How do I word it... is it justified... is it just a rant?

[Fransurrey]

The problem is I am not helping as my OH pointed out. To have no responsibility and always have a person to bale you out for your behaviour isn’t helping them or allowing them to have to change their behaviour or lifestyle, not get the wake up call or harsh reality of their actions.

Correct. You are enabling. They will carry on for as long as you let them, so the only way to stop (and hopefully make them wake up to the responsibilities of life) is to weather the short term discomfort of telling them to p155 off.

Edit: ADHD is not an excuse for this. I almost certainly am an ADHD neurospicy individual, but manage it in a way to minimise impact on others and have the grace to apologise/correct when I'm unsuccessful in that!

 

[hock]

Off they must fuk

 

[dominobrown]

Ummm, as someone with ADHD, it's no excuse whatsoever for any of this persons behaviour!
.

They have had help from doctors etc and are meant to be on medication etc, I don’t know enough about it all but think they are not necessarily been failed by the system here. You are right and don’t think it could be an excuse for everything.

 

[Red-1]

I was astonished at your list.

She would have to go.

I would say that I need my private space for the sake of my mental health. I don't want to elaborate on that.

 

[Cortez]

They have had help from doctors etc and are meant to be on medication etc, I don’t know enough about it all but think they are not necessarily been failed by the system here. You are right and don’t think it could be an excuse for everything.

It’s no one’s business but their own why they behave this way, and it’s not your job to facilitate or put up with it.

 

[irishdraft]

This person wouldn't have lasted a week on my yard with or without mental health problems, it's your home and your livery is showing zero respect for that. I would just tell her to leave and that you are not doing livery anymore under any circumstances. I just hope they leave without causing you any more grief, good luck.

 

[Nasicus]

Tell them to go and ask for a test for ADHD. The dodgy boyfriend, chaos and mess, inability to stick to rules sounds like some people with uncontrolled ADHD.

But I also wouldn't have an issue asking them to leave, because its your home.

Please don't tar everyone with ADHD with the same brush as this absolute hot mess of a garbage human.

DB, you better be getting rid of this blight.

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

They have had help from doctors etc and are meant to be on medication etc, I don’t know enough about it all but think they are not necessarily been failed by the system here. You are right and don’t think it could be an excuse for everything.

This is not your problem, have you done the notice letter yet? (Please say yes)

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Exactly that re the headcollar.

Yes I can see how it's all developed, slowly. You let a few things slide with the excuse that they're stressed or having a hard time...which is just called being a nice person, and with most people it will be just that, an odd few things. But with some others they just see it as permission to push the boundaries more and more. It sounds as though she now has quite a chaotic lifestyle, spiralling down, and even though your OH is right it will be hard for you to do this. There was someone a little bit like this at a livery yard I was at once. Alcohol, with her. You do need to do this for your own health, and you just have to hope it kicks her into action to do something. Only she can do that, not you. But poor horse : (

The 'it's not you, it's me and I need my private space' would not be to let her off the hook, it's to protect yourself and stop her from grabbing hold of anything to argue with. Remind her it's hard in winter to find anything but now is the easier time. I thought the insurance reason wasn't bad either: it gives a really good deadline, and is based on truth.
Have you thought about some security cameras btw? We have some we got when we had a bad neighbour at a previous house - battery operated ones (Arlo) so can be fixed in various places (within reach of Wifi).

My point is that OP doesn't need to say any of these things to protect themselves. And that if this person is going to behave badly then trying to pacify them with stuff like this is unlikely to change that.

Protection will come from sticking to contract, not getting pulled into argument, being clear what the boundaries are for moving stuff of the yard, and being supported by other people.

ETA - no one has to have liveries. Even without all this bad behaviour, OP you could give notice in line with the contract and that is the deadline. There's no need to get into anything else.

 

[Fieldlife]

I would state you and your partner have decided yard will be private use and no liveries from 30 days time. And that having a second income doesnt fit with working at xxxx. Being private use only will make the tax and insurance much simpler. You are give them notice to vacate their livery space from xxx date. Sent by text (and email if you have it) immediately.

Clear to the point, not something they can argue with. And if you get a lot of push back, I state this is a joint decision with your partner and not reversible.

Whilst you have every right to blame livery's behaviour, dont as they may then promise to improve.

 

[paddy555]

I think your problem is going to be what happens when they haven't gone by 31/7. If they haven't even made much effort. They have broken all the contract rules until now with no consequences so why worry about notice to leave.
I think you need to get them activated. Presumably there is no contract for them to store stuff in your stable so tell them I want it gone by say 30/6. Anything still there and it will be going to the tip/be burnt etc and I shall be clearing the stable if you don't get it done. Until they see you are serious about one thing they are not going to make much effort and why should they. They've taken over the place until now, no reason not to carry on. No doubt they won't clear the stable and then you must enforce the rules and do something.
That will then give them a month to start moving the horse.

The only reason you need to give when serving notice is, no doubt you will have seen I have reduced liveries over the months with a view to closing the livery yard. It has now been decided it will close on 31/7 and all liveries have to be gone by that date.

 

[Highmileagecob]

On my yard, if the owner tells someone to leave, he also tells them they have two weeks to clear everything off the premises, and anything left will be put outside the locked gate, including the horse. He can be quite fierce when he gets into a confrontational situation, and I've no doubt he would do it. Beef up your security!

 

[94lunagem]

Lock up your stuff so she cannot access even a hoof pick.

Being mischievous, I would put a bow on a hoof pick and give it to them as a leaving present!

Off they must fuk

I'm at work and this made me audibly giggle.

Sorry OP, I'm not meaning to diminish what is clearly a stressful situation for you. But their behaviour sounds so bad you almost have to laugh!

 

[dominobrown]

I think your problem is going to be what happens when they haven't gone by 31/7. If they haven't even made much effort. They have broken all the contract rules until now with no consequences so why worry about notice to leave.
I think you need to get them activated. Presumably there is no contract for them to store stuff in your stable so tell them I want it gone by say 30/6. Anything still there and it will be going to the tip/be burnt etc and I shall be clearing the stable if you don't get it done. Until they see you are serious about one thing they are not going to make much effort and why should they. They've taken over the place until now, no reason not to carry on. No doubt they won't clear the stable and then you must enforce the rules and do something.
That will then give them a month to start moving the horse.

The only reason you need to give when serving notice is, no doubt you will have seen I have reduced liveries over the months with a view to closing the livery yard. It has now been decided it will close on 31/7 and all liveries have to be gone by that date.

Thanks for the advice. I shall certainly take it regarding the stable full of bin bags! The randomly taking over other stables is really annoying and definitely breaking the contract.
This is my last livery as when I closed last year this one was having „issues“. I was kind and understanding but it’s been a year now and they have just taken over.

I have been very busy with work and did not want to deal with confrontation or hassle at home so I have let stuff slide but it’s just got worse and worse. I have drafted a letter and will give it to them whe. They come to do their horse/ leave it outside their stable as well as send an email and message.

 

[Highmileagecob]

Brace yourself for a backlash, as these people sound to have quite a sense of entitlement. Stay calm, just stick to the line that you are closing the livery and please make sure you have got everything you need off the yard by X date, as it will be disposed off after then. No need to shout or raise your voice. Think of us all stood behind you, cheering you on

 

[Steerpike]

Wow I didn't even get half way down the list before I thought get rid, I hope you manage to get it all sorted!

 

[Floofball]

You have been very kind and they have taken advantage of you terribly. You have everyone here’s support - hope they go quietly

 

[AmyMay]

My point is that OP doesn't need to say any of these things to protect themselves. And that if this person is going to behave badly then trying to pacify them with stuff like this is unlikely to change that.

Protection will come from sticking to contract, not getting pulled into argument, being clear what the boundaries are for moving stuff of the yard, and being supported by other people.

ETA - no one has to have liveries. Even without all this bad behaviour, OP you could give notice in line with the contract and that is the deadline. There's no need to get into anything else.

 

[AmyMay]

Thanks for the advice. I shall certainly take it regarding the stable full of bin bags! The randomly taking over other stables is really annoying and definitely breaking the contract.
This is my last livery as when I closed last year this one was having „issues“. I was kind and understanding but it’s been a year now and they have just taken over.

I have been very busy with work and did not want to deal with confrontation or hassle at home so I have let stuff slide but it’s just got worse and worse. I have drafted a letter and will give it to them whe. They come to do their horse/ leave it outside their stable as well as send an email and message.

You need to physically hand it to them, and verbalise the notice period.

As the line goes

……… ‘it’s the only way to be sure…..’

 

[9tails]

How on earth do you sleep at night? I'd be cuddling a shotgun with the randomers videoing your equipment, the druggies wandering about and your horse being used as a spare ride. YOUR mental health is what you need to focus on, not the low life that's masquerading as a livery. Sure as eggs is eggs the horsey population know exactly what she's like and you're worrying unnecessarily about her trashing your reputation.

 

[dominobrown]

Thank you.
I do want to bring up the horse borrowing thing as I am fuming so I need to remain calm.
I have not mentioned it yet but their horse has a cut on its leg from the calm ride yesterday, apparently it reared up and fell over? My horse is ok but I schooled him just now and he felt tight and heavy in the hand like someone has been hanging off his mouth. I have had him 12 years and he felt tenser today than he has for a long time. Their horses cut looks like a speedy-cut to me… and dried blood left on its leg… I will put up with a lot (obviously) but I don’t expect my horse to.

 

[AandK]

This is madness, that list had me feeling rather angry on your behalf! OP, please lock up your stuff, take tack into the house so they can't 'borrow' your horse anymore.

 

[Beausmate]

Thank you.
I do want to bring up the horse borrowing thing as I am fuming so I need to remain calm.
I have not mentioned it yet but their horse has a cut on its leg from the calm ride yesterday, apparently it reared up and fell over? My horse is ok but I schooled him just now and he felt tight and heavy in the hand like someone has been hanging off his mouth. I have had him 12 years and he felt tenser today than he has for a long time. Their horses cut looks like a speedy-cut to me… and dried blood left on its leg… I will put up with a lot (obviously) but I don’t expect my horse to.

Right, big girl pants on. "I'm sorry, but due to a change of circumstances ( I can't stand this situation with you anymore!) I'm going to have to ask you to clear all of your stuff and leave by the end of the month. Anything left after this time will be disposed of."

Or, right now - " I want you off my yard with immediate effect. You have taken the p*ss for far too long, and I have had enough of it. You can make an appointment to collect your stuff by x date, or it will be disposed of. I don't care what you are supposed to do now, that is not my problem - you are. What are you still doing here? Go and ring some yards and get gone!"

Either or

 

[Beausmate]

And have some mates round when you do it.

 

[Apercrumbie]

Nope, she needs to go in the bin. Put all your horse stuff in your house/somewhere she can't get to.

 

[94lunagem]

@Beausmate makes a valid point, these people don't sound like they know how to behave and could be unpredictable. Make sure you have someone with you, or at least in the general vicinity on site with you, when you give them their notice.

I would also be inclined to have my phone recording in my pocket.

 

[poiuytrewq]

Good god, No you are not being unreasonable. It sounds like hell.

 

[SEL]

I think you've been a saint!

And this is why I don't have liveries....

 

[EventingMum]

This person and their horse needs to leave pronto! She is causing you untold stress which is not acceptable and also potentially upsetting your horse. I understand how you feel as I hate confrontation but in this case I think you just need to be brave and issue notice immediately. You don't need a reason to give notice but you can claim several mitigating factors if it helps you to do this such as no longer having insurance for liveries, having liveries affects your rates, no longer being able to have a second income due to new job (accountants advice?), your own mental health (GP's advice), your boyfriend's / your family wishes, her livery no covering your costs etc etc - a white lie in the instance is perfectly acceptable if it helps IMO!

ETA give notice in writing and secure all your belongings until she leaves. I would be prepared to say the notice is non negotiable and not open for discussion too.

 

[dorsetladette]

This person and their horse needs to leave pronto! She is causing you untold stress which is not acceptable and also potentially upsetting your horse. I understand how you feel as I hate confrontation but in this case I think you just need to be brave and issue notice immediately. You don't need a reason to give notice but you can claim several mitigating factors if it helps you to do this such as no longer having insurance for liveries, having liveries affects your rates, no longer being able to have a second income due to new job (accountants advice?), your own mental health (GP's advice), your boyfriend's / your family wishes, her livery no covering your costs etc etc - a white lie in the instance is perfectly acceptable if it helps IMO!

ETA give notice in writing and secure all your belongings until she leaves. I would be prepared to say the notice is non negotiable and not open for discussion too.

yep I'm of the same ilk. I hate confrontation which is why I put up with so much from my bad livery. I was more than comfortable making it a 3rd party issue when first approaching the notice conversation. Once the notice is issued enforcing it didn't seem half as hard as I thought it would.

As others have said lock your belongs up and maybe put a chain and lock on your field gate if your horses have separate turnout to hers. If you really want to have headcollars and grooming kit out dig some old stuff out that won't hurt to much if it goes missing. We all have a pony magazine hoof pick lurking in a box somewhere!