Roll up! Roll up!! Get the answer you're looking for RIGHT here. NO problem too big..

[abitodd]

Abitodd- the equipment you need can be purchased at your local branch of Asda equestrian. It is labelled andrex & you fit it at home.

Ahh! Thanks littlelegs! Will go to Asda later. If I can't find it I will go and ask at customer services. Thanks again.

 

[JFTDWS]

Of course jftd- perhaps we could divide them up between us & give them extra 'riding' lessons? Maybe experiment with position?

Now you're talking I think there's a few horseless gymnastic and... endurance... "exercises" that might help them get the hang of this riding malarky

mmm...thighs of steel...mmmm

 

[Littlelegs]

Don't forget about jumping! And let us never forget that practice makes perfect!
...goes away to write to Jim'll fix it...

 

[JFTDWS]

Don't forget about jumping! And let us never forget that practice makes perfect!
...goes away to write to Jim'll fix it...

Please don't bring images of Jimmy Saville into my SRS pervy fantasies

Are you trying to make me gag

 

[Amaranta]

Dear PF

My farrier is very unreliable, despite my telephoning and texting every 1/2 hour he never returns my calls.

I am going to learn how to trim my own horse's feet, can you tell me what tools I should use, I have read a very good book about angle grinders and have invested in one is there anything else I would need, I am thinking about a cattle crush as all my horses are a little bit naughty with the farrier and I will under no circumstances let them be hit or punished for expressing themselves.

What do you think?

Thanks

NumptiesRus

 

[D66]

Some one I know uses a slightly dirty body brush to groom her horse!!!!! How long will I have to tut on a forum before she sees the error of her ways?

 

[Dave282B]

Dear PF
Like numptiesrus I am having trouble with my farrier and as he didn't turn up 5 minutes after my call so can you please advise if angle grinders work.
I found my granddaddy had left his wood working tool kit to me but the chisels and plane made a right mess
Timothy Wilson Ian Thompson

 

[PapaFrita]

Dear PF

I have a problem, i have recently found out after 7 years of owning my horse that she kicks! Can i return her back to the stud i bought her from because clearly they lied to me when they said she was vice free?

I also realised that if i nibble on my horses ear, she doesnt kick. Do you think there is a link between nomming on horse flesh and the horse stopping exhibiting vices?

Many thanks
Horse lurver

Well, if she KICKS she's no bloomin' good to anyone so yes, send her back OR sell her (make no mention of her nasty little habit) OR you can buy my NoKickEm hobble kit and keep it on her at all times.
As for the nibbling on your horse's ear... perhaps you should try whispering??

 

[PapaFrita]

Dear Pappa Fritta,

I have another problem. I have noticed that when I ride in my new patent double bridle (the nail varnish you recommended worked a treat, by the way, and have since used it on my boots, spur straps as well as helmet, for good measure) I can actually see my horse's teeth. These are very visible in the mirror.

I am writing to ask whether I should be encouraging this - I have a feeling that if the judge thinks my horse is smiling, he will look more favourably towards our test, a bit like with ballet dancers who smile when effortlessly performing their moves??

Please reply

FB

Dear FB, I'm glad the varnish worked for you (as of course it would *smug*)
A judge will always look favourably on a horse that appears to be enjoying himself, so yes, smiling is to be encouraged. Judges also like horses to wag their tongues around. This means they are having a lovely time

 

[PapaFrita]

Dear papa frita,
I am far too good for all my local riding schools now I have been riding a year. I have seen some pictures of some men in dodgy clothes that go to a place that seems more my standard. I believe its called the Spanish riding school, do you have a contact no for them? And if I volunteer to help retrain those naughty ones who keep leaping about do you think I'd get free lessons?
Yours truly,
Mrs four-king idiot.

You cannot join the Spanish Riding School until you have mastered rising trot and can do it without hanging on to the mane or losing your stirrups... although in fact you won't need stirrups at the SRS.
They do, however, need lots of help sorting out all those naughty horses that buck, kick and rear *tut tut* I HAVE tried to educate them regarding Huggly Horsemanship, but they just will NOT listen...

 

[PapaFrita]

littlelegs be careful if you do go as they have lots of rearers, please be careful, they should be PTS in my opinion!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Either PTS or cured with Huggly Horsemanship

 

[PapaFrita]

Dear PF,
Speaking of men in jodhpurs,I saw a hunky chap at a competition the other day who had obviously been vacuum packed into his jodhs.
Can you tell me where I can buy the kit to get my BF vacuum packed into his?
Also can you tell me the best supplier of 'scenic' sweatshirts? I think one with ponies on would go well with the super tight jodhs,but am open to suggestions.
The outfit BTW is for wearing to shows etc.
PS,BF does not ride horses,I just want him to look the part when we go to shows. ........SO EXCITIED! Cannot wait to see his face when I present him with this planned outfit

How good of you to encourage your BF into jodhs. They are so suuuper-sexy Can you clingfilm him? That should give a similar effect to the vacuum pack you witnessed at the competition.
I think your BF will also look very handsome in either a My Little Pony sweatshirt, or a Thelwell one. Mark Todd, William F-P and Ollie T all have them!!

 

[black_horse]

Dear PF

I rang the stud that bred D 10 years ago and can you believe it they wont take her back . I said i would get a lawyer to sue them under the animals act as she is clearly dangerous, and ill sue them under trading standards as she is not fit ofr purpose, its the studs fault its taken 10 years for it to show, they should have let me know!

When i telephoned the stud to inform them of this, the line went dead...clearly a problem with telephone reception there.

I tried whispering in my horses ear, but i ended up nibbling it again. However, i have subsequaintly learnt that if i nom her back leg off, she cant kick! result! now, should i nom all her legs off so she is balanced, or just canter here everwhere as she now only has three legs?

 

[PapaFrita]

Dear PF

My farrier is very unreliable, despite my telephoning and texting every 1/2 hour he never returns my calls.

I am going to learn how to trim my own horse's feet, can you tell me what tools I should use, I have read a very good book about angle grinders and have invested in one is there anything else I would need, I am thinking about a cattle crush as all my horses are a little bit naughty with the farrier and I will under no circumstances let them be hit or punished for expressing themselves.

What do you think?

Thanks

NumptiesRus

The angle grinder is a good start but you will also need a saw and a machete. Luckily both these items are available online from the Huggly Horsemanship shop, as are crushes (which I prefer to call Hugglers). You will be trimming your horses' feet in no time!!

 

[Littlelegs]

Thankyou papa frita!
I'm not into all that fancy poncy dressage stuff like rising trot, but I can definitely show them how good I am at going very fast. None of them are actually as good as me, you don't even see them kicking & if they knew anything they'd be moving their hands all over the show as good riders like me do.
Oh well, maybe there's another type of riding I could do with them.

 

[PapaFrita]

Some one I know uses a slightly dirty body brush to groom her horse!!!!! How long will I have to tut on a forum before she sees the error of her ways?

Are you sure you're tutting loud enough? You should also make thinly veiled accusations, pretending that you're in fact referring to something entirely unconnected. That'll get the message across

 

[PapaFrita]

Dear PF
Like numptiesrus I am having trouble with my farrier and as he didn't turn up 5 minutes after my call so can you please advise if angle grinders work.
I found my granddaddy had left his wood working tool kit to me but the chisels and plane made a right mess
Timothy Wilson Ian Thompson

An angle grinder should work, but if you've got a rotary saw, that'll do the trick as well. Good luck!!

 

[PapaFrita]

Dear PF

I rang the stud that bred D 10 years ago and can you believe it they wont take her back . I said i would get a lawyer to sue them under the animals act as she is clearly dangerous, and ill sue them under trading standards as she is not fit ofr purpose, its the studs fault its taken 10 years for it to show, they should have let me know!

When i telephoned the stud to inform them of this, the line went dead...clearly a problem with telephone reception there.

I tried whispering in my horses ear, but i ended up nibbling it again. However, i have subsequaintly learnt that if i nom her back leg off, she cant kick! result! now, should i nom all her legs off so she is balanced, or just canter here everwhere as she now only has three legs?

Sue the basstads!! How very dare they not take her back?? It's only been ten years after all; any decent guarantee should cover that amount of time!!
On a different note, she should be fine with 3 legs, but she might need a peg leg to stop her toppling over when she's asleep. Try not to eat too much more of your horse, or she'll be too small for you!!

 

[PapaFrita]

Thankyou papa frita!
I'm not into all that fancy poncy dressage stuff like rising trot, but I can definitely show them how good I am at going very fast. None of them are actually as good as me, you don't even see them kicking & if they knew anything they'd be moving their hands all over the show as good riders like me do.
Oh well, maybe there's another type of riding I could do with them.

Well, if you jiggle a lot when you trot and even better, if you BOUNCE, that's as good as rising trot!! you never see THEM jiggle, do you? Rubbish riders the lot of them. Thighs are overrated as well; not as attractive as Samantha Brick's, OR Pascal's- now HE's a hottie!!

 

[Queenbee87]

Digger66- I think you need to call WHW or, even better, a Huggly Horsemanship Advisor. This clearly breaches the little known "6th Freedom" per the Animal Welfare Act- Freedom from dirty grooming kits. In the wild, horses would be groomed only with clean brushes

Stories of such neglect sadden me.

 

[black_horse]

Dear PF, i decided that dee was rather delicious so i started nibbling a little more of her then i intended to. She is now 12.2hh, can i enter her into the NSP classes?

 

[PapaFrita]

Digger66- I think you need to call WHW or, even better, a Huggly Horsemanship Advisor. This clearly breaches the little known "6th Freedom" per the Animal Welfare Act- Freedom from dirty grooming kits. In the wild, horses would be groomed only with clean brushes

Stories of such neglect sadden me.

Correction; clean HUGGLY HORSEMANSHIP grooming kit. The only kit that's good enough, humane enough and NATURAL enough, mimicking, as it does, the grooming techniques of feral horses... All other grooming kits just don't cut it!

 

[PapaFrita]

Dear PF, i decided that dee was rather delicious so i started nibbling a little more of her then i intended to. She is now 12.2hh, can i enter her into the NSP classes?

Only if you cut your own legs off to match hers.

 

[black_horse]

Only if you cut your own legs off to match hers.

It can be arranged

 

[Goldenstar]

Dear Papa Frita ,
I wanted to trim my own horses feet because I did not have an angle grinder I used my husbands chain saw this has gone well he now has very short toes so his heel support must be excellent however I find it a little large to correct the lateral balance . Do you have any advice what I may find in home or garage to use to do this ?
Yours
Goldenstar

 

[smokey]

I believe its called 'The Disney Smile'.

Can I break my little pony into harness by Sunday as the tax is up on my car and I was thinking that the pony could pull it.

Would I still be able to listen to the radio?

have been reading through this with a smile on my face, but THIS ^ made me laugh out loud!

 

[Littlelegs]

Goldenstar- horses in the wild manage perfectly well without thoughts of lateral balance. However if you insist on fluffy hoof care I suggest you have a go with electric hedge pruning shears, & finish off with an electric sander. I'm sure papa frita can flog, I mean advise where to purchase them. Although I do need to point out hoofcare is secondary to expensive matchy matchy.

 

[abitodd]

Dear Papa Frita ,
I wanted to trim my own horses feet because I did not have an angle grinder I used my husbands chain saw this has gone well he now has very short toes so his heel support must be excellent however I find it a little large to correct the lateral balance . Do you have any advice what I may find in home or garage to use to do this ?
Yours
Goldenstar

A WORD OF WARNING!!!!!!!!!!

Please!Please! Please!!!!! make sure any tool you use,be it chainsaw,angle grinder,electric sander or carving knife, make sure it is KITE MARKED for safety. Many insurance companies will not pay out on claims if the tools used are not kite marked.

 

[cambrica]

A WORD OF WARNING!!!!!!!!!!

Please!Please! Please!!!!! make sure any tool you use,be it chainsaw,angle grinder,electric sander or carving knife, make sure it is KITE MARKED for safety. Many insurance companies will not pay out on claims if the tools used are not kite marked.

Abitodd - Shame on you - you forgot to mention the rcd circuit breaker to protect user from high voltage electric shocks, Im sure the horse will withstand being electrocuted, afterall don't they get shocks all the time from electric fences

 

[Goldenstar]

Thank you abittod and cambrica I am sorry I have not Thanked you earlier for your kind advice but I have been busy there was quite a lot of errr blood after I sorted out his long toes earlier I was just swilling the place down.
Please don't worry about the circuit breaker the chainsaw is petrol . I have all the cans of spare petrol in the oven it keeps it nice and warm.
However I am no nearer to sorting out his lateral balance but I have had a thought, how about I press his hoof on the hot plate of the Aga , would that do it?.