Old, nackered and past it riding club

[Dasher66]

How about having the secretary come to find you so you don’t have to leave your anxious horse and trudge up the hill/through the mud to find them. There would be someone to tie on your number and point out which collecting ring you need to be in and when.

And a horse holding person permanently stationed outside the loo.

 

[Cowpony]

All competitors to have up to two "time out" options per class, for when they get puffed

In hand showing classes to be in walk only, and in a reduced size arena

 

[Tarragon]

At least half an hour between classes - enough time to work out where you need to be next!

 

[Red-1]

Loving these. I think each and every ring needs a toilet, horse holder and mounting block. A central one isn't good enough.

For dressage, I would like both reader and videographer, plus photographer. I do so little nowadays, I like it well documented when I do.

Agree with the large print.

 

[SantaVera]

Sign me up

 

[Cowpony]

Horsemonkey to have an extra function so you get an email saying "remember you haven't got this test, you always have to borrow it from your friend" or "Remember you did this test last time out, so it's probably still in your jacket pocket."

 

[Merrymoles]

Keen to be an early member of this club!

I'd also add a free groom to make sure my horse is clean and tidy enough to take part as getting them ready is always exhausting and a chauffeur to take me and horse so that I can take advantage of the free wine and gin before and after class, and possibly during if circumstances demand!

I know my horse is capable of jumping 1.2m happily but I'd need to be half-cut to attempt it!

 

[Annagain]

A snooze tent for when you need a nap and one of those corridors of cooling fans for the hot flushes.

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

A special soft surface in all riding areas for unscheduled dismounts (this magic surface would still be safe for the horses of course). Someone on hand to pass the riders refreshment at any time required when riding. A hoist to get on and off the horses!

Rather than a soft surface to land on just attach every rider to a harness which is attached to cables above so should you and your mount part company you can hang there in the air until either lowered down gently or your mount is retrieved and stood back underneath you ready for you to just gather reins and stirrups again and carry on.

 

[Annagain]

Rather than a soft surface to land on just attach every rider to a harness which is attached to cables above so should you and your mount part company you can hang there in the air until either lowered down gently or your mount is retrieved and stood back underneath you ready for you to just gather reins and stirrups again and carry on.

I was just about to type exactly this Elf! Great minds.

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

The most important one - NO WHITE JODS REQUIRED, ANYWHERE, EVER!

Just no jods. Wear what you feel comfy in. So long as the boots and hat are in line with standards who cares about the rest?

You guys had me sold on the NO KIDS thing straight away!

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

I was just about to type exactly this Elf! Great minds.

Scu and I discussed this a while ago. He wants to jump again but doesn't want to fall off and get hurt. So we install lanes with harnesses above. We then decided this would be a bad idea because some jockeys would just send the horse flat out regardless because they knew if it fell or made a mistake the human was always safe.

 

[Annagain]

Scu and I discussed this a while ago. He wants to jump again but doesn't want to fall off and get hurt. So we install lanes with harnesses above. We then decided this would be a back idea because some jockeys would just send the horse flat out regardless because they knew if it fell or made a mistake the human was always safe.

Easy, you engineer a cable with a speed limit so it will only allow you to go so fast, if you try to go any faster, you get pulled off backwards.

 

[Alibear]

Fab post, and all I can say is come to the western side.
We have bars, big mounting blocks, small well-behaved horses, toilets a plenty, classes under 10 mins, generous amounts of rosettes and lots of friendly people to help.
This may go some way to explain the main rider demographic is middle-aged and up ladies

 

[Glitter's fun]

Fab post, and all I can say is come to the western side.
We have bars, big mounting blocks, small well-behaved horses, toilets a plenty, classes under 10 mins, generous amounts of rosettes and lots of friendly people to help.
This may go some way to explain the main rider demographic is middle-aged and up ladies

I've always fancied being able to say I've tried barrel racing. Can we have different coloured rosettes depending whether you finish in under two hours?

 

[Glitter's fun]

Mounting blocks with extra big tops to dismount onto if you've gone pensioner crazy and bought the biggest horse you've ever owned!

Can't we have special dismounting areas with those huge cushion things they have for pole vaulting?

Like this - you just walk the horse into the gap..

 

[ycbm]

I can't decide whether I'm peeing myself laughing because this thread is so funny or just because I'm so old

 

[Glitter's fun]

I can't decide whether I'm peeing myself laughing because this thread is so funny or just because I'm so old

Inspiration - we need a special laughing area with wipe-down seats

 

[ycbm]

New classes.

Highest combined age.
Longest combined supplements list.
Most original teeth remaining, combined.
Longest teeth, combined.

More?

 

[eahotson]

Fab post, and all I can say is come to the western side.
We have bars, big mounting blocks, small well-behaved horses, toilets a plenty, classes under 10 mins, generous amounts of rosettes and lots of friendly people to help.
This may go some way to explain the main rider demographic is middle-aged and up ladies

Ah but you are near the Deptfords aren't you!

 

[eahotson]

I can't decide whether I'm peeing myself laughing because this thread is so funny or just because I'm so old

Maybe both.

 

[Glitter's fun]

Tommy & I are 78. I'm guessing there are a lot of people who can beat that...

 

[ycbm]

Tommy & I are 78. I'm guessing there are a lot of people who can beat that...

You beat me hands down, 72, but I have an 80 year old friend riding a pony I think is in the teens and a 68 year old friend riding a 15 year old.
.

 

[Alibear]

Ah but you are near the Deptfords aren't you!

2hrs away , but Oakridge is also nice. I haven't been to the others, yet. But I'm told says they're all similar.

 

[Glitter's fun]

Instead of jumping classes having heights, can we list the classes according to the amount of courage required...

One Gin class
.
.
.
up to
3 gins and a blindfold

 

[eahotson]

2hrs away , but Oakridge is also nice. I haven't been to the others, yet. But I'm told says they're all similar.

There is very little up here in the North West.I did go to the Deptfords once or twice and loved it.

 

[eahotson]

Tommy & I are 78. I'm guessing there are a lot of people who can beat that...

Hattie and I are 79.

 

[ycbm]

Classes only open to those with joint replacements. The higher the number of replacements the more points head start you get.
.

 

[Glitter's fun]

Hattie and I are 79.

Drat, not even going to get into the rosettes.

 

[Cowpony]

Rosie and I are 83