How do I word it... is it justified... is it just a rant?

[Gloi]

Big padlock on the tackroom door too.

 

[cauda equina]

And make sure the CCTV is all up and running

 

[Nasicus]

Thank you.
I do want to bring up the horse borrowing thing as I am fuming so I need to remain calm.
I have not mentioned it yet but their horse has a cut on its leg from the calm ride yesterday, apparently it reared up and fell over? My horse is ok but I schooled him just now and he felt tight and heavy in the hand like someone has been hanging off his mouth. I have had him 12 years and he felt tenser today than he has for a long time. Their horses cut looks like a speedy-cut to me… and dried blood left on its leg… I will put up with a lot (obviously) but I don’t expect my horse to.

DB, please please tell me you're planning to do more than just 'bringing up the horse borrowing thing'? I'd almost say it's winding me up with how non-committal your posts are!
Livery needs gone yesterday, your land, your horse, your home, get her gone!

 

[Nonjumper]

They'd be gone, like today, no ifs or buts.

 

[3 bays and a grey]

So I have a friend/ livery left on my yard and I am getting increasingly annoyed. I know it might just be me feeling ranty (just opened a bottle of wine), so not sure I am in the right but I am at my wits end?
Need advice from rational non- biased people (you lot will be un-biased, may or may not be rational!!! )
These are my complaints in no particular order though the last one happened today.

• Showing up really late to do the horse often after 9pm or 10pm. Quite often I will have need up doing the horse for them and yard is at my house and will be locked up etc and I will be woken up by a car a like 10.30pm.
• Late or not show up for dentist/ farrier etc so I will have to go and get horse in and hold for them.
• Payment problems (this a long drawn out issue, which is currently resolved but has been a problem in the past)
• Their stuff everywhere in tack room, everything messy and loads of things taking up more and more space.
• Stable full of bin bags... there moved out of their house and stuff out of their garage was put in one of the spare stables without asking! It has been months now and I have asked them to move it and they haven't. I know I have empty stables but I may want to fill them and its full of random stuff.
• Using my grooming kits... each of my horses has its own grooming kit outside its stable. I think it helps with cross-contamination and make it easy to find a hoof pick etc. They have admitted to it as all my brushes are covered in white hairs (I only have bay horses) and keep missing things like hoof picks etc.
• Using my headcoller (for ages as theirs broke, or sometimes just the first headcoller they find is mine). This may be a bit of a petty one on my part.
• Putting their horse in my stables... so if they have mucked out and bring their horse in they will put it one of my stables so it doesn't make its stable messy, even if my stables are mucked and have hay put in etc or are dirty.
• Mess on yard... like mess everywhere really. Rubbish not put in bins, never sweeping up, leaving things everywhere, not putting hosepipe away etc.
• Dogs pooing everywhere... they have dogs that poo on yard, in tack room etc and its never cleared up.
• My dog in arena chasing their horse.. my dog will chase horses on the lunge in the arena so I have said and said again to shut him in, or let me know and I will before you lunge for everyones safety or not let him the arena with a horse in any circumstances. I know its my dog (and my problem, and my fault) but its a private yard and I don't want anyone hurt. I don't mind if they say "I am lunging my horse, can you lock your dog up please".
• Letting horse off loose in the arena... told not to do this as it has grassy banks which they slide down and they climb all over and through the jumps store etc so its not safe.
• Randomers coming to yard... like all the time, and lets just not say it's not the cream of society, just random people, some very incoherent (its always snowing somewhere?!) to talk coming to yard "to see the oss's" and one has been seen taking videos of the farm machinery, exploring etc.
• Leaving lights on.. even at this time of year in broad daylight, and it's such a bright barn inside they you cannot tell they have been left it on until like 11pm when it goes dark.
• Never ever poo picked.. like ever
• Bringing people to yard who I have told can’t come... this is about one particular situation after a falling out with a 'boyfriend' who again is not someone you would trust (and has recently done a stint in prison for dealing and stuff) threatened to burn down the barn with their horse in. I said I did not want this person coming to my house and then the proceeded to keep bringing them because love and stuff. It was a whole thing and for obvious reasons I can't say all of it. Normally I don't mind people coming but its a private yard and my home so I feel I do have the right to refuse people I don't like coming here, and know who its coming here.
• Not showing up for ages... this is resolved now, but it was in winter and didn't come for ages and I just basically took over all care of the horse for months.
• Borrow my horse without permission... this started of with a really polite request to borrow my old schoolmaster for them to hack out with a friend (who I know, as is a good rider and checked has adequate insurance) and then its turned into other friends etc without my knowledge or permission. I did kick off about this as I did go to ride him one day to find him tacked up with the wrong saddle and someone about to get on him.
• Never brush off or clean tack after borrowing said horse.
• Car parking... even though they have been told by me and my partner hundreds of time not to park outside their stable but in the car park as then it blocks access for everything else, and we have a designated car park that cost a lot to build!!
• Emptying old haylage on fresh bale... right so they fill a huge hay net for their horse which is fine, but they put some much hay in it that the horse can never eat it all and they just keep topping it up, after a few week (yes weeks) the haylage in the bottom of it comes musty and mouldy. Naturally you would put this hay on the muck heap? No, they just go the hay barn and dump it out on the fresh hay so the old mouldy stuff can contaminate the freshly opened new bale
• Leaving wheelbarrows to empty, even though the muck heap (and they barn) or like 20m from the stable (in opposite directions) which make the above point even more infuriating.
• Not throwing poo back on muck trailer (petty I know!)
• Using my (freshly washed) saddlecloth without asking, leaving it dirty, sweaty and covered in hair on tack room table.
• After borrowing my horse leaving its tack put away in the biggest mess, like saddle not put the rack properly and bit filthy and twisted bridle hung upside down I the wrong place. Also my horse was tacked up with his anatomical girth on back to front.
• I think today my 18 year old ex event schoolmaster has been ridden by random beginner? Not sure though.

Sorry guys, that's war and peace!!!! Some of it petty on my part, some inexcusable? I don't want to be horrible and I know I am going to 'btched' about when I ask them to leave to the equine community but I am going demented here.

She would be long gone, friend or not!

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

So I have a friend/ livery left on my yard and I am getting increasingly annoyed. I know it might just be me feeling ranty (just opened a bottle of wine), so not sure I am in the right but I am at my wits end?
Need advice from rational non- biased people (you lot will be un-biased, may or may not be rational!!! )
These are my complaints in no particular order though the last one happened today.

• Showing up really late to do the horse often after 9pm or 10pm. Quite often I will have need up doing the horse for them and yard is at my house and will be locked up etc and I will be woken up by a car a like 10.30pm.
• Late or not show up for dentist/ farrier etc so I will have to go and get horse in and hold for them.
• Payment problems (this a long drawn out issue, which is currently resolved but has been a problem in the past)
• Their stuff everywhere in tack room, everything messy and loads of things taking up more and more space.
• Stable full of bin bags... there moved out of their house and stuff out of their garage was put in one of the spare stables without asking! It has been months now and I have asked them to move it and they haven't. I know I have empty stables but I may want to fill them and its full of random stuff.
• Using my grooming kits... each of my horses has its own grooming kit outside its stable. I think it helps with cross-contamination and make it easy to find a hoof pick etc. They have admitted to it as all my brushes are covered in white hairs (I only have bay horses) and keep missing things like hoof picks etc.
• Using my headcoller (for ages as theirs broke, or sometimes just the first headcoller they find is mine). This may be a bit of a petty one on my part.
• Putting their horse in my stables... so if they have mucked out and bring their horse in they will put it one of my stables so it doesn't make its stable messy, even if my stables are mucked and have hay put in etc or are dirty.
• Mess on yard... like mess everywhere really. Rubbish not put in bins, never sweeping up, leaving things everywhere, not putting hosepipe away etc.
• Dogs pooing everywhere... they have dogs that poo on yard, in tack room etc and its never cleared up.
• My dog in arena chasing their horse.. my dog will chase horses on the lunge in the arena so I have said and said again to shut him in, or let me know and I will before you lunge for everyones safety or not let him the arena with a horse in any circumstances. I know its my dog (and my problem, and my fault) but its a private yard and I don't want anyone hurt. I don't mind if they say "I am lunging my horse, can you lock your dog up please".
• Letting horse off loose in the arena... told not to do this as it has grassy banks which they slide down and they climb all over and through the jumps store etc so its not safe.
• Randomers coming to yard... like all the time, and lets just not say it's not the cream of society, just random people, some very incoherent (its always snowing somewhere?!) to talk coming to yard "to see the oss's" and one has been seen taking videos of the farm machinery, exploring etc.
• Leaving lights on.. even at this time of year in broad daylight, and it's such a bright barn inside they you cannot tell they have been left it on until like 11pm when it goes dark.
• Never ever poo picked.. like ever
• Bringing people to yard who I have told can’t come... this is about one particular situation after a falling out with a 'boyfriend' who again is not someone you would trust (and has recently done a stint in prison for dealing and stuff) threatened to burn down the barn with their horse in. I said I did not want this person coming to my house and then the proceeded to keep bringing them because love and stuff. It was a whole thing and for obvious reasons I can't say all of it. Normally I don't mind people coming but its a private yard and my home so I feel I do have the right to refuse people I don't like coming here, and know who its coming here.
• Not showing up for ages... this is resolved now, but it was in winter and didn't come for ages and I just basically took over all care of the horse for months.
• Borrow my horse without permission... this started of with a really polite request to borrow my old schoolmaster for them to hack out with a friend (who I know, as is a good rider and checked has adequate insurance) and then its turned into other friends etc without my knowledge or permission. I did kick off about this as I did go to ride him one day to find him tacked up with the wrong saddle and someone about to get on him.
• Never brush off or clean tack after borrowing said horse.
• Car parking... even though they have been told by me and my partner hundreds of time not to park outside their stable but in the car park as then it blocks access for everything else, and we have a designated car park that cost a lot to build!!
• Emptying old haylage on fresh bale... right so they fill a huge hay net for their horse which is fine, but they put some much hay in it that the horse can never eat it all and they just keep topping it up, after a few week (yes weeks) the haylage in the bottom of it comes musty and mouldy. Naturally you would put this hay on the muck heap? No, they just go the hay barn and dump it out on the fresh hay so the old mouldy stuff can contaminate the freshly opened new bale
• Leaving wheelbarrows to empty, even though the muck heap (and they barn) or like 20m from the stable (in opposite directions) which make the above point even more infuriating.
• Not throwing poo back on muck trailer (petty I know!)
• Using my (freshly washed) saddlecloth without asking, leaving it dirty, sweaty and covered in hair on tack room table.
• After borrowing my horse leaving its tack put away in the biggest mess, like saddle not put the rack properly and bit filthy and twisted bridle hung upside down I the wrong place. Also my horse was tacked up with his anatomical girth on back to front.
• I think today my 18 year old ex event schoolmaster has been ridden by random beginner? Not sure though.

Sorry guys, that's war and peace!!!! Some of it petty on my part, some inexcusable? I don't want to be horrible and I know I am going to 'btched' about when I ask them to leave to the equine community but I am going demented here.

Sorry friend or no friend it is your place, and I would have a serious conversation and say your not happy and things need to change, or she will have to move the horse and herself out the yard.

• There is now a curfew and that is no one on the yard after 9.30pm unless emergency.
• If she is late for the dentist or vet then there will be a charge for you to bring the horse in and stand with it.
• The tack room is a messy can she please tidy her things up.
• If she is using a stable to store her stuff in then her livery will incur an extra charge as she is only paying for one but using two.
• Get a lockable box for outside and put grooming kits in
• Please don’t use my headcollar, please replace your own.
• Again if you put your horse in another stable then you will have to pay extra for using two.
• There will be extra costs involved for you clearing up her mess etc
• As she cannot clear up after their dog then there is a months’ notice of a no dogs on the yard except yours.
• The dog must be put away if you lunge, and if you don’t any vet bills that occur will be down to her
• loose schooling is no longer something g you will allow.
• Any persons other than livery must be introduced to you and be respectful and follow yard rules
• If lights continue to be left on then you will install a meter and she will have to pay for what she uses.
• Please poo pick at least 1 barrow a day or the livery will go up to soak up the cost of you doing.
• Again please do not allow ****** on the yard I have asked before and don’t want to have to take matters further
• Please don’t ride my horse without permission he is not insured for other people to ride.
• You have had a visit from safety and they say it is dangerous for cars to be around horses on the yard and all cars must now be in the car park.
• Due to hay wastage any amount over ( add amount) is deemed wasteful and will incur an extra charge.
• Any wheelbarrows not emptied will be involve a surcharge for you to empty
• Please throw muck evenly ( I have this trouble here )
• I would put you pads somewhere else maybe in a lockable box an say don’t use my pads
• Please respect my tack and put it back the way I want it ( you may need to show her)
• Please don’t let people ride any horse without your knowledge.

That’s what I would do, wow that took time

 

[SpotsandBays]

Can you lock your unused stables? I’d be inclined to turf her crap out and lock them up. You’ve told her the stuff needs to so she can’t moan about it.
Also might be good to store some of your own stuff that’s getting used in one of them (locked), as that way she can’t use it, and or possibly take it away with her when she eventually goes…
(Also I’d lock away your tack to prevent your horse from being ridden)

 

[onemoretime]

So I have a friend/ livery left on my yard and I am getting increasingly annoyed. I know it might just be me feeling ranty (just opened a bottle of wine), so not sure I am in the right but I am at my wits end?
Need advice from rational non- biased people (you lot will be un-biased, may or may not be rational!!! )
These are my complaints in no particular order though the last one happened today.

• Showing up really late to do the horse often after 9pm or 10pm. Quite often I will have need up doing the horse for them and yard is at my house and will be locked up etc and I will be woken up by a car a like 10.30pm.
• Late or not show up for dentist/ farrier etc so I will have to go and get horse in and hold for them.
• Payment problems (this a long drawn out issue, which is currently resolved but has been a problem in the past)
• Their stuff everywhere in tack room, everything messy and loads of things taking up more and more space.
• Stable full of bin bags... there moved out of their house and stuff out of their garage was put in one of the spare stables without asking! It has been months now and I have asked them to move it and they haven't. I know I have empty stables but I may want to fill them and its full of random stuff.
• Using my grooming kits... each of my horses has its own grooming kit outside its stable. I think it helps with cross-contamination and make it easy to find a hoof pick etc. They have admitted to it as all my brushes are covered in white hairs (I only have bay horses) and keep missing things like hoof picks etc.
• Using my headcoller (for ages as theirs broke, or sometimes just the first headcoller they find is mine). This may be a bit of a petty one on my part.
• Putting their horse in my stables... so if they have mucked out and bring their horse in they will put it one of my stables so it doesn't make its stable messy, even if my stables are mucked and have hay put in etc or are dirty.
• Mess on yard... like mess everywhere really. Rubbish not put in bins, never sweeping up, leaving things everywhere, not putting hosepipe away etc.
• Dogs pooing everywhere... they have dogs that poo on yard, in tack room etc and its never cleared up.
• My dog in arena chasing their horse.. my dog will chase horses on the lunge in the arena so I have said and said again to shut him in, or let me know and I will before you lunge for everyones safety or not let him the arena with a horse in any circumstances. I know its my dog (and my problem, and my fault) but its a private yard and I don't want anyone hurt. I don't mind if they say "I am lunging my horse, can you lock your dog up please".
• Letting horse off loose in the arena... told not to do this as it has grassy banks which they slide down and they climb all over and through the jumps store etc so its not safe.
• Randomers coming to yard... like all the time, and lets just not say it's not the cream of society, just random people, some very incoherent (its always snowing somewhere?!) to talk coming to yard "to see the oss's" and one has been seen taking videos of the farm machinery, exploring etc.
• Leaving lights on.. even at this time of year in broad daylight, and it's such a bright barn inside they you cannot tell they have been left it on until like 11pm when it goes dark.
• Never ever poo picked.. like ever
• Bringing people to yard who I have told can’t come... this is about one particular situation after a falling out with a 'boyfriend' who again is not someone you would trust (and has recently done a stint in prison for dealing and stuff) threatened to burn down the barn with their horse in. I said I did not want this person coming to my house and then the proceeded to keep bringing them because love and stuff. It was a whole thing and for obvious reasons I can't say all of it. Normally I don't mind people coming but its a private yard and my home so I feel I do have the right to refuse people I don't like coming here, and know who its coming here.
• Not showing up for ages... this is resolved now, but it was in winter and didn't come for ages and I just basically took over all care of the horse for months.
• Borrow my horse without permission... this started of with a really polite request to borrow my old schoolmaster for them to hack out with a friend (who I know, as is a good rider and checked has adequate insurance) and then its turned into other friends etc without my knowledge or permission. I did kick off about this as I did go to ride him one day to find him tacked up with the wrong saddle and someone about to get on him.
• Never brush off or clean tack after borrowing said horse.
• Car parking... even though they have been told by me and my partner hundreds of time not to park outside their stable but in the car park as then it blocks access for everything else, and we have a designated car park that cost a lot to build!!
• Emptying old haylage on fresh bale... right so they fill a huge hay net for their horse which is fine, but they put some much hay in it that the horse can never eat it all and they just keep topping it up, after a few week (yes weeks) the haylage in the bottom of it comes musty and mouldy. Naturally you would put this hay on the muck heap? No, they just go the hay barn and dump it out on the fresh hay so the old mouldy stuff can contaminate the freshly opened new bale
• Leaving wheelbarrows to empty, even though the muck heap (and they barn) or like 20m from the stable (in opposite directions) which make the above point even more infuriating.
• Not throwing poo back on muck trailer (petty I know!)
• Using my (freshly washed) saddlecloth without asking, leaving it dirty, sweaty and covered in hair on tack room table.
• After borrowing my horse leaving its tack put away in the biggest mess, like saddle not put the rack properly and bit filthy and twisted bridle hung upside down I the wrong place. Also my horse was tacked up with his anatomical girth on back to front.
• I think today my 18 year old ex event schoolmaster has been ridden by random beginner? Not sure though.

Sorry guys, that's war and peace!!!! Some of it petty on my part, some inexcusable? I don't want to be horrible and I know I am going to 'btched' about when I ask them to leave to the equine community but I am going demented here.

Reading this makes me so grateful that I am on my own in a little yard. So sorry you have had all this. I would ask them to leaving ASAP!

 

[ycbm]

Thank you.
I do want to bring up the horse borrowing thing as I am fuming so I need to remain calm.

If you mention the horse borrowing thing it will allow her to think that if she fixes that problem by not borrowing your horse again then she will be able to stay.

If you must mention it, mention it only as "and of course during the period of your notice nobody but you is to visit the yard and the only horse that you can ride is your own".

I think you are underestimating just how manipulative this person is. Don't give her the slightest chink in your armour of "I have decided not to have you here any more, no discussion. "I said no discussion" "That meant no discussion". Repeat until she is gone.
.

 

[neddy man]

Sorry friend or no friend it is your place, and I would have a serious conversation and say your not happy and things need to change, or she will have to move the horse and herself out the yard.

• There is now a curfew and that is no one on the yard after 9.30pm unless emergency.
• If she is late for the dentist or vet then there will be a charge for you to bring the horse in and stand with it.
• The tack room is a messy can she please tidy her things up.
• If she is using a stable to store her stuff in then her livery will incur an extra charge as she is only paying for one but using two.
• Get a lockable box for outside and put grooming kits in
• Please don’t use my headcollar, please replace your own.
• Again if you put your horse in another stable then you will have to pay extra for using two.
• There will be extra costs involved for you clearing up her mess etc
• As she cannot clear up after their dog then there is a months’ notice of a no dogs on the yard except yours.
• The dog must be put away if you lunge, and if you don’t any vet bills that occur will be down to her
• loose schooling is no longer something g you will allow.
• Any persons other than livery must be introduced to you and be respectful and follow yard rules
• If lights continue to be left on then you will install a meter and she will have to pay for what she uses.
• Please poo pick at least 1 barrow a day or the livery will go up to soak up the cost of you doing.
• Again please do not allow ****** on the yard I have asked before and don’t want to have to take matters further
• Please don’t ride my horse without permission he is not insured for other people to ride.
• You have had a visit from safety and they say it is dangerous for cars to be around horses on the yard and all cars must now be in the car park.
• Due to hay wastage any amount over ( add amount) is deemed wasteful and will incur an extra charge.
• Any wheelbarrows not emptied will be involve a surcharge for you to empty
• Please throw muck evenly ( I have this trouble here )
• I would put you pads somewhere else maybe in a lockable box an say don’t use my pads
• Please respect my tack and put it back the way I want it ( you may need to show her)
• Please don’t let people ride any horse without your knowledge.

That’s what I would do, wow that took time

NO NO NO the only solution is she and all her belongings are off the yard by noon on (insert date)

 

[Jenko109]

Have you binned her off yet?

Because you must do so.

Soon.

Ideally, yesterday.

 

[dougpeg]

Be strong and send a clear message. Have someone to support you if needed. You don't need to give a reason. It's your home, your choice and your decision.

 

[malwhit]

Just say due to overheads you are having to triple the amount you charge them. They will soon leave

 

[Cortez]

Just say due to overheads you are having to triple the amount you charge them. They will soon leave

Nope. She just needs to go. No ifs, buts, passive-agressive lying excuses.

 

[Surbie]

Sounds like it’s a JFDI situation

I have crappy eyesight - misread that as a JEDI situation and thought yeah, cool!!!

 

[AmyMay]

Just say due to overheads you are having to triple the amount you charge them. They will soon leave

Another no.

Just say it as it is.

I’m giving you 30 days notice.

 

[Beausmate]

I would give as little notice as you think you can get away with. You really don't want people like that on your yard when they've got a grudge.

 

[ester]

I have crappy eyesight - misread that as a JEDI situation and thought yeah, cool!!!

I thought it was a @JFTDWS situation - forgetting that she’d added the WS now

 

[JFTDWS]

I thought it was a @JFTDWS situation - forgetting that she’d added the WS now

I also read it as JFTD (being a self-obsessed narcissist ) and thought “hey, I’m not that much of a knob to be on a yard with!”.

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

DB, 30 days notice, have you seen her yet? Add that all non horse items (the bags) has to be gone by 30th June (more than 7 days notice).
Good luck, wish I were nearer to assist......

 

[SilverLinings]

You sound like a lovely person @dominobrown, who has tried to be patient and understanding with a person who has unfortunately revealed themselves to be selfish, uncivilised and bad mannered. And dirty- who is happy to walk around the rubbish and dog mess they've left on the floor on a daily basis? That is so disrespectful of you and your property (and your partner).

I agree with all the other posters who have said get rid of the livery, and to avoid giving specific reasons to reduce her bargaining power.

I think it would be a good idea to now keep your belongings away from hers. As she has already commandeered another stable could you put the rest of her tack and belongings in there too, and lock your tackroom so that she can't get at your tack (and her dog can't use it as a toilet)? I have been on yards where the only storage is empty stables so it's not unusual.

I also agree with those who have suggested that it should be made very clear to her what the consequences will be if she doesn't leave by the deadline date: the premises will be locked and ALL her belongings will be left outside the gates. It should galvanise her into yard hunting and stop her thinking you'll let her stay if she 'can't find anywhere' by the deadline.

I wish you the best of luck, I hope she takes you seriously and leaves by the date set with minimum fuss. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

 

[angel7]

Honestly I wouldn't even bring up the list of issues she has caused, including abusing your horse. Any engagement with her will encourage her.
Agree with all others above.
Give notice formally, date all to be done by, dont discuss anything!!
You will become het up and emotional (understandably!) but she will feed off it and continue as she has before.
Dreadful individual her poor horse has to suffer.
Not your bag, get rid.

 

[Ditchjumper2]

Get rid asap. No ifs, but or maybes! You need your big girl pants on and just say you have broken the terms of your contract you need to leave within the next 24 hours. Make all your stuff safe. Honestly, and this sounds harsh, stop pussyfooting about and crack on. It makes me really mad and it's not even my yard! If necessary get a tough bitch friend there as moral support!

 

[I'm Dun]

Please don't tar everyone with ADHD with the same brush as this absolute hot mess of a garbage human.

DB, you better be getting rid of this blight.

I didnt tar anyone with any brushes. I suggested that OP could recommend her friend is tested as shes displaying an awful lot of symptoms, which include disordered lifestyle, relationships which are incredibly toxic, not doing as asked, not remembering things, I could go on and on. She may not have it, but as OP is or was her friend, its something a friend would do. While it wouldn't excuse her behaviour, it may well explain it. You have no way of knowing shes a "absolute hot mess of a garbage human" as you know nothing about her other than what OP has posted, which does however include the fact shes struggling with her mental health.

 

[blitznbobs]

Totally different situation except for the need for big girl pants. But I think relevant.

About 6 weeks ago I was on my yard. A man walked down the track that is on our land. I asked him if I could help him and he said that not really he was just walking his dogs. I told him that he was on private property and if he could leave I would appreciate it. He proceeded to refuse to leave and tell me he was on a public foot path. He was not. But he would not take this from me he basically told me I was a liar and just laughed at me when I again asserted that he should leave. Even when told that he was upsetting a vulnerable child that uses our facilities he refused to go. I phoned my husband who arrived without answering the call and this man proceeded to tell him he was a neighbour and this resulted in him (my husband) giving him permission to walk his dogs through our land.

Later that day I felt gaslit and awful and belittled and sh*t tbh and husband and I had a conversation.(my husband had totally misread the conversation and thought I was introducing him to. Neighbour which would have been difficult seeing this guy didn’t introduce himself to me…And then I tried to put it in the past. #sleeplessnight

The next morning the guy was there walking his dogs through MY land…

Now I am not one for confrontation- I don’t like it , it makes me feel sick but I thought to myself. This arrogant pr*ck who has no regard whatsoever for me , my vulnerable clients or my business can FRO.

So I went up to him, definitive map on my phone and told him

A) that his behaviour was rude and masogynistic
B) that it had made me feel awful
C) he was still wrong and had never apologised for his behaviour
D) I was revoking any permissions for him to be anywhere on my land and if I saw him there again I would be getting my lawyer to write to him.

He still said that my husband had given him permission and i reiterated that it is MY Land and if he was there again he would be removed from the premises and I didn’t need my husband’s permission to revoke anything because that’s not how our team works…

What is the point of all this?

Well I felt truly awful after that for about 3 days, literally nauseated and couldn’t sleep. However now I see that if I hadn’t done it I would be seeing ‘expletive face’ every day in my happy place … and if I had got my husband to do it for me I would still have felt like I hadn’t given the guy what he truly needed - a woman telling him where to go.

AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN THE BLOKE AGAIN.

So sometimes putting on the scary big girl pants is hard and is not without side effects but it does give you your happy place back.

 

[Fellewell]

Having got half way through your list I can't understand how she doesn't know how peed off you are. Maybe you should take up playing poker. Unless they're too drunk to notice which is worrying because presumably they drive to your place. Obviously she thinks this friendship between the two of you is much closer than it is so this has to be an "it's not you, it's me" scenario. And you can't make it about her dodgy behaviour because that would just invite more of it. Make it about something she can't change and that's financial. There's a financial crisis, you're overheads are too high, you have to close the yard/sell up, whatever it takes. Life's too short. Of course you could fly/bus in some HHO doyennes to do the job but imagine the carnage. You've got this.

 

[Fjord]

You are a saint for putting up with her, she sounds like an absolute nightmare!

Definitely time to be brave, give her 30 days notice to leave, and 7 days to clear the bin bags or you will be disposing of them. Lock EVERYTHING of yours away so she can't get to it.

Good luck, just think how lovely it will be to have the place to yourself again!

 

[Wishfilly]

I am also not brilliant at confrontation, but I will do it on the behalf of others- can you think of it as protecting your horses and other animals (and other people who live on your property)?

I would also go "grey rock": "I've given you notice and you need to leave on X date"- I wouldn't discuss anything she says, or give any reasons that she, or others, can argue with. If it's practical, I'd also be tempted to lock up the yard after the notice date, because I'd be worried about randomers coming back.

 

[Pinkvboots]

Basically if I tell them to leave I can see them and their family accusing me of purposely causing a mental health break down.
If I go in all guns blazing I think it will cause more angst. I was thinking of just being formal and using the excuse that we are buying more sheeps do don’t have the space.

Just text and say can you leave end of this person is not a friend thet are a leech that you need to rid yourself from.

 

[luckyoldme]

You've let it go to far and it won't end with any good feeling whatsoever.
In this situation I would approach her and in my mind I would tell myself to stay calm and rational .
I would begin with We need to have a chat.
Then I would see what came out of my mouth.
It probably would end very badly but at least my anger would be directed at the person who caused it and not taken home to the people who didn't.