18hhOlls&Me
Well-Known Member
That is crazy!! Why on earth? What was her motive? Jealousy? Good for you for getting the apology x
Has bullying on yards got worse or better in people’s opinion?
- Thread starter 18hhOlls&Me
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18hhOlls&Me
Well-Known Member
Maybe that’s the key, a YO who may seem harsh but keeps everyone in line (horses included!) x
18hhOlls&Me
Well-Known Member
That is true, but if someone’s having a hard time for other reasons (could be anything) it’s not nice for their recreation time to be ruined too..it’s all good being thick skinned but some don’t have that capacity or may have experienced sometime awful making them more vulnerable
18hhOlls&Me
Well-Known Member
Horses are used as therapy for a reason, it’s a shame humans surrounding it can be so pathetic and nasty to others minding their own business I think. Now if I saw someone being pushed around and had hard evidence I’d go to YO x
18hhOlls&Me
Well-Known Member
That’s a good warning sign....high turnover of liveries x
Equi
Well-Known Member
I’ve only been on two yards and neither had any sort of bullying towards me anyway. One had two ladies at war because of their horses dislike for each other but none of my business so I didn’t get involved. Both YO quite firm and not afraid to be assertive when needed so I think that helps. I can remember the bullying that went on at riding school as a kid so frankly that put me off yards until I was 30!
18hhOlls&Me
Well-Known Member
That was my theory that it improves with age (of the humans!) but it seems not always the case. Sounds like you have been lucky and made good decisions x
Equi
Well-Known Member
First yard was not my choice it was where the loan was. When I bought him it took me months to move because I was still too afraid and liked the people I was with but the arena just wasn’t suitable for my old man. A friend finally got me to go to the yard she was at and again I’ve been very lucky and can genuinely say everyone is lovely. I’m lucky enough that if I found it a chore I can just bring him home but I stay because I like it! If and when spud retires I will be paying for an empty stable until it’s filled with my future new horse lol
DressageCob
Well-Known Member
My yard is lovely and bully-free. It has been that way for most of the time I've been there. We had one bad apple but she left several years ago.
The worst bullying I see is online, on instagram and tiktok. It can be quite toxic.
The worst bullying I see is online, on instagram and tiktok. It can be quite toxic.
18hhOlls&Me
Well-Known Member
Amazing! Thats a lovely story. Lucky spud (and you!) x
Cob Life
Well-Known Member
I’ve not been on livery yards but I was bullied working at the riding school. This included being bullied by the boss but she did it to everyone and Actually wasnt as bad with me as she was the others. But the other girls were Horrific sometimes, I dreaded working with them or walking into the tack room after a lesson if they were in there.
this has made me actively avoid livery yards as I don’t want to finally get a horse of my own only to experience the same bullying
this has made me actively avoid livery yards as I don’t want to finally get a horse of my own only to experience the same bullying
Annagain
Well-Known Member
I think there's another element to this as well in that there are a lot of people who are very ready to be offended by not a lot these days. I was chatting to a horsey acquaintance at an event. I hadn't known her very long so it was kind of one of those chats where you try to find something in common to have something to talk about. We were discussing a friend of mine whom she also knows (not in a bad way, just in a "you must know x" kind of way) when she said they used to be friends but she didn't speak to her any more as she had stopped liking her photos on Facebook, it really upset her and she doesn't need that sort of negativity so she blocked her.
There are several issues here:
1. WTF? How can anyone take offence at a loose acquaintance not liking a photo on Facebook - who even checks?
2. I know the other person very well and the fact she had never mentioned this woman to me suggests they weren't 'friends' at all.
3. I know the other person moved house and had no internet for a while - this is most likely the reason she stopped liking photos. The 'victim' never thought there might be a perfectly innocent reason.
4. Why would you tell almost a complete stranger when they've made it clear they know the other person involved very well? That's only intended to cause trouble.
She sent me a friend request shortly afterwards - even after I told her I barely used it. I've accepted it but make a point of never engaging with her on there - if I don't start she can't get offended if I don't like something I "should have". Not that I do much on there at all. If she checks up on my activity she'll soon see she's not treated any differently from anyone else!
I know this person has moved around several livery yards blaming bullying or being made to feel not welcome for the move.
There are several issues here:
1. WTF? How can anyone take offence at a loose acquaintance not liking a photo on Facebook - who even checks?
2. I know the other person very well and the fact she had never mentioned this woman to me suggests they weren't 'friends' at all.
3. I know the other person moved house and had no internet for a while - this is most likely the reason she stopped liking photos. The 'victim' never thought there might be a perfectly innocent reason.
4. Why would you tell almost a complete stranger when they've made it clear they know the other person involved very well? That's only intended to cause trouble.
She sent me a friend request shortly afterwards - even after I told her I barely used it. I've accepted it but make a point of never engaging with her on there - if I don't start she can't get offended if I don't like something I "should have". Not that I do much on there at all. If she checks up on my activity she'll soon see she's not treated any differently from anyone else!
I know this person has moved around several livery yards blaming bullying or being made to feel not welcome for the move.
CanteringCarrot
Well-Known Member
No major bullying at my yard.
Howerver, I do get what @annagain referred to as "...people who are very ready to be offended by not a lot these days." That is true, especially on the internet.
However, I do see it at the yard. Someone will say or do something harmless and someone will take the worst possible malicious meaning out of it. Some individuals also love to sh*t stir...
"What do you think she meant by THAT?!" "Do you think she -insert something off the wall here- " and generally talking about others. Or twisting someone's words and telling others what they said...er, didn't say. Or willfully misinterpreting just to stir the pot.
Too much time on their hands. They could use that time more constructively IMO. But I just say Hi and Bye and go about my business. There's always going to be that sort out there in the world.
Howerver, I do get what @annagain referred to as "...people who are very ready to be offended by not a lot these days." That is true, especially on the internet.
However, I do see it at the yard. Someone will say or do something harmless and someone will take the worst possible malicious meaning out of it. Some individuals also love to sh*t stir...
"What do you think she meant by THAT?!" "Do you think she -insert something off the wall here- " and generally talking about others. Or twisting someone's words and telling others what they said...er, didn't say. Or willfully misinterpreting just to stir the pot.
Too much time on their hands. They could use that time more constructively IMO. But I just say Hi and Bye and go about my business. There's always going to be that sort out there in the world.
sam72431
Well-Known Member
I don't understand why people think it's acceptable to comment on people's horse or riding. I don't really mind being watched not sure why because I'm not by any stretch a good rider ? but I know some people find it really stressful so if anyone riding I always make a point not to look or watch. I was at one yard with my now retired mare who is putting it mildly difficult and a mother and son kept 'suggesting' things that would help. One day I just oh why doesn't your son get on as he is such a good rider. Mare wouldn't walk forward with him, kept rearing and bucking literally would do nothing he wanted. He got off and they stopped watching and making suggestions after that ?
sam72431
Well-Known Member
I have had this at one yard I was at from an older lady. I don't go on Facebook much but will sometimes go on maybe once a month or whatever and like some stuff but I mainly use it for marketplace. I used to use it a bit more anyway this women got all funny with me and asked me why I hadn't liked her last couple of posts! I said oh sorry I don't go on much, to which she replied oh well I saw you comment on such and such for sale!! I think some people are obviously very sensitive and don't maybe have much going on in their lives? I think social media has a lot to answer for like someone else said it means bullying can drag on and on. I can honestly say I feel so much better for not using Facebook I don't add people as friends and I don't go on there apart from for a bargain ?
CanteringCarrot
Well-Known Member
Ah, Facebook, that reminds of this tale:
I'm not super active on Facebook and was not FB friends with a fellow livery on there. I'm not FB friends with anyone at the yard (and no one cares), my list is small and personal. Fellow livery and I were in the same group on FB though. She posted something about wanting a sharer and a few other things. A friend approached me and said, "so and so is at your yard, right? I saw an ad for her horse, do you think you could introduce me to her?" I asked what ad she was referring to...I couldn't see it because the livery had blocked me. So friend was no longer interested because that threw up the crazy flag for her.
Me, being straight forward asked the livery why she did this and if I had done something to offend her as I didn't mean to. I and others had helped her (a bit clueless at times) in the past and been cordial, so it was odd. She denied it ? Me, a wise guy, would've pulled out my phone and showed her said evidence if I had it on me. So, she lied to my face and was already building a reputation for being dishonest, so I just stopped conversing with her. I'd say hi occasionally, but that's it.
She then wrote me a message later with a BS excuse that made zero sense, but I acted pleasant about it because, whatever at that point. Friend said that the fellow livery often lied and that I knew the truth of her, her riding, her horse, and situation so maybe she didn't want me to expose her. Idk. We never interacted on FB.
But still cracks me up that one. Tbf, she appeared to live in an alternate reality at times.
So, moral of the story, it wasn't worth my time to ask why I was blocked and address the situation. ?
Note:I approached her nicely and just didn't want weird tension in the air or someone being upset over something. So I thought it was worth a try to sort it out since we all share a space and otherwise it was a nice environment at the yard.
I'm not super active on Facebook and was not FB friends with a fellow livery on there. I'm not FB friends with anyone at the yard (and no one cares), my list is small and personal. Fellow livery and I were in the same group on FB though. She posted something about wanting a sharer and a few other things. A friend approached me and said, "so and so is at your yard, right? I saw an ad for her horse, do you think you could introduce me to her?" I asked what ad she was referring to...I couldn't see it because the livery had blocked me. So friend was no longer interested because that threw up the crazy flag for her.
Me, being straight forward asked the livery why she did this and if I had done something to offend her as I didn't mean to. I and others had helped her (a bit clueless at times) in the past and been cordial, so it was odd. She denied it ? Me, a wise guy, would've pulled out my phone and showed her said evidence if I had it on me. So, she lied to my face and was already building a reputation for being dishonest, so I just stopped conversing with her. I'd say hi occasionally, but that's it.
She then wrote me a message later with a BS excuse that made zero sense, but I acted pleasant about it because, whatever at that point. Friend said that the fellow livery often lied and that I knew the truth of her, her riding, her horse, and situation so maybe she didn't want me to expose her. Idk. We never interacted on FB.
But still cracks me up that one. Tbf, she appeared to live in an alternate reality at times.
So, moral of the story, it wasn't worth my time to ask why I was blocked and address the situation. ?
Note:I approached her nicely and just didn't want weird tension in the air or someone being upset over something. So I thought it was worth a try to sort it out since we all share a space and otherwise it was a nice environment at the yard.
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chocolategirl
Well-Known Member
I was bullied at school which led to me taking an over dose aged 15. I got the help i needed, and I vowed NEVER to allow anyone to bully me ever again as long as I live! I now run my own yard, it’s a tight ship, and if I got a whiff of anything remotely resembling bullying, I would address it immediately. It’s the YO’s duty to make sure this does not go on. Sadly, in some cases it’s the YO themselves who are the bully, or they simply don’t have the balls to deal with it when it’s involving others. It should never be tolerated in any form! ?
PapaverFollis
Well-Known Member
I've been defriended in Facebook by a couple of people for, I can only assume, the heinous crime of not liking posts... I'm not a big post liker really. ?
Their loss, obviously. ?
Their loss, obviously. ?
Bernster
Well-Known Member
I had no clue ppl took that much notice, wow. Is it a generational thing? Liking posts = you’re a friend/you like me, and vice versa?!
PapaverFollis
Well-Known Member
One of my defrienders was my age, late 30s, another was mid-40s.
Annagain
Well-Known Member
The person I mentioned was late 40s. I'm early 40s and it wouldn't occur to me to even look who had liked my photos (the approximately two a year I post!) Her very regular posts suggest she seems to crave validation / praise and she obviously gets upset when she doesn't get it. It's quite sad really, I can't ever imagine being that insecure.
PapaverFollis
Well-Known Member
I post quite a lot on Facebook and love it when I get likes, just because it feels like I'm not invisible, but I don't hold people to account for not liking stuff! I notice when people do do a like.... I don't notice who doesn't. I think it's really odd to get upset about someone not liking everything you post. But it's definitely a thing for some people.
jenniehodges2001
Well-Known Member
I know. There's someone I used to know years ago on one yard I was at who had never had a horse before and was quite a novicey ride when he had his first horse (young ex racehorse mare). I watched him bounce around on his horses back, jab it in the mouth and end up wrapped around its neck. But you know what? He never gave up, kept going, both he and the horse formed a partnership where each accepted the others faults. From lessons, (and lessons learnt!) and through time, patience and experience both improved in way of going/experience and stickability!
Yes he did things wrong, at times his riding was ugly, but I always felt a kind of kindred spirit as I was like that once many moons ago, we all were and we all had to learn. I wouldn't have dreamed of commenting on the way he rode, either behind his back or to his face! Possibly his choice of mount was ideal, and it could have all ended very ugly but it didn't and he conquered!
jenniehodges2001
Well-Known Member
I meant to say wasn't ideal, not ideal lolPossibly his choice of mount was ideal, and it could have all ended very ugly but it didn't and he conquered!
Winters100
Well-Known Member
I find it really sad that yards have these problems. Maybe I have just been lucky but I have never been anywhere with a problem of bullying, and in fact I can say that people at the yard I am at now are super kind. I am currently recovering from an injury and I have lost count of the number of offers of help that I have received, plus arriving to find little jobs done without me asking, for example yesterday someone had scrubbed my water buckets and today someone had re-folded all of my rugs neatly as it has been difficult for me to do that recently so they were not as neat as usual. Very sad that some yards are not supportive places where we can all help each other to enjoy our hobby.
saalsk
Well-Known Member
Been on my share of yards. Some good, some bad. Kept myself to myself mainly, but did have a nasty experience of another livery taking advantage of a situation. Without putting the story here, I'd advise people never to agree to buying stuff with others, on a *we are friends, we are all honest, we can share the cost, what could go wrong ?* agreement. Because they do go wrong, and they are friends right up until the point that they screw you over and then laugh and walk away. Found out later that karma found them. I laughed.
KittenInTheTree
Well-Known Member
I had a much loved young horse die abruptly of a brain aneurysm a couple of years ago. I found him at first check in the early hours of the morning, not a mark on him, lying in his usual spot for sleeping. The one consolation at the time was that it had definitely been peaceful, since he went in his sleep, as opposed to when under saddle or such. Just rotten luck that he was so young when it took him.
Delightful fellow livery put it about that he had broken a leg and been impaled on a fencepost after galloping about in a blind panic for several hours.
If I sometimes seem not to like other human beings, this was the final straw in reaching that point.
Delightful fellow livery put it about that he had broken a leg and been impaled on a fencepost after galloping about in a blind panic for several hours.
If I sometimes seem not to like other human beings, this was the final straw in reaching that point.
CanteringCarrot
Well-Known Member
Why on earth would you make something like that up?
ycbm
Einstein would be proud of my Insanity...
This thread reminds me why I never look at my Facebook account and don't have one on Twitter or WhatsApp.
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EllenJay
Well-Known Member
I have been around horses for the best part of 55 years - and can honestly say I have never seen or heard of bullying on any yard that I have been on. But there again I am friendly to everyone (even people I don't really like), I always find something nice to say about their horse/pony, I don't critique how they do things, even if what they do doesn't appeal to me. I give advice, if asked - I don't if not asked (provided it's not a welfare case), but then again any YO worth their salt wouldn't have welfare cases on their yard.
I have been on yards where there are some very strange people. I allow them there quirks and we chat. They will never be my friend, but we rub shoulders and get along.
I love having a tea room / cafe so liveries can chat. I agree it can get clique, but I make sure everyone is inclusive.
I think that people are too easily offended and claim bullying when there actually isn't any.
I have been on yards where there are some very strange people. I allow them there quirks and we chat. They will never be my friend, but we rub shoulders and get along.
I love having a tea room / cafe so liveries can chat. I agree it can get clique, but I make sure everyone is inclusive.
I think that people are too easily offended and claim bullying when there actually isn't any.