Roll up! Roll up!! Get the answer you're looking for RIGHT here. NO problem too big..

Echo Bravo said:
I have a very nice black gelding. Do you think he'd look nice in the Katie Price pink bling, in the Working Hunter class. I've seen the pink bridles and saddle cloths, also think about pink Brushing boots when out Hunting.:cool::cool::cool:
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Yes, pink is always stylish and it's always nice to add a touch of glamour to equestrianism, Don't you think? No need to go to KP though!! I think you should buy my pink velour breeches and sequinned polyester show jacket to go with my Patented left-handed headcollar (available in pink), the new, improved lungeline (available in pink) with the extra heavy clip and the bananastick with tassles. DVDs 1-10 will teach you all you need to know to achieve the ultimate glamour on and with your horse. Good luck!!
 
Dear PF,
I recently purchased a new pink truck and ,knowing how important it is to
co ordinate properly when competing I made sure my boilingblood mare has matching kit - girth, headcolllar, leadrope, bandages,numnah,browband, reins, tailguard and knee and hock boots. Howerver, when I put the boots on she refuses to move - I've checked the top AND bottom straps are done up tightly, so what could be the problem?
Do I need your banana stick, and can I puchase a pink one?


Allthegearandnoidea
 
MrsMozart said:
So they're not meant to have more than one...?!

Oh blast.

I'll put some cream on it, see if that does the trick.

Yours,

Loss M'Braincell
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Don't panic!! Put some Camrosa on it, that'll sort it out! Or, you could try rubbing half a puffball mushroom picked on a night with a full moon onto the extra head. Don't forget you MUST be naked and singing Living la Vida Loca along to Wagner when you pick the mushroom or it won't work. Good luck
PS; All this and more failsafe advice on how to cope with extra heads in my special set of DVDs entitled; Warts, Bumps and extra Heads (1-20) available for £460.
 
Dear PF, I just adore KP's pink horse box! The problem I have is I can't possibly afford one like it. I do think however, I could stretch tp a respray of beanies trailer. The question I wish to put to you is do you think it reasonable to paint my richardson trailer a lush hot pink with bling in certain places??? Maybe some of those flash shiny hubs that carry on spinning when the wheels have stopped???
 
Thank you JenJ. :)

My other question is what are these carrot sticks everyone seems to be going on about? My horse loves eating carrots so will he like carrot sticks too?
 
Dearest PF,

my older gelding is currently lame but i don't want to miss out on any riding, would it be ok to bute him up and take him up the gallops and round the XC course anyway????

yours

LR
 
LeneHorse said:
We are thinking of getting the kids a poney for Xmas. They will only ride it once a week - will it be ok to leave it out in a field on its own the rest of the time? It will get plenty too eat as my hubby is going to keep all the lawn cuttings for it and it can have any stale bread thats left each week. My friend has given me her old horse's saddell and bridal so we're laughing. It was a 18hand hunter and we're looking for something small but it won't matter if the saddell is a bit big will it? So can you recommend a breed of poney that will suit us? We really want a white one as that will be right christmassy. PS the kids are 7 and 10 and each weigh 14 stone.
Thanx - we're sooo excited!
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Remember a pony is not just for Christmas so you must keep it until the New Year. Yes, you can keep in a field or even in a small garden. You can feed bread as long as it's wholemeal or at least a bit brown. I'm glad you've got a saddal (please spell it correctly) and bridal; as long as you like the colour, it'll be fine. Make sure it's comfortable though!! You should a Welsh section A for your kids or failing that, a lipizzaner (they always come in white)
 
dear PF

I've noticed on this forum a certain sub-language which contains infantile speak such as "coblet", "doglet", "horsey" and "ponio"

is this possible to erradicate?

speakerofrealenglish
 
Flame_ said:
Dear PF

My lovely perfect horse who I have owned for ten wonderful years has turned evil. He keeps trying to kill me every time I try to ride him. I have tried playing Parelli games with him but he's just too evil now to do them properly. An expert told me he might have a pain so i got the YO, a chiropractor, a bowen therapist, a dentist, a barefoot guru, a reiki healer, a TTouch practitioner, a faith healer and an animal communicator to have a look but he's fine.

So now i know there's nothing up with him, the expert helped me give him a "sorting out" but he's so evil he's put the expert in hospital and I've got no one else who's brave enough to help me beat him into behaving himself again.

What should I do? Please help. :(

Numptygettingadvicefromothernumpties


:p
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Give him a carrot. If you reward him every time he tries to give you a tummy tuck with his teeth he'll be totally taken aback and won't be able to help loving you again. If you'd been a good owner and truly loved your horse you would've bought all my DVDs (available for £530) and the Patented left-handed headcollar, improved lungeline with extra-heavy clip and the bananastick you wouldn't have needed any of those so-called experts. Now you'll have to buy the remedial dvds as well (£780)
 
Dear PF

As we are neighbours I am becoming rather worried about the safety of my horses. I know they aren't left handed though so don't bother trying to sell me all that left handed kit!

Do you think the ponies might have eaten the missing pussy cat? I know it's good to give them a varied diet!

I've given the local psych team a ring and they'yy be around in a bit with your normal Thursday evening treatment. They did say they hope you haven't put on any weight this week though as the strait jacket has shrunk in the wash.

Yours Thistle xxx
 
JenJ said:
Thanks for the advice PF.

But I've decided that I don't want to get a horse that's old and boring, so I'm going to get a young racehorse. I'd like to ride it really fast in races myself - I saw a 'show schedule' with entry forms and stuff in the office of the pony trekking centre, do they do one of those for the Grand National?
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Yes, go to the yearlings sales and get a very young one so it won't have any nasty habits and you can grow and learn together; you'll be guaranteed to win!!
Most pony trekking centres worth their salt will train people up for the Grand National and they can enter you for that as well :) Good luck!
 
SJ_Superstars said:
Dear PF,

I have just purchased a lovely Falabella for this season's hunting. I am 6ft6 and weigh 15 stone. He is beautiful and was described as a super first pony which will suilt me fine as he is my first pony! I am so excited - bring on those big hedges! People have been telling me though that we won't keep up and we won't make it over the jumps? :confused: I don't know why because his old owner told me he was 'willing to please and will always try his best for you' Do you think this is true these people are just jealous of my super hunting horse?

Confusedfallabellahunter
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Hi, your ponio sounds lovely!! Of course he can carry you!! People are just jealous. Make sure you feed him lots though so he has the energy to carry you. Good luck :)
 
Nuffink rong wiv callin ma girlie a ponio.....shez 17.2 so itz a ponio aiiiiiiite!


PF anova qweztion 4 u......she az big blak fings between er back legs....are dey her energi storez? u kno camelz stor wata so poniez stor energi rite? and i dnt fink er cord woz cut propa az a baybe iva coz she az a big black umbilical sausage fing 2?
 
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nikicb said:
Dear PF.
A lovely man came to my front door last month with a very fat pony. He said that we were meant to be together so I paid him lots of money and put her in the back garden. She saved me cutting the lawn last week, but now I am getting worried as she is getting fatter and fatter and soon won't be able to fit through the gate. It's such a shame as I wanted to take her to Olympia this year as my kids have worked out they can get on her when they jump from the shed roof and I thought she could would look good if I got one of those diamante head things on her and lead her around. I keep finding this creamy white liquid on the patio, but not sure what it is. Also she is looking very bad tempered and swishing her tail. Should I get a builder out to widen my gate?
Thank you.

ETA thanks for brightening up my evening! :)
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She will have to be very fat to get to Olympia; unless she actually gets stuck in the gate she won't have enough condition. Also, it's compulsory to have lots of diamanté if you want to show, so you're on the right track. Definitely get a builder to widen the gate? If you get him to widen your kitchen door she can have meals in the house as well :)
 
dear PF

i've been riding now for at least 5 years and have just mastered rising trot

shall i put my name down for the RS jumping Derby?

everhopefuluselessrider
 
Thistle said:
Dear PF

As we are neighbours I am becoming rather worried about the safety of my horses. I know they aren't left handed though so don't bother trying to sell me all that left handed kit!

Do you think the ponies might have eaten the missing pussy cat? I know it's good to give them a varied diet!

I've given the local psych team a ring and they'yy be around in a bit with your normal Thursday evening treatment. They did say they hope you haven't put on any weight this week though as the strait jacket has shrunk in the wash.

Yours Thistle xxx
Click to expand...

PMSL at normal Thursday evening treatment!
 
PapaFrita said:
She will have to be very fat to get to Olympia; unless she actually gets stuck in the gate she won't have enough condition. Also, it's compulsory to have lots of diamanté if you want to show, so you're on the right track. Definitely get a builder to widen the gate? If you get him to widen your kitchen door she can have meals in the house as well :)
Click to expand...

Thank you, I will call the builder tomorrow. I have some pasta left over from dinner so I will give her that. It will certainly save me time as at the moment it takes me an hour and a half to put all the extra things in her feed that the local feed store sold me. :)
 
Dear PF,


I have two problems which I think you should be able to answer for me.

1. I don't have a pony, but the other day I saw an Irish Wolfhound in the street, and it was waaaay bigger than a Shetland. Can I buy one and ride it to school? It's big enough that I can just put a t shirt and sunglasses on it and say it's a new student, so I won't have to worry about parking.

2. Am I doomed to forever be without a nice, handsome boyfriend? Am I putting them off because I smell of whelks and ponies?

Thank you.

Smellybellyponygirl
 
ozpoz said:
Dear PF,
I recently purchased a new pink truck and ,knowing how important it is to
co ordinate properly when competing I made sure my boilingblood mare has matching kit - girth, headcolllar, leadrope, bandages,numnah,browband, reins, tailguard and knee and hock boots. Howerver, when I put the boots on she refuses to move - I've checked the top AND bottom straps are done up tightly, so what could be the problem?
Do I need your banana stick, and can I puchase a pink one?


Allthegearandnoidea
Click to expand...

You definitely need the bananstick and the DVDs to help you through this particular problem. I think your mare is a lower-centre-brained foolovert so you'll need the specific set of DVDs designed for this particular type of horse.
 
PapaFrita said:
Don't panic!! Put some Camrosa on it, that'll sort it out! Or, you could try rubbing half a puffball mushroom picked on a night with a full moon onto the extra head. Don't forget you MUST be naked and singing Living la Vida Loca along to Wagner when you pick the mushroom or it won't work. Good luck
PS; All this and more failsafe advice on how to cope with extra heads in my special set of DVDs entitled; Warts, Bumps and extra Heads (1-20) available for £460.
Click to expand...

Oh thank you oh wonderful and splendiferous PF :D. Please may I join your secret society? I will wear your logo with pride and play games with my many headed horses (though hopefully soon to be slightly less headsome).

*wobbles off to search out puffball mushrooms*

**last seen running across the fields with police helicopter searchlight bouncing off great expanses of lard ar$e**

Note: Please send all secret society stuff to me c/o Her Majesty's Prison service....
 
Dear PF, my frend took me to a sale last week - god, it was soooooooo cheepeeee, I got two really cute baby horses for fifty pense! If id nown how cheep they wer id of got some ages ago. They are all cute and flufy, with big fat tummies - someone has reely loved them and given them lots to eat. As there so little they can go in my garden - dont worry ive moved the patio stuff, lol! neways, my frend said they need nuts to eat, so I went to that nut shop in town, but got confussed coz there was so any diffrent sorts,lol! Shud i get brasils, or wud warnuts be better?
Lovemycuties
 
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