Anyone just can’t/hasn’t achieved their horsey dreams...

[milliepops]

dressafe*

????

The sport for people too scared to do jumping, right ??

 

[JFTDWS]

????

The sport for people too scared to do jumping, right ??

Sometimes at low level dressage, it does kinda feel that way Maybe BD should consider a rebrand


*Says the person whose idea of jumping involves a microscope to identify the obstacles

 

[gaslightlaura]

Sorry, late to the thread but have loved reading what Evertone thinks. I think dreams change and grow the further you get you always strive for more. My dream was always to get my own pony, my mum and dad weren’t horsey so I stared at the local riding school and I’d be there everyday after school helping and all day at weekends getting rides on my fave pony in exchange and at that time I was living the dream. Girls at school were out competing BS with their horse families but I never compared myself or wished I was them. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. It’s all about perspective. Fast forward the years and I got my first horse a spindly speedy old TB and she was my world, we went jumping and I’d get decked and miss jumps going 1000 miles an hour. I didn’t care I thought she was hilarious. I broke When she died and I got another years later who I lost to lameness and all the other things under the sun. I was disenchanted by the the full thing. I hated the horse world and all the hurt it brings, I wished I was that little girl again.
a friend gave me her horse and I loved that mare to bits, she done everything jumping xc would hack for days.. I took her showing. Id found my heart horse again, the Only thing that stopped us competing in jumping etc and doing well.. was me. My own head, other people and the thought of making a fool of myself. She was a proven jumper with my friend and I was terrified I wouldn’t do as good. I listened to the negative people and never the positive. I’d jump perfect at home then refuse to go to shows. I finally got myself together after years and booked a hunter trial with her and some jump X comps. We never got there, I lost her to cancer on christmas Eve a year ago, we had all out events plans starting the next year. To this day I’ll never forgive myself for listening to the negative, whether that be other people or my own head. My point being, don’t let others tell you that you can’t. Try it.. work hard and get there.

 

[Cloball]

Late to the party ... In essence no. My goal is to own a horse which I don't but I am in the best position to be able to soon. ?

I do think your goals change as you learn and accept more about yourself. When I was younger I set goals and saw myself as fearless... I am not and never have been. I am an anxious human prone to losses of confidence and money issues make me very anxious. Which is not conducive to those goals.

I also have many other non-horsey related goals and I have always felt the pressure to do these things first before I 'settled down'. I am learning to be less black and white about exactly when things happen in my life and be more forgiving to myself.

I prioritised work and other people (depressing to see written down) which I found I didn't enjoy. I have had problems with my mental health which my job made a whole lot worse. It does frustrate me that much of my life has been spent working towards something that takes so much from you.

BUT I have travelled to all the places I wanted to and had a great time. I have worked with horses abroad and they have always been present in my life just not my own.

I will never do that 1* at Blair or ride around Badminton ... I'll be quite happy never jumping again to be honest.

I am not going to ride across Mongolia... I have been, it's fantastic, but I am a huge wuss and there is no way I am putting myself in danger miles from medical help on a strange feral horse.

I have found a great love of training and learning so hopefully I will get to do some of that, I might still get to do a long distance ride on a familiar horse. I might get to have horses at home. I might get to try some endurance or some dressage... But I'll start with finding a horse who I feel confident on without spiralling into debt.

 

[daffy44]

Daffy / MP, thank you for sharing your stories. I don't doubt you've put in the hard graft and long difficult hours.
Do you have any advice for those of us who have much more modest dreams and are still struggling to progress?
I've heard it trotted out on here "any horse should be capable of jumping 1m and riding an Ele test" well that level of riding is my dream and despite trying I'm nowhere near that level. And it does get to me.

MP has said everything I would say, a good trainer is the key. They have know enough to be able to help you, be able to do it in a manner that suits you, both in personality and learning style, be commited to helping you learn, and be able to give you the confidence to believe you can do it.

I know that if I hadnt had the great good fortune to have the trainer I had in the beginning of my dressage journey it would all have been very different, I owe her everything, she was amazing.

 

[daffy44]

I tend to say to people it's fine to have a crack at a higher level / movement in dressafe*, because if your horse isn't entirely ready, you can steer round and not upset the horse by doing a mediocre job. It's a flat arena - the worst you can do, unless you really lay into your horse with pressure, is to post a bad score. Have at it.

Jumping and other disciplines (polox is one, but there are many others) are generally less forgiving. You need to push out of your comfort zone, certainly, but it's important to have your basics sorted and for your horse to be really, really confident at your current level before have a crack at the next level.


*That's the most appropriate typo I've ever encountered.

This is so true, dressage is different to sj or xc because its fine to give something a go, you wont hurt anything. If you feel like trying a half pass, then try, no one will die, but if you usually jump 80, then suddenly trying a 1.20 could easily really hurt you and your horse. We are lucky in dressage that we have that freedom to try stuff, but people get so hung up in their own heads they get to scared to try, and thats such a shame. I am the first to say the basics are essential, you have to build your house on good, strong foundations, but you will be working on the basics all the way through your horses career, its a neverending process, and it certainly shouldnt stop you from trying new things.

 

[thefarsideofthefield]

My horsey dream as a child was that I would be riding my pony at a show ( Handy Pony , Best Turned Out , whatever ) and I would be 'spotted ' by a top rider ( from any discipline , didn't matter which ) who was so impressed by my riding that he/she would beg me to let him/her train me and give me the ride on his/her horses .
And then , at some point in the future when I was well famous and had won everything , Graham Fletcher would ask me to marry him .
Still waiting …..

 

[Spotherisk]

[QUOTE="milliepops, Dad is still hoping i will give up, he can't get away fast enough if I mention the horses.


My father died eight years ago, but not long ago my mum said he always hoped I’d give up horses. Nil support or interest as a kid or adult, I had to have poxy piano lessons for eight sodding years instead.

I bought my first horse at 28, and I’m 51 now and have just taken on another horse, the original is retired with me.

 

[milliepops]

My father died eight years ago, but not long ago my mum said he always hoped I’d give up horses. Nil support or interest as a kid or adult, I had to have poxy piano lessons for eight sodding years instead.

I bought my first horse at 28, and I’m 51 now and have just taken on another horse, the original is retired with me.

Weird isn't it. I had lots of support and pushing to do other things, cello and piano lessons etc. Literally the only thing I wanted to learn as a child was riding.

I'm not a parent but I can't quite fathom what was going on there. Other than here or FB friends, I rarely talk to people about my horses because my parents told me it was boring and no one would be interested.
"They F* you up, your mum and dad ... "?

 

[Spotherisk]

Weird isn't it. I had lots of support and pushing to do other things, cello and piano lessons etc. Literally the only thing I wanted to learn as a child was riding.

I'm not a parent but I can't quite fathom what was going on there. Other than here or FB friends, I rarely talk to people about my horses because my parents told me it was boring and no one would be interested.
"They F* you up, your mum and dad ... "?[/QUOTE

I’m not a parent either and I’m sure my choice not to have children comes from not having a fabulous childhood myself! I’m over that but like you can’t understand why there wasn’t any support, although I know we weren’t well off. Hey ho!

 

[daffy44]

[QUOTE="milliepops, Dad is still hoping i will give up, he can't get away fast enough if I mention the horses.


My father died eight years ago, but not long ago my mum said he always hoped I’d give up horses. Nil support or interest as a kid or adult, I had to have poxy piano lessons for eight sodding years instead.

I bought my first horse at 28, and I’m 51 now and have just taken on another horse, the original is retired with me.

My parents were totally uninterested, when I was little going to the stables was seen as a good thing, because my parents worked at night, so to have me out of the way all day was fab for them, but when I was older I was supposed to concentrate more on exams etc, so from then on horses were not encouraged. I lied to my Dad my whole life about horses because he was so anti it, my Mum was less discouraging but still not keen, but shes given up now, but is still very uninvolved with them.

 

[fredflop]

Why are some parents so anti horse they will not support what their child wants/likes?

I can understand it due to money, but even then a parent can still be supportive. My mother hated horses, therefore I wasn’t allowed to have anything to do with them. Had I have been into what she liked it would have been a different matter

 

[milliepops]

I don't know really. My dad is still really scared of horses, I think he was probably worried I'd get hurt. After 27 years of looking after my own horses, when I got my ex racer last year my mum gasped and asked if I'd be able to cope with him. I think in their minds I'm still 9 years old ?

They are still not remotely interested now but I'm so used to doing my own thing it doesn't matter now.

 

[DirectorFury]

.

 

[gaslightlaura]

We could have easily afforded a horse when I was a kid/teenager (it recently came out that Mum was spending ~15k a year on holidays throughout my childhood) but my mother didn’t want me to have any hobby that took away ‘her’ time*. I was allowed a 1 hour riding lesson once a week but no other hobbies or anything that would interfere with her life. Dad worked long shifts an hour and a half drive each way and then they got divorced so there wasn’t much he could do to help with the time side of things.

We have a difficult relationship now. She hates that Mad takes up my time and money and that I don’t have an immaculate house, brand new car, multiple holidays a year to show off about etc etc. Dad loves the horse (he lent me the money to buy her!) and comes to see her regularly ?.

I could probably do with therapy to unpick a lot of it but she’ll have had her own motivations and reasoning that made sense from her perspective.

* my siblings and I are pretty sure she was having an affair.

Think my mum loved that I was at the horses all my childhood she had all the time in the world to do her things. I was semi feral. Now she can’t understand why I’m still always at the horses when she needs me for something.

 

[gaslightlaura]

I don't know really. My dad is still really scared of horses, I think he was probably worried I'd get hurt. After 27 years of looking after my own horses, when I got my ex racer last year my mum gasped and asked if I'd be able to cope with him. I think in their minds I'm still 9 years old ?

They are still not remotely interested now but I'm so used to doing my own thing it doesn't matter now.

Sometimes I appreciate that my parents weren’t horsey because it’s truly “my thing”

 

[milliepops]

Sometimes I appreciate that my parents weren’t horsey because it’s truly “my thing”

Yeah.... tbh I still find it a bit odd and it would have been nice to share this absolutely enormous part of my life with them. But.. whatever ??‍ it's one small bit of a pretty weird relationship we have

 

[SEL]

Weird isn't it. I had lots of support and pushing to do other things, cello and piano lessons etc. Literally the only thing I wanted to learn as a child was riding.

I'm not a parent but I can't quite fathom what was going on there. Other than here or FB friends, I rarely talk to people about my horses because my parents told me it was boring and no one would be interested.
"They F* you up, your mum and dad ... "?

Mine were like this. I said a while back I was useless at tennis and mum reminded me I'd turned down them paying for lessons as a kid to keep riding. Well YES! Riding was the one thing I really loved doing since I was tiny but they were never keen and wanted to push music etc. I gave up the clarinet as soon as I could and it festered for 20 years in their attic.

Rarely talk to them about the horses - they just aren't interested.

 

[KEK]

So were mine. Music , dance lessons no probs , I played piano and guitar and did ballet tap and jazz . But riding - nope- would have given all of them up for that.
They were also very unsupportive of dog agility, wouldn’t let me get another dog etc. Yet what am I doing now.. agility and riding haha.

 

[HufflyPuffly]

This is going to be a different sort of thread if we bring parents into it ?.

Mine where middling, wanted me to lose interest as it was so expensive but sucked it up when I was still horse crazy 10+ years on. I was quite upset for a long time at how unsupportive I felt they were, but looking back the had their own issues and not everyone can get the parents who cheerlead every lesson/ show/etc.

Mind they still meet everything with a bit of reserved negativity, even my mum who is horsey said I shouldn’t get another as ‘think of all the work it is’ ???‍, erm I’ve had three for years ???‍.

 

[Ambers Echo]

My mum's sister had a pony growing up and my mum thought horse people were awful. Pushy, shouty and obsessive! We had a holiday house in England we used every summer and I befriended the one horsey person in the village who was an adult woman. She kept telling me education was a waste of time and I should forget all that and be a groom. I was 9 at the time. She also yelled a lot as did my riding instructors. So perhaps my mum had a point

My dad just didn't care what I did. He's no different about any other interest of mine.

My mum is now supportive to the extent that she bought Dolly for Katie when Ginny died as we had no money left after her purchase costs and then vets bills. And loves hearing all about what we are doing, comes to competitions etc She freely admits she was prejudiced against the horse world but did what she thought was right for me at the time.

 

[palo1]

I think probably parents do have a bearing on horsey dreams...Mine were incredibly anti though I have never worked out why. I was lucky though that a great friend and neighbour of theirs that bred event type horses really encouraged me so I was allowed to crack on with that. I vividly remember taking mares on a very long journey when I was very young to an amazing stallion; I had never seen anything so impressive!! Later on, as I got more obsessive they were less helpful and in order to have lessons I had to cycle miles - never once did my parents take me anywhere horsey nor provide any funds for anything equestrian other than a hat I think. It was probably the best way to ensure that I remained driven and obsessed tbh. Our children have horses here, my son enjoys trail hunting and more extreme riding and my daughter just loves her horse and likes gentle hacking. I am delighted that both of them can choose to ride/not ride etc as I think it is vitally important to support what your children are genuinely interested in. We try to support any other interests as well of course - even if we find them a bit random!! Life is too short not to try to support the dreams of those you love I think.

 

[Winters100]

For me competitive success is that the horses and I all come home safely and we had a lovely time. If I performed as well as I could expect even better. I don't really see riding as different to any other hobby in that only a minority will get to the top, it is the same in other sports and music etc. I suppose I would feel differently if I earned my living by competing, but since I don't I am lucky to be able to compete without pressure.

 

[HufflyPuffly]

I should add that although my parents didn't really give their time up too much (they find shows/lessons boring lol), they did support and fund a lot of my horsey life until I left full time education and for that I am amazingly grateful. Think dad would prefer I would outgrow the horse phase even now though!

 

[Cocorules]

My horsey dreams changed over time, but essentially boiled down to having a pony of my own, riding out in the countryside and having my own land.

It took me a long time to get my own land, but I am lucky I currently get to ride in the New Forest every day with the best pony ever, who is curious and funny and lovely in every way. Her conformation is terrible and we would be last in any competition of any kind. I never dreamt of a pony that could make you laugh out loud at her approach to life, but she is so much better than any pony I could have imagined.

 

[shortstuff99]

I've been very lucky in that even though my parents were not horsey they supported everything as that was what my sister and I enjoyed! After riding and helping out at a riding school to prove it wasn't just a phase they bought me my first pony and then a trailer so that I could go out and do pony club, which I think I ended up doing most weekends!

My dad knew nothing about horses so he went on some BHS courses to learn so that he could help around the yard. When he retired he decided he wanted to learn to event so he took on my old mare and in a year completed his first BE80 and came 11th at his first 3DE!

I've since had multiple horses and enjoyed eventing in my youth until a spinal fracture means I do dressage now and I'm currently working my way to GP! So I think I've pretty much managed to achieve my horsey dreams, or at least I've had a very good time, but I realise just how lucky I have been.

 

[MuddyMonster]

I've loved reading everyone's journeys & from what I've seen, everyone should be hugely proud of their achievements.

I was born into a supportive, but non-horsey family and being one of three children, there were never the funds or the understanding for more than weekly riding lessons and helping out at the stables at weekends. I remember wanting a pony SO much and just finding any horsey thing I could - horse's on TV, pony magazines. To be fair, Mum did her best to take me county shows, horse events to spectator and even sussing out which dog walks had horse fields so we could go and see them. We always had a lovely day out and even now, when I call, Mum always asks after my pony before me

After working part time all through my later teenage years and managing to share/loan for my later teens during that time, I bought my first horse - which turned out to be a bit of a disaster as he was PTS two years later. I loaned again and then bought a young, green native pony to bring on after graduating university with the idea to show and do dressage. He really doesn't see the point of dressage but loves hacking so any goals I had took a slightly different turn. To be fair, I really struggled with him the first few years and lost a lot of confidence- pony is lovely, but sharper than I thought he'd be! But, after a bumpy start we were really getting things together.

I'd like to 'do' more but pony was in a road accident n a trailer - he was very lucky to come away from that as (relatively) unscarred as he did but has put a stop to travelling. Typically, this occurred literally weeks after being able to buy my own ...!

We still do as much as we can - we can get to TREC clinics and the odd unaffiliated TREC event without needing to travel and I've done a bit of virtual dressage and last winter took part in an online TREC league. We've been able to hack to some social rides - so we do those when we can. We have regular lessons which I suspect I enjoy more than him!

In a perfect world I really enjoy the social rides and think I'd like to try low level endurance, I'd like to be able to take part in affiliated TREC but I love my pony more than I'd love to do those things and I'm OK with that. A few people have suggested over the years I get rid and swap for sonething I could do all those things on. I can appreciate that for some people, they might want to in order to pursue their goals, but it's not for me.

I'm now, through lots of hard work in a position to consider a second pony in the next few years (mine is now mid teens so would like to have another to bring on as mine might need to start slowing down) but I'm OK with probably not being able to achieve some of the things I think are my current future goals. I'm now thirty and bought our first house last year with my OH (which we are doing improvements too) and other non-horsey stuff is important too which eats into our free time and money.

I try to remind myself every day that if you told 12 year old me that I'd have my own pony one day - well, that would have been more than enough. So the fact I wake up every (OK, most ...!) morning and can't wait to see my pony for pony cuddles, to hang out together and are able to hack solo whenever we fancy, dabble in jumping, dressage and try most other things we fancy trying ... well, I just can't complain. Even if our canter on the left rein canter is still more than a bit pants

 

[scats]

On the subject of parents, I have been so fortunate. Neither were horsey but they have both always encouraged and showed interest in the horses. They would come to watch lessons when I was learning as a little ‘un, bought me a pony when I was young, towed me to shows as a child and gave up evenings and weekends. I have had so much more in time (and money) than my brother, which does make me feel dreadfully guilty in many ways!
My Dad got quite into horses at one point and has a fair knowledge now. He’s still desperate for us to go get a section D, which are his favourite.
They both still ask every single day about the horses, come to visit them and support me at competitions. Dad always accompanies me on vet visits if we have to take any to hospital. They are very proud of me having horses and what I’ve done with them over the years. They’ve actually bought most of my horses for me. Millie is actually the first ‘expensive’ one I purchased fully myself.
I have been very, very lucky.

 

[Cloball]

I don't think my parents had much bearing on not achieving my dream I left home over a decade ago.

It is entirely down to me spreading my dreams thinly over many bases. I was very serious as a child and did not ask for a pony because I did not think I was ready yet ... I have taken that attitude to adulthood.

They were totally unhorsey to the point my mum is quite scared of horses, they just couldn't afford it. Especially as my sister danced all over the country and I also used to compete in athletics all over the northwest and various other activities. They did still loan me 2/3s of two ponies with my two other friends, paid for my weekly riding lessons and drove me to the yard.
My mum dealt with her anxiety by religiously tidying the yard muck heap and my dad turned out to be excellent with horses !? He has some strange innate calming influence that horses and dog adore. He comes from a working class background and is quite proud of the fact I found a way to fund my horse habit myself (and my travel habit through horses) and persuade people to let me ride their horses. I still have vivid memories of him calmly holding onto a youngster I was working with when we came across a surprise tractor and trailer and sorting out a someone elses cast horse whilst the owner flapped.
They did wring me out for not being grateful when I called the pony a name when she was being sharp and spooky as hell ?.
I think my trouble is I am afraid of missing out on one thing by committing to another so I end up in a sort of freeze not really achieving either and coming up with reasons not to.

 

[Chippers1]

Mine were the same, my dad bought me the lessons and paid for them but now thinks anything I do is dangerous. My mum has watched me ride about 3 times in 20 years my stepdad would occasionally drop me off at the yard but resented it which is why I took to cycling there from an early age. I generally kept my horsey-ness to myself because of this, my school friends didn't even know I rode until we were in 6th form and they found out! I felt like no one was interested.

Now with social media I post about horse stuff all the time, if people don't like it they can unfollow me