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Halfstep said:
Dear PF,

I am HORRIFIED by the standard of riding I see nowadays, especially the riding done by anyone who stoops so low as to actually compete on their horses, and most especially by the DEVILS who ride internationally. In fact, no one has ever ridden correctly since Xenophon passed away. Equestrianism has been in freefall since the 4th century BC.

Luckily, I have seen the light. I've been in contact with Xenophon on the other side. He's learned English, which shows how much of a genius he is as it didn't exist when he was alive, and he speaks to me directly. He is telling me that I must save the tortured competition horses and free them from their dreadful lives. I am a living guru and spend all of my time on internet chatrooms telling all the horrible people who compete their horses how EVIL and ABUSIVE they are, and how I and only I know the way to the light. If they come and have lessons with me, I will cause their horses to sprout wings and fly. And they will see the EVIL of all other riding. Because Xenophon speaks to me. Don't you know. As does Gerd Heuschmann. Although I'm not hearing him so much since those embarrassing photos.....

Please tell me how I can spread the WORD of Xenophon across the world and enjoy the profits of enlightenment. And stop all those people who actually hold the reins when they ride - the cruel evil horse torturers!
Click to expand...

You are already on your way to true enlightenment!! Alleluyah!! Let us Huggle together against the Spawn of Satan riders who torment their horses with tack and rugs and ALSO vaccinations and worming and farriers!!!! Xenophon has also spoken to me (yes his English really is rather good, isn't it?) and has told me that you should buy my complete set of DVDs and books and the T-shirt that says "I Huggle my Horse! Do you?"
 
LeneHorse said:
Wow - this is exactly what we're looking for 4 the kidz xmas (see my post last night). it would look so cute done up in tinsell with a big red bow round its neck. The kidz wud love it. Do you think one that size would carry my 2 14 stone kidz - they wud both have to ride it at the same time of course or there wud be tearz n' snotterz?
Click to expand...

I am currently trying to sell Bub's last pony as she has grown out of him.
He has competed at HOYS several times and was narrowly beaten by Ellen W in the puisance.
He is a real olympic hopeful.
Of course he is POA.

dwarf_dixie1.jpg
 
AllySmalice said:
Dear PF, I have recently brought myself an ex-racehorse to be my competition horse, she cost a lot of money (£500!) so obviously I expect her to be good. 'Cos she is a competition horse I keep her stabled 24/7 as obviously she would go loony in the field! She used to live out all the time after she finished racing (apparently she was injured but she looks fine to me) anyway now she is being ridden she doesn't need to go out does she? I ride her a few times a week, when I can be bothered. The trouble is she is a right nutter, I think it must be because she's a chesnut mare. I feed her 3 scoops of oats, 2 of barley and one of whole maize 4 times a day like you are meant to. She must be really lazy as quite often she just lies on the floor groaning but then she looks at her belly to say she's still hungry so I feed her a bit more.

When I ride her she is really wierd, when I kick her with my legs she tries to run away so I put her in a dutch gag on the bottom hole like my instructor said, trouble is then she gets quite lazy and doesn't want to move, so I bought these special western spurs with rowels on ('cos they look really cool) and use them on her, but sometimes this makes her even naughtier and she tries to buck me off, so my instructor said to put her in draw reins all the time so she can't get away with it. I know it is not my riding as I have been riding two months at a riding school on cob ponies and my instructor said if you can ride them you can ride anythink. Plus I've fallen off seven times already so that makes me a really good rider. 'Cos my mare is such a nutter I think I should get her a calmer, which do you recommend? I want to take her round badminton next year but apparently you're not allowed to jump in draw reins there, do you know a way I can get round this?

Thanks
Click to expand...

Wow, you’ve spent a LOT of money on your new horse, haven’t you? Best not to run the risk of her hurting herself in the field. As long as you ride her once or twice a month she’ll be fine stabled 24/7, if you can’t ride then just look over the stable door and that’ll do. Your tack sounds absolutely fine. I think you should ride her really fast all the time and not worry about stopping her as you want her to go over fences, don’t you? And if you can’t stop she’ll have to jump  Since you won’t be wanting to slow down around Badders, you won’t need the draw reins. Good luck!!
 
Dear PF,

I have owned my baby waby horsey worsey for just under a year. He is a very handsome stallion and was described in the advert as being full of character and I definitely got my money's worth. He is such a sweetie pie and is sooooooo funnyyyyyy!!!

When he first arrived he just bit the other horses so he could get to me first, how cuteeee is that! He loves me soooooo mucchhhhh! Once he kicked another girl's ponio, silly ponio for being in the way when I was in the field feeding him apples! They had a big fight and I had to stand in the middle like a referee!

Past couple of months though, he has started to play with me! I feel like his proper horse friend and I thought it would never happen. Sometimes I sleep in his stable so that he knows I am truly on his best friend. He is 17.2hh so there isn't much room for me but it's okay because we love each other soooooo muchhhh!!

The thing is, PF, he bites and kicks me too and I know he's just being silly (it really hurts sometimes looooool!). He hides at the back of the stable and when I walk past with his apple he launches himself at the door and grabs me - he is soooooo cheekyyy!! 2 weeks ago he bit my face and I know he didn't mean to so I told him he was a good boy so he didn't think he would be in trouble, poor baby.

I found out the day before yesterday that the girl who looked after him for me while I was in hospital hit him when he tried to play (he kicked her but he only bruised her a bit in a jokey way, he would never really hurt anyone). I was soooooooooooo upset that I phoned her and explained it is his character and that he was just upset and missing me and wanted someone to play with. She called me pink and fluffy. I don't know what that means :(

I have been crying for two days because I am so upset that she was nasty to my baby boy when I was having my face mended. He didn't mean to hurt her. Now the other people on the yard are saying things like it's a shame he didn't swallow my head. I don't think that is a very nice thing to say, my poor baby might have choked, he can't even eat an apple unless I cut it into a 8 equal sized pieces for him, so how would he have swallowed my head? They are soooo nasty to him and I think he feels like he is being bullied just because he has a playful character.

I just want my <3 baby boy <3 to be understood and accepted for who he is but these people are all horrible and just don't get it. Last week a girl smacked her horse on the nose for nipping her hand - I taught him to do that to guess which hand I was hiding the piece of apple in - now he is soooo confused :(

Please tell me how to communicate with the nasty horrible people who treat their ponios and horsey worseys like animals.

Thanku sooooo muchxxx

xxx<3xxxxilovemyhorseyxxxx<3xxx

xxxxx
 
LeneHorse said:
Wow - this is exactly what we're looking for 4 the kidz xmas (see my post last night). it would look so cute done up in tinsell with a big red bow round its neck. The kidz wud love it. Do you think one that size would carry my 2 14 stone kidz - they wud both have to ride it at the same time of course or there wud be tearz n' snotterz?
Click to expand...
This pony sounds perfect for you!! Don't forget to film your children (both at the same time will be fine; ponies are stronger than they seem) enjoying the pony and put it on Youtube :)
 
picture.php


Dear PapaFrita.

So pleased that you thought my beautiful boy looks so like Totilas.

I have contacted Paul Schockemohle and Edward Gal and there is now a bidding frenzy to secure him. The bidding currently stands at £15m so someone will get a great deal! Just as well he still has his b*******. There will be lots of little horses just like him in a few years time, maybe in time for 2012 Olympics.

I just hope his passport turns up soon or the deal will collapse. Should I advertise on ebay for a new one? If I do then he'll get a new name, probably better than Donk.

Thank you so much for all your help. 10% commission will be forwarded to you on completion of the sale. The DVDs you insisted I bought have turned out to be a real bargain!
 
Dear PF

Because I love my ponio very very much, I have been feeding him exactly the same as I eat. He has started the day with coffee and toast, then he has a sandwich and crisps for lunch and then we have beef stew for our tea! Some people keep telling he should have horse food and grass, but this seems very cruel to me as I am not prepared to feed him anything I wouldn't eat myself. So none of that vegetable rubbish, it's just not natural.

He must like it, as he often tells me he wants more food by looking at his tummy, kicking at his belly and rolling round on the floor! Do you think I could go on X Factor with this skill, as I think he is just like a breakdancer!

Yours

Ithoughtonlybabiesgotcolic
x
 
WoopsiiD said:
I am currently trying to sell Bub's last pony as she has grown out of him.
He has competed at HOYS several times and was narrowly beaten by Ellen W in the puisance.
He is a real olympic hopeful.
Of course he is POA.

dwarf_dixie1.jpg
Click to expand...

WTF IS THAT?

is it real?
:eek: :eek:

sorry PF i'm butting in on your evangelical evening.

is your granpa Billy Pepperoni Graham?
 
Dear PF

I have a haflinger who I paid £2000 for, he is at least 20 and has really bad legs which means he won't run off with me. I have tried lunging him in the school but he stops and eats stuff even when I push him from behind. He falls down when I ride him, not sure why, seems worse in the fields so I just ride on the road. He is very rude in the stable if I give him treats so I feed him polos on a string and give him lots of toys to play with. I have been in hospital once for concussion after he fell over when I didn't have my hat done up and now people are saying he shouldn't be ridden and it is dangerous but I think they are just jealous because they don't have a lovely ponio like mine. What do you think?

Livery yard's worst nightmare.
 
Thistle said:
Dear PF

Please help I am sooooooooooooooo worried. I saw on an internet forum that if my pony is plaited then he will be stolen.

I live in the middle of nowhere up a long farm track, I have 4 equines. 2 are fit well bred eventers, 1 is an ex event pony, now a broodmare in foal to a lovely stallion, the fourth is a small hairy Squeaky thing, he has a long mane and tail and is really difficult to catch (unless he likes you!!!!!!!!!!!!). Today it has been pretty wild and windy here and the Squeaky thing has some tangly plaits in his mane. Surely this means that someone has been into my fields that are outside my house and got past my 3 guard dogs and plaited his mane, they must love small Squeaky ponies much more that fit well bred eventers.

What should I do?????????

thanks

i'msoworriedcozhehasplaits
Click to expand...
Dear worried
Ahh, yes. The great Xenophon has spoken to me about the mythical Squeak; he who waits, smirking, until you nearly have his headcollar on and then runs away bucking and farting, followed by someone swearing, sometimes accompanied by farting, and much shaking of fists. You are quite right to be worried. Clearly these, plus the squeaking, are attributes that are highly prized among horse thieves and talent scouts for X-Factor. Either he will be stolen very soon and you'll never see him again or loaded into a lorry and taken to a horse show and then returned with a rosette. In order to distract thieves from Squeak you must plait the others and hope they get nicked instead. Good luck!
 
brighteyes said:
Dear PF

On that very subject of vets being in it for the money, I have found that Googling the complaint and then asking on a Forum I have found (Nag&Dog Online) always gets me the answers for free! Mostly I don't need to call a vet - unless the horse lies down and won't get up or stops breathing - nobody was on The Forum that morning, so I had to wait til after lunch til I got a reply. Anyway I saved a huge vet bill and just buried my horse in the garden that time. And the chemist sells most stuff you need to treat them with anyway, or you can ask if your elderly relatives have any drugs hanging around for the more dodgy complaints, like cushions and laminitus. You can put garlic and toothpaste on most things - works wonders in conjunction with remote healing by photograph (any photograph will do).

Lardydahdiarse

P.S. I think we are kindred spirits on a similar wavelength now.
Click to expand...

Dear Lardydahdiarse
You're absolutely right, you can get the answer to anything on HHO. Only the other day I asked what day it was and someone answered 'Mackerel'! I got the same answer on Facebook so it must've been right. Coincidentally I've just published a book called 'Cure you're horse with Garlic, Toothpaste and Talcum powder'. Covers everything from cushions to laminitus and also diplodocus!! You are indeed a kindred spirit!!
 
SirenaXVI said:
Dear PF

My international event horse is rolling around in his stable AGAIN, it makes such a mess of his lovely bed!

He seems to do this 3 or 4 times a week and sometimes he scrapes himself on the concrete floor silly boy. He gets so excited he sweats buckets!

Someone said I should call the vet but I thought I would ask people on the forum what I should do ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh hang on a minute..........................................


















Damn he has now knocked over his water bucket, or at least I think he has - he is absolutely soaking:eek: He must be excited as he has left his flapjacks uneaten again :rolleyes:

Anyway, how can I stop this happening?


Moronwithahorse
Click to expand...
Now I don't mean to alarm you, but he might be having a nightmare. This is particularly unpleasant for a gelding as they don't like girly 'mare' things!! A nightmare will also put him off his food so you don't have anything to worry about. There's nothing a vet can tell you that you can't find out on HHO. Or in fact on the Tesco's website.
 
WoopsiiD said:
I am currently trying to sell Bub's last pony as she has grown out of him.
He has competed at HOYS several times and was narrowly beaten by Ellen W in the puisance.
He is a real olympic hopeful.
Of course he is POA.

dwarf_dixie1.jpg
Click to expand...

Aww, he's gorgeous and what lovely confirmation!!! I'm not surprised he's doing well at SJing. I can tell just by looking at him that he's worth at least £4.5 million pounds!
 
PapaFrita said:
Dear worried
Ahh, yes. The great Xenophon has spoken to me about the mythical Squeak; he who waits, smirking, until you nearly have his headcollar on and then runs away bucking and farting, followed by someone swearing, sometimes accompanied by farting, and much shaking of fists. You are quite right to be worried. Clearly these, plus the squeaking, are attributes that are highly prized among horse thieves and talent scouts for X-Factor. Either he will be stolen very soon and you'll never see him again or loaded into a lorry and taken to a horse show and then returned with a rosette. In order to distract thieves from Squeak you must plait the others and hope they get nicked instead. Good luck!
Click to expand...

Dear PF

I'm sorry for questioning your wisdom (your sanity is another matter, I think we'll leave that for the men in white coats) but honestly do you think that the best way of catching a Squeaky pony (btw wouldn't Alfa-A Oil help there?) is to chase after it swearing, farting and shaking your fists. Horses are normally vegetarian and I am informed that vegetarians find the farts of omnivores repulsive (although having eaten nut roast I have to say that veggie farts are impressively bad so why the veggie guy who told me was making that much fuss I don't know. It wasn't MY fault that the windows in his ancient horsebox / campervan wouldn't wind down and we didn't want to call attention to our somewhat wrecked state by driving along flapping the doors.)

I leave this for your consideration.

HoofHearted
 
Munchkin said:
Dear PF,

I have owned my baby waby horsey worsey for just under a year. He is a very handsome stallion and was described in the advert as being full of character and I definitely got my money's worth. He is such a sweetie pie and is sooooooo funnyyyyyy!!!

When he first arrived he just bit the other horses so he could get to me first, how cuteeee is that! He loves me soooooo mucchhhhh! Once he kicked another girl's ponio, silly ponio for being in the way when I was in the field feeding him apples! They had a big fight and I had to stand in the middle like a referee!

Past couple of months though, he has started to play with me! I feel like his proper horse friend and I thought it would never happen. Sometimes I sleep in his stable so that he knows I am truly on his best friend. He is 17.2hh so there isn't much room for me but it's okay because we love each other soooooo muchhhh!!

The thing is, PF, he bites and kicks me too and I know he's just being silly (it really hurts sometimes looooool!). He hides at the back of the stable and when I walk past with his apple he launches himself at the door and grabs me - he is soooooo cheekyyy!! 2 weeks ago he bit my face and I know he didn't mean to so I told him he was a good boy so he didn't think he would be in trouble, poor baby.

I found out the day before yesterday that the girl who looked after him for me while I was in hospital hit him when he tried to play (he kicked her but he only bruised her a bit in a jokey way, he would never really hurt anyone). I was soooooooooooo upset that I phoned her and explained it is his character and that he was just upset and missing me and wanted someone to play with. She called me pink and fluffy. I don't know what that means :(

I have been crying for two days because I am so upset that she was nasty to my baby boy when I was having my face mended. He didn't mean to hurt her. Now the other people on the yard are saying things like it's a shame he didn't swallow my head. I don't think that is a very nice thing to say, my poor baby might have choked, he can't even eat an apple unless I cut it into a 8 equal sized pieces for him, so how would he have swallowed my head? They are soooo nasty to him and I think he feels like he is being bullied just because he has a playful character.

I just want my <3 baby boy <3 to be understood and accepted for who he is but these people are all horrible and just don't get it. Last week a girl smacked her horse on the nose for nipping her hand - I taught him to do that to guess which hand I was hiding the piece of apple in - now he is soooo confused :(

Please tell me how to communicate with the nasty horrible people who treat their ponios and horsey worseys like animals.

Thanku sooooo muchxxx

xxx<3xxxxilovemyhorseyxxxx<3xxx

xxxxx
Click to expand...

I’m afraid you’ll just have to accept that some people are just consumed with jealousy. Your ponio is just being a ponio; kicking and biting is natural and it’s wicked to try and stop them behaving in such a natural manner. You’re very fortunate that he’s trying to Grapple with you (this is similar to Join Up, but more expensive because it’s better) and treat you as he would another horse. Of course he didn’t mean to remove your nose and you don’t really need it to breathe; you can do that through your mouth, so no harm done :)
It IS unfortunate though that other people will not allow him to Grapple with them; he could easily develop psychological issues and could become depressed and dangerous as a result of the ensuing feelings of rejection and depression.
I don’t know what she means by calling you pink and fluffy. Do you think that’s the same as being a Bunnyhuggero? Because that’s a compliment! The only people who truly love their horses are Bunnyhuggeros.
Don’t worry about the other people on your yard; they’re just jealous. I’ve got HD TV and Eurosport and everyone is so jealous they tell me how films end. It’s most vexatious. Sadly I don’t think they can be healed unless they WANT to heal and are willing to convert to Huggle Horsemanship. Of course they will have to buy my fully patented and colour-coordinated kit and the full set of 150 dvds, books, pre-worn leather chaps, and the baseball cap that says Huggle me Quick. Loads of Hugggglessssss!
 
Snoozinsusan said:
picture.php


Dear PapaFrita.

So pleased that you thought my beautiful boy looks so like Totilas.

I have contacted Paul Schockemohle and Edward Gal and there is now a bidding frenzy to secure him. The bidding currently stands at £15m so someone will get a great deal! Just as well he still has his b*******. There will be lots of little horses just like him in a few years time, maybe in time for 2012 Olympics.

I just hope his passport turns up soon or the deal will collapse. Should I advertise on ebay for a new one? If I do then he'll get a new name, probably better than Donk.

Thank you so much for all your help. 10% commission will be forwarded to you on completion of the sale. The DVDs you insisted I bought have turned out to be a real bargain!
Click to expand...
That's great, I'm so pleased for you but you must be careful now as everyone will be jealous of you! I'm so looking forward to seeing your boys new foals, I'm sure they will be every bit as stunning as he is :)
Definitely get a passport on ebay. I think you can get him cloned on ebay as well and then you can sell your boy AND keep him ;)
 
Spudlet said:
Dear PF

Because I love my ponio very very much, I have been feeding him exactly the same as I eat. He has started the day with coffee and toast, then he has a sandwich and crisps for lunch and then we have beef stew for our tea! Some people keep telling he should have horse food and grass, but this seems very cruel to me as I am not prepared to feed him anything I wouldn't eat myself. So none of that vegetable rubbish, it's just not natural.

He must like it, as he often tells me he wants more food by looking at his tummy, kicking at his belly and rolling round on the floor! Do you think I could go on X Factor with this skill, as I think he is just like a breakdancer!

Yours

Ithoughtonlybabiesgotcolic
x
Click to expand...
You are SUCH a caring owner, I'm sure you won't hesitate to buy the entire Huggle Horsemanship range of goods. This includes tack, clothing, DVDS, Books and kitchen utensils. I look forward to seeing your pony on Britain's Got Talent (they don't dance on Xfactor ;)
 
Dear PF,

I have another dilemma!

I seem to be quite the thread killer recently... Is there a physiological reason gor this?

Lots of love,

Ioccasionallylickbarrelsoftoxicwaste xxxxx
 
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