Roll up! Roll up!! Get the answer you're looking for RIGHT here. NO problem too big..

thelwell_girl said:
Dear PF,


I have two problems which I think you should be able to answer for me.

1. I don't have a pony, but the other day I saw an Irish Wolfhound in the street, and it was waaaay bigger than a Shetland. Can I buy one and ride it to school? It's big enough that I can just put a t shirt and sunglasses on it and say it's a new student, so I won't have to worry about parking.

2. Am I doomed to forever be without a nice, handsome boyfriend? Am I putting them off because I smell of whelks and ponies?

Thank you.

Smellybellyponygirl
Click to expand...
Yes a wolfhound is perfectly rideable as long as you don't weigh more than 25 stone. Luckily I have a DVD set called 'Riding your Hound' available for £1200
Any man worth his seasalt will be wildly excited by the smell of whelk and ponio. I've attracted many a man after slapping a smoked kipper on my face. If they don't like it, they're just jealous.
 
MrsMozart said:
Oh thank you oh wonderful and splendiferous PF :D. Please may I join your secret society? I will wear your logo with pride and play games with my many headed horses (though hopefully soon to be slightly less headsome).

*wobbles off to search out puffball mushrooms*

**last seen running across the fields with police helicopter searchlight bouncing off great expanses of lard ar$e**

Note: Please send all secret society stuff to me c/o Her Majesty's Prison service....
Click to expand...

I'm afraid you'll have to train up through the 98 stages if you'd like to join my society. Each stage costs £2000.
**meets MrMozart whilst skipping, cackling, across the fields**
 
nativeponies said:
dear PF

i've been riding now for at least 5 years and have just mastered rising trot

shall i put my name down for the RS jumping Derby?

everhopefuluselessrider
Click to expand...

I would say that after 5 years it was probably time you got off your pony and gave him a bit of a rest. Sorry PF, don't mean to doubt your expertise but personally I think 7 hours is long enough.
 
Groom42 said:
Dear PF, my frend took me to a sale last week - god, it was soooooooo cheepeeee, I got two really cute baby horses for fifty pense! If id nown how cheep they wer id of got some ages ago. They are all cute and flufy, with big fat tummies - someone has reely loved them and given them lots to eat. As there so little they can go in my garden - dont worry ive moved the patio stuff, lol! neways, my frend said they need nuts to eat, so I went to that nut shop in town, but got confussed coz there was so any diffrent sorts,lol! Shud i get brasils, or wud warnuts be better?
Lovemycuties
Click to expand...
Ur SOOOOOO lucky!! I bet ur ponios r reeeallyyyyyyy cuuuuuuuuuuute. The'll b fine on ur patio. Use ur funitur to kep dem in. Just rmeber to fed den 5 times a day. brasil nuts r best, but dey hav to b covad in choclat.
 
Dear PF

How do I convince my boyfriend I'm not a devient when I clean my stallion's willy. Stallion appears to enjoy it - but this just makes it easier to get the crust off. I think the poor chap was a bit horrified. Will you help me explain that it is perfectly normal and stallion isn't really enjoying it - he is perfectly capable of getting himself off doing belly slaps :rolleyes:

Thankyou

furrydeviant
 
Dear PF

Thank God I've found you on here!

I have a gorgeous jet black Thoroughbred. He's 16.1hh, is just about 2.5yrs old and he raced until beginning of August. Do you think a horse that has only run on the flat will actually know how to jump or will I have to teach him how to do this myself?

Many Thanks In Advance

wasteofspace
 
PapaFrita said:
Yes a wolfhound is perfectly rideable as long as you don't weigh more than 25 stone. Luckily I have a DVD set called 'Riding your Hound' available for £1200
Any man worth his seasalt will be wildly excited by the smell of whelk and ponio. I've attracted many a man after slapping a smoked kipper on my face. If they don't like it, they're just jealous.
Click to expand...

1. YAY! Do you accept book vouchers? Euros? Cake?

2. OHHH! I've been rubbing salmon in my hair all this while! Now I know it should have been kippers.

(On a separate note, my uncle once nailed a kipper behind the safe of a particularly nasty college professor... To this day no one knows what caused that smell :D)

*gambles off to defenestrate in celebration*
 
Snoozinsusan said:
picture.php

What colour is he?
I bought this beautiful Fresian x Lippizanner last month. Only cost £9,848.95, what a bargain! Seller assured me he'll be at Olympia at Xmas. (She temporarily misplaced the passport but now says it's in the post).
What class shall I enter him in?
He makes a strange noise sometimes, can be heard miles away. Is this normal? Sounds a bit like 'hee-haw'. Maybe he's just having a laugh. :D
Click to expand...
Your horse is gooooorgeous, I'm sure he must be VERY well bred and WHAT a bargain. I think he looks a bit like Totilas. As for the noise.. I think he must be trying to communicate with you; if it's not clear in a few days what he's saying, I can talk to him for £2300. You can put him on the phone and I'll have a word :)
 
Bet Dozzie wasn't too quiet at the time either!!!!

Dear PF,

My horse seems to come up short in front. I did saw a bit off the backs but now he is totally wonky.....what should I do

Yours truely
Stumpy
 
zebedee said:
Dear PF,
My shetlands are sweating under their heavyweight combo rugs. Should I clip them?
shouldntevenownahamster
Click to expand...
Awwww, how cute!! If you clip them they might get cold. Chuck another couple of rugs on; in the Shetlands they are regularly brought into farmhouse kitchens at nights fed high-energy food and placed in front of the Aga because they are delicate flowers.
 
.... do you ever wish you hadn't started something!! I hope you don't have to get up for work in the morning. Perhaps you can work flexitime while manufacturing bananasticks and left handed headcollars! You could hand out numbers like in the deli queue at Morrisons so peoples questions get answered in order!
 
Harper_Gal said:
PF

I have recently got my pony back after being at uni. I haven't ridden her in nearly four years... how long before I can go hunting again?

Also, I need to take a trailer test... can you recommend anyone who can teach me to drive a trailer AND text, at the same time? I want to be just like my heroine, Katy Price.

Muchos love

KatiePriceHunter
Click to expand...
Get straight back on; she'll have exercised herself in the field and will be fit to hunt.
Ahhh, driving and texting is NOT an easily acquired skill. Fortunately I have a hypnosis CD that will effortlessly teach you and it's available for £2500
 
SJ_Superstars said:
Oooh now these banana sticks do sound interesting! Will have to get one of those, and also all of the other stuff you mentioned. Don't want to make it look like I am a sheep and that I'm copying you but I really think this method of training will work. We will have the strongest bond ever... and also because of a magic wand! Who would have thought it?!
Click to expand...

You ARE a sheep; you are a part of my flock and I am your shepherd. With my guidance you will achieve true enlightenment and one-ness with your horsey-o.
 
Thistle said:
Ok, Ive got it now. Cleo the cat is obviously in charge of the computer tonight,

BTW I've nearly finished the first bottle of sloe gin (hic) who needs it to be ready anyway?
Click to expand...

Right now for the IMPORTANT stuff. Does sloe gin not take about 3 months? My damson gin is brewing and I was reckoning not reasy till January:confused:

until then a banana stick and left handed headcollar should sort all my problems :D (That's just to stop me drinking it)
 
brighteyes said:
Dear PF

I have *recently* gone from a size zero to twenty stone. I can get on from the ramp I have built specially for the purpose but my pony (he's 12.2) won't let me lead him up to it now. I had the saddle checked four years ago but his back seems to have changed shape. He never used to mind me riding him when he was 14 hands. What shall I do?

Lardydahdiarse
Click to expand...

Hmmm, well, I'd like to congratulate you for challenging social stereotypes and putting on a healthy amount of weight; size zero just isn't right. I'm sure your saddle is fine and all you need to do is lure him to the ramp with some food. I expect the changes in his back are just the usual changes that horses and ponies go through during the changing seasons as they put on and lose weight.
 
Flame_ said:
Dear PF

I've just divorced my footballer husband and have decided to be a successful business horsewoman instead of a WAG. I have bought a big old dairy farm and will get the cow sheds turned into stables. Will my new found expertise suit me best setting up as the YO of a livery yard or a stud farm, or should I be a professional rider and train for the Olympics 2012?

Moremoneythansense
Click to expand...
Well done for empowering yourself and ditching your husband. I'm sure he deserved it and I hope you got at least 50% of his dosh. I think you should date someone a bit more interesting like... say... a cross-dressing cage-fighter, launch a range of pink velour clothing and star in a reality show. You can fit the riding around your business commitments and I'm sure you'll be ready for 2012. Good luck!!
 
Tass said:
I'm sooooo worried about my horsey. He's 16 hands and 9 years old, and I lie awake all night wondering if he might be cold. It's about 14 degrees here tonight and he's in his heavyweight combo with an extra liner underneath and two neck covers, and I've also put his turn out socks on. But I'm so scared he might be chilly. I've got another even thicker rug that he could wear but it's purple which is SO last year. Should I bring him into the kitchen in front of the Aga for the night? He will fit through the front door because we brought him in to watch Badminton last year to see if he would pick up some tips.
Also he's quite spooky especially in the dark, do you think he could wear a head torch overnight so he could see that there was nothing to be scared of? It is so great that HHO has all knowing experts such as yourself to help us with our problems.
Neurotic Nelly
Click to expand...
Oh dear, I think you might be right; 14 degrees is VERY cold indeed. Yes, definitely put him in front of the Aga and rub his legs to get the circulation going. I don't think a headtorch will be powerful enough; you'll have to invest in floodlighting the whole field.
 
apercrumbie said:
Oh god I can't stop screaming with laughter!!

My tb has learnt this really awesome new trick!! He walks normally with three legs and then jumps and hops about! He looks really cute. I must be such an amazing horse owner to teach my horse how to hop. Grand National here we come!!
Click to expand...

That's sooo cuteeee!! You're so lucky and clever. LOADS of three-legged horses have run in the Grand National, in fact it was one by a horse called The Tripod in 1621!! Good luck!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top