Old, nackered and past it riding club

[stangs]

New classes.

Highest combined age.
Longest combined supplements list.
Most original teeth remaining, combined.
Longest teeth, combined.

More?

Fancy dress class and/or worst-behaved horse class for “youngest mental age”

 

[Peglo]

Looks like I can only get in by working here but I think it would be worth it to see folk hanging on cables from the roof with a glass of wine in one hand and chocolate in the other waiting for their mount to be returned while someone stands on a mountainous mounting block zipping up the zips on their boots.

 

[Cowpony]

Most joint replacements

 

[TinseLeneHorse]

This thread has inspired me to invent a new product - introducing the older riders dream - the "commode saddle". How do I set up an eBay account?

 

[Cowpony]

Hmm, saddle flocking by Tena.......

 

[nagblagger]

A horse loading crew that 'guarantee' your horse will be loaded for when you are ready to leave.

 

[nagblagger]

A human physiotherapist for when I finally get off, so I can walk without looking as if I've had an accident!

 

[HeresHoping]

The New Riding Club SJ De-Accumulator knock-out: Just Over the Hills (50 - 55 age group) - to start at 90 cm; Middle Age (56 - 64): to start at 80 cm; Older and Wisers (65 - 74): to start at 60 cm; Golden Oldies (75+): to start at 30cm. Age groups can enter different classes but, on a downward scale, the rider will be

To comprise 14 fences, incorporating a Double and a Triple. Horse refusals and knockdowns do not count. I.e. If the horse is represented and clears the fence, then the fence has been jumped.

All fences jumped - Automatic Jump off - 140 points
Points deducted per fence missed out as too difficult - 10
Points added for parts of combination missed - 10 (i.e. if only first component of the treble is jumped, rider gets 20 points for avoiding other two.

 

[tda]

Can I join please
The club could have gold membership where someone would come the previous day and wash your horse and clean your tack

I like the idea of the same class running twice ,then you can watch it and realise it won't be as bad as you think and have a go the second time round

 

[nagblagger]

If the jumps look too big, someone to ride the horse for you in the first round.

 

[Gloi]

Groom available for trotting the horse out in hand in any class which needs it.

 

[Cowpony]

This is such a good thread, watch out out for it appearing in the next issue of Horse & Hound.......

Well the more palatable bits, anyway

 

[Gloi]

Novelty classes the same as the kids get.
Mine will enter fluffiest forelock. Bottle of gin to winner.

 

[vhf]

If the jumps look too big, someone to ride the horse for you in the first round.

Ooh, or, you are allowed to say ' I always hit a vertical on the long side/am terrified of square oxers off a corner so I am missing that out'... And,' Bother, I stuffed that turn up completely and buried my horse in the double. Please rebuild it and I'll come again and ride less like a muppet this time'

 

[Red-1]

Instead of jumping classes having heights, can we list the classes according to the amount of courage required...

One Gin class
.
.
.
up to
3 gins and a blindfold

I genuinely used to rank event XC courses by how many poos were required between walking and riding. For example, Aston was a one poo course, Storeton a 5 poo, Aske a 3...

This is such a good thread, watch out out for it appearing in the next issue of Horse & Hound.......

Well the more palatable bits, anyway

I guess this bit won't - but all genuine!

 

[eahotson]

You can't ban children, mine are my assistants/helpers! They are teens, though, not little.

Well I suppose they could always fetch the gin!

 

[Sealine]

I'm having a good giggle reading this thread. The LARGE print thing is a big issue for me. I hate having to carry reading glasses everywhere. I definitely need a physio every time I dismount too.

I was going to suggest a class for the combination with the most grey hair but I'm not sure how that will work if you have a grey horse

Note: My horse and I have a combined age of 77.

 

[Glitter's fun]

We need a complete overhaul of the "handy pony". I mean what's handy about rider walking along on plant pots while leading? Who'se ever actually going to need that? No, no , no, start again.

At the beginning of the round pony has to stand waiting on its own while you go back for the thing you forgot... twice.
Lying down while you mount and dismount- now that would be handy.
Rider has to pretend to fall off & pony must wait around, not tank off home alone.
Waiting outside the pub would be handy too.
Other ideas please.

 

[MereChristmas]

and lots of chairs. Chairs next to the trailer parking, chairs next to the warm up, chairs next to the arena, chairs next to the loo... you get the idea!

I would like recliner chairs please so no effort is involved in sitting or standing

You beat me hands down, 72, but I have an 80 year old friend riding a pony I think is in the teens and a 68 year old friend riding a 15 year old.
.

F is 18, I am 73 = 91

 

[Glitter's fun]

Highest number jumping-
Everyone starts with their own number, which is combined age of horse and rider.
For every fence down you take 4 off.
Winner is the pairing with most points left.

If you're a seriously old combination you can do a demolition derby & still win.

 

[Red-1]

A friend of mine goes hunting with the Grand Canyon foxhounds (I think) and I always think they have it right. They do some riding and then have a feast! I'm talking sitting in their posh riding clothes, at a full dining table, with table cloths, napkins, glassware, posh crockery and a feast.

I think I would like my riding club to do that. I never hear about the actual riding, I don't think the riding is exactly the point, other than a good reason to get together. I have never heard of them catching anything.

The feast does look excellent, with wine/gin. They are always smiling.

 

[marmalade76]

Well I suppose they could always fetch the gin!

Yep, they'd be up for that 'cause they'd be having a few swigs themselves!

 

[MidChristmasCrisis]

Fabulous thread and great suggestions..count me in at this riding club!

 

[eahotson]

A friend of mine goes hunting with the Grand Canyon foxhounds (I think) and I always think they have it right. They do some riding and then have a feast! I'm talking sitting in their posh riding clothes, at a full dining table, with table cloths, napkins, glassware, posh crockery and a feast.

I think I would like my riding club to do that. I never hear about the actual riding, I don't think the riding is exactly the point, other than a good reason to get together. I have never heard of them catching anything.

The feast does look excellent, with wine/gin. They are always smiling.

Sounds good.

 

[Fransurrey]

This thread has inspired me to invent a new product - introducing the older riders dream - the "commode saddle". How do I set up an eBay account?

Just strap aforementioned period pants to your seatsaver for a budget option.

ETA: inside out, obviously!

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

Free brandy and a barn full of puppies as a consolation area would have me signing up
Instead of the egg and sppin race we could have brandy in a glass.
I'm only 42 but definitely knackered

 

[Nicnac]

If the jumps look too big, someone to ride the horse for you in the first round.

No no no. You ride the first round and other riders take over from there - the jumps go UP in subsequent rounds not down

 

[nagblagger]

At my event they get lower..

 

[Tarragon]

Perhaps the jumping could be done on the basis of getting points for every jump you jump, rather then penalties for every jump you don't jump? Jumps can be taken in any order and any direction (so if pony jumps better heading back to the trailers, that is the way you would jump them )

 

[ycbm]

Instead of the egg and sppin race we could have brandy in a glass.

And we could have a false teeth relay.