Roll up! Roll up!! Get the answer you're looking for RIGHT here. NO problem too big..

I will be following This with interest, I hope you can enter the national on the day. Papa frita has helped me with a tb stallion I bought for my 4 yr old & I thought as she's well under jockey weight she's bound to win. We also plan to do badminton if we can get times that don't interfere with her naps.
 
Dave282B said:
Why thankyou littlelegs I am just going to see if I can pick up a brightly coloured jumper in George like they all seem to wear
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A golf shop is an excellent place to pick these jumpers, also those sticks things they sell are excellent for encouraging horses to go and they sell lovely little ear warmers for horses ( you store them on the top of the stick things) Ahhh happy shopping .
 
This gets better all the time. I already have my lucky white Kappa shell suit leggings and they should wash up quite nice.
I never thought of the golf shop , I tried the Diesel store and Petroleum but they were both sold out!
You guys are just great and all I need now is for Papa to confirm the race entry.
 
Do you have boots Dave? I picked up some fantastic ones in my local discount shoe store for £9.99. They have 4" heels so I look great in them on the ground too. But as i'm a stunning 28 stone I look well fit in white leggings anyway. Not at all like i'm smuggling walnuts.
 
I think you need to start a trend Dave282B and go for boots that match or tone with the jumper , Papa Frita already makes tints so your horse can be the correct fashionable colour so boot dyes is a logical next product.
 
Goldenstar said:
Oh good I am blonde but only five feet five do you have a product to fix this ?
Also I have a very smart Clydesdale / welsh section D and he has a driving society passport clearly this will not do but which of your special passports would be most apporiate as I have clipped off all his hair except his mane and tail so could a LOMAT be arranged as I clipped his leg oh and pulled his mane.as it kept getting tangled in my stirrups.
Gosh this is so exhausting ,getting everything right perhaps you need to make rider tonic too of course you would need to do a low sugar/ starch one with linseed and magnesium for when we wear high heels and get sore feet and to go without shoes for a while . There a lot of potential for papa Frita products.
Yours gratefully
Goldenstar
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Hmm, you ARE a bit short. Dressage riders should be around 6ft tall with very verrrry long legs to wrap round their very verrrry big horses. I DO actually (what a coincidence) have an exercise DVD called How to Grow 7 Inches. Oddly enough, I get a lot of requests from men who ask me to post in plain brown paper... *confused*
ANYway, you want the Used To Be Hairy registry for your handsome boy and yes, it IS a lot of work to get everything exactly right, but the results are worth it!
My supplement range is coming out soon! :)
 
Queenbee87 said:
PF thank you! Is there a huggly horsemanship bulking up diet I can follow?

FB- my bandages are matchy matchy (but not contrasty contrasty) with the 7 jerry cans I've just filled. Will this help with my GP dreams or should I send the horse back 'coz it"s not suitable for my needs?
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Get yourself some Fuel For Fatness Flapjacks from my health range. They work for horses AND humans! You'll soon be at the right weight ;)
I'll let FB answer the matchy question. She does it VERY well indeed ;)
 
Dave282B said:
Dear Papa
I hope I can call you this as I feel like we are friends already just reading your post. Any how this is my dilemma
I am new to the horses but have had extensive training at centre parc's trekking centres plus a pony trekking trip to Wales last year so I am no novice.
So I was telling gypsy Jo in the boozer about it and he has sold me a trotter for £15k which I pick up next time I see him, but he has not been in for the last few weeks !
Anyhow I have watched the morning line and it got me thinking of the time we were trekking in Wales when my pony jumped a log .
The two questions are 1. Can you just turn up on the day and enter the Grand National and 2. Is Aintree near Brantree ?
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Yes, of course you can enter on the day and yes, Aintree and Brantree are virtually next door to each other and you can hack there. Should you want to. BTW, bargain price on your horse!! Look forward to seeing photos. I trust you'll be training him with Huggly Horsemanship techniques?
 
PF- I'm typing this whilst stuck in a door frame; the flapjacks are certainly doing their job. Do you also sell door extenders for people on the quest to hit the perfect weight to be an effective rider?
 
Thanks Papa
Joe is dropping my steed off between midnight and 3am in a layby between Aintree and Brantree the night before the race and I am told he is good for 40 mph. I just need to take the padlock off the chain, tack up and get to the race on time
My mate is bringing a blunt penknife to cut his mane and tail so they don't drag on the floor and I am in.
Even though he is a trotter he jumps well. Said to Joe "does he jump" and was assured " oh he's a jumpy one for sure"
Gonna use my winnings to open a Donkey Sanctury in Marbella
 
Dave282B said:
Thanks Papa
Joe is dropping my steed off between midnight and 3am in a layby between Aintree and Brantree the night before the race and I am told he is good for 40 mph. I just need to take the padlock off the chain, tack up and get to the race on time
My mate is bringing a blunt penknife to cut his mane and tail so they don't drag on the floor and I am in.
Even though he is a trotter he jumps well. Said to Joe "does he jump" and was assured " oh he's a jumpy one for sure"
Gonna use my winnings to open a Donkey Sanctury in Marbella
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Can we all come to Marbella for our holidays we can help you rescue the cute donkeys we will get hundreds .
Then you will need to win lots of races to pay the bills and.......
 
Queenbee87 said:
FB- my bandages are matchy matchy (but not contrasty contrasty) with the 7 jerry cans I've just filled. Will this help with my GP dreams or should I send the horse back 'coz it"s not suitable for my needs?
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Queenbee, contrasty contrasty is a new fashion, and to be totally honest, if you DO want to get to GP, if I were you I'd stick to centuries-old, PROVEN methods, i.e. matchy matchy. You can't really beat centuries of tradition and experience.....

(Aaaaah, the good old days when the Old Masters would tie matchy matchy hedgehogs to horses' tails to send them forwards! ....Incidentally I have it on good authority that Federico Grisone's idea of tying a cat to a pole and placing it under the horse's belly actually only came to him when he had a chestnut horse and could not find a chestnut hedgehog, so he used a ginger cat instead.)

Anyway, I am digressing. I wanted to say that I've heard on the radio that there is going to be a shortage of Eskadron bandages soon so DO panic buy or you may be left without....!!!!!!
 
FrodoBeutlin said:
Queenbee, contrasty contrasty is a new fashion, and to be totally honest, if you DO want to get to GP, if I were you I'd stick to centuries-old, PROVEN methods, i.e. matchy matchy. You can't really beat centuries of tradition and experience.....

(Aaaaah, the good old days when the Old Masters would tie matchy matchy hedgehogs to horses' tails to send them forwards! ....Incidentally I have it on good authority that Federico Grisone's idea of tying a cat to a pole and placing it under the horse's belly actually only came to him when he had a chestnut horse and could not find a chestnut hedgehog, so he used a ginger cat instead.)

Anyway, I am digressing. I wanted to say that I've heard on the radio that there is going to be a shortage of Eskadron bandages soon so DO panic buy or you may be left without....!!!!!!
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Are we safe to keep the bandages in the house ?
 
I shall have to extend my house to fit the boxes of bandages and saddle pads! Room is a bit scarce since I have enough petrol to fill a petrol station stored here.

What would you recommend to go with my (dyed) black horse? Does the HH dye work on hedgehogs?

How many sheep will I need to kill so I have enough dead sheep for GP levels?
 
Queenbee87 said:
I shall have to extend my house to fit the boxes of bandages and saddle pads! Room is a bit scarce since I have enough petrol to fill a petrol station stored here.

What would you recommend to go with my (dyed) black horse? Does the HH dye work on hedgehogs?

How many sheep will I need to kill so I have enough dead sheep for GP levels?
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If you pour the petrol from the cans and let it soak into the bandages and pads the whole lot will take less space and it will prevent the bandages and pads being eaten by mice.
Shocking pint is excellent on black horses and will enable your fans to spot you easily.
Triump tint works well on hedge hogs ( I checked on the bottle Papa Frita has lots of help full hints on the bottle ).
Eight sheep should ample be sure to get white ones as you need to dye them pink too.( However Frodo Beutin has her eyes on a very fetching black and white sheep perhaps you could get in there first )
 
PapaFrita said:
You need to repot and give him a bit of a prune. Considering how cold it is, I'd've thought he'd be a bit less green now. More brownish or white, if it's snowing.
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Alantitchymarsh.jpg

Dear PF you are a genius, I've repotted and pruned him and feel I now I just need the matchy matchy route-is this right for eventing as well as dressage? The only thing that worries me if petrol is the new matchy matchy will it be safe to singe his whiskers with a match to tidy him up?
 
Dear PF

I have a problem, i have recently found out after 7 years of owning my horse that she kicks! Can i return her back to the stud i bought her from because clearly they lied to me when they said she was vice free?

I also realised that if i nibble on my horses ear, she doesnt kick. Do you think there is a link between nomming on horse flesh and the horse stopping exhibiting vices?

Many thanks
Horse lurver
 
Dear Pappa Fritta,

I have another problem. I have noticed that when I ride in my new patent double bridle (the nail varnish you recommended worked a treat, by the way, and have since used it on my boots, spur straps as well as helmet, for good measure) I can actually see my horse's teeth. These are very visible in the mirror.

I am writing to ask whether I should be encouraging this - I have a feeling that if the judge thinks my horse is smiling, he will look more favourably towards our test, a bit like with ballet dancers who smile when effortlessly performing their moves??

Please reply

FB
 
Dear papa frita,
I am far too good for all my local riding schools now I have been riding a year. I have seen some pictures of some men in dodgy clothes that go to a place that seems more my standard. I believe its called the Spanish riding school, do you have a contact no for them? And if I volunteer to help retrain those naughty ones who keep leaping about do you think I'd get free lessons?
Yours truly,
Mrs four-king idiot.
 
Dear PF,
Speaking of men in jodhpurs,I saw a hunky chap at a competition the other day who had obviously been vacuum packed into his jodhs.
Can you tell me where I can buy the kit to get my BF vacuum packed into his?
Also can you tell me the best supplier of 'scenic' sweatshirts? I think one with ponies on would go well with the super tight jodhs,but am open to suggestions.
The outfit BTW is for wearing to shows etc.
PS,BF does not ride horses,I just want him to look the part when we go to shows. ........SO EXCITIED! Cannot wait to see his face when I present him with this planned outfit:D
 
Frodobeutlin- you obviously didn't read my post correctly. I have now been riding ONE YEAR! Whilst a novice may find a rearer dangerous it is very easy for an experienced rider like myself to sort out. Infact, I've already prepared a report recommending they use neck straps & peacock irons to improve there safety.
Jftd- your mind is as filthy as my own!
 
littlelegs, I'm almost as experienced as you and I don't mind rearers either. Can I come and watch / hang out with the jodhpured chaps too? :D
 
Abitodd- the equipment you need can be purchased at your local branch of Asda equestrian. It is labelled andrex & you fit it at home.
 
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