Grief due to loss of horse

[Trouper]

It will ease - just not today. Do only what you feel able to and set your own pace and remember that you are still recovering too.
He can never be in pain again so gently let your pain go with his.

 

[SO1]

I few really raw at the moment. I loved him so much and he was such a huge part of my life. It was also a big shock as such a rare problem so the last 5 weeks were very uncertain about the future but the vet had been really hopeful that the special diet had worked.

I live alone and don't have any other pets and mainly wfh. I think the evenings and weekends are going to be particularly bad.

I had a nasty bout of Covid recently which meant in his last month I missed 11 days of being with him. Thankfully by the time I knew he would need to be PTS I was well enough to spend the last four days I had with him.

I have not packed up his things yet. YO has said I can store them at the yard as long as I want. I will probably save up and in time get another new forest so I have purpose in life but I doubt I will feel the same ever again. The other liveries are great and have said I can groom and cuddle their horses. I am normally the only person there in the evenings and not everyone comes every day.

The other complication is that after getting Covid I really don't want it again so am a bit scared of socialising with other people in case I get it again but being alone all the time will probably not help me move on.

 

[Highmileagecob]

The more you love them, the more it hurts. You must have loved him an awful lot to allow him to leave without pain and with dignity intact. Grief hits everyone differently, there is no set pattern. Take your time and allow the tears to flow. Hugs.

 

[Fools Motto]

I just wanted you to know that i've read your story on here and on FB NFPP. My heart goes out to you but like others have said, you gave him the most wonderful home and made the right decision at the end. Although you are full of grief, hold your head high, you are an amazing person who cared very deeply for your wonderful pony.
I can't advise on ways to cope as everyone is different, but I do recommend that you take up some offers of grooming and cuddling.
Take care of yourself. xx

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

OP, I lost mine at 4am yesterday. He was only 12 and we only had 5 years together. I felt like my heart had been ripped out.

Colic took him in little more than 12 hours from symptoms starting to losing him on the operating table. We can find no explanation for the colic.

If you need someone going through the same thing at the same time, get in touch.

Reading through the comments friends have kindly left on my Facebook post has helped no end. It made me very grateful for the time we had and I could see how many lives he had touched and how many people he made happy.

 

[Sandstone1]

So sorry for the loss of both of your horses.

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

Sorry for your loss O&L.

 

[SO1]

Sorry for your loss. Colic is an awful condition. Their stomachs seem so weak.

I hope this thread will help others who are grief stricken especially those who have lost horses before their time.

Do pm me if you want to chat.

OP, I lost mine at 4am yesterday. He was only 12 and we only had 5 years together. I felt like my heart had been ripped out.

Colic took him in little more than 12 hours from symptoms starting to losing him on the operating table. We can find no explanation for the colic.

If you need someone going through the same thing at the same time, get in touch.

Reading through the comments friends have kindly left on my Facebook post has helped no end. It made me very grateful for the time we had and I could see how many lives he had touched and how many people he made happy.

 

[SO1]

I am trying to think about the positives. I feel in a way he gave me a gift as not only did we have the most amazing 15 years together I was able to let him go before he started getting conditions like severe arthritis or cushing related laminitis or colics due to strangulating tumours which are common in older horses. He was 20 so a decent age and went looking like champion.

I am also lucky as he was an ex stallion with a stallion son so I am hoping when I am ready for a new horse I can get a grandchild of his as his legacy lives on. Although I am not sure if this might be too painful seeing him in another horse or a comfort in that I can offer a lifetime home to one of his line.

His ashes come back this week and my sister helped me clear a space in my bedroom and move a cabinet so I can have him near me.

Sending his passport back to breed society is going to be hard and seeing his name on stallion sites and lists as deceased will bring back the pain.

I just wanted you to know that i've read your story on here and on FB NFPP. My heart goes out to you but like others have said, you gave him the most wonderful home and made the right decision at the end. Although you are full of grief, hold your head high, you are an amazing person who cared very deeply for your wonderful pony.
I can't advise on ways to cope as everyone is different, but I do recommend that you take up some offers of grooming and cuddling.
Take care of yourself. xx

 

[maya2008]

If it helps, it took my husband about 3 months to feel himself again when we lost his old mare. In true male fashion he insisted he was ok, but really wasn't. It took a while, but after a few months we could talk about her with happiness and remember all her antics with a smile. He still uses her old broadband on his cob's bridle, years later.

Getting a relative could be very comforting. Both my husband and old mare's best friend seemed a lot happier when we bought my current mare, who looks very similar to the one we lost - cheeky bay New Forest. She's not the same, she's her own person (and she's mine, not his!), but she fills the missing spot in the field where a little bay pony should be!

 

[onlytheponely]

I'm so sorry you had to make such a difficult decision you must feel devastated, sending you a big hug. It takes as long as it takes to get over them, lots of tears and heartache. Waking up first thing thinking everything is normal before you remember is always the hardest thing for me when I've lost cherished animals.
He was a lovely little stallion, he used to run out behind my place and I saw him most days when he was out with his mares. I think he had about 70 registered offspring so he will live on for generations.

 

[Barton Bounty]

OP, I lost mine at 4am yesterday. He was only 12 and we only had 5 years together. I felt like my heart had been ripped out.

Colic took him in little more than 12 hours from symptoms starting to losing him on the operating table. We can find no explanation for the colic.

If you need someone going through the same thing at the same time, get in touch.

Reading through the comments friends have kindly left on my Facebook post has helped no end. It made me very grateful for the time we had and I could see how many lives he had touched and how many people he made happy.

Im so sorry you have lost yours too

 

[Highmileagecob]

All respect to you, and your decision. We have a person on our yard who is refusing to call the vet to her horse who is suffering with melanoma, because she doesn't want bad news. You put your horse first. That is true horsemanship.

 

[Barton Bounty]

I am trying to think about the positives. I feel in a way he gave me a gift as not only did we have the most amazing 15 years together I was able to let him go before he started getting conditions like severe arthritis or cushing related laminitis or colics due to strangulating tumours which are common in older horses. He was 20 so a decent age and went looking like champion.

I am also lucky as he was an ex stallion with a stallion son so I am hoping when I am ready for a new horse I can get a grandchild of his as his legacy lives on. Although I am not sure if this might be too painful seeing him in another horse or a comfort in that I can offer a lifetime home to one of his line.

His ashes come back this week and my sister helped me clear a space in my bedroom and move a cabinet so I can have him near me.

Sending his passport back to breed society is going to be hard and seeing his name on stallion sites and lists as deceased will bring back the pain.

SO1 ,

I have a lovely Idea so you can have him with you all the time.
There is a company on ebay that puts ashes into jewellery, I have had ashes from my father and ashes from my dog put inside, bracelet charms.
You can get a necklace, a charm, a ring etc.. , and That is what I would do so I always have them close. Just a wee idea, its healed me

 

[criso]

It's not easy, I still think about Frankie 2 1/2 years on.

One thing about getting another. When i retired Frank and knew he was on borrowed time, I wasn't ready to properly commit right away and luckily I was given a couple of loan options. That was perfect for a year. It meant i rode and kept myself busy but didn't get emotionally involved in the same way. I didn't compare and have the same expectations. After a year, i was ready to take on another properly but i couldn't have done it right away.

 

[Merrymoles]

I lost my boy to colic in November and cried for about a week and still have the odd tear now and again when I think about him. I talked to him "in the sky" every night, usually fuelled by whisky, and told him how he would always be loved for the first month too. I have some of his mane in a box but still can't face doing anything with it.

I had a day away from the yard and then went back to doing mornings for my friend's 29-year-old as I really needed the routine and the horse time, even though I couldn't look at my horse's empty stable next door. The yard were really good and I didn't touch any of his stuff for ages until one day I decided to top up the old horse's bedding from what was in my stable. That also made me cry but it also felt that I was starting to move on. I had a set back in February when we lost the old boy, also due to colic, which was very hard but by March we were both looking at other horses and working out what to do next.

I have ended up with a TB who is a million miles from what my boy was but is a stresshead so is keeping my brain busy, and my friend has ended up with a mare which she never expected to.

We all experience the grief in different ways but it shows the bonds we have with our horses. I have cried more over the horses I have lost than any of the dogs but I think part of that has been down to losing the routine of seeing to their needs every day - feeding and walking the dogs is very different to driving to the yard in the pitch black to turn out etc.

Give yourself all the time you need and use whatever coping strategies work for you. My examples would not work for everyone (and I wouldn't recommend developing a whisky habit) but you will find your way. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and have a hug.

 

[twofatladies88]

OandL I’m so sorry for your loss - these equines steal our hearts

 

[NightStock]

Deepest sympathy to you SO1 and also OaL, I had to say goodbye to my beloved old mare a few months ago and still find it hard to talk about. They are so wonderful but fragile, and gosh they leave a big hole behind!

 

[Asha]

So sorry SO1, as others have said above grief is an individual thing . Don’t put any pressure on yourself . You have gone above and beyond for him , we can all see how much you loved him . He will have known too . Sending hugs xx

 

[marmalade76]

So sorry for your loss, know exactly how you feel. How long it lasts, I can't say, when I lost my pony of a lifetime, I had other things going on too and I ended up back on happy pills.

 

[suestowford]

I still shed a tear now & again for my lovely old boy who died over 18 years ago. I'll never stop missing him but mostly I can look back on our time together as a precious period in my life. But it did take a long time before I could think of him without getting tearful every time.

It is hard to 'play God', I can remember thinking, as the vet was arriving, 'I can't believe I am asking him to kill my horse!'. He too was a ticking time bomb but with him it was arthritis. I did not want him to get to the point where he was down and couldn't get back up, and he was coming very close to this.

You have done the right thing, as you would never forgive yourself if you had let him go on to the point where he was colicking and in dreadful pain.

 

[katastrophykat]

Homey was a legend, So1- I’m not the only HH’er to shed a few tears on your behalf, as we know how much you put into him, always putting him first, and you’ve done that right up until the end.
now it’s time to put your focus onto you for a few weeks. When Gunner’s Dam went, it was unexpected and sudden- I made the decision and it was done within the hour, and that ripped my heart out- nothing has ever matched up to how I felt about her. I took a few days off work and cried it out then got back into a routine, which helped. Try to find something to fill the time that would have been Homey time, and box up the ‘sorting out’ for a few weeks, to see if you’re sure that you won’t want another- I know you’d said that you wouldn’t, but sometimes you don’t know how you’ll feel until you don’t have one. Let yourself heal and decide then what to do.
huge hugs xx

 

[SO1]

I will not be rushing into getting another. I am not that fussed about the riding element it is the companionship and bond that I want.

Also when the times comes I am looking for something very specific which will be hard to find as I will want a grandchild from my pony that has been backed and is established. As he was a stallion and has a stallion son he lives on in prodigy so I am extremely lucky that there may be the option to have a close relative that I can give a permanent home to

It's not easy, I still think about Frankie 2 1/2 years on.

One thing about getting another. When i retired Frank and knew he was on borrowed time, I wasn't ready to properly commit right away and luckily I was given a couple of loan options. That was perfect for a year. It meant i rode and kept myself busy but didn't get emotionally involved in the same way. I didn't compare and have the same expectations. After a year, i was ready to take on another properly but i couldn't have done it right away.

 

[babymare]

Tomorrow is 9 years saying good bye to my young sweet mare. It will be hard but I will smile amongst the tears. Focus on the great memories. I have a photo of my sweet mare at top of stairs and I always touch her her with a smile. Give yourself time. Losing a beloved animal is like losing a family member. Take care x

 

[eahotson]

OP, I lost mine at 4am yesterday. He was only 12 and we only had 5 years together. I felt like my heart had been ripped out.

Colic took him in little more than 12 hours from symptoms starting to losing him on the operating table. We can find no explanation for the colic.

If you need someone going through the same thing at the same time, get in touch.

Reading through the comments friends have kindly left on my Facebook post has helped no end. It made me very grateful for the time we had and I could see how many lives he had touched and how many people he made happy.

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[eahotson]

I am not religious really and have no formal religious beliefs but sometimes the words of the scriptures can help because they connect you to past generations who have had the same joys and hopes but also the same loss and grief.For me maybe the words God giveth and God taketh away.Blessed be the name of the Lord because to me it means that this is life,the good bits and the bad bits and that I am a link in a chain going backwards but also forwards.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

I’m so sorry SO1 and O&L.

It’s been a year since we lost my yearling filly. I’ve only just begun to start to think about it without having to shove the thoughts out of my mind to stop my eyes welling up.

I have learnt to cope with it and manage with it though. It took about 3 or 4 months until I felt I was functioning ok again.

 

[criso]

I will not be rushing into getting another. I am not that fussed about the riding element it is the companionship and bond that I want.

Also when the times comes I am looking for something very specific which will be hard to find as I will want a grandchild from my pony that has been backed and is established. As he was a stallion and has a stallion son he lives on in prodigy so I am extremely lucky that there may be the option to have a close relative that I can give a permanent home to

That would be lovely to have a grandson or daughter though I suppose that means you never know when or where it will appear.

I would love to have one by the same sire as Frankie but they don't seem to pop up as ex racers and make huge prices as youngsters.

 

[Tronk]

SO1 so sorry to hear your sad news, I’ve been following your story latterly and my heart goes out to you. It is so hard to be brave and make the hardest decision. I hope you can find some peace knowing that you did the kindest thing for your beloved boy.

 

[SO1]

It rained today and it felt like the world was crying for my Homey.

It is so hard.