An Experiment in the Use of Constructive Criticism

[Baydale]

With a very basic medical knowledge, and how I can feel about my riding, having had a bad back, and also when I realised I had actually lost a bit of weight, I found that my riding felt as if it had gone to pot, couldn't do rising trot on one occasion, you may well be on to something here. I am convinced that as your body changes shape and muscles adjust and alter it has to have some sort of affect on balance and core stability. Just my musings, i could well be wrong though.

I'm sure it does but I think I was in denial that this was happening to me, SuperKermit. I'm sure it's nothing a bit of graft, a winter hunting and some dressage training can't fix, and you know I'm not one to balk at a challenge.

Ps. You look fan-bloody-tastic on H, I've not had time to comment on your thread yet but just so you didn't think I was ignoring you.

 

[Baydale]

Phew

Looks like you got away with it.

 

[Baydale]

Not brave as braving CCing you in particular, more CCing at all
My ego is way to fragile to take any CC on here, so I never post pics/videos, I'm a chicken really and worried that voicing an opinion on somebody else's riding, horse or whatever will bring the wrath and I will cry
It's not easy to be a wuss, I'm telling you

I think it's a good way of making you up your game but, like I said, you have to be sure you're robust enough before you do. You don't need to tell me what being a wuss, aka a sensitive flower, is like.

 

[Baydale]

BAYDALE

I had not realised you had breast cancer and chemotherapy you sound as though you are very hard on yourself at times, I sincerely hope you give yourself a bl**dy great big HUG sometimes.

So? It's not like the world stopped turning when I got it and it was keeping everything as normal as possible that stopped it taking over my life. Even my oncologist, who'd have liked me to be house-bound all winter, grudgingly admitted that my healthy outdoor life had probably helped me get through it.

 

[Baydale]

No CC from me, people above have already mentioned the few things that I spotted. I just wanted to say that I would love to hear more reports - have missed them!

Can't believe you're riding already Your leg!!

Anyway, onwards and upwards but don't be too harsh on yourself - you've had a total shocker (through no fault of your own) of a couple of years by the sounds of things, and this year in particular, and it's amazing how much odd/unrelated things can affect us mentally and therefore physically.

Thanks, Becky, it's good that you spotted the things other people had but remember I shall be spouting "do as I say, not as I do" next time I see you.

Oh the leg is fine, it's just a little bone that's broken and if it hurts too much then I stop. I swear it's been a message from God that I should work on my stressage as the only way I could get comfortable with it was in my dressage saddle in sitting trot!

I have had a bit of bad luck, admittedly, but that should mean I'm due some good luck soon, shouldn't it?

 

[TarrSteps]

Out of curiosity, if one of your horses has had a tough time physically, do you just expect it to return to function, no harm, no foul?

(Keeping in mind this is a rhetorical question. )

No one is saying you should have lain down in the middle of the road and said, "Cancer, take me now!" or should have moaned for the world to hear. It's more practical - this is broken, this is what needs to be done to make it better, this is the time it will take and there's not much I can do about it. Imminently practical. Ask Fraser and GSCH. I understand he macho horsey ethic (one might say better than most . . .) but I have belatedly come to see that things take what they take and just because it's ME the universe doesn't make special rules.

Anyway, on to the fun thing. Yes, have some fun. Jump some ditches. Take a few mental health pub lunches. I know it's a cliche but we were all happy once just to be on a horse and I think there's something to be said for trying to get back to that place a bit. Ambition is fine and very necessary, but so is joy. Find the joy in it and don't feel guilty for doing the things that make you feel good, not just working on the things that you want to do better.

 

[3Beasties]

Baydale - I don't post very often in CR but I just wanted to say what a truly inspirational person you are with a fantastic attitude towards life and people in general.

I look forward to future reports!

 

[TarrSteps]

Oh, and no offence to anyone, but you're under no obligation to be inspirational. Laugh, cry, scream, swear, throw things, have good days and bad days and people can just like it or lump it. They will, you know.

 

[Baydale]

You feel that your riding is suffering of late. To be even riding let alone bringing on youngsters & competing is a bloody amazing.
I'm sure I don't need to tell you this but the chemotherapy you are on has an effect on every part of your body. Chemotherapy weakens your immune system, weakens your muscles, effects your nervous system so reactions aren't as quick & there is mental fatigue. Seriously most people feeling like that would just be kind to themselves not beating themselves up for a perceived drop in riding performance
The only CC you are going to get from me is that you need to be kind to yourself, you WILL get back to where you want to be but give your body a chance to beat this b*stard cancer first!

That's interesting that you say how chemo affects all those things as I think I tend to poo-poo what the chemo nurse says, especially as she's not treated anyone "horsey" before, and we all know that surgeons, oncologists or whatever aren't always realistic in their time frames for us getting better.

I'm sure when I do get back to normal again I'll probably appreciate how rough and rubbish I've been feeling, but meantime I'll get my head down and formulate a plan to improve my horses and my riding. Baby steps, one thing at a time, I'm sure I can manage that.

 

[TarrSteps]

That's interesting that you say how chemo affects all those things as I think I tend to poo-poo what the chemo nurse says, especially as she's not treated anyone "horsey" before, and we all know that surgeons, oncologists or whatever aren't always realistic in their time frames for us getting better.

Um, dude, they're pouring POISON into you. People aren't even allowed to handle that stuff without gloves!

 

[Baydale]

I think your dressage looked Fab! Really active! The high lights for me though are your lovely boots!

Awww, thanks, charlie76. My boots always get admiring comments, hopefully drawing attention away from anything untoward the legs inside them are doing.

 

[Baydale]

^^^^^ this too, what glamourpuss said.
seriously, i know you're Superwoman, so Normal Rules Do Not Apply, but i've heard of people having chemo describing it as being like "flu x 1000"... it absolutely wiped them out, they were fit for nothing apart from lying on the sofa and groaning, with the occasional vomiting session for entertainment.
that you have soldiered on doing SO much is almost incredible - you really should give yourself a HUGE break for that.

But they gave you uppers to help with the side effects, and anti-sick pills - shame I've only got a stash of the latter left and not the former. It's been a massive kicking, admittedly, but I don't think it's been half as bad as I thought, other than the impact on my riding which is quite difficult to take.

 

[kerilli]

i'm addicted to this thread now. you have somehow managed to totally eradicate all the over-reacting, bitch-fest etc etc that HHO has been criticised for. nice one.
i think the mechanical horse is a GREAT idea, and there's one about an hour north of me, so if you fancy a sesh, we could go (with other like-minded sado-masochists) and have lessons on it?
btw.
serious note. ^^^ she's right about the chemo. my understanding is that it kills the cancer cells but it doesn't do other (healthy, necessary) cells a lot of good either, it's unfortunately not a pin-point accurate weapon. that's why your hair falls out, you feel like **** on a stick, etc etc. my father had some of the early experimental chemo. it had to be stopped because it was killing him faster than the cancer was. it's bad stuff, albeit necessary.
perhaps if you can accept that you're riding the way you are at the moment because of what you've been through, and NOT because of any inherent weakness/uselessness etc, that when you feel much better your riding WILL improve again (with or without extraordinary effort from you), that might help?

 

[Baydale]

Mmmm, not watched the vids yet (will save them for work tomorrow ) but my quick conclusion is that at the moment you are a one legged junkie who enjoys wearing green and insists on wrestling big, fit, shiny brown ponies. I might have something to add to that after watching the videos however......

Your quick conclusion may be right, ISZ, but I'll await your learned opinion once you've watched the vids and hope it's more than just "very shiny pony" and "green really suits you".

 

[Baydale]

Yes, but you wouldn't let a little leg break get in your way, now would you?

Dad always said that Billy would look good pulling a traditional gypsy caravan - although I do believe it would then become the sports version

It's a broken bone in my leg, if I'm being pedantic, the rest of the leg is fine...well, almost, as that's the knee that needs the ACL re-building and that couldn't be done this winter as I was having chemo. Hmmm, methinks that can wait.

Billy would definitely be the Ferrari of gypsy caravan engines. My OH is very mean about blue-and-white Ralph when he comes here, putting feathers in his owner's hat and asking when he's going back to reservation!

 

[Baydale]

Baydale - you'd be surprised how many useless uncareful creatures I've ridden over the years, at the
end of the day either they'll try to be careful or they won't. Your big fella looks a trier. People would be amazed how some horses will react to even the littlest of a pull off the floor. And honestly when little habits creep in they can be very difficult to change, especially if you don't have any eyes on the floor that are prepared to step up and tell you what they see.

I wanna say though, I've never met you but they way you have handled and accepted the advice on here, which has been pretty blunt, is exemplary and just shows why people have so much respect for you. Obviously you personal situation has been very very difficult but I think now you have had these little reminders on what to try and work on, being the professional you are, I bet by the end of winter you're back to your old self. And hopefully back with lots of reports again because I for one thoroughly enjoys reading the about the adventures of flying green brigade.......

A small kick up the bum......Chin up.... Big hugs..... And kick on!!

Thanks, m, and that is so true about the bad habits creeping in, hence why I'm administering a huge kick up my own butt (I'm a contortionist ) to get it sorted before the fences get to 1.20m at competitions.

I don't think the advice has been that blunt really, and I did ask. I hope no-one has held back because of the stuff I've had to deal with personally as I'd hate to think I was getting the sympathy vote. S h 1 t happens and there are people with a lot more adversity to deal with than I'd have - don't they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? If that is the case my reports should reflect that next season....eek, no pressure!

 

[Baydale]

Totally agree with Glamourpuss, please take care of yourself and give yourself time to get your strength back. I am not qualified to give cc but even to my untrained eye, I can see a big improvement from earlier in the season. Hope you come out all guns blazing next season.

Thanks, tiggs, I'm glad you can see an improvement and I hope you're right about next season.

 

[rhino]

serious note. ^^^ she's right about the chemo. my understanding is that it kills the cancer cells but it doesn't do other (healthy, necessary) cells a lot of good either, it's unfortunately not a pin-point accurate weapon.

Chemotherapy kills all dividing cells. It works because in tumours the malignant cells replicate out of control... but also means that cells of all types will be killed; the faster replicating cells (hair follicles/gut lining) are most affected but everything else is affected to some extent.

Please try to listen to your own body, at least a little bit!

 

[Baydale]

I can agree with the bits that were mentioned about always having green horses affecting your riding. I remember, bearing in mind all of my horses have either been babies or needed serious re-schooling, when an instructor first saw me riding a horse that actually knew what it was doing - she said that if it hadn't have been for the broad Scottish accent she wouldn't have known who I was.
Therefore I agree with the advice to hop on a 'schoolmaster' and work on YOU for a change, as the horse will know what it is doing so you won't have to focus on what it is doing so much.

I'll see what I can do, it will be interesting to see how I feel and perhaps just remind me what it should be like so I can then move forwards with the others.

 

[kerilli]

Chemotherapy kills all dividing cells. It works because in tumours the malignant cells replicate out of control... but also means that cells of all types will be killed; the faster replicating cells (hair follicles/gut lining) are most affected but everything else is affected to some extent.

Please try to listen to your own body, at least a little bit!

ah, right, thankyou, that is fascinating. i always wondered why it makes hair fall out.

i think all this, from all of us, adds up to 'Baydale, give yourself a break.'

 

[Baydale]

I'm not really qualified to give any CC as we only just got round our second ever ODE in the last couple of weeks, and that was at 80cm. I can understand the core stability thing (I had an emergency caesarean a few years ago) and found that it is also linked to your confidence levels (well it was to mine anyway) as sub counsciously you are very aware that you are not as strong / quick to respond / athletic as you used to be and so you end up riding more defensively to combat this fear. Me, my horse started stopping, badly, as a result. I have found a very good book, called In Pursuit of Excellence by Terry Orlick, which really helped me get back to where I am now (which is no-where near as good as you) but really helped me get back on track, mentally. I also I just wanted to say that your story, and the problems you have had to deal with, and the way you have taken life and all its cr@p on, is inspirational. Please keep posting, and please keep recovering. Hugs x

I've heard that childbirth, natural or C section, can have that effect on women but I hadn't realise how much a little bit of chemo would stuff up my riding. Ho hum. I'll go and find that book on Amazon, thanks for the recommendation, I can probably polish it off when I'm hospital having my chest rebuilt.

 

[Baydale]

I'm sorry, I didn't make it past this bit!

As we all know, I don't "do" CC (at least not until I get that paypal thing sorted and kirstyhen onside), but re the letting go/daring him to make a better shape discussion I'm happy to venture north and entertain myself building some biiiiig grids to get him, as we say in the New World, "cracking his back wide open". I'll even throw in some weird science.

And I didn't know mbequest is a boy. Where have I been? I did know about Juno, though, so do I get a point for that?

I'm definitely up for some letting go and daring him to a biiiiiig fence, it would do us both the world of good. Can I pay you in gin until the PayPal arrangement is sorted?

 

[TarrSteps]

Rats. I have that book in a box in Canada. There are also a couple of very good books in a similar vein but more horsey by Rob Schinke, who rode at 4* and is now a clinical psychologist and sports therapist.

Could you wrangle a bit of this year's sloe gin? It's killing me having sloe gin, sloe gin everywhere and not a drop to drink.

 

[Baydale]

Your riding with a broken leg?? but then I did an endurance with one so I can't talk!
I'm glad you have found a source of your 'problems', but I do think you need to cut yourself a little bit of slack and recognise that this year might be about cementing basics rather than fine tuning detail given everything else you having to cope with. Getting the two CBs as far as you have this year is a serious achievement as, by your desription, they are not exactly 'easy' horses.
Even Superman has had his limits and you have found your kryptonite. Come April (I think you said you chemo finishes then) if you don't start to improve we will stop being polite and open a 'can of whoop arse' on you. Deal?

In the mean time some random ideas...
Core stability - sitting trot, hours of it! Balancing on one of those sports balls is also really good and can be done infront of the TV

Mental sharpness - come and work on a Staurday for me (cackles)
I like doing things like choosing a twisitng trail and deciding that I'm going to try and get a leaf off every second tree, and be on the right diagonal for each bend. Or picking black berries at a trot while maintaining an even rhythm. Canter up a trail and not touch a single over hanging branch or cobweb (requires flexibility & core strength). I do this for fun/ a challange but do find it increases my ability to notice details and speed to react when riding.
I don't know about Sudoku I'm hopless and always feel stupider after trying

I knew someone else would have had injuries and still ridden, and like I said earlier, it's just a little bone.

You're so right about cementing the basics, Jup and Cal are only 6 after all, and well worth taking the time over. I'll definitely take a "can of whoop arse" if I'm still being pathetic at the end of April, so make sure you remind me of that.

Thanks for all the other suggestions, and if a green bundle arrives on your doorstep you'll know I've taken you up on one.

 

[Baydale]

Ah well, we've all done what we thought were lovely tests that judges didn't appreciate, and horrible-feeling tests which judges unaccountably loved. it can be a mystery...
i can definitely see a BIG improvement in the rest.
definitely physio (McTimoney too? i lurve McTimoney) time imho.
i don't think the rest of the Springsteen track applies, it's just the title!
having mused on it, I think HH really 'did a number' on your confidence. you were riding him beautifully but he just didn't care to jump high enough over the fally-down-poles and whatever you did didn't seem to help. as said elsewhere, some have a conscience, some don't. but he promised so much...
tell me about the 'still aiming high, just not getting there' thing. it's demoralising. it's a lot of effort, money, etc to get them up a grade or two and then you get your secret hopes dashed again. it's really really tough. just got to keep on keeping on...

Oh absolutely, William was a marmite horse so I never knew. What I'd like though is clarity in what I should be doing to progress so I think my dressage trainer (how posh does that sound?!) will definitely help me with that.

I've used McTimoney on horses many moons ago, but not myself. Is your person local?

We know HH didn't help my sj but had to try everything before I gave up on him but hey, that's life. I'll hunker down and before you know it another year's progress will have been made with the CBs.

 

[Baydale]

I'm not really qualified to give CC as I haven't ridden regulalry for over a year since losing my soul mate and my computer is refusing to play with video today! However it sounds like you've had some very useful advice and interestiong discussion. Sounds like you've been througha lot so give yourself a big pat on the back as someone else said!!



This has made me laugh A LOT!! after a very long and crappy day at work!

Thanks, dd, I'm really enjoying this thread, some v interesting points have come up and thank goodness it's on a day when I have time to spare.

S_C's comment was The Best, definitely.

 

[Sarah_Jane]

Hell you are going to crash the forum in a minute, is the post a record, largest ever that hasn't turned into a huge controversy!

As far as I'm concerned you are an inspiration (licks boots) to achieve what you have with the medical issues and not so tender years you have given me the courage to fight on and quell the demons that say this is a young persons sport (it may be but some old codgers can suceed!)

It is sometimes diffficult when you are throwing all your capabilities, talents and training at a horse yet the results are not what you wish. I am beginning to think the biggest way we can all improve is to get the mental side (brain in gear not madness) right so we focus on what we have achieved and not where we have failed (we should find a positive in everything!)

Hoping to be comparing success stories next year

 

[AandK]

Hell you are going to crash the forum in a minute, is the post a record, largest ever that hasn't turned into a huge controversy!

As far as I'm concerned you are an inspiration (licks boots) to achieve what you have with the medical issues and not so tender years you have given me the courage to fight on and quell the demons that say this is a young persons sport (it may be but some old codgers can suceed!)

It is sometimes diffficult when you are throwing all your capabilities, talents and training at a horse yet the results are not what you wish. I am beginning to think the biggest way we can all improve is to get the mental side (brain in gear not madness) right so we focus on what we have achieved and not where we have failed (we should find a positive in everything!)

Hoping to be comparing success stories next year

^^^Completely agree!!

I know it sounds cheesey, but you really are an inspiration Baydale! I have no CC to offer, as some really great advice has already been offered. I think you have had some fantastic results with 2 young horses this year, I really enjoy reading your reports and the way you write speaks volumes about the kind of person you are! (in a good way btw!) As do your responses on this thread.

Things like this thread are the reason I keep coming on here, if you can look past the bitchy stuff (which I do) then there are some fantastic people on here and it is a shame when someone decides to leave because of a few bad eggs.

Keep up the good work! I wish you all the best with recovery from your broken leg, and the chemo!

 

[tigers_eye]

Well I don't have 3 years spare so will not be reading everything that's been said in between my last post and this one! Seems like it's all stayed very chummy going by the couple of posts above mine.

Yes, you were crooked in the counter canter, my current "forefront thought" (I can manage about one forefront and two background thoughts I find), is to plug my spine into the horse's, and make sure they are perpendicular. Like Lego. Hips, rib-cage, and shoulders can "float" around spine. Definitely helps me with weight distribution.

His canter needs to be bigger to get a mark more I think. I know he probably finds it hard going by his walk, but I think if you just "dressage-up" his sj canter he'll look better. It may be that that's a lot to contain in a 20x40 granted.

SJ, not bad at all. W lurches left in a normal Sprenger (his dressage bit), I have recently put him in a waterford fulmer and he's much straighter. He's also straighter in straight-bar bits such as his pelham. The difference is quite noticeable. Trainer sometimes puts up two fences about 5 or 6 strides apart, and to begin with I have to ride a 10m left circle in between the two (to get him off the left shoulder), then progress to riding left shoulder-in in between the two. Makes us think, and does make him more inclined to stay straight after a few repetitions.

I'll still have him .

 

[kerilli]

i really really like that, "plug my spine into the horse's". ***lightbulb moment*** Ta!
this is something my trainer got me looking out for - in so many pictures (in H&H etc) the rider is not positioned in line with the horse's centre of balance, but when they are, it has such an effect.

B, my McTimoney guy's here next Wed late a'noon and evening doing me and my lot if that's any good for you? You just need a short walk after treatment and are then fine to drive. He's really excellent. I'll try to think of a bribe or two...