through this.

its not a bad idea to look for a related pony, i have among others a father and son, the son is out of a long line of homebred mares and stallions, it really is nice when i catch bits of horse personality from 5 generations ago.

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

I lost my boy in July29th this year - I miss him every day and his cheekiness. Tim heals but the hole is always there. I know how you feel as many of us doo. We love them so, but they also hurt us when they go.

 

[SO1]

That is the same day I lost Homey so we are in the same stage of grief.

I lost my boy in July29th this year - I miss him every day and his cheekiness. Tim heals but the hole is always there. I know how you feel as many of us doo. We love them so, but they also hurt us when they go.

 

[SO1]

On the train on the way to visit my family. It has been really difficult as normally Xmas is a time I relish as I got to spend more time with Homey.

My sister has a lot of pets and is bringing her dog. It is my parents first Xmas in their new house that my sister and I found for them and they love it and are so happy.

My sister is getting married in January and is really excited.

I am just really miserable. It is my first Xmas break without Homey for 15 years.

I had dinner with Homey's vet on Thursday and he said he thinks Homey's had a rare syndrome which was chronic. They don't know what causes it and the special diet didn't work for him.

He went a bit fussy with hay which was unusual but I thought it was because it low sugar hay or soaked but I think it was the start of it back in May when he had the colic then. We thought he was not drinking enough so vet said put him back on to soaked hay. He was normally on soaked for weight control but went off it and then tried another type of hay and then went off that and then went on to dry hay and then back on to a more higher sugar soaked hay that he would eat.

I think even if we had diagnosed it back in May I don't think we could have saved him if had this devastating syndrome. We tried the special diet and it didn't work but it says in the article it often doesn't.

I suppose the only consolation is that his stomach didn't rupture and I was able to let him before he was extreme pain again and we got a few weeks together before his review found his stomach was blocked again. He was pooing through out but they were quite small hard poos and not as many as expected.

My vet did all the tests mentioned in the article and we did everything we could to save him but sadly it was not to be.

https://cpd.vettimes.co.uk/cpd-plus/equine/cpd-gi-disorders/equine-gastric-disorders-review

 

[Cortez]

On the train on the way to visit my family. It has been really difficult as normally Xmas is a time I relish as I got to spend more time with Homey.

My sister has a lot of pets and is bringing her dog. It is my parents first Xmas in their new house that my sister and I found for them and they love it and are so happy.

My sister is getting married in January and is really excited.

I am just really miserable. It is my first Xmas break without Homey for 15 years.

I had dinner with Homey's vet on Thursday and he said he thinks Homey's had a rare syndrome which was chronic. They don't know what causes it and the special diet didn't work for him.

He went a bit fussy with hay which was unusual but I thought it was because it low sugar hay or soaked but I think it was the start of it back in May when he had the colic then. We thought he was not drinking enough so vet said put him back on to soaked hay. He was normally on soaked for weight control but went off it and then tried another type of hay and then went off that and then went on to dry hay and then back on to a more higher sugar soaked hay that he would eat.

I think even if we had diagnosed it back in May I don't think we could have saved him if had this devastating syndrome. We tried the special diet and it didn't work but it says in the article it often doesn't.

I suppose the only consolation is that his stomach didn't rupture and I was able to let him before he was extreme pain again and we got a few weeks together before his review found his stomach was blocked again. He was pooing through out but they were quite small hard poos and not as many as expected.

My vet did all the tests mentioned in the article and we did everything we could to save him but sadly it was not to be.

https://cpd.vettimes.co.uk/cpd-plus/equine/cpd-gi-disorders/equine-gastric-disorders-review

You did everything possible, no one could have done more. Everything has a time to go; it was his time and you made it easy, he didn't have to suffer. You did a good job and I'm sure he would be grateful that you loved him so much.

 

[Sossigpoker]

You are grieving @SO1 , give yourself time. Grief is grief, whether over human or an animal. Tell your family how you're feeling, if you can , and just give it time.
Trying to force yourself to be cheerful and push your feelings down will just make things worse in the long run.
It took me years before I could speak about my old horse without a lump in my throat.

 

[SEL]

@SO1 Christmas is so, so hard when you're grieving. You did everything you could and let him go when you needed to. Thinking of you xx

 

[SO1]

It has been nearly a year and I am still really sad and feel not much improved since I first lost Homey.

Yesterday YO called to say one of the ladies on the yard dog died and she cried when she heard the news as our friend loved her little dog so much although he was a senior dog he should have had a few more years left. So I messaged my friend and she told me what happened to her dog and said it was gastric like Homey. She then told me one of the grooms at the yard had to have one of her horses put to sleep on Friday. The whole thing made me feel so sad about losing Homey.

I have got a riding lesson at the RS later today and then on Tues off to Scotland for 5 days with my best friend from pony club days and the weather is looking dry for the three riding days we are doing. It is her first holiday without her daughter and as it is quite expensive and both of us are 50 and neither of us did any party it our 50th birthday treat.

She was so kind when Homey was in hospital she drove down from Cambridge and took me to the hospital for nearly a week and helped me with speaking to vets. She also said she would take him to Newmarket if he needed to go to a specialist and offered to have him stay at hers as she has horses at home. She also told me he was too old for a major operation which the vet agreed with although he had spoken to the sugeon who had also said he was too old as well.

I still haven't found the right pony but I have only seriously been looking since Feb and I know the best time to find ponies from last time is autumn. It is a journey and a hard one.

Everyone deals with grief in their own way.

 

[Orangehorse]

It has been nearly a year and I am still really sad and feel not much improved since I first lost Homey.

Yesterday YO called to say one of the ladies on the yard dog died and she cried when she heard the news as our friend loved her little dog so much although he was a senior dog he should have had a few more years left. So I messaged my friend and she told me what happened to her dog and said it was gastric like Homey. She then told me one of the grooms at the yard had to have one of her horses put to sleep on Friday. The whole thing made me feel so sad about losing Homey.

I have got a riding lesson at the RS later today and then on Tues off to Scotland for 5 days with my best friend from pony club days and the weather is looking dry for the three riding days we are doing. It is her first holiday without her daughter and as it is quite expensive and both of us are 50 and neither of us did any party it our 50th birthday treat.

She was so kind when Homey was in hospital she drove down from Cambridge and took me to the hospital for nearly a week and helped me with speaking to vets. She also said she would take him to Newmarket if he needed to go to a specialist and offered to have him stay at hers as she has horses at home. She also told me he was too old for a major operation which the vet agreed with although he had spoken to the sugeon who had also said he was too old as well.

I still haven't found the right pony but I have only seriously been looking since Feb and I know the best time to find ponies from last time is autumn. It is a journey and a hard one.

Everyone deals with grief in their own way.

Sorry you are still in this place. I hope you have a nice riding holiday and really enjoy the scenery and company.

 

[Birker2020]

I hope you have a nice time too. If you are not in any rush to find another one hold fast to exactly what you are looking for in terms of finding another NF.

It's frustrating when people said to me that I shouldn't have such a strict idea of what I want. But when you're spending such a lot of money having a strict list of what type/height/age/colour range I'm looking at is important. And a grey 17.3hh mare aged 16 isn't my bag but to some people it's their dream. We are all different.

I'm like that with work too. Unless I can do 7.30- 3.30pm or 8am - 4pm I don't want to know! But I always manage to attain those hours.

You will find your horse someday. I seem to always be drawn to geldings with white blazes and legs for some reason

 

[Ratface]

I'm so sorry that you're still feeling down. Perfectly understandable. In my experience, there is no way to hurry grief. You did your best for Homey and allowed him freedom from pain and peace at the end.
My very wise mother always said "You can only do your best, Dear". She was right.
You did your best.