Roll up! Roll up!! Get the answer you're looking for RIGHT here. NO problem too big..

PapaFrita said:
Hmmm, well, I'd like to congratulate you for challenging social stereotypes and putting on a healthy amount of weight; size zero just isn't right. I'm sure your saddle is fine and all you need to do is lure him to the ramp with some food. I expect the changes in his back are just the usual changes that horses and ponies go through during the changing seasons as they put on and lose weight.
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Phew! That's good news. I'm finding him much easier to groom now his back is lower. Plus, now he's no longer 14 hands, I can get to jump him against the little ponies. Double whammy!

Lardydahdiarse
 
Dear PF

In the run up to a recent show I noticed several of the horses on my yard had plaits in their manes. This means they will be stolen doesn't it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Should I call the police or just ask my animal communicator to sort it out?
 
Inky_and_Sunny said:
Dear PF

How do I convince my boyfriend I'm not a devient when I clean my stallion's willy. Stallion appears to enjoy it - but this just makes it easier to get the crust off. I think the poor chap was a bit horrified. Will you help me explain that it is perfectly normal and stallion isn't really enjoying it - he is perfectly capable of getting himself off doing belly slaps :rolleyes:

Thankyou

furrydeviant
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Assuming you and your stallion are consenting adults then there is nothing wrong with you doing a bit of willy-cleaning on the side. Your bf may be jealous; perhaps you could invite him to share the willy-cleaning so he doesn't feel left out?
 
PapaFrita said:
That's sooo cuteeee!! You're so lucky and clever. LOADS of three-legged horses have run in the Grand National, in fact it was one by a horse called The Tripod in 1621!! Good luck!!
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I have just had an even better idea! Since my amazingness has taught my tb to hop, do you reckon I should teach him to hip and then put him on X Factor? I don't think they have enough hip-hop horses on there.
 
Whoopit said:
Dear PF

Thank God I've found you on here!

I have a gorgeous jet black Thoroughbred. He's 16.1hh, is just about 2.5yrs old and he raced until beginning of August. Do you think a horse that has only run on the flat will actually know how to jump or will I have to teach him how to do this myself?

Many Thanks In Advance

wasteofspace
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Thoroughbreds all know how to jump; just make sure you go really really fast towards the fence and just as you get to it flap your arms yelling "Yeeehhhhaaaa!" because that's the instruction for them to jump. Of course you won't be able to jump properly unless your horse is wearing a sheepskin half-pad and ear covers.
 
thelwell_girl said:
1. YAY! Do you accept book vouchers? Euros? Cake?

2. OHHH! I've been rubbing salmon in my hair all this while! Now I know it should have been kippers.

(On a separate note, my uncle once nailed a kipper behind the safe of a particularly nasty college professor... To this day no one knows what caused that smell :D)

*gambles off to defenestrate in celebration*
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Fish are friends, not food ;)

2693.jpg
 
Tass said:
.... do you ever wish you hadn't started something!! I hope you don't have to get up for work in the morning. Perhaps you can work flexitime while manufacturing bananasticks and left handed headcollars! You could hand out numbers like in the deli queue at Morrisons so peoples questions get answered in order!
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Hmm, perhaps I should've left it for tomorrow evening, I have to get up at 5.30!!
 
andraste said:
Dear PF

In the run up to a recent show I noticed several of the horses on my yard had plaits in their manes. This means they will be stolen doesn't it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Should I call the police or just ask my animal communicator to sort it out?
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I'm so glad you asked this question. Plaits are of course a HUGE concern and yes, I'm afraid it does mean that your horse will be stolen imminently. There are no records of this actually happening, but I'm sure that's all fabrication and the people who say the opposite are just jealous. These horse thieves are very very sophisticated; taking a photo on a cameraphone is not for them. Luckily just unraveling the plait is enough to thwart their cunning plans as this makes them unable to remember anything about the appearance of the horse that they were planning to steal.
The police so far have shown very little interest in this matter, and continue to insist there is no basis for the alarm so definitely speak to an animal communicator. You should be able to find a good one in the yellow pages. Good luck!
 
boogles said:
:eek: U can do such fingz???

u



IZ



JEZUZ


INNIT!
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Actually, there is a video, somewhere in the wilds of the YouTube that infact proves that my friend Tara is the messiah. And that I am Marilyn Monroe.

So there!

PF - but.... They are tasty! How can something be tasty and us not be allowed to eat it?????????
 
PapaFrita said:
I think you should make him sing. I don't think he could possibly be any worse than VVVVVagner.
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Excuse me, are you saying that my horse is bad at singing? He was singing beautifully earlier when I left him all on his own in the field. The windows on the house next door were cracking with the beautifulness. I'm now teaching him to rap. He's quite good actually, although I think I need a banana stick. Do you have any DVD's to help?
 
Now i have a very serious question, i have got my very expensive 17'2" WB horse down to competition weight, it was very hard and i had to do the following
NO hard feed
1 handful of hi-fi lite once a week
stabled 24/7 rubber matting and shavings (no extra calories there)
but my problem is now that she is nearly at the correct weight about 200kg (i know that is still a bit over weight) as i can see all her bones but there is still some wobbling stuff around her belly.
But when i am riding and jumping her (not high only about 5ft) she keeps falling in a heap in the ground and then i have to get off and beat her till she gets up.
I know she is laying down to avoid work, but if i have to suffer for fashion (very proud size -2) she can stay on her diet to keep competition fit.
But how do i stop her having these tantrums and refusing to work.
skinandbones
 
apercrumbie said:
Excuse me, are you saying that my horse is bad at singing? He was singing beautifully earlier when I left him all on his own in the field. The windows on the house next door were cracking with the beautifulness. I'm now teaching him to rap. He's quite good actually, although I think I need a banana stick. Do you have any DVD's to help?
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Not at all, I'm sure he sings like a lark, but even if he brayed he could win x-factor (or come second to Matt :p ) If he raps, make sure to pluck his eyebrows first.
 
miss_bird said:
Now i have a very serious question, i have got my very expensive 17'2" WB horse down to competition weight, it was very hard and i had to do the following
NO hard feed
1 handful of hi-fi lite once a week
stabled 24/7 rubber matting and shavings (no extra calories there)
but my problem is now that she is nearly at the correct weight about 200kg (i know that is still a bit over weight) as i can see all her bones but there is still some wobbling stuff around her belly.
But when i am riding and jumping her (not high only about 5ft) she keeps falling in a heap in the ground and then i have to get off and beat her till she gets up.
I know she is laying down to avoid work, but if i have to suffer for fashion (very proud size -2) she can stay on her diet to keep competition fit.
But how do i stop her having these tantrums and refusing to work.
skinandbones
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Hmmm, I'm sorry to say that as she's a WB you may just have to tolerate the quirky behaviour although you could try a calmer. Sadly this might cause her to put on a bit of weight as it contains extra calories, but if she can still move, then she's fine.
 
dozzie said:
If I got him in foal I would want more than 15k! :D My friend has a colt, not sure how it is bred. I think it is ShetlandxShire. Do you think that would do? it stands at about 8hh and is 4 ft wide. Do you think I would get an apaloosa?
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This is really great news! I just started up a registry for Coffee-table-loosas because it's a new breed from America based on ancient bloodlines which can be traced all the way back to the Spanish Conquest of Indonesia! The horses are all 8hh, four foot wide and spotted or brindled and must be able to have a full set of coffee cups, side plates, a coffee pot, a cow creamer and a cake stand set on their backs on doilys AND a freshly ironed table cloth. Then they must do reining patterns. The coffee-table-loosa is a working horse, not just a show horse, and their pedigrees have been recorded orally by wandering cowboys for thousands of years.
Tell your friend it only costs £493 to register with the European Coffee-table-loosa Society, and for that she'll get a passport and a laminated doily.
 
Dearest PF

the lame gelding i mentioned last night, is a tiny bit on the *hem* larger side! but he loves his food and i couldn't bear for poor joey-woey not to have his breakfast/brunch/elevenis/lunch/afternoon tea/dinner and supper. what should i do to help him lose his spare tyre??

yours

idon'toverfeedidon't!
 
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