Roll up! Roll up!! Get the answer you're looking for RIGHT here. NO problem too big..

[Achinghips]

Dear PF
I spent the day today at Burnham Horse Trials and was rather disappointed that the little tweed miniskirts on sale were too small for me. I am afraid they only went up to a size 18 plus size and I am a svelte forty stone. Do you think clothes manufacturers are discriminatory against us big boned lasse? I just feel so left out of the green and pink tweed brigade - my social life was in tatters. Thankfully I hung out at the donut store trailer which closed late so wasn't too isolated during the day .... What should I do?

Yours

Desperate in man sized-fleece

 

[Goldenstar]

Goldenstar- horses in the wild manage perfectly well without thoughts of lateral balance. However if you insist on fluffy hoof care I suggest you have a go with electric hedge pruning shears, & finish off with an electric sander. I'm sure papa frita can flog, I mean advise where to purchase them. Although I do need to point out hoofcare is secondary to expensive matchy matchy.

Don't worry I never let hoof care compromise matchy matchy that's why his toes where so long in the first place

 

[Goldenstar]

Dear PF
I spent the day today at Burnham Horse Trials and was rather disappointed that the little tweed miniskirts on sale were too small for me. I am afraid they only went up to a size 18 plus size and I am a svelte forty stone. Do you think clothes manufacturers are discriminatory against us big boned lasse? I just feel so left out of the green and pink tweed brigade - my social life was in tatters. Thankfully I hung out at the donut store trailer which closed late so wasn't too isolated during the day .... What should I do?

Yours

Desperate in man sized-fleece

I find a travelling rug useful in these circumstances cut long ways to required length ,wrap round and secure with vet wrap tell people its Viviene Westwood ,
Sorted.

 

[Achinghips]

OMG Goldenstar thankyou so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so in need tonight, I shall put away the trifle and family pack of Minstrels, get the sewing machine out and work till dawn. I have a dinner party tomorrow with WF-P and was so dreading the snubbs when I turned up in Harry Hall.

 

[Littlelegs]

Achinghips- do not despair. The fact they did not stock your size should not have prevented you wearing one. Indeed, everyone looks much more attractive wearing clothes several sizes too small. Another option would be to sue the donut stand for making you eat too many.

 

[abitodd]

Thank you abittod and cambrica I am sorry I have not Thanked you earlier for your kind advice but I have been busy there was quite a lot of errr blood after I sorted out his long toes earlier I was just swilling the place down.
Please don't worry about the circuit breaker the chainsaw is petrol . I have all the cans of spare petrol in the oven it keeps it nice and warm.
However I am no nearer to sorting out his lateral balance but I have had a thought, how about I press his hoof on the hot plate of the Aga , would that do it?.

I think you may be onto something! Give it a try and if it works set up the AGANHCP. (unless PF and Hugglyhorsemanship already have this covered.)
You might need to crank the old AGA up to full blast. Have a fag while you are waiting for it to get up to temp and keep an eye on that petrol!

 

[FrodoBeutlin]

Dear Pippa Fritta

In Competition Riders they are saying you are out of the Olympics, is this true??????????????

Worried Fan xxx

 

[PapaFrita]

Dear Pippa Fritta

In Competition Riders they are saying you are out of the Olympics, is this true??????????????

Worried Fan xxx

Well, as you know, both my horses have qualified for Showjumping, Dressage AND Eventing, and of course LC is only 3, which is all the more impressive and a veritable beacon of favourable publicity for Huggly Horsemanship. HOWEVER, I am terribly busy with my world tour at that time of year. The Olympics committee are trying to reschedule all the events for me, and I expect confirmation by the end of the day *pats on shoulder* I understand how distressing the prospect of an entire olympics without me and the Huggly team is (the other riders are utterly distraught!), but you must try to be strong.

 

[KellyJoArnold]

Oops. I fell....


Happy New year everyone

 

[Littlelegs]

Bump!

 

[TateandLyle]

I would like to ask some advice Papa Frita. I have been told you know the answer to everything so I am putting my faith in you. I have a beautiful horse called Pete, he is a chestnut with four white feet and a little star. He has shoes on and we have never tried parelli. Pete is an anglo arab and is fed hay and a feed from a bucket twice a day. I have owned my lovely boy two weeks but have not been able to ride him yet because everytime I go near his stable he lays down. I have been advised it might be because he has a pink bridle so am buying a blue one as soon as I can. He wont get up even if I dangle carrots and sugar free polos in front of him. Im at a loss what to do, do you have any other siggestions before I ask for a refund and buy a girl horse instead? Thank you Love Penny

 

[TateandLyle]

Papa frita its Penny again. Sorry to keep bothering you but I really would appreciate your advice. I do have the vet coming at 4pm today but im so worried by all the comments on here about pete that I cant concentrate at school. Thanks love Penny x

 

[Rollin]

How lovely to see this thread again. I thought the Fat Controller had banned PF for bringing horse owners into dis-repute - perish the thought.

 

[Crazy_cat_lady]

I need help with my Welsh D, i was down the yard the other day and he jumped backwards because he was scared yet again and landed on my foot and he flattened my foot and my Ug Boot which I was wearing because I cant possibly wear those steel capped boots as they dont go with my Burberry Trackie bottoms This meant I couldnt wear my stilletto heels to go clubbing at the weekend so inconsiderate of him

See I know I was talking on my phone at the time but I was having a CRUCIAL conversation about whether I should get Mcdonalds or KFC for tea- does he not understand how much more important that is. I then dropped my phone and its now broken and I have a very busy social life- very bad innit.

Oh and wearing a riding hat really hurts as it keeps catching on my massive hoop earrings but i cant possibly not wear them

Also I am very worried about how quickly the money seems to be spent in my bank account buying all this horse food etc. I need to know how to stop this as I want to buy a nice new hand bag but cant and of course now a new pair of Uggs

Luvvv Chav in the Country

 

[Gluttonforpunishment]

Bumping as requested

 

[armchair_rider]

Dear PF,

I have a 3 yr old ex-racer, owned him for a fortnight now. I've been trying to keep his routine as mixed up and varied as possible cos racing is really exciting and I don't want him to get bored. But he still seems really nervous and unsettled. A ciggie always calms me down, but obviously it's a fire risk in his stable. So should I add chewing tobacco to his feed?

 

[daughter's groom]

PF I am so impressed with your ability to find an answer to everything. I wonder if you can help me. Where can I get a hat to wear to my son's wedding? I would like to keep in theme with the fact that he works in the electricity business. Sorry it's not a horsey question but I know everything about them so don't need any help there.

 

[Dave282B]

Hey DG whilst PF is meditating over your question - cant you just find a large hat to " pile on" your head ?
.
.
I'll get me coat!

 

[daughter's groom]

I had thought of getting a "hair"ial fitted for the reception.

 

[AMH777]

Is PF a fake trainer? I don't understand most of this forum:] Is it just me or is everything on this forum a joke? I'm totally clueless:]

 

[Crazy_cat_lady]

Pf I want to make a complaint at the lack of response I have gone through a further 10 pairs of uggs and when you have 20 kids it's very difficult

I might have to go on that Jeremy Kyle show to raise money for em all my mates have been on it so must be excellent innit? !

Chav in the country

 

[millsandboon]

OK here's a hard one. On the latest edition of British Horse Mag on page 20, there are two horses. Why have they got their ears on back to front?

 

[Fellewell]

Thank heavens you're back! My furrier came today and says my horse needs the support of a good all round steel band. Do you know if The Harbour Lights are still touring? Will they all squeeze into my Space Treka?
I hope it's not compulsory to do dressage while listening to music because at the moment he's deffo hors d'oeuvre with those feet!
The vet suggested bear's feet, I bet that's illegal and from China or some such, though Grizzly would suit his demeanour!
Please hurry, he's got Avuncular Disease.

 

[Odd Socks]

PF, my horse is chestnut with a scar on its back leg, can I show it in 'odd and unusual coloured' classes? In fact, I quite like the scar, if I do a few more it'll look like an appy, how do i change my passport?

 

[daughter's groom]

AMH777- who understands anything? Why should we?

 

[limestonelil]

Bump - I am re-reading this tonight cos I fancy a laugh.

 

[Clannad48]

Bump - I am re-reading this tonight cos I fancy a laugh.

So glad you did - I've not long got in after spending time mucking out the horses for my daughter - dripping wet and I think I've done my back in again - I'm now smiling again - I'm sure this thread should be a sticky

 

[Pedantic]

Not quite sure, but I think I detected a bit of sarcasm in the original post.......

 

[Pedantic]

I'm 35stone, I've bought a 25 year old 2hh mini shetland with only 3 legs, which are all arthritic, I feed it Red Bull and smarties to give it some energy, it won't canter and headshakes, anyone got any tips....

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

I'm 35stone, I've bought a 25 year old 2hh mini shetland with only 3 legs, which are all arthritic, I feed it Red Bull and smarties to give it some energy, it won't canter and headshakes, anyone got any tips....

Only feed it blue smarties! The rest just make minis grumpy but the blue ones make them happy!