Ahem...lady area (downstairs hair!) and riding........

[Goldenstar]

lanacain antichaff cream is your friend

 

[Tihamandturkey]

I favour a starvation paddock myself - never had any issues with irritation during riding however ?‍

 

[ester]

I think everything that I would like to say has been said by TPO and PF.

But, if I ride in certain makes of treed saddle when I have lessons on RS horses, I am much more comfortable in some equetech padded riding knickers. Not a problem in my treeless saddle. Might help?

Mum and I both have the same issues on wintec/bates so I presume that's genetic ?

 

[Tiddlypom]

Woman of an age to be sexually active naturally do have pubic hair, as well as armpit hair, breasts and many other features a child doesn’t have. What they choose to do with their features is up to them.

You missed out the first part of my post when you quoted me above , the one that said:-

No-one has said that it's not up up to individual women as to how they manage their pubic hair. If they want to fly hairless, then fine.

 

[Velcrobum]

Sorry to wander off topic a bit as your question is about relieving the discomfort rather than relationship advice, but please take this the right way.

If this really is a deal breaker for him then I think you should very carefully consider if this is the man for you. Has he changed any of his physical appearance for you in a way that he does not like and that causes him and kind of pain/discomfort? I do not think you should stay in a relationship where you are scared to bring up the fact that something you have done is causing you pain and stopping you from doing something you love, i.e. riding your horses. If you explain the issue to him and he says that that's it and he's off - well you will be well rid of him. I don't want to overdramatise, but it does sound way too controlling for me, but it is your relationship and I know everyone is different.

I suspect your horses will still be there long after the man has gone.

100% agree. The situation does appear to be rather controlling by the man.

I was once engaged to a man who started to get controlling ie turning up at my place of work when I was on-call to make sure I was "telling the truth". I dumped him moved to a new rented flat, then had to every night go home in via a totally random route as he took to following me to try to find where I lived. This was after he turned up in A&E swearing undying love, a nice police man told him to sling his hook!! He eventually got the message. At the time I was working in my first job after qualifying 40 miles away from where he lived.

 

[splashgirl45]

when i was first with my OH it was winter (this is relevant), he casually asked me if i liked tattoos, i said no i didnt like them, not realising as his arms were covered, he had loads!!!! he went to the doctors and told him he was unhappy with his tattoos and tried to get doc to send him to get them removed. he was unsuccessful and as he couldnt afford to go private he had to keep them. i had no idea that he had taken what i said so seriously and although i wasnt keen on his tattoos it made no difference to how i felt about him. maybe this situation is similar and OP is taking it the wrong way, either way she needs to talk to him as soon as poss. because a couple should be able to discuss anything especially after living together,,

 

[Peglo]

I don't think it's an age thing, I think it a healthy relationship thing. I am 25 and my boyfriend has his preference which is simply 'not out of control' but not once has he ever said a word about it or not 'got on with the job' - and it's been in varying states over the time we have been together
Nor has he ever said anything about my hairy legs when I didn't shave for about a month during winter..]

I think I went 4 months this winter without shaving my legs. Even I was disgusted…. And a little bit proud ? OH never mentioned it.

OP sorry your finding it so uncomfortable. Maybe some moisturiser and time will help but if it’s really bad just let it grow back. If he mentions it just tell him the truth. Any decent human would understand. And enjoy your horses!

 

[Flyingsolo]

Thank you all.
He has always made it very clear from the start that he didn't do hair at all. I went along with it in my star struck loved up phase but its just become a big problem. He does constantly remind me to 'do my gardening'

 

[AmyMay]

Thank you all.
He has always made it very clear from the start that he didn't do hair at all. I went along with it in my star struck loved up phase but its just become a big problem. He does constantly remind me to 'do my gardening'

Does he do his gardening regularly too?

 

[Nasicus]

If he values your nether regions being bald above your personality, company and affections, I'd be getting shot.

He does constantly remind me to 'do my gardening'

Jesus christ, he definitely doesn't value you as a person beyond satisfying his 'needs'. Ditch the loser.

 

[Snowfilly]

Thank you all.
He has always made it very clear from the start that he didn't do hair at all. I went along with it in my star struck loved up phase but its just become a big problem. He does constantly remind me to 'do my gardening' [/QUO

In that case, get rid of the whole man immediately. What will happen if you get sick or injured and can’t shave for a while?

 

[Flyingsolo]

He does tell me when i haven't done it, that being intimate with him obviously isn't that important to me then!

 

[Nasicus]

He does tell me when i haven't done it, that being intimate with him obviously isn't that important to me then!

Ooof, manipulative s**t
How about 'if you're that bothered by a bit of hair, then being intimate with me obviously isn't that important to you!'.

 

[PapaverFollis]

Please, please, please walk away from this awful, emotionally manipulative, controlling, misogynistic, entitled man.

Please. Just enjoy your horses. ❤

 

[NinjaPony]

Christ, OP. Please run a mile from this man, no one has the right to shame you about your body, or emotionally manipulate you into making choices you are not comfortable with. You deserve to be treated with respect, from someone who loves you as you are. This obsession with your hair is alarming and misogynistic, and sometimes it takes saying out out loud to people who aren’t involved to realise that it’s not right.

 

[Labaire]

Thank you all.
He has always made it very clear from the start that he didn't do hair at all. I went along with it in my star struck loved up phase but its just become a big problem. He does constantly remind me to 'do my gardening'

for goodness sake, please get rid of him.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Some alarming comments on here.

If YOU want to remove YOUR pubic hair for any reason at all that is fine. It does NOT make you a wanna-be porn star or look like a child. You are a grown woman. If YOU do NOT want to remove your pubic hair this is also completely fine.

ANYONE else having opinions on your pubic hair is not okay, whether that’s a man or otherwise. Everyone can have a preference but it should not be enforced into anyone.

Please can people stop saying that a grown woman who chooses to remove her pubic hair is a child?

Nobody said that!

I said that I would be concerned that the man very strongly wanted his partner to resemble a pre-pubescent child, which is very different from the woman saying that she prefers to be hair-free, particularly in this case where OP feels discomfort when riding becasue she has complied with OH's wishes.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

for goodness sake, please get rid of him.

Doe you/he shave your heads OP? Because if not, he certainly does do hair.

 

[ycbm]

He does tell me when i haven't done it, that being intimate with him obviously isn't that important to me then!

I dislike the overuse of the term, but that's gaslighting.

He is actually saying that you are only sexually attractive to him with no pubic hair. I think he needs to go!
.

 

[ester]

I'd just agree that no it isn't that important, and leave.

 

[New2this]

The issue is not about judging how women like to present themselves. Not.At.All. I have done Brazilians, landing strips, Hollywoods, etc. And I don’t give a fiddley Pom about how other women keep their vag gardens.

There are two issues here.

One “deal breakers” based on appearance - in particular based on smt so intimate as sexual appearance. This is awful for many reasons. Smacks to me as the beginning of coercive control, which over time can escalate. Might not be of course. But would rankle my spidey senses nonetheless.

The other issue is the possible reason why being hairless is a “dealbreaker”. To be a dealbreaker it must be very very significant for this man. This would lead me to think that he might have issues. Only being attracted to hairless seems indicative of something. The operative word here is only. It does indicate an attraction to pre pubescence. Or perhaps a porn fetish. Either of these, plus the possibility of coerce control would be a deal breaker for me.

 

[New2this]

Ooof, manipulative s**t
How about 'if you're that bothered by a bit of hair, then being intimate with me obviously isn't that important to you!'.

This is further evidence of what I said. He can’t be intimate with you unless you are hairless. Why?! See issues above. Gaslighting to get you to do what he wants. See coercive control above. Honestly lady.... keep the horse! Bin bin bin the man.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

He does tell me when i haven't done it, that being intimate with him obviously isn't that important to me then!

My answer to that would be 'You're absolutely right! Bye!'

 

[Peglo]

My ex wanted it all gone too. It made me uncomfortable that he did to be honest. But he put me down a lot and made me feel ugly and undesirable. I didn’t even notice him doing it.

I often get rid of it all now because it’s my choice. My OH never mentions my body hair regardless of what state it’s in! I agree that he needs to go after your last post OP! Look after yourself!

 

[GreyMane]

The issue is not about judging how women like to present themselves. Not.At.All. I have done Brazilians, landing strips, Hollywoods, etc. And I don’t give a fiddley Pom about how other women keep their vag gardens.

There are two issues here.

One “deal breakers” based on appearance - in particular based on smt so intimate as sexual appearance. This is awful for many reasons. Smacks to me as the beginning of coercive control, which over time can escalate. Might not be of course. But would rankle my spidey senses nonetheless.

The other issue is the possible reason why being hairless is a “dealbreaker”. To be a dealbreaker it must be very very significant for this man. This would lead me to think that he might have issues. Only being attracted to hairless seems indicative of something. The operative word here is only. It does indicate an attraction to pre pubescence. Or perhaps a porn fetish. Either of these, plus the possibility of coerce control would be a deal breaker for me.

^
this, 100%.

OP you said you met a year ago but not how long you've lived together.
His need to control you rings massive alarm bells.
"Constantly" reminding you? Guilt tripping you whenever you don't do what he demands?
I would be planning my escape, and not telling him where I was going.
There are lots of good men out there who would be horrified at his attitude.

 

[SpottyTB]

He does tell me when i haven't done it, that being intimate with him obviously isn't that important to me then!

ah goodness, tell him to begger off… sounds like a complete kn000b.

ETA, I just told my husband about this thread and he said he sounds like a (I can’t say the word he used) ??.

 

[tda]

I wonder if he removes his own pubic hair?

 

[babymare]

Hey even before I met my guy, now husband of 8 years , I removed all from down there simply because I felt fresher and was my choice. I never have felt like a prepubescent child. But it has to be your choice. And that’s the cut and dry of it. Your choice.(never had chaffing riding?)

 

[lynz88]

Thank you all.
He has always made it very clear from the start that he didn't do hair at all. I went along with it in my star struck loved up phase but its just become a big problem. He does constantly remind me to 'do my gardening'

I seriously wouldn't put up with that....who the h*ll does he think he is to remind you to do your gardening? Good God....I would kick him to the curb so quickly it would make his head spin. What's even more worrying is if he is that controlling over that little thing, what else is in store down the road? Just seems like a major red flag.

 

[meleeka]

OP your OH sounds very shallow and I’d have a good think about whether you are wasting your time with him, or what the next thing will be that he ‘doesn’t do’.

Have the conversation and let that guide you.