Has bullying on yards got worse or better in people’s opinion?

[paddi22]

it's probably at the same level as always (people are people) but I'd say it's possibly more intense now due to social media, what apps, text messaging etc. in the olden days someone would have to physically do or say something to you, and then go and tell it to a group off people. nowadays it's much easier to keep drama going 24/7 with technology.

I think the YO sets the tone a lot as well. there's a great YO near me and she kicks out any bitchy liveries, she says she wants to protect her liveries and have a good atmosphere on yard.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Wow that’s sad....what is it that makes people do it? If it’s a woman thing we should be supporting each other and it’s supposed to be fun and a recreational activity albeit an expensive one.....have you managed to stay out of it??

They don’t include me as I just tell it like it is, I am rather blunt, also I project a prickly demeanour so people tend not approach me unless it’s to ask a question. I’m happy to help people I just don’t have the time nor patience for stupidity. If I saw bullying however the bullies would be sent packing with a flea in their ears damned quick.

 

[jenniehodges2001]

A friend of mine got involved in a situation where the owner of a horse wasn't mindful of her horses welfare. There were a number of other issues as well some which had been deemed dangerous by a number of other people on the yard were also criticising this owners way of keeping the horse and they were genuinely worried it would injure itself because of certain things which I won't go into on here. However it was my friend who voiced her opinion quite nicely to the owner of the horse, said everything to his face, but in a constructive helpful manner, not nasty whilst thinking she would have the backing of her friends who had also been criticising the owner. However when it came to the crunch, the others kept quiet but continued to incite and inflame the situation between my friend and the owner by loudly voicing their opinion to anyone who would listen, but obviously keeping this opinion away from the ears of the YO and the owner.

The owner took exception to my friends friendly critique of his way of dealing with the situation and told her to mind it. Obviously the owner communicated all this to the YO. The YO then text my friend to ask her to stop harassing said livery for which she apologised. A couple of days later the YO put up a post on a social media site stating that one thing she detested, (apart from bullying of people and children) was people doing something else, can't remember what my friend said it was. So my friend naturally assumed that the YO was insinuating that she was a bully. It totally destroyed her at the time, she was really upset, she couldn't sleep, felt constantly tearful and she felt deflated and betrayed by her friends that has all been feeling and stating the same (but not to the owner, but behind his back). Of course all the others who had been involved in the initial slagging off of the owner crept away from the situation unscathed. She'd never have bullied anyone, she's been intimidated and bullied all her life and walked all over by people and she is the least likely person to ever bully anyone. It's sadly the same with everything at the yard, she always seems to get blamed for everything going wrong, gets strung along by the opinions of others and yet voices her opinion instead of keeping quiet, yet she's rarely done anything to get the blame for. I think its because she's too frank and honest for her own good. She needs to learn to keep out of things, and stop being influenced by others, but its her nature to be enquiring and helpful so I can't say I blame her.

I don't think I've ever encountered bullying at any yard I've been to. Unfortuanatley when you get women together anywhere in life you will get a level of bitchy behaviour, its an unwritten rule. Women are prone to being perfectionists and they suffer from anxiety and low self esteem more than men, and feel like they have something to prove. You always get someone whose opinion might differ from others and you always get arguments, but I don't think its ever really classed as bullying.

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

So true about the coffee making facilities! - a previous YO ordered the closure of the "tea room", as certain people spent the whole day sat on their backsides drinking, smoking and bitching! Things came to a head and he blew his top and said there was to be no more hanging around - you did your horse and went home. Things calmed down a lot after that!

That is brilliant! Very good tactic, they haven’t got anywhere to gather in a comfortable place to carry out their nasty deeds ?

They don’t include me as I just tell it like it is, I am rather blunt, also I project a prickly demeanour so people tend not approach me unless it’s to ask a question. I’m happy to help people I just don’t have the time nor patience for stupidity. If I saw bullying however the bullies would be sent packing with a flea in their ears damned quick.

wow! I’d like to be on your team ?

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

Sadly, that was his one and only good idea! It was (and still is I understand) purely down to his complete disinterest in the running of the yard that the situation was allowed to develop!

????

 

[milliepops]

i haven't encountered bullying at a yard since childhood but lots of divided yards and cliquey-ness. And manipulation of YOs by self-appointed yard bigwigs. i find it all too tedious to deal with, it's just exhausting. Fortunately I'm now the only livery where i am plenty of company from YO and other clients coming and going but no nutty yard politics.

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

i haven't encountered bullying at a yard since childhood but lots of divided yards and cliquey-ness. And manipulation of YOs by self-appointed yard bigwigs. i find it all too tedious to deal with, it's just exhausting. Fortunately I'm now the only livery where i am plenty of company from YO and other clients coming and going but no nutty yard politics.

Sounds ideal! I really think it’s sad that past teen years and even then people can’t just keep nasty opinions to themselves. They see it as social currency I think....X

 

[jenniehodges2001]

A big yard I was on had a kitchen/viewing gallery attached to the indoor so that was a haven for cliques and slagging people off.

Yes seen that a few times and been the victim too, rode once and heard someone say "look at her legs" so would only then ride at either 6am or 8pm to avoid it!

 

[PapaverFollis]

I've been on a lot of yards.

Bullying/b*tchy culture is very much tied up in the attitude and management abilities of the yard owner in my experience. And yes the worst yard I experienced it was the yard manager who was the bully. I actually had a bullying Facebook storm against me after I left there. I had no idea because I had blocked them all. ? But some "concerned" person told me all about it.

I've also been painted as a bully though because I have no patience for manipulative little so-and-sos and calmly told her to leave me alone and that I wouldn't tolerate being sent abuse on messenger just because she didn't get her own way with the turnout field... (this was after months of being needled and having my boundaries constantly tested, she really was a button pushing master) off she went to the yard clique to cry that I was being "nasty". I basically couldn't be bothered setting the record straight at that point and showing them all the awful messages! Let them find out what she's like for themselves. But yes. I was the "bully" in that one.

I don't do very well in social settings and seem to attract a lot of negative attention ? ? I'm pretty easy to wind up and the people who enjoy that sort of thing can spot me coming a mile off. Glad I have them at home now. But I've also learned a lot of social life skills over the years at livery and could go back to it if necessary!

 

[TPO]

I've had all sorts of incompetent and awful yard owners but by the b*tchiest one by far was the only male YO I've had.

He was in his 40s at the time and straight, so as not to fall into any stereotypes, and he was the worst for stirring.

He was on the yard with the two witches and would leave them without a name then sit with them to talk about everyone else.

He could have put a stop to all the carry on at that yard but he was another with nothing else in his life so yard drama was all that there was going on for him ?

 

[shamrock2021]

My previous yard was extremely bad for bitching and bullying . The biggest reason why it was because it yard owner was a bully . I have crazy storys of people getting kicked out of the yard . People been accused of terrible things when the didn’t happen just made up stories to get people to leave. There where Yard owner favourite livery’s that got away with very unacceptable behavior.

When it got very bad I left . I am so happy I move because I found a yard that everyone is Friendly and there is no bitching or bullying.

 

[dorsetladette]

I'm not a people person and never really have been. I've tried, but I can't be bothered if I'm honest.

I say it as it is and expect others to be the same - I've never been one to read between the lines. Everything is black and white, so I often miss any snide comments and I'm a bit rubbish as a gossiping buddy so automatically fall in the target category.

I've fallen fowl of bullies on 2 yards due to taking people at face value. Accepting a brew from the first friendly face and not weighing people up properly first.

I've also come across this situation in the work place, so its not solely the horse world. I just don't see negativity until it hits me (literally once) in the face. I'm sure there will be a syndrome or medical term for it at some point, but I just consider myself naive. I don't think its a bad thing, I would be a very miserable person if I constantly saw the bad in people.

I wouldn't go back to a yard environment again as the shine has been taken off it for me.

 

[Adoni123]

I'm extremely lucky with the yard I'm in. I'm 25 but everyone is older than me. A small yard of nice women is hard to find I believe!

There have been new starters over the years who come and stir the pot... but they've all left! I just try and be as nice as possible with anyone new and hope they aren't mad... which it seems a lot of horsey people are!

Recently, I was trying a new horse a number of times at a different yard where there is a group of 15-19 year old girls who were extremely rude. Found out they were unkind to a friend of mine who is quite a bit younger than me. A lot of opinions from people who don't ride their horses always seems to be the case. I can't stand getting an opinion from someone who wouldn't dare get on my horse and show me how it's done!

 

[Dyllymoo]

A lot of opinions from people who don't ride their horses always seems to be the case.

This 100 times over.

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

Yes seen that a few times and been the victim too, rode once and heard someone say "look at her legs" so would only then ride at either 6am or 8pm to avoid it!

Why are people so critical, only explanation they are insecure or a***h***s! That’s pathetic. You should have said ‘ I know they are gorgeous aren’t they!’

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

I'm extremely lucky with the yard I'm in. I'm 25 but everyone is older than me. A small yard of nice women is hard to find I believe!

There have been new starters over the years who come and stir the pot... but they've all left! I just try and be as nice as possible with anyone new and hope they aren't mad... which it seems a lot of horsey people are!

Recently, I was trying a new horse a number of times at a different yard where there is a group of 15-19 year old girls who were extremely rude. Found out they were unkind to a friend of mine who is quite a bit younger than me. A lot of opinions from people who don't ride their horses always seems to be the case. I can't stand getting an opinion from someone who wouldn't dare get on my horse and show me how it's done!

I assumed it would mostly be teens as they are immature but it seems to span all age groups. Are men less bad with this stuff I wonder? We should stick together- all of us- but often yards are mainly women as we know....

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

I'm not a people person and never really have been. I've tried, but I can't be bothered if I'm honest.

I say it as it is and expect others to be the same - I've never been one to read between the lines. Everything is black and white, so I often miss any snide comments and I'm a bit rubbish as a gossiping buddy so automatically fall in the target category.

I've fallen fowl of bullies on 2 yards due to taking people at face value. Accepting a brew from the first friendly face and not weighing people up properly first.

I've also come across this situation in the work place, so its not solely the horse world. I just don't see negativity until it hits me (literally once) in the face. I'm sure there will be a syndrome or medical term for it at some point, but I just consider myself naive. I don't think its a bad thing, I would be a very miserable person if I constantly saw the bad in people.

I wouldn't go back to a yard environment again as the shine has been taken off it for me.

Sounds like you have a good approach. Over analysing probably leads to misinterpretation and remarks being misunderstood occasionally. Sometimes though it’s so nasty and obvious. I have ADHD so am friendly to all, but I have learnt over the years to take my time to make true friends on yards and elsewhere

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

My previous yard was extremely bad for bitching and bullying . The biggest reason why it was because it yard owner was a bully . I have crazy storys of people getting kicked out of the yard . People been accused of terrible things when the didn’t happen just made up stories to get people to leave. There where Yard owner favourite livery’s that got away with very unacceptable behavior.

When it got very bad I left . I am so happy I move because I found a yard that everyone is Friendly and there is no bitching or bullying.

That sounds horrendous people should be warned about him/her on a FB group as moving in then having to move again due to a YO who rules with an iron/2 faced fist!!

 

[emilylou]

Our yard is a wonderful community, everyone is very helpful and friendly. More like a team of people rather than a bunch of individuals however YO is very particular about who she allows to come here, they have to have the right 'vibe' and has no problems asking people to leave if they/their horse is not working out. I know I'm really lucky.

But I suppose the ones she asks to leave have to keep their horses somewhere..

 

[Adoni123]

I assumed it would mostly be teens as they are immature but it seems to span all age groups. Are men less bad with this stuff I wonder? We should stick together- all of us- but often yards are mainly women as we know....

I've a friend who has been bullied twice on outings by older women and phoned me in tears on her way home... God I wish I was there I'm sure I would have had some lovely things to say

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

it's probably at the same level as always (people are people) but I'd say it's possibly more intense now due to social media, what apps, text messaging etc. in the olden days someone would have to physically do or say something to you, and then go and tell it to a group off people. nowadays it's much easier to keep drama going 24/7 with technology.

I think the YO sets the tone a lot as well. there's a great YO near me and she kicks out any bitchy liveries, she says she wants to protect her liveries and have a good atmosphere on yard.

Definitely true re social media although some yards make it work but can be asking for trouble especially for more sensitive types. Not everyone can brush things off as easily as others...one girl at a yard I was at for ages was picked on for being religious which is low level hate crime ?

 

[Bernster]

This all makes me very sad . On a random side note, but kind of similar, I’ve been binge watching the terrible bit can’t help myself reality tv Selling Sunset. It started out interesting - posh houses and celebrity people, but has descended into a b*tch fest amongst the women I can’t watch it any more.

Never could stand meanness. I hope I never get involved in it. I always try to be positive, supportive, and try to see the good in people (although admittedly some people test that to the limit at times!).

 

[scats]

Never been bullied on a yard, though I’ve seen it happen to others. I used to be on a huge livery yard of over 90 horses so I’ve seen it all (21 years I was there!)

I’ve probably been a victim of people bitching about me at some point, but such is life. I’m no angel myself and have probably passed comment about others at some point, particularly as a teenager.

The worst offenders for bullying seem to be the people on a yard who stake ‘claim’ to the place. As I was one of the longest serving livery’s, the main perpetrators never tried it with me. It was like an unwritten rule that some of us, you didn’t mess with. They’d jump on new people and befriend them but it would genuinely turn sour in time. People are funny.

 

[Pippity]

No bullying on my yard that I'm aware of. Obviously, there are people you like more than others, and people who like you less than others, but we all rub along well enough. There are friendship groups but I wouldn't say they've deteriorated into cliqueyness.

I've never noticed any bullying on any of the yards I've been on. A bit of cliqueyness and gossip, but never anything like other people have described.

 

[PoppyAnderson]

Lots of sexism and ageism on here.

 

[chaps89]

I thought it was a good sign when I moved to my yard that 3 of the liveries have been there for over 10 years each.
What I didn't realise is they've been there a long time and don't want new people thankyou very much.
Some very horrendous and petty behaviour being displayed by older women who really should know better.
YO actually bought it up with me not long after I'd moved to the yard, she knows one lady in particular is a problem but openly admits she ignores it and has had people leave about it in the past.
I suspect because that lady has a number of horses there and does alot of maintenance around the yard that YO doesn't.
It's a shame really but I just go with saying hello and goodbye, being polite, doing my bit with tidying and doing my own horses and staying out of it as best I can. Tbh I'm not very sociable anyway so a yard where everyone socialised would probably single me out anyway!

 

[blitznbobs]

I’ve never come across it myself, I’m fairly tough though so might not notice it tbh... I do think people in general are more likely to take offence these days where in the old days people just used to ignore ignorant idiots

 

[Not_so_brave_anymore]

In my (very limited, 20 odd years ago) experience, the key to a harmonious yard is a YM who is a bit ut of a dragon, with the skin of a rhino, but crucially NOT nasty, bitchy, gossipy themselves.

As a late teen/early twenty something I used to moan that my YM was set in her ways, and a bit bossy and generally inflexible. But now I realise that she was managing us the owners every bit as much as she was managing the horses and the land, and she actually did a great job of it!

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

This all makes me very sad . On a random side note, but kind of similar, I’ve been binge watching the terrible bit can’t help myself reality tv Selling Sunset. It started out interesting - posh houses and celebrity people, but has descended into a b*tch fest amongst the women I can’t watch it any more.

Never could stand meanness. I hope I never get involved in it. I always try to be positive, supportive, and try to see the good in people (although admittedly some people test that to the limit at times!).

It’s such a shame! Why do people not see that it hurts some people? Some stop riding altogether. Really sad x

 

[Quigleyandme]

I had a saddle fitter bring an associate with her to my private yard who sneered at everything from my horse’s way of going to the quality of my grass to the colour of my car. Told both of them to sling their hooks and not seek a call out fee from me until the saddle fitter was prepared to return on her own and I received an apology from her offsider for her rudeness and lack of professionalism. I’ll never understand why some people have the urge to be so utterly unpleasant and to a client of all people.