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Howdy Pardner, Papa Frita.

My Percheron mare had been a quite good stadium jumper and eventer, except that those prejudiced judges never gave her any blue ribbons. ( but I digress).
Lately she started just walking through jumps, even using the Asparagus stick I got from a local Guru Cowboy did not help to make her go any faster.
A snarky traditional trainer at my boarding barn suggested I retire her. But why should I deprive her, at only thirty one years of age, of the joys of competing ? Wouldn’t that be abuse?
The Guru Cowboy suggested that I start competing in western classes since my horse is now going really slow and with her nose almost on the ground. Just like a proper Western Pleasure horse.
So I bought a saddle, spurs, and bridle ( all turquoise studded ) and a very fancy mexican spade bit from him.

My question Is.
Do You think the turquoise tack will clash with my purple sequined disco cowboy outfit?
After all, one does not want to commit a fashion faux pas!

Yours, with a hearty “ Hi Ho Rosinante!”
The Cincinnati Kid.
(aka Iwannabeasuburbanrhinestonecowboy)
 
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Kaya_08 said:
how do you fit a pessoa please
Click to expand...

Good question. Well, this is largely a subjective matter; Nelson is getting on a bit now and looking a bit craggy. Rodrigo has got youth on his side and that smouldering latin mono-brow look... On balance I think Rodrigo is the fitter of the two although I'm sure Nelson was a very handsome man in his day... :)
 
Graureiter said:
Howdy Pardner, Papa Frita.

My Percheron mare had been a quite good stadium jumper and eventer, except that those prejudiced judges never gave her any blue ribbons. ( but I digress).
Lately she started just walking through jumps, even using the Asparagus stick I got from a local Guru Cowboy did not help to make her go any faster.
A snarky traditional trainer at my boarding barn suggested I retire her. But why should I deprive her, at only thirty one years of age, of the joys of competing ? Wouldn’t that be abuse?
The Guru Cowboy suggested that I start competing in western classes since my horse is now going really slow and with her nose almost on the ground. Just like a proper Western Pleasure horse.
So I bought a saddle, spurs, and bridle ( all turquoise studded ) and a very fancy mexican spade bit from him.

My question Is.
Do You think the turquoise tack will clash with my purple sequined disco cowboy outfit?
After all, one does not want to commit a fashion faux pas!

Yours, with a hearty “ Hi Ho Rosinante!”
The Cincinnati Kid.
(aka Iwannabeasuburbanrhinestonecowboy)
Click to expand...

Firstly I would like to warn everyone again against buying imitation Huggle Horsemanship gear. An aspargus stick just isn't as good as a bananastick, as I'm sure you've become aware *sigh*
Of course you must not deprive your mare of the joy of competition (and I'm so sorry that those narrow-minded judges were unable to see her true potential); if you stop competing she'll most likey pine away and die. IMO the only reason you should retire a horse is to breed from it and she still has looooads of petrol left in the tank.
Normally I would recommend perfectly matching tack and riding gear. Turqoise and purple DO clash a little but with western the rules of etiquette to not apply as long as you use lots and lots of diamanté and/or little mirrors sewn into your clothes and tack. You should glitter like a great big disco ball! I'm sure you'll do fantastically well :)
 
as an all seeing omniscient being who says no problem is too big do you think if we all clubbed together and bought Starzaan a banana stick it would help her tame her morags? :D:D:D:D
 
I don't know how to link to previous threads but get a bottle of wine, search whelks or Starzaan on the forum and laugh your way through it
 
Dear PF I have 2 problems if you can help me?
1st) i have 2 young male ponies that were recently castrated..can i have this op reversed as some travellers now want to use my black and white pony cob as a stallion for their olympic driving cob mare( she keeps fit out of season by pulling bowtop caravans for holiday makers) this would surely make me a lot of money so i could continue buying bananasticks and left handed headcollars and your dvds?
2nd) my shetland filly -if i feed her haylage and badminton horse feeds will she grow big enough to compete at badminton? at the moment she gets hi energy competion mix and stud cubes as a treat??
many thanks


lorcan o'numpty
 
Oh dear (PF)

Things are not going well AT ALL. Since the clocks went mad, my day isn't long enough to get much done in broad daylight. I have cleaned my tack, mucked my stable out tidied my tackroom and washed all my rugs. I have put all my matching boots, bandages and numnahs in their respective drawers, rearranged the shavings bales three times, straightened the muckheap and now it is time to ride - darkness.

No problem, I thought. I have a flashing reindeer nose left over from last Christmas, an LED badge I bought in the shape of a heart (a blue one because I was a bit 'down' that day) and some dangly earrings with shiny glass beads which sparkle and glint fetchingly in the sun.

Wearing all these highly visible articles and my horse wearing his Badminton Bandages (in an alarmingly vivid plum colour) and matching tail ribbon denoting his guaranteed placing at Badders 2011 we set off at 5.30pm for our hack up the B9959. It's a charmingly narrow and winding backwater, with high hedges and some amazing sharp bends - utterly picturesque as a rule. It is a popular route with many as it connects two local villages.

However, I have had to resort to alcohol to stem the shaking brought on by having no less than eighteen vehicles approach (from both directions) slam on their brakes, swerve past (just!) and exit the road sharply through hedgerows which must have taken at least eighty years to reach their density and height. It is debatable whether the survival of the drivers (in almost every case) was wholly fortunate as I have been subjected to the most horrendous torrents of abuse, delivered in the vernacular. My ears are still ringing from the blaring of their horns and my cheeks red from blushing at some of the terminology used to describe my presence on the highway.

What is the matter with people? I have studied DVD No6, dealing with unhorsy members of the public and drivers but fail to see why they weren't driving with due care and attention when the roads were so busy anyway, with it being rush hour?

My horse is happily unscathed mainly due to him failing a twenty two star vetting on just his hearing. It's nil, but we communicate via kicks and pulls, so completely unnecessary to use the voice - he didn't hear the screeching of brakes and overly enthusiastic use of car horns, otherwise our hack tomorrow evening along the same route would be seriously unwise.

Yours shakenly, Lardydahdiarse
 
Millyard Rejects said:
Dear PF I have 2 problems if you can help me?
1st) i have 2 young male ponies that were recently castrated..can i have this op reversed as some travellers now want to use my black and white pony cob as a stallion for their olympic driving cob mare( she keeps fit out of season by pulling bowtop caravans for holiday makers) this would surely make me a lot of money so i could continue buying bananasticks and left handed headcollars and your dvds?
2nd) my shetland filly -if i feed her haylage and badminton horse feeds will she grow big enough to compete at badminton? at the moment she gets hi energy competion mix and stud cubes as a treat??
many thanks


lorcan o'numpty
Click to expand...
I'm pleased to say you can indeed have a castration reversed. You'll need your vet to put 'neuticles' where the goolies used to be but it's a very simple procedure and before you know it your pony will be siring olympic-standard draught horses. Fantastic! Definitely continue buying the bananasticks, left-handed headcollars, DVDs and of course the full range of mugs, t-shirts and baseball caps.
It's always wise to feed youngsters as much as possible. Once they stop growing sideways they'll shoot up and your filly could easily reach 15 or 16 hands. I have it on good authority that Little Tiger was a Shetland when she was a youngster and look what she's achieved!!
 
brighteyes said:
Oh dear (PF)

Things are not going well AT ALL. Since the clocks went mad, my day isn't long enough to get much done in broad daylight. I have cleaned my tack, mucked my stable out tidied my tackroom and washed all my rugs. I have put all my matching boots, bandages and numnahs in their respective drawers, rearranged the shavings bales three times, straightened the muckheap and now it is time to ride - darkness.

No problem, I thought. I have a flashing reindeer nose left over from last Christmas, an LED badge I bought in the shape of a heart (a blue one because I was a bit 'down' that day) and some dangly earrings with shiny glass beads which sparkle and glint fetchingly in the sun.

Wearing all these highly visible articles and my horse wearing his Badminton Bandages (in an alarmingly vivid plum colour) and matching tail ribbon denoting his guaranteed placing at Badders 2011 we set off at 5.30pm for our hack up the B9959. It's a charmingly narrow and winding backwater, with high hedges and some amazing sharp bends - utterly picturesque as a rule. It is a popular route with many as it connects two local villages.

However, I have had to resort to alcohol to stem the shaking brought on by having no less than eighteen vehicles approach (from both directions) slam on their brakes, swerve past (just!) and exit the road sharply through hedgerows which must have taken at least eighty years to reach their density and height. It is debatable whether the survival of the drivers (in almost every case) was wholly fortunate as I have been subjected to the most horrendous torrents of abuse, delivered in the vernacular. My ears are still ringing from the blaring of their horns and my cheeks red from blushing at some of the terminology used to describe my presence on the highway.

What is the matter with people? I have studied DVD No6, dealing with unhorsy members of the public and drivers but fail to see why they weren't driving with due care and attention when the roads were so busy anyway, with it being rush hour?

My horse is happily unscathed mainly due to him failing a twenty two star vetting on just his hearing. It's nil, but we communicate via kicks and pulls, so completely unnecessary to use the voice - he didn't hear the screeching of brakes and overly enthusiastic use of car horns, otherwise our hack tomorrow evening along the same route would be seriously unwise.

Yours shakenly, Lardydahdiarse
Click to expand...

I realise you're scared to ride in the dark, but really there is no need to be afraid; modern cars come equipped with a wide range of horse-and-rider-detection-and-avoidance-gear including heat seeking devices, radar and sonar. This means that they can spot you a mile off, even in pitch black darkness and the car will swerve to avoid you. Never fails. Sadly the HARDAAG tends to be a bit glitchy in the sense that it beeps deafeningly when activated. This tends to startle the drivers who invariably swear in shock and surprise. Also the HARDAAG hasn't yet been trained to recognise hedgerows, which is why cars always seem to run into them!
Soooo, as you see, no need for you to take the beeping and swearing personally; you can ride out in the dark in confidence :)
 
Spudlet said:
Dear PF

I have spotted a HUGE gap in the market and have leapt in with a range of Huggly Horsemanship Security Products. http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=412514 As you can see I have made several sales already!

I suggest we operate on a franchise basis to maximise coverage. World domination is only just around the corner!

Yours in business partnership

Snakeoilsaleswoman
Click to expand...
Yes.... I saw that.... I have to admit, I do like the product and I have a vacancy for an Evil Henchperson/Minion. Do you think you fit the bill?
 
Dear PapaFrita,
I really want my horse to have feet like Aladdin's slippers so that I can stick sparkly tassles on the long pointy-up bits but they always break off after about 3 or 4 months and we have to start growing them all over again. My farrier is a big meanie and refused to help me but I have a mate who watched a dvd about hoof trimming once and I wouldn't trust anyone else to do his feet now, he says I should coat his hooves in chicken soup to nourish them. My question is do you think it might be more effective to use bovril instead?
 
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Dear PF,

A friend of my Mother is "anti-hunt", she says that it is cruel and is glad that it is banned in the UK. I always thought that she was a dear sweet old lady but now I realise that she must be high on drugs and a complete psyco as well as supporting Hitler. I am constantly worried that she will spray hairspray in my dogs eyes and stab my horse with hatpins. What should I do?

Yours,
Idontjudgepeople.
 
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