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Dear PF,

I took your advice and broke my horse into harness! It took less than 24 hours using your methods!

I'm going to save a fortune on car tax and petrol, do you have any more devices that I don't need but really must have to prove that I'm a better horsewoman than the livery in the stable next door???

half-car-half-horse-458x346.jpg


Ps The stud farm is up and running!
 
camilla4 said:
I think you are right there - my trainer says it takes years, (years, I tell you!), to get to the top and I'm sure this must be a ruse to get me to keep forking out for lessons. After all, I see people at competitions who aren't turned out nearly as smartly as I am, who are on rather common looking horses, but who still beat me! They clearly haven't invested nearly as much as I have.....
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That's exactly it; it's a conspiracy. People like Carl Hester and Andrew Gould will tell you that they worked really hard to get where they are today, but to tell the truth they'd've got there a lot quicker with the right kit and bling. Of course now that it's too late for them they're jealous that other people are achieving success quicker than they did and so spread this rumour that only hard work gets you to the top. Poppycock!!
 
Dear PF

I want my horse to speak whale like Dory off finding nemo, I know he's not a fish (but he did swim pretty well when we pushed him in the garden pond) but he just won't learn it! I even tried hitting him with the clip of a lead rope and flapping my elbow in his face! How do I get him to speak whale cause I think he's just taking the mic now?

stupiddoryfan
 
PapaFrita said:
It's a bananastick you need and by the way your ponio is running away from you it is evident that you are not in touch with your inner ponio and he sees you as a human and not a kindred spirit. This will not do; I'm afraid you'll have to start him again with some Grappling, and in order to do this you will have to buy my entire DVD collection, all the books, the kit and attend a 6 month training course. If you truly love your ponio you will do this forthwith.
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Papa Frita, you are my god. I will buy a bananastick of each colour immediately. How much are they and can I get them from ebay?

Yours,

shouldntevenbeallowedagoldfishfrankly
 
I am an enormous fat bitch and totally refuse to to tell you my weight, if you ask me I will report you to the Gestapo, I am thinking of buying a slightly arthritic 15 year old ex riding school pony, do you think I will be too heavy, here is a picture of me standing directly behind the pony so you cant tell how
enormous I am.

Ring a bell with anyone..........
 
I'm confused. In the last few months I have bought;

vitamin pills and joint care capsules (in bathroom cabinet - unopened)
a Swiss ball to improve my balance (in bag - uninflated)
a Portuguese language course (still it's box)
a horse (still in it's stable)

and I'm still unfit/creaking/wobbly/crap at Portuguese and can't ride :(

Where am I going wrong?? :confused:

Miss Guided.
 
WoopsiiD said:
Dear PF,

I took your advice and broke my horse into harness! It took less than 24 hours using your methods!

I'm going to save a fortune on car tax and petrol, do you have any more devices that I don't need but really must have to prove that I'm a better horsewoman than the livery in the stable next door???

half-car-half-horse-458x346.jpg


Ps The stud farm is up and running!
Click to expand...

That's fantastic, and just goes to show what can be achieved when one has enlightenment from Huggle Horsemanship.
I realise you've bought almost my entire range, but as you've just started your stud farm (congratulations by the way) you should have my bespoke faux Burberry foal pyjamas. They are only £2,500 each and can be worn once :)
 
Dear PF
I bought a horse a few weeks ago but he (I think he's a he) that was described as a rocking horse ride but he keeps rearing so I fall off backwards. I'm only 20 stone so i'm not too heavy. I want to do dressage with him next year but i'm getting scared of him. Will any of your dvd's help?
Just a picture because I think he's really cute
wooden-rocking-horse.jpg
 
HELP I've no money to buy a horse and no time to look after one, but I want one. I'd particually like a black Arabian stallion. Any suggestions? Oh I should mention my retired horse that I can't ride any more but have still got hence no time and money for the arab. Pls help.
 
Kokopelli said:
Dear PF

I want my horse to speak whale like Dory off finding nemo, I know he's not a fish (but he did swim pretty well when we pushed him in the garden pond) but he just won't learn it! I even tried hitting him with the clip of a lead rope and flapping my elbow in his face! How do I get him to speak whale cause I think he's just taking the mic now?

stupiddoryfan
Click to expand...

Are you sure you're getting the yank-snap right? Perhaps you've not watched the DVDs closely enough. There has to be a very lound clunk. You mustn't give up; keep on swimming, keep on swimming!! :) Your horseyo will love you for it!
 
Pedantic said:
I am an enormous fat bitch and totally refuse to to tell you my weight, if you ask me I will report you to the Gestapo, I am thinking of buying a slightly arthritic 15 year old ex riding school pony, do you think I will be too heavy, here is a picture of me standing directly behind the pony so you cant tell how
enormous I am.

Ring a bell with anyone..........
Click to expand...

Now now, don't put yourself down! Just because you're not a size zero, doesn't make you a fat bitch. I think an arthritic 15 year-old is perfect for you. Older horses need to be kept in work and don't let anyone tell you any different. Anyone who disagrees with you is just jealous because you've got curves and boobs (probably) and they haven't.
 
Dear Aunty Papfrita
I have a TB I keep in North Scotland in a field.I don't believe in stables and rugs or extra feed, they are not natural are they?Thing is, he looks dead common in his winter coat.Should I give him a full clip?
Gormlous
 
Sarah W said:
I'm confused. In the last few months I have bought;

vitamin pills and joint care capsules (in bathroom cabinet - unopened)
a Swiss ball to improve my balance (in bag - uninflated)
a Portuguese language course (still it's box)
a horse (still in it's stable)

and I'm still unfit/creaking/wobbly/crap at Portuguese and can't ride :(

Where am I going wrong?? :confused:

Miss Guided.
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When will people ever learn? *sigh* If you don't buy the right brands, you might as well chuck your money on lessons or a gym. My range of DVDs, books, horsewear and riderwear will sort you out and you don't have to use them. Just send me your credit card details and I'll send you the information telepathically.
 
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Dear PF

All this talk of new horses has set me off in search of the next occupant of my garden shed - don't worry, it's one of B&Q's deluxe models with opening windows and very fancy lattice boards along the eaves. Anyway, I digress. I rang up about a very suitable-sounding brown one and the lady said to come and try it. So, she walked it out of the stable but was limping badly (the lady, not the horse). She said I'd have to ride it as her groom was off that day, but promised me it was a total schoolmistress. Her back was bad from gardening and she had a very nasty gash on her arm and a black eye where a plant pot had fallen on her in the potting shed.

I think the horse was stung by a bee or something because it threw six of the most enormous bucks and bolted. I don't remember an awful lot after that (or even what the lady's flowerbeds looked like, but I'm sure they must have been lovely) and wondered if you could send me some tips on how to get the best out of trying a new horse out for next time. I'm currently in the Royal Ipswich, Ward 4.

Lardydahdiarse
 
Swift08 said:
Dear PF
I bought a horse a few weeks ago but he (I think he's a he) that was described as a rocking horse ride but he keeps rearing so I fall off backwards. I'm only 20 stone so i'm not too heavy. I want to do dressage with him next year but i'm getting scared of him. Will any of your dvd's help?
Just a picture because I think he's really cute
wooden-rocking-horse.jpg
Click to expand...

What a lovely horse :) Yes the DVDs will help a LOT. If you're still scared of him in 3 years then you should think of putting him in foal and breeding a horse with a more suitable temperament :)
 
bad girl said:
HELP I've no money to buy a horse and no time to look after one, but I want one. I'd particually like a black Arabian stallion. Any suggestions? Oh I should mention my retired horse that I can't ride any more but have still got hence no time and money for the arab. Pls help.
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Lack of time and money shouldn't stop you having you getting your own ponio. Horses basically look after themselves and it's not really necessary to worm or vaccinate them or even have their feet trimmed. Arabs are also very hardy so you won't have to feed him any hay or grain and you can keep him in your backyard. Black arabian stallions are easily available free or on permanent loan and you can find them in the Yellow Pages under 'Hallucinating Horses'
As for your old horse. Well, that's just a nuisance isn't it? How inconsiderate of him to grow old and creaky. Luckily if you put him in a sale he will no doubt find a super home as sales are frequented almost exclusively by kindly grannies who like to pamper horses and keep them in their living rooms with their cats.
 
eahotson said:
Dear Aunty Papfrita
I have a TB I keep in North Scotland in a field.I don't believe in stables and rugs or extra feed, they are not natural are they?Thing is, he looks dead common in his winter coat.Should I give him a full clip?
Gormlous
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Yes, it's very inconvenient when horses get hairy and ugly like that, isn't it? Yes, give him a full clip and a bikini wax while you're at it so he looks sleek and lovely as TBs should. No need to add extra rugs.
 
brighteyes said:
Dear PF

All this talk of new horses has set me off in search of the next occupant of my garden shed - don't worry, it's one of B&Q's deluxe models with opening windows and very fancy lattice boards along the eaves. Anyway, I digress. I rang up about a very suitable-sounding brown one and the lady said to come and try it. So, she walked it out of the stable but was limping badly (the lady, not the horse). She said I'd have to ride it as her groom was off that day, but promised me it was a total schoolmistress. Her back was bad from gardening and she had a very nasty gash on her arm and a black eye where a plant pot had fallen on her in the potting shed.

I think the horse was stung by a bee or something because it threw six of the most enormous bucks and bolted. I don't remember an awful lot after that (or even what the lady's flowerbeds looked like, but I'm sure they must have been lovely) and wondered if you could send me some tips on how to get the best out of trying a new horse out for next time. I'm currently in the Royal Ipswich, Ward 4.

Lardydahdiarse
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I'm so glad you're a responsible owner and looking after your horse properly. The shed sounds ideal and much prettier than a boring stable.
Returning to the matter at hand, I think the woman who is trying to sell you this horse might be a *shudder* traditional trainer and that is why her horse, I'm sorry to tell you, was NOT stung by a bee but was being very naughty!!! I hope you've learned your lesson to trust anyone who is not a Huggle-approved trainer or handler. When you're out of hospital I'll give you a list of these and am sure you will find a wonderful, properly Huggled Horse soon.
 
I'm moving to a mobile home on monday with a small lawn. Can i keep the arab there? They say no pets, is an arab stallion a pet? Also how much do I sell the lame retired horse for? He is 14yrs and very handsome.
 
bad girl said:
I'm moving to a mobile home on monday with a small lawn. Can i keep the arab there? They say no pets, is an arab stallion a pet? Also how much do I sell the lame retired horse for? He is 14yrs and very handsome.
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Yes, that'll be fine, you can tie him to a peg in the ground if you're worried about him wandering away. I don't think an arab stallion qualifies as a pet; too big.
Your lame, retired horse would only be worth about £200 if he were like OTHER lame retired horses, but yours is very handsome so that would make him worth abouth £6000. He'll be snapped up!!
 
Dear PF

I'm having a problem with my chestnut stallion-the grey is no trouble, just lies there all day! Anyway.....today he had his fifth leg out and I noticed it was covered in cornflakes!

Why isn't he eating them?
Should I feed flapjacks instead?
.
.
.
Would anyone like a chocolate cornflake cake?
 
WoopsiiD said:
Dear PF

I'm having a problem with my chestnut stallion-the grey is no trouble, just lies there all day! Anyway.....today he had his fifth leg out and I noticed it was covered in cornflakes!

Why isn't he eating them?
Should I feed flapjacks instead?
.
.
.
Would anyone like a chocolate cornflake cake?
Click to expand...
I just vomitted a little
Right, well, clearly he'll need at least 2 pints of milk before he can digest the cornflakes, but it would be much better for him if you fed him flapjacks. Good luck!!!
 
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