Issues with confidence

[Waxwing]

Hi my daughter is in Year 11 so doing her GCSE's and considering college options for next year; she is not particularly academic and is looking at Level 2 vocational options. She isn't aware that I am giving consideration to selling so there isn't that pressure on her; in general she seems less interested in riding at present though did have a lesson on her this week that she enjoyed. At present she has time to ride at least twice a week but isn't always showing the inclination.

With regards to the the horse in walk and trot at least she is a very sensible hack; the yard use her as an escort for these types of hacks but I would like to be able to more than this.

If we sell I am not sure when or if I we will buy again; I will continue having lessons but will need to reconsider if owning is the right thing to do.

 

[cauda equina]

I think a lot of us are not all that inclined to ride at the moment!

 

[Wishfilly]

Hi my daughter is in Year 11 so doing her GCSE's and considering college options for next year; she is not particularly academic and is looking at Level 2 vocational options. She isn't aware that I am giving consideration to selling so there isn't that pressure on her; in general she seems less interested in riding at present though did have a lesson on her this week that she enjoyed. At present she has time to ride at least twice a week but isn't always showing the inclination.

With regards to the the horse in walk and trot at least she is a very sensible hack; the yard use her as an escort for these types of hacks but I would like to be able to more than this.

If we sell I am not sure when or if I we will buy again; I will continue having lessons but will need to reconsider if owning is the right thing to do.

Apologies, I thought there were mentions within the thread of discussions with your daughter around selling.

At this time of year I do think motivation to ride is often about zero, and if there are other pressures on her (e.g. mocks etc) then I can understand not wanting to ride. If the horse is still providing her with an opportunity to de-stress, personally for a Y11 student I would put value on that.

I don't think anything on this thread means owning isn't the right thing to do- although obviously if you find it stressful then it is an expensive way to stress yourself out. If you want something that is primarily nice to hack and suits you, I don't think there's any reason not to have that in the future.

I wonder if next summer would be a natural break and chance to reassess everything?

 

[Waxwing]

Hi Wishfilly thank you for your reply; she isn't choosing to spend much time with the horse, or at the yard at present, so the horse isn't really helping her destress in that sense. My dh and I concerned that the prospect of selling the horse may upset her which is one reason for not making an immediate decision. I am just rather sad as for the first couple of months I thought we had genuinely found a horse who suited us both and on the ground and hacking round the roads, I haven't so far experienced any issues. issues. However overall I feel I am going backwards rather than forwards. I will see what my daughter wants to do over the next few weeks/ months but I am thinking a good sales livery in the new year will probably be the most sensible option.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Hi Wishfilly thank you for your reply; she isn't choosing to spend much time with the horse, or at the yard at present, so the horse isn't really helping her destress in that sense. My dh and I concerned that the prospect of selling the horse may upset her which is one reason for not making an immediate decision. I am just rather sad as for the first couple of months I thought we had genuinely found a horse who suited us both and on the ground and hacking round the roads, I haven't so far experienced any issues. issues. However overall I feel I am going backwards rather than forwards. I will see what my daughter wants to do over the next few weeks/ months but I am thinking a good sales livery in the new year will probably be the most sensible option.

Sounds like a sensible decision, very difficult nonetheless. I do think that it’s very had for a child to make the decision to sell on… yours is obviously older but with kids it’s not always as clear cut a choice or decision as it is with an adult. Sometimes you need to make the decision for them, we did with our daughters pony…it sounds like you have already decided though. So tricky x

 

[Wishfilly]

Hi Wishfilly thank you for your reply; she isn't choosing to spend much time with the horse, or at the yard at present, so the horse isn't really helping her destress in that sense. My dh and I concerned that the prospect of selling the horse may upset her which is one reason for not making an immediate decision. I am just rather sad as for the first couple of months I thought we had genuinely found a horse who suited us both and on the ground and hacking round the roads, I haven't so far experienced any issues. issues. However overall I feel I am going backwards rather than forwards. I will see what my daughter wants to do over the next few weeks/ months but I am thinking a good sales livery in the new year will probably be the most sensible option.

It is definitely an expensive way to be stressed out. I'm sorry that it hasn't worked out.

I will say that my own experience with owning, having had shares and then loans when I was younger, in many ways I did feel like I had gone backwards a bit. Having the full responsibility for the horse with no-one at all to fall back on is stressful! I guess in a way I am less fussed about making "progress" though, because I have completely lost the nerve I had in my early 20s, and have accepted I'll never be jumping serious heights again and I've no desire to compete.

I'm happy that I have a pony who is generally easy to do, who I can hack out with, and I can enjoy lessons on, and maybe take to a local show or a fun ride if I get the chance, and I don't aspire to more than that, really! If had ambitions to compete etc, then in my first year of ownership I probably would have felt like I went backwards because stress and other factors meant I rode less, and then I became less confident. I think I'm now at a happy medium where I'm happy doing what I want to do, and horse ownership is (mostly) an enjoyable experience for me!

I do think 4 or 6 months in, I easily could have sold for lots of reasons, and I'm very glad I didn't. But it's also easier for me because I'm not worrying about my child riding the horse as well! If I'd had a teenage daughter riding him at that point, I do think it might have been a different consideration.

 

[Waxwing]

Hi Wishfilly

Thank you for your reply; what you are doing with your horse is essentially what I want to be able to do and when we first bought our current horse I was regularly taking part in lessons, starting to do some hacks and was aspiring to go out and do an Intro test. In her previous life our horse had done some BD novice so me having a go at an Intro test didn't seem unrealistic. The hacking out at walk and trot is still going ok, the rest not so much.

 

[Wishfilly]

Hi Wishfilly

Thank you for your reply; what you are doing with your horse is essentially what I want to be able to do and when we first bought our current horse I was regularly taking part in lessons, starting to do some hacks and was aspiring to go out and do an Intro test. In her previous life our horse had done some BD novice so me having a go at an Intro test didn't seem unrealistic. The hacking out at walk and trot is still going ok, the rest not so much.

I could probably do all of those things now (the intro test would take a bit of work, but would theoretically be possible). I don't think I could have done them necessarily in my first 6 months of ownership.

What makes you think you couldn't go and do an intro test at the moment?

There are some people (including on this forum) who are able to get a new horse and crack on with going out and about quickly- however a lot of people do build it up slowly with a new horse and start off with low key outings to arena hire, clinics etc, and then eventually go out and compete! The first time I took my pony to a show it was in hand, even though he's not really suitable for showing, just as a chance to get out to a show atmosphere without having to ride.

I'm not saying this horse is right for you- if you're unhappy then it's probably not a good idea to keep her. But I do think with *most* horses there is a period of adjustment? Others may disagree!

 

[Waxwing]

Just wanted to say a quick hello after a very difficult couples of months with daughter's mental health and school issues, and a probably not unrelated lack of interest in horses, or anything else really, life is starting to feel a little easier. The horse stayed, my husband was very clear that with all other upheavals in our daughter's life, we were not selling at present, even if our daughter was not showing a particular interest in riding. As he pointed out the horse didn't care if we rode her or not; she is quite happy living her life in her little herd. The yard staff carried on riding and schooling her.

After several weeks of not riding my daughter had some lessons on another horse in the yard who is is very similar in size, temperament and breeding to ours. She did well on him and this gave her the confidence to have some private lessons on our horse. Alongside this I have started hacking her more regularly around the village, with a good friend and my daughter has also hacked out a few times. She is very good to hack out on the roads, will go first or last and we haven't yet encountered any traffic that really bothers her. We have both joined in group lessons again and at the weekend I felt confident enough to start cantering in the school again. My daughter had very positive feedback after a private lesson and for the first time in a while immediately asked when she could go back to the yard to ride her again.

I am not looking to far ahead, but for the present the horse is helping my daughter's mental health and I am quite enjoying what I am doing with her as well. We are back to riding her four to five times a week between us.

 

[Ceriann]

Good to hear things have settled for you a bit with your horse. It can take a good while for a horse to settle in somewhere new and for new owners and new horse to trust and build a relationship. It sounds like you are headed the right way - I hope it continues as positively for you.

 

[Barton Bounty]

Just wanted to say a quick hello after a very difficult couples of months with daughter's mental health and school issues, and a probably not unrelated lack of interest in horses, or anything else really, life is starting to feel a little easier. The horse stayed, my husband was very clear that with all other upheavals in our daughter's life, we were not selling at present, even if our daughter was not showing a particular interest in riding. As he pointed out the horse didn't care if we rode her or not; she is quite happy living her life in her little herd. The yard staff carried on riding and schooling her.

After several weeks of not riding my daughter had some lessons on another horse in the yard who is is very similar in size, temperament and breeding to ours. She did well on him and this gave her the confidence to have some private lessons on our horse. Alongside this I have started hacking her more regularly around the village, with a good friend and my daughter has also hacked out a few times. She is very good to hack out on the roads, will go first or last and we haven't yet encountered any traffic that really bothers her. We have both joined in group lessons again and at the weekend I felt confident enough to start cantering in the school again. My daughter had very positive feedback after a private lesson and for the first time in a while immediately asked when she could go back to the yard to ride her again.

I am not looking to far ahead, but for the present the horse is helping my daughter's mental health and I am quite enjoying what I am doing with her as well. We are back to riding her four to five times a week between us.

Really good to hear

 

[Bobthecob15]

Fantastic news, well done x

 

[eahotson]

Pleased to hear this.

 

[Annagain]

I'm so pleased to read this Waxwing. Long may it continue.

 

[Pedantic]

I work on the rule of "ride the backside off the horse and the rider" until Problem fixed, also if a problem whilst riding, "deal with it, learn from it, and move on" I also try to work on desentisising, such as chainsaw (no chain on it for safety) groom with a soft yard brush all over and under over ears and face by etc, builds trust from horse, if telehandler working on yard I try and get close as possible safely, got a drone, brolly, largish flag, good on windy day's, anything etc etc, baring in mind slowly slowly catches a Monkey, so bit at a time without rushing.

 

[Waxwing]

My daughter is having a session at Pony Club next week, assuming it isn't cancelled if the ground is still saturated. She had a jumping lesson this week then went to watch a friend at Pony Club where she met an instructor she knows who encouraged her to come for a trial. A very experienced friend has offered to take her so I feel more comfortable knowing there will be someone who can step in and help if need be. Our instructor says she needs to try at some point so next week it is. She has says she doesn't want me watching her...

 

[Wishfilly]

So glad to hear all is going well! Fingers crossed for next week!

 

[Bobthecob15]

Yes that sounds great, don’t worry about her not wanting you to watch…mine is the same! To be honest some days I prefer not to watch

 

[Waxwing]

Well you never know with horses! My daughter had a jumping lesson on Wednesday, fell of and the instructor then rode the horse who put in several bucks, to be fair it was the first time riding her on grass this year. My daughter decided she still wanted to try pony club today, one of the instructors rode her yesterday and my daughter had a lesson so she had worked hard prior to going. She went today and the horse, as described my friend who was looking after my daughter was a "total saint! walked, trotted and cantered calmly and did some small jumps. This was the first time the horse has been off our yard in the year we have owned her and the rally was held in a large country park and the horse was totally unphased. I didn't go today, but the friend who was with her sent me a stream of updates, photos and videos. I am delighted! and very proud of my daughter and our horse.

 

[Bobthecob15]

Well you never know with horses! My daughter had a jumping lesson on Wednesday, fell of and the instructor then rode the horse who put in several bucks, to be fair it was the first time riding her on grass this year. My daughter decided she still wanted to try pony club today, one of the instructors rode her yesterday and my daughter had a lesson so she had worked hard prior to going. She went today and the horse, as described my friend who was looking after my daughter was a "total saint! walked, trotted and cantered calmly and did some small jumps. This was the first time the horse has been off our yard in the year we have owned her and the rally was held in a large country park and the horse was totally unphased. I didn't go today, but the friend who was with her sent me a stream of updates, photos and videos. I am delighted! and very proud of my daughter and our horse.

That’s brilliant!! They both did so well

 

[mustardsmum]

Really pleased for you all @Waxwing! Really sounds like you are all getting your confidence with your horse, and this is all so positive for your daughter. Trust me, it really will help her mental health. My daughter’s pony has been her rock through her teens and the first “person” she goes to see when she comes home from uni now as a young adult. The relationship they share has, I am sure, helped her navigate her teens.i hope things continue positively for you all!

 

[Waxwing]

I am going to have a go at my first dressage test in about ten days time; I have entered and intro and prelim and will see how the intro goes before deciding whether or not to do the prelim. We had a slightly exuberant leap in the air last night in a lesson last night, not a buck - the horse in front was being rather lively and I asked for canter a bit to assertively while he was still cantering. I was able to reorganise and canter properly whereas six months ago I would have got off and decided I was never riding her again. We haven't cantered out on a hack yet, but one of my friends did a short canter out with her while I as away, in front with a very steady horse behind, and I am intending to have a go soon. I hack her lot in walk and trot and she will go in company and on her own and has gone past every vehicle we have including double decker buses, lorries and tractors with equipment attached. The fact I can nip up in my lunch hour, put her tack on and have an hour round the village with no drama is worth an awful lot to me.

 

[snowangel5]

Good luck with the 2 dressage tests how is the exam studying going so far for your daughter and how are the private lessons going as well the horses that were being transportation in a horse box have have a nice time away going to the beach or was it somewhere else

 

[Annagain]

I am going to have a go at my first dressage test in about ten days time; I have entered and intro and prelim and will see how the intro goes before deciding whether or not to do the prelim. We had a slightly exuberant leap in the air last night in a lesson last night, not a buck - the horse in front was being rather lively and I asked for canter a bit to assertively while he was still cantering. I was able to reorganise and canter properly whereas six months ago I would have got off and decided I was never riding her again. We haven't cantered out on a hack yet, but one of my friends did a short canter out with her while I as away, in front with a very steady horse behind, and I am intending to have a go soon. I hack her lot in walk and trot and she will go in company and on her own and has gone past every vehicle we have including double decker buses, lorries and tractors with equipment attached. The fact I can nip up in my lunch hour, put her tack on and have an hour round the village with no drama is worth an awful lot to me.

I love this - even the leap has a positive ending! Good luck with the dressage

 

[pistolpete]

You show brilliant awareness of the situation. There may have even been a little voice in your head saying is it right to ride today? My best advice is always listen to your gut your heart and the little voice. You know you best. Also as someone who has had a massive roller coaster of confidence it can come back! It’s fragile and easily dented but a few good rides later and you’re back to enjoying and confidence. Best of luck.

 

[Waxwing]

Good luck with the 2 dressage tests how is the exam studying going so far for your daughter and how are the private lessons going as well the horses that were being transportation in a horse box have have a nice time away going to the beach or was it somewhere else

Thank you for your message; I haven't taken any horses away away anywhere, although a day at the beach would be lovely in this heat.

 

[Waxwing]

I love this - even the leap has a positive ending! Good luck with the dressage

I have had to accept that when our horse is excited she has a tendency to have a leap and sometimes a buck. To be fair in all the time we've had her she' has only bucked once with me, but more so with my daughter. With regular work, ensuring the saddle fitter comes regularly, keeping her off any good grass and regular physio this has reduced significantly. Our instructor has said she is moving better and is stronger behind We had the saddle fitter out today and she has developed her top line significantly over the past year. I am now able to enjoy lessons and walk and trot hacks on her and ride her four to five times a week so I am happy at present . I feel we are progressing and doing things at a pace I am happy with. I have got my confidence back and want to keep it that way!

 

[Annagain]

I have had to accept that when our horse is excited she has a tendency to have a leap and sometimes a buck. To be fair in all the time we've had her she' has only bucked once with me, but more so with my daughter. With regular work, ensuring the saddle fitter comes regularly, keeping her off any good grass and regular physio this has reduced significantly. Our instructor has said she is moving better and is stronger behind We had the saddle fitter out today and she has developed her top line significantly over the past year. I am now able to enjoy lessons and walk and trot hacks on her and ride her four to five times a week so I am happy at present . I feel we are progressing and doing things at a pace I am happy with. I have got my confidence back and want to keep it that way!

Baby steps.

 

[mustardsmum]

Lovely update, you sound like you are enjoying your horse at your own speed which is so important. Not everyone wants to go round Badminton and I think sometimes people forget we do it for fun, for growing and forming a relationship with our horse. It really doesn’t matter when or even if you canter on a hack, it will happen when you are ready. Good luck with your dressage, just go and enjoy, if you feel the intro goes well and don’t want to do the prelim - it’s perfectly fine to stay within your comfort zone. And don’t forget to keep us updated

 

[Waxwing]

Well we had a go at a couple of Intro tests yesterdays at a very small and relaxed venue and came 4th in the first and 1st and the second, and had some nice comments from judges. Most importantly the horse behaved really well and I enjoyed it. The warm up was on grass and I was a bit worried she might get a a bit excited but she was entirely unworried and walked and trotted round calmly even when other horses were having a canter. After we finished she spent an hour calmly tied to the horsebox eating hay and loaded perfectly. I had been worried about going, as my daughter had a fall after a buck earlier in the week, but one of the instructors on the yard had ridden her several times following this and she had been fine and I hacked her and had a practice the day before, and she was again fine. I am very pleased and a little bit proud of myself.