Issues with confidence

[Waxwing]

Thank you for all your replies; I am on HRT patches but will talk the GP about getting my hormone levels checked. I've always had some anxieties but never to this level; this is very much about me rather than the horse. I won't make any immediate decisions; I have arranged by the horse to be ridden by some other people a few times a week and we will see how things go. The horse is indeed perfectly happy; living out with her little herd and coming in during the day about five days a week. If I don't get my anxieties under control I may have to concede that horse ownership is not for me but for now I will see how it goes. I am not looking to compete but ultimately need to feed confident that I can go out for a hack a few times a week, have regular lessons and ride in the school without the underlying feeling that something is going to go wrong and I am going to come off and get hurt. (There is no basis to this feeling but it is how I feel at present and I don't feel able to consider going out hacking.)

 

[Kunoichi73]

My menopause anxiety didn't decrease until I doubled the hrt dose, so it's worth having a chat with your GP about your current dose.

 

[Lois Lame]

I would thoroughly recommend having Joe Midgely have a look, if it is at all possible to arrange. He has a way of putting you back in the driver's seat and helping horses feel comfortable and able to comply.

I don't know Joe Midgely but I feel confident in Red's suggestion. Just seen a bit on youtube; I like his manner.

 

[Lois Lame]

It's interesting what so many have said about menopause and possible feelings due to that. I've always put my lack of confidence down to mood, which tends to vary. Strangely enough, I am going through a period of quite good, confident mood - which is a dangerous mood for me. I have to make sure I don't go out and buy a horse until I've met the requirements that my OH and I have talked about.

If it's not about menopause (just saying), I really think that some one-on-one with the right person would be great. Your mare sounds lovely, Waxwing. If someone could show you how to be with her, what she's about, I think that would go a long way.

 

[Red-1]

Thank you for all your replies; I am on HRT patches but will talk the GP about getting my hormone levels checked. I've always had some anxieties but never to this level; this is very much about me rather than the horse. I won't make any immediate decisions; I have arranged by the horse to be ridden by some other people a few times a week and we will see how things go. The horse is indeed perfectly happy; living out with her little herd and coming in during the day about five days a week. If I don't get my anxieties under control I may have to concede that horse ownership is not for me but for now I will see how it goes. I am not looking to compete but ultimately need to feed confident that I can go out for a hack a few times a week, have regular lessons and ride in the school without the underlying feeling that something is going to go wrong and I am going to come off and get hurt. (There is no basis to this feeling but it is how I feel at present and I don't feel able to consider going out hacking.)

Again, if it helps, before I was on HRT, I was also under a lot of stress with mum being ill. I felt hardly able to breathe let alone ride a horse. I had a lovely competition type mare, who I sent away initially, as I simply could not cope with having a horse at all at that time. I then sold her as I couldn't conceive that I would ever be able to enjoy riding and competing. I bought Rigsby-Cob and was initially scared to ride him too, but I deemed him worth keeping as he had many medical issues and felt he wouldn't mind doing little. To be fair, at his age and stage he would not enjoy being asked to do an awful lot, so there was no pressure.

It took time, but I somehow got it all together, enjoyed riding Rigs and, realising Rigs was limited in what he had to offer, bought BH. BH is not the out and out athletic type, but handy and described as more woah than go. I still did little with him until I was on HRT, but enjoyed what we did do. Then, last summer, I started to get glimpses of the person I used to be. I am on double to three times the HRT dose I was on initially. I can adjust daily with cream or spray - can't abide the patches! This year, I am off doing what I want to do. Not really out competing yet, but, for example, just yesterday I confidently travelled to a XC course for a hire, was alone, left Mr Red's phone number with the course owner and went off having a fine time, no worries. That would not have been me a couple of years ago.

For you, I would not sell the horse just yet, unless you think she is not a match for what you want to do. I have no regrets in selling my mare, she was out eventing with a junior 6 weeks after sale and she is in the right place. I realised that I no longer want the out and out competition type, I have a more ponderous type now, but BH is also able to step it up when needed, with a following wind LOL. So, if you think your needs have changed and she would not be a match, then by all means sell, but if she is the type you like, and has not done anything unforgivable, then I would step back, increase HRT, with a blood test to see where you are at (I went privately for this) and get some training together to iron out any issues.

I'm trying to say that you probably won't feel like this forever!

I don't know Joe Midgely but I feel confident in Red's suggestion. Just seen a bit on youtube; I like his manner.

Have a look at Amber's Echo's thread on here, there is simply nothing not to like. He brings no ego into the arena, is there to help you and the horse, no pressure. In my sessions, I prefer to ride initially to show how our homework has gone, then he takes over and does the next step, or corrects what I have been doing, then... we finish. I prefer to try new things when alone, no pressure on me, and report back. I really benefit from watching him show BH something new, so I can gauge his reaction etc, and then, when I try it, BH already knows the answer and can navigate his way through my muddles signals.

I have seen him adjust the atmosphere between me and BH, and also a friend says her youngster was transformed with a single lesson. A third friend is starting lessons soon too. He is able to see where you may be annoying the horse with muddled signals and help get you both on the same page.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you again for your comments; they are as ever appreciated. Apologies if I am using this thread as an equine counselling session! . It is helpful to get perspectives from horses and also don't know me personally. (If that makes sense.!)

When the new horse came she was very chilled in the arena; whether on her own or with other horses. If we got her in the field she might neigh a bit but once she started working would focus on that. My instructor commented on more than occasion how chilled she was and she wasn't upset by the odd error or mixed signal I gave her. She was more alert when we went out for some initial short hacks which I fully expected. I generally felt very relaxed when riding her. She was push on rather than hold back which is exactly the sort of horse I need.

In the past couple of weeks she has been more switched on generally and when in the arena is very focused on what is happening outside of the area, horses being taken and from their fields, objects in the grass alongside the school, a gate being open when it usually shut etc. I suspect she may be in season at present; she was neighing when I turned her out on Sunday even though she had one of her field mates with her. She would normally just settle and graze

Prior to buying her I had found that I was no longer enjoying riding one of the riding school horses who I used to enjoy. He never did anything unsafe but was on his toes at the start of most lessons. I found this manageable in the context of an hours riding lesson but find it more difficult if it is the situation every time I ride my own horse.

My daughter rode her in a group lesson this evening, I hadn't mentioned anything about yesterday as I didn't want her feeling nervous. They were fine until it came to the cantering when the horse put in a couple of bucks and they unfortunately parted company. My daughter decided to get back on and cantered without incident and went on to do a few small jumps again without incident. She will have a nice bruise on one hip tomorrow but otherwise is fine. The instructor commented that there is more energy in the grass at present and she is obviously feeling very well in herself.

She is going to go on working livery and will do a few hours work a week with some of the more experienced adult riders which will probably help.

I was very pleased with my daughter for getting back on; but at the moment I am not sure I want to. I am happy enough with my daughter riding her the majority of the time if she wants to, but I had wanted a horse that I could before or after work put some tack on and go for a hack around where he or she was stabled, as well has having a couple of lessons. At the moment I am not sure she will fulfil that brief for me. (The horse is perfectly willing to hack out but I don't want to on her at the moment.)

My daughter's mental health isn't great and riding is very therapeutic for her, but riding is also what I do to help give me a break from supporting her and managing a very stressful while juggling phone calls from my daughter's school about ongoing issues. Its been a fairly tough six months in our family and the new horse was meant to give us both a bit of a release.

Up until last week I genuinely felt she was and thought we had finally got a horse who was right for both of us. Now I am really not sure

The horse is still lovely; this is not about her; she is a genuinely nice horse. I am genuinely wondering if I was happier paying to ride a couple of times a week rather than having another horse. Sorry for my rambles.

 

[Red-1]

Thank you again for your comments; they are as ever appreciated. Apologies if I am using this thread as an equine counselling session! . It is helpful to get perspectives from horses and also don't know me personally. (If that makes sense.!)

When the new horse came she was very chilled in the arena; whether on her own or with other horses. If we got her in the field she might neigh a bit but once she started working would focus on that. My instructor commented on more than occasion how chilled she was and she wasn't upset by the odd error or mixed signal I gave her. She was more alert when we went out for some initial short hacks which I fully expected. I generally felt very relaxed when riding her. She was push on rather than hold back which is exactly the sort of horse I need.

In the past couple of weeks she has been more switched on generally and when in the arena is very focused on what is happening outside of the area, horses being taken and from their fields, objects in the grass alongside the school, a gate being open when it usually shut etc. I suspect she may be in season at present; she was neighing when I turned her out on Sunday even though she had one of her field mates with her. She would normally just settle and graze

Prior to buying her I had found that I was no longer enjoying riding one of the riding school horses who I used to enjoy. He never did anything unsafe but was on his toes at the start of most lessons. I found this manageable in the context of an hours riding lesson but find it more difficult if it is the situation every time I ride my own horse.

My daughter rode her in a group lesson this evening, I hadn't mentioned anything about yesterday as I didn't want her feeling nervous. They were fine until it came to the cantering when the horse put in a couple of bucks and they unfortunately parted company. My daughter decided to get back on and cantered without incident and went on to do a few small jumps again without incident. She will have a nice bruise on one hip tomorrow but otherwise is fine. The instructor commented that there is more energy in the grass at present and she is obviously feeling very well in herself.

She is going to go on working livery and will do a few hours work a week with some of the more experienced adult riders which will probably help.

I was very pleased with my daughter for getting back on; but at the moment I am not sure I want to. I am happy enough with my daughter riding her the majority of the time if she wants to, but I had wanted a horse that I could before or after work put some tack on and go for a hack around where he or she was stabled, as well has having a couple of lessons. At the moment I am not sure she will fulfil that brief for me. (The horse is perfectly willing to hack out but I don't want to on her at the moment.)

My daughter's mental health isn't great and riding is very therapeutic for her, but riding is also what I do to help give me a break from supporting her and managing a very stressful while juggling phone calls from my daughter's school about ongoing issues. Its been a fairly tough six months in our family and the new horse was meant to give us both a bit of a release.

Up until last week I genuinely felt she was and thought we had finally got a horse who was right for both of us. Now I am really not sure

The horse is still lovely; this is not about her; she is a genuinely nice horse. I am genuinely wondering if I was happier paying to ride a couple of times a week rather than having another horse. Sorry for my rambles.

I don't see being bucked off in the school to be a minor thing. I'm not sure I'd want to get on either.

How old is your daughter?

It will be interesting to see how it pans out with working livery.

I would also be interested to see what Joe thought, if it were possible to have him.

 

[Waxwing]

My daughter will be sixteen in a few months; she seem pretty unphased by what happens but obviously I don't want her getting hurt. She wants to do pony club etc this summer, which a couple of weeks ago I was all set for her doing this but now I am not sure. I get that any horse can have a moment and last week when was silly when we took her in the arena there were lots of genuine reasons for this. The horse is very full of herself at present at times, 90% of the time she is the very calm horse we tried and had for the first six weeks but is the other 10% that is concerning me. To be honest if this continues she isn't staying; I kept our first horse several months longer than I should have done and I am very clear that I am not doing that again. I appreciate this may sound very negative but if spring grass equals more exuberance than I feel comfortable dealing with then it will be a reputable schooling and sales livery. I also want what is right for our horse and if she needs a more active home with a more experienced rider then so be it I am finding it really hard to write this as two weeks ago everything was going swimmingly but this is how I am feeling at present.

 

[Red-1]

My daughter will be sixteen in a few months; she seem pretty unphased by what happens but obviously I don't want her getting hurt. She wants to do pony club etc this summer, which a couple of weeks ago I was all set for her doing this but now I am not sure. I get that any horse can have a moment and last week when was silly when we took her in the arena there were lots of genuine reasons for this. The horse is very full of herself at present at times, 90% of the time she is the very calm horse we tried and had for the first six weeks but is the other 10% that is concerning me. To be honest if this continues she isn't staying; I kept our first horse several months longer than I should have done and I am very clear that I am not doing that again. I appreciate this may sound very negative but if spring grass equals more exuberance than I feel comfortable dealing with then it will be a reputable schooling and sales livery. I also want what is right for our horse and if she needs a more active home with a more experienced rider then so be it I am finding it really hard to write this as two weeks ago everything was going swimmingly but this is how I am feeling at present.

She sounds like a lovely horse, and maybe your daughter would be just fine at pony club. Bucking is something that horses do. However, I know from experience that it is tricky for you when you are having hormonal changes and a horse that is being unpredictable will not help with that.

What about putting a time limit on it, where no decision for 6 weeks or whatever (as long as your daughter feels safe)? Let the HRT take effect, let the working livery give the mare more work? I would also (sorry, third time) see if you can arrange some alternative help. Some horses/situations need more than "lunge it and give it more work." Some trainers are simply transformative.

You should not lose money if you do sell right now, especially if the horse is sound and just passed a vetting. I presume you have checked the saddle, soundness, feed etc.

I have turned round some very naughty horses, with spooks, bucks, rears etc. In fact, the ones I had to do the work on have ended up my 'best' horses for travelling that road with them. I used to be limited on budget and you can only have 3 of athletic, sound, cheap and sane... I needed athletic, sound and cheap, so the sanity part was my compromise. I would buy ones with a known quirk as long as I thought that physically they were OK. Usually it worked out. You do have to be in the correct, strong mental space to travel that road though. Menopause is tricky, hence me selling a perfectly nice, normal mare in 2020 and buying a li'l ol' cob! I am trying to say that I am not someone who would sell a horse simply because it is doing horse behaviours, but from a place of knowing how crippling hormonal changes can be.

If you think this horse may be the one, do a 6 week challenge. Look for improvements.

I don't think it unreasonable that you want a horse that suits both you and your daughter, especially as you are likely funding the lot right now. You being able to help and share will help her long term mental health for the fact that you will also be healthier, as well as the fun of sharing.

As none of us know the horse, you, your daughter, the yard etc I don't think anyone can tell you the right thing to do. I would say that it is supposed to be fun though. But then I was a nay-sayer who thought that Keira would not sort Prince out, and there she is, cantering down the beach... But then, I didn't know her or the horse either and it seems I underestimated both!

 

[Ceriann]

I have said with my new one - horse has to be what it says on the tin. Allowing for a sensible transition to settle. If horse isn’t then I would move on - someone out there (many I’m sure) will be very happy with a horse with some exuberance. The market now is bonkers. Horses are supposed to be fun and a new horse should be making you happy.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

The horse may not be used to being ridden in a group lesson I can imagine some horses finding it quite exciting, one of mine can get really hot with multiple horses in the school ridden showing could also wind him up on occasion.

I think your doing the right thing having someone else ride in between hopefully with more work she will be calmer when you want to ride.

It's still very early days horses can take months to properly settle its a massive thing for them just like it is for you as well.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you all for your helpful and thoughtful responses . She passed a vetting when we bought her with no issues picked up relating to soundness, she isn't on any hard feed and lives out the majority of the time; she is in during the day about five days a weeks for four or five hours. We had the saddler out the day after we bought and she is booked in again next month. I haven't picked up any soundness issues and more importantly neither have the two instructors we have been having regular lessons with. They are both very good at picking up issues (they vetoed a number of horses based on videos I was sent and have spotted lameness in horses that has been missed by a vet.) She is due to get her teeth done and that should be happening in the next few weeks. However I don't think there are underlying physical issues linked to yesterdays buck. Her behaviour at present is more indicative of I've got some excess energy and I think she is in season as she is a lot more interested in what other horses on the yard are doing and focusing her attention on them, rather then the rider at times. The horses on the yard all generally appear a bit fresher at present; my daughter rode in a lesson at the weekend and someone else fell off as soon as they got into the arena. This put our horse on her toes for a few minutes but the instructor told my daughter to keep moving and she settled after a few minutes.

If we did decided to sell I expect we would be able to get what we paid for her or close to it; she is a non-marish mare who is willing who has previously been well school (she has some BD points at Novice) will hack alone and has proven she will to have a go at jumping without any dramas.

We have been riding her in group lessons since she arrived at the yard and for the first six weeks she seemed totally unphased by this; even if other horses were cantering round when she was walking. I took this as very positive sign for future attendance at pony club and other events. She had also been ok to take out for short hacks; not overly keen on standing still but otherwise fine (no napping and happy to pass the traffic we met including walking past a tractor digging up a ditch.) Its been in the last two weeks that she appears to have be more on her toes. When my daughter fell off yesterday she took off round the school at a canter, rains and stirrups flying, although to be fair when my daughter got back on she cantered calmly and my daughter popped some poles and a small jump without issue.

I have no doubt we could find her another home relatively easily as she has lots of attributes that would suit many people. I fully appreciate it can take horse a long time to settle; my concern is that now she is feeling more settled potentially her natural exuberance is emerging. She appeared to settle in very quickly when she came to us; she had had virtually no turn out whilst on sales livery and seemed to really benefit from living out as part of a small group.

If is more naturally exuberant becomes more usual for her she won't be the right long term horse for us. I won't enjoy riding her and won't feel confident managing her on the ground if we go anywhere. I don't want a horse I always feel I need someone more experienced around to help me manage and in the longer term I don't want to feel limited in what I can or can't do. I have no big plans to go competing but would like to be able to go on a fun ride (no jumping) or just e able to turn up at the yard and go out for a hack without feeling excessively worried,.

I appreciate some of how I am feeling is menopause linked but not all of it.

I think Red's suggestion of giving it six weeks or so is sensible as I will have an indication then of which direction we are heading in. Thank you again for your helpful and considered responses.

 

[Waxwing]

I will also look at the trainers suggested; not quite sure my riding is at this level (ie not sure I ride well enough !) but I am certainly willing to consider all options. The two instructors on our yard are both very good and have extensive experience of teaching, schooling and breaking horses and I do like both their approaches.

 

[Fransurrey]

Thank you for all your replies; I am on HRT patches but will talk the GP about getting my hormone levels checked. I've always had some anxieties but never to this level; this is very much about me rather than the horse. I won't make any immediate decisions; I have arranged by the horse to be ridden by some other people a few times a week and we will see how things go. The horse is indeed perfectly happy; living out with her little herd and coming in during the day about five days a week. If I don't get my anxieties under control I may have to concede that horse ownership is not for me but for now I will see how it goes. I am not looking to compete but ultimately need to feed confident that I can go out for a hack a few times a week, have regular lessons and ride in the school without the underlying feeling that something is going to go wrong and I am going to come off and get hurt. (There is no basis to this feeling but it is how I feel at present and I don't feel able to consider going out hacking.)

I often have days like this and am also on HRT patches. They definitely help, as I'm not paralysed with fear at work, anymore, but I am often still anxious riding. My GP has given me beta blockers but I do find I forget to take them, as they're an 'as and when' medication, which means they're never with me when I need them! Yesterday was a particularly bad day for anxiety, to the point I nearly shot into the sky when a feckin wood pigeon flew towards me whilst my boy had his head down grazing (I was talking to a friend). I am focusing on riding forwards and it is helping. Something else building my confidence a bit is booking pleasure rides. I'm a nervous wreck before and during the first half to two thirds, but breaking it down afterwards and noting all the ways my boy was awesome helps. He very rarely acts like a tit, it's the anticipation that's the thing. So, I hear ya and advise you to feel the fear and do it anyway (and hopefully the HRT works - apparently the gel with oral progesterone is better for some people, but round here it's in short supply, so Evorel it is!).

 

[Waxwing]

I have had a message from one of yard staff saying they rode her today and she was in their words brilliant. I also had a long chat with my husband who isn't at all horsey but after twenty plus years together knows me pretty well. He reminded met that from his perspective I came back positively glowing after riding the horse for the first six weeks we had her. He is not saying keep her come what may, or even ride her at present if I don't want to; he would just suggest that I give it some time; especially as our daughter is still very keen to carry on. My daughter is finding school very difficult at present and she has said having the new horse is helping her mental health. From her perspective I don't what to make any decisions before the end of the academic year; I think by then I will have an indication of which direction we are heading in. Thank you again everyone who has taken the time to read and comment; it is greatly appreciated.

 

[Red-1]

I will also look at the trainers suggested; not quite sure my riding is at this level (ie not sure I ride well enough !) but I am certainly willing to consider all options. The two instructors on our yard are both very good and have extensive experience of teaching, schooling and breaking horses and I do like both their approaches.

My first lesson with Joe was mainly on the ground, identifying my horse's signals and having him give his whole attention to me, or him, as he did most of the handling first lesson. I had been letting little things slip as my horse was generally a good egg. The grey areas were annoying him and he was taking control of those grey areas.

A friend had a less confident horse and had a lesson. The horse was unbacked so it was all in-hand. She reports the horse did a complete 180 in terms of confidence and behaviour in just 1 lesson. The improvement has stuck. Joy all round!

 

[Caol Ila]

Horses are all ups and downs. Once you've had one for a while (assuming you're not Joe Midgley, Warwick Schiller, or Carl Hester, but just a pretty average rider), those ups and downs should level out with time and experience and through the length of your relationship. But the first year or two of the relationship is hard. You can go weeks thinking you're making progress, you're on top of the world, then the horse plays up a bit. Maybe the tack isn't right, maybe she's in season, maybe the herd dynamics have changed, maybe she just woke up on the wrong side of the stable that day. They are sentient creatures, after all.

It's so easy to think, 'I'm doing it all wrong.' I do this all the time. You have to remind yourself to look at the positives. So my four-year old, Hermosa, has been brilliant all week. Even hacked alone on Tuesday and had a really great schooling session yesterday. Today, we were out with a friend riding Fin and OH on foot. She was a bit sticky as lead horse but still led most of it. It's so easy to despair at the stickiness, which has been a bit of an issue that comes and goes a bit. But you have to look at everything that went right. She did lead and might have been a bit more wary because it was windy. She spooked at a bit of fallen fencing, then Fin spooked even more because he's very reactive to other horses, and they both cantered off. She pulled up very quickly. Fin did not pull up as quickly (him and his rider did not know each other that well), then his saddle started to slide, and my friend had to bail out. He cantered away for about 15-20m, before realizing that he was leaving the herd and he needed a human to fix the saddle, so he came to a halt, waiting for his humans. OH caught him. Hermosa was very calm and patient while all that faff happened.

Sometimes, you need to look at the big picture and at everything that's going right. It is so, so easy for your brain to focus on everything that's gone wrong (and things will... because horses), so you have to consciously tell yourself to not do that.

And check your girth!

 

[southerncomfort]

So my experiences of horse buying largely follow a similar path.

Pony arrives, is quiet, amenable and does everything asked of it. I am full of excitement and happiness.

Few weeks in, pony is flourishing, has got used to new home and new people. Life is good, pony is happy and confident.

Honeymoon period is over. Pony has become a bit over confident and bratty. Things are not fun, I'm full of regrets and wondering what the heck I've done. Tell OH often that I'm not good enough for pony.

Give self a shake, take pony's bratty behaviour in hand. Have lessons. Hack out lots. Pony happier with more work and clear rules. All is good in the world.

This is all COMPLETELY normal!

The horse is still the same horse you bought, but has been through a change of people and environment. Its on different grazing and now the lush spring grass is doing its thing too.

You are still the same person. You haven't suddenly become incompetent, your acquired knowledge hasn't fallen out of your ears. You can ride this horse as well as anyone else. You're just trying to adapt to changes, same as the horse.

This post is a very long winded way of saying, you've bought a good horse that's now feeling happy and well. Its a tiny bump in the road which you are more than equipped to deal with.

My advice would be, restrict grazing until grass goes off a bit. Mine are currently out 6pm to 8am.

Have riding lessons with a really good instructor you trust.

Hack out with someone whose horse is a Saint while you and horse are still getting to know each other.

 

[Cloball]

This is very reassuring @southerncomfort I think I'm moving between the last 2 stages but it has its ups and downs even in the course of one lesson

 

[canteron]

I think if you could find some fun with your horse without putting yourself in a position that was challenging, it would help the bond on both sides and teach you to look for the positives to praise (as above, we can get fixated on the negative).

There are so many groundwork/trick on the internet but one of the easiest to teach - and super handy - is the TRT magic way to get on (I use treats to train though, so much easier). Fantasticly useful, especially if you have to get off out hacking and need to get back on - can also use the principal to teach lateral work.

The other thing you could teach your horse, is that in the command ‘off’ he stops dead still while you dismount - even from an canter. Easy to teach with treats and again super handy if you feel you want to get off in a hurry without worrying your horse.

 

[Peglo]

I admit that the ‘getting to know a new horse’ stage isn’t my favourite. I love the feeling of knowing my horses inside out and them me. But you need to go through @southerncomfort’s list to get there.
I understand your concerns atm and really feel for you. I’m glad your daughter is enjoying your horse and hope you feel more confident soon. Groundwork lessons is a good idea if you don’t want to ride.

I got Tali 2 years ago and had plenty of wobbles that were all me. Now I’d never ever part with her and know and trust her completely. These feelings are raising its head again with my new one at times but having worked through my worries with Tali I know we’ll get there too. It takes time and we need to be patient. But you’ve got to do what’s right for you too.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you for everyone who replied; my daughter and I have both ridden our horse this weekend in group lessons. I wasn't sure I wanted to but as she had behaved really well for my daughter yesterday I decided that I would give it a go. She behaved really well for me and after the first five minutes I realised I was enjoying myself. We did everything in the lesson and went for short walk on the tracks round the stables afterwards. I did put a neck strap on, more to reassure myself than anything else and was also pleased I put my big girl pants on. Still not sure about wanting to go for longer hacks yet but we can work to towards that.

 

[Barton Bounty]

I think @Waxwing the important thing is getting your confidence up! At the moment it doesn’t sound like you are feeling it and it has happened to all pf us at some point. Then you torture yourself with.. ‘have i done the right thing’ ‘this horse is too much’ but in reality you just need to believe in yourself more.
Take a deep breath before you mount.. sing to her if you want. Do anything you want to keep your head in the right space .

 

[Red-1]

Thank you for everyone who replied; my daughter and I have both ridden our horse this weekend in group lessons. I wasn't sure I wanted to but as she had behaved really well for my daughter yesterday I decided that I would give it a go. She behaved really well for me and after the first five minutes I realised I was enjoying myself. We did everything in the lesson and went for short walk on the tracks round the stables afterwards. I did put a neck strap on, more to reassure myself than anything else and was also pleased I put my big girl pants on. Still not sure about wanting to go for longer hacks yet but we can work to towards that.

Yay, and this is just at the start of the 6 week period you have given yourself. Imagine where you will be by the end!

 

[Waxwing]

We have both ridden her again this week and she has been fine; my daughter went up the yard without me last night and rode in a lesson without me watching; which were nice for her. (The instructor is a close friend and their was another close friend of mine riding so she had plenty of adult supervision.) One of my friends brought her home and said he horse had been very mellow which was positive to hear. My daughter is finding lots of areas of her life rather tricky and missed out on doing lots of horse stuff last summer due to our previous horse not being suitable so I am keen for her to have some fun this summer. Between us we have had four successful rides on her in last six days. My daughter is very clear she wants to have a go at pony club; I have some anxieties about will the horse behave but then think plan ahead and make sure we have someone experienced with us to help with any issues. I don't want my anxieties to undermine my daughter and I am very clear that the two instructors we use would say if they thought a suggested activity was not a good idea.

 

[Annagain]

I don't know how I missed this post initially, Waxwing. New horses are difficult even when they're easy. I've had a couple of wobbles even with Wiggy and he's a total saint. You're doing great, you'll get there.

 

[Ceriann]

I think you’re doing great. It’s hard when easy horses drop their halo, even harder when they are new to you. Tell yourself what I tell myself (which is what you are doing) - how many good rides have we had, how many times has she been foot perfect, how many times has she dealt with things really well, how many times has she not spooked at something scary etc. I have a saint - she’s dropped her halo once a year since I’ve had her (it’s def hormonal - first season related) but she’s been amazing the rest of the time. I can focus on the halo slip moments too and stress when I know I should be celebrating the utterly lovely horse she is. Sounds like you are doing really well with your mare - keep celebrating the good rides.

 

[Red-1]

We have both ridden her again this week and she has been fine; my daughter went up the yard without me last night and rode in a lesson without me watching; which were nice for her. (The instructor is a close friend and their was another close friend of mine riding so she had plenty of adult supervision.) One of my friends brought her home and said he horse had been very mellow which was positive to hear. My daughter is finding lots of areas of her life rather tricky and missed out on doing lots of horse stuff last summer due to our previous horse not being suitable so I am keen for her to have some fun this summer. Between us we have had four successful rides on her in last six days. My daughter is very clear she wants to have a go at pony club; I have some anxieties about will the horse behave but then think plan ahead and make sure we have someone experienced with us to help with any issues. I don't want my anxieties to undermine my daughter and I am very clear that the two instructors we use would say if they thought a suggested activity was not a good idea.

Fabulous update!

 

[southerncomfort]

Well done Waxwing, pleased things are on a more even keel now

 

[Annagain]

Just a thought Waxwing, as you said, they're your anxieties rather than your daughter's or the horse's. Does Pony Club take place at the yard? If so, maybe it would be an idea to drop your daughter off and pick her up afterwards? I don't think you've ever mentioned how old she is but she sounds like she's at least mid-teens to me so she'd be fine getting her ready on her own. She'll have plenty of adult supervision and you'll just be at the end of the phone if you're needed. If she needs you to take her, it's a different situation but maybe you could arrange a lift or something to let her get on with it herself for the first few times until you know they're both coping with it and you can then be a bit calmer and happier with being there?