babymare
Well-Known Member
Stay strong. Just stay strong and think this about you and your life. Big hugs xx
How do I word it... is it justified... is it just a rant?
- Thread starter dominobrown
- Start date
Northern Hare
Well-Known Member
Well done!
It's going to be lovely to have your yard back to yourself! This is the right time of year for your livery to find a new yard, so hopefully there'll be no excuse for her to try and overstay because all the yards are full.
It's going to be lovely to have your yard back to yourself! This is the right time of year for your livery to find a new yard, so hopefully there'll be no excuse for her to try and overstay because all the yards are full.
94lunagem
Well-Known Member
Well done you!
Be proud of yourself, we all know it wasn’t easy and you weren’t looking forward to doing it. You’ll be glad you did in the long run.
Be proud of yourself, we all know it wasn’t easy and you weren’t looking forward to doing it. You’ll be glad you did in the long run.
dominobrown
Well-Known Member
I was very upset and quite angry this morning as my horse that was 'borrowed' is lame today. Might not be related but would be consistent with galloping about with him as he is older and I am very careful about fast work on hard ground.
I did not bring up the 'horse borrowing' thing as I would of gone on and on and got angrier and angrier.
Your advice has been invaluable... and all the insights from different people helped me gauge was reaction I would get etc. Some of you were exactly right!
I was brief, polite and direct. When they came (and parked in the most inconvenient place possible) with a lot of other people. I got them on their own and briefly told them that it was a change of circumstances etc and my partner wants more sheep (partner has been very supportive!). I didn't get a 'sorry', 'oh that's a shame' etc. I got 'Well were else can I take my horse because all other yards are horrible/ YO are all horrible', 'don't know what I am going to do, might as well sell the horse" etc etc and went straight to there guilt card. As my partner pointed out what was the plan if we decided to move etc? Then the "where... where?! can I take my horse then??!". I replied that I didn't know and wasn't in the position to make suggestions. There were tears, and drove off straight away. My right ear is burning, I am sure I an evil so and so but I have spoken to my good friend who is another YO and friends who are liveries at another yard and another friend who is a horse dealer about the behaviour, with similar responses to here and if evil gossip is spread about me a lot of people know the truth. I am not too bothered about gossip as I am no longer making a living in the equine industry so I just want to enjoy my horses and do my own thing anyways.
I just want to be relaxed on my own yard and potter around in my spare time there.
Regards to the ADHD posts... I am not qualified or knowledgeable to diagnose anyone with anything so I would not bring it up. And this person is not a horrible person, they are very nice to talk to etc and its been a slow process of watching their life fall apart which is very sad, and I think I have tolerated it for so long as I have first hand experience of anxiety and depression. Still, its not excusable for the behaviour. I think its the selfish and disrespectful behaviour that gets me, and mental health is not an excuse for that. I have supported them and helped them but I feel like if you could call it a friendship it has become a one way friendship, where I do al the giving and they do the taking.
I did not bring up the 'horse borrowing' thing as I would of gone on and on and got angrier and angrier.
Your advice has been invaluable... and all the insights from different people helped me gauge was reaction I would get etc. Some of you were exactly right!
I was brief, polite and direct. When they came (and parked in the most inconvenient place possible) with a lot of other people. I got them on their own and briefly told them that it was a change of circumstances etc and my partner wants more sheep (partner has been very supportive!). I didn't get a 'sorry', 'oh that's a shame' etc. I got 'Well were else can I take my horse because all other yards are horrible/ YO are all horrible', 'don't know what I am going to do, might as well sell the horse" etc etc and went straight to there guilt card. As my partner pointed out what was the plan if we decided to move etc? Then the "where... where?! can I take my horse then??!". I replied that I didn't know and wasn't in the position to make suggestions. There were tears, and drove off straight away. My right ear is burning, I am sure I an evil so and so but I have spoken to my good friend who is another YO and friends who are liveries at another yard and another friend who is a horse dealer about the behaviour, with similar responses to here and if evil gossip is spread about me a lot of people know the truth. I am not too bothered about gossip as I am no longer making a living in the equine industry so I just want to enjoy my horses and do my own thing anyways.
I just want to be relaxed on my own yard and potter around in my spare time there.
Regards to the ADHD posts... I am not qualified or knowledgeable to diagnose anyone with anything so I would not bring it up. And this person is not a horrible person, they are very nice to talk to etc and its been a slow process of watching their life fall apart which is very sad, and I think I have tolerated it for so long as I have first hand experience of anxiety and depression. Still, its not excusable for the behaviour. I think its the selfish and disrespectful behaviour that gets me, and mental health is not an excuse for that. I have supported them and helped them but I feel like if you could call it a friendship it has become a one way friendship, where I do al the giving and they do the taking.
Jeni the dragon
Well-Known Member
Well done. She was always going to react this way. I hope you feel better for doing it.
SaddlePsych'D
Well-Known Member
Well done OP. It's a difficult situation but once you are through things will be so much better. You will realise the weight lifted!
I think you are right to not have brought up ADHD. Even if that is part of what's going on it doesn't make her behaviour okay and it's not likely to go down well bringing it up in the context of you doing something she does not like.
I think you are right to not have brought up ADHD. Even if that is part of what's going on it doesn't make her behaviour okay and it's not likely to go down well bringing it up in the context of you doing something she does not like.
Clodagh
Well-Known Member
ADHD or not… it’s not your problem. I hate that people with MH issues thinks it’s a passport to being an arse.
And some people are just arses at the best of times.
Well done for doing it, it’s easy for us to sit on our keyboards and support you. Good luck over the next month, keep your wits about you and eyes on the prize.
And some people are just arses at the best of times.
Well done for doing it, it’s easy for us to sit on our keyboards and support you. Good luck over the next month, keep your wits about you and eyes on the prize.
DabDab
Ah mud, splendid
Well done op. Hope you are able to enjoy having your happy space back to yourself very soon.
You can absolutely console yourself that you have the patience of a saint and have done a hell of a lot more than most people to be generous with someone who may well be ill but seems to be doing little to help themselves.
You can absolutely console yourself that you have the patience of a saint and have done a hell of a lot more than most people to be generous with someone who may well be ill but seems to be doing little to help themselves.
scats
Well-Known Member
Well done! When is she going?
She sounds horrid to be honest.
She sounds horrid to be honest.
Beausmate
Well-Known Member
Well done for doing it!
meesha
Well-Known Member
Well done, she will soon be gone and you can relax .
AmyMay
Situation normal
Well done!!!! I really hope the notice period goes smoothly xxx
motherof2beasts!
Well-Known Member
Well done, you have 100% done the right thing, she was never going to take it well. Did you give her 1 months notice ?
Your a much better person than me as I’d have demanded they leave immediately after discovering my lame old horse, due to them.
The Fuzzy Furry
🦄 🦄
Well done DB for braving it out, sit tight now and I hope you can enjoy the rest of the summer in peace once she's gone.
Sorry to read about your lame horse x
Sorry to read about your lame horse x
dominobrown
Well-Known Member
I haven't accused anyone of laming my horse but its highly suspicious... but not something I can prove. Frustrating I know but if I can't prove it there is nothing I can do.
I feel like the notice period might not go smoothly though... I think there will be emotional blackmail, then anger and then taking stuff and b*tching. I hope I am wrong.
I feel like the notice period might not go smoothly though... I think there will be emotional blackmail, then anger and then taking stuff and b*tching. I hope I am wrong.
The Fuzzy Furry
🦄 🦄
Well, as advised by several up thread, move everything you want to keep of yours and lock it all up. Only leave crap brushes out and cheapo headcollars etc that are easy to replace x
SpotsandBays
Well-Known Member
Well done you. Brace yourself for the potential yuck that might happen during the notice period, but it will be worth it once it’s all over
dominobrown
Well-Known Member
Yes I think it might come to that. Although it is necessary to do that, it annoys me that I have to lock all my things and take my saddles etc out of tack room etc at my own home.
The Fuzzy Furry
🦄 🦄
Can you not take hers out and change lock? Give her the tack and get her to take it home?
I lost a pile of uber smart travel rugs, winter rugs and all the grooming kits plus 30 bales of hay (yes that much) when I kicked out a 'friend' over 20 years ago. My yard gate had the padlock superglued.... it was all very horrid, look after yourself, your gear and especially your horses x
ycbm
Einstein would be proud of my Insanity...
Well that's why she's leaving. You can start crossing days off the calendar now.
.
motherof2beasts!
Well-Known Member
How long have you got to get through, is it one month ?
Stay strong and don’t fall for any guilt trips
SaddlePsych'D
Well-Known Member
Super annoying but for a relatively short period of time. And think how good it will feel when she is gone and you can put it all back exactly where you'd like it to be and not have the worry of it being borrowed or nicked or broken!
ester
Not slacking multitasking
Well done DB,
hopefully her response is that after the emotions she actually concentrates her mind on finding somewhere and not giving you more grief. Even if it's not the smoothest month you will feel so much better after.
hopefully her response is that after the emotions she actually concentrates her mind on finding somewhere and not giving you more grief. Even if it's not the smoothest month you will feel so much better after.
dominobrown
Well-Known Member
That's horrible!
When I shut down my livery last year (everyone else left and this person was struggling too much to leave and wasn't coming up at all to do their horse) I can't help compare their responses. Some liveries where very understanding and lovely and although sad, where not selfish at all. In fact none had a response like this. It is the few that give the rest a bad name. I will (hopefully) have a nearly empty yard when it could have been a bustling livery yard, and was before my time and even when it was a riding school before that. In time I maybe wouldn't mind the odd livery for company and I don't want to tar everyone with the same brush but I need a complete break for a while I think.
Burnerbee
Well-Known Member
This person, going by their reaction, has many of the tell tale signs of being a narcissist. There’s a lot of em about! But seriously, Google it and you’ll understand what you were up against and, I hope feel less bad about the action you had to take. Narcissists seek out empaths. You sound like an empath. Being an empath is not a bad thing!
Fjord
Well-Known Member
Well done DB! Lock all your stuff away for the next few weeks, and start to pack all her stuff up so focus her mind on getting it moved. You can do this!
Honey08
Waffled a lot!
Well done!
Yes I think the notice period might be difficult, but it will be worth it. How long have you given them? I found my notice so stressful when I gave my awkward liveries notice. One didn’t speak to me and flounced around. But it was worth it when she went!!
But keep checking they are looking and definitely going - make sure they know you meant it.
Yes I think the notice period might be difficult, but it will be worth it. How long have you given them? I found my notice so stressful when I gave my awkward liveries notice. One didn’t speak to me and flounced around. But it was worth it when she went!!
But keep checking they are looking and definitely going - make sure they know you meant it.
Red-1
I used to be decisive, now I'm not so sure...
Well done. Ride the storm.
I hope your horse is better soon.
I too would lock my stuff away, even move my horses out for the month. It is summer, could they go to grass with a friend or something?
I hope your horse is better soon.
I too would lock my stuff away, even move my horses out for the month. It is summer, could they go to grass with a friend or something?
Cinnamontoast
Fais pas chier!
Short term, total pita, long term, you’ll be rid of all of the massive annoyances. I think it’s definitely worth keeping your stuff safe otherwise I honestly reckon she’d swipe loads of it.
You’ve been super brave telling her, don’t quail regardless of her manipulation.
Equi
Well-Known Member
There is also another option you need to prepare for, she could simply just disappear now and your left with a horse. If she doesn’t show send messages each time stating your adding £x to the bill