Has bullying on yards got worse or better in people’s opinion?

[laura_nash]

I've only experienced anything close to bullying once, which was at a RS I went to briefly when between horses (around age 30). The YO / instructor was great, but when she wasn't around there was a gang of teenage girls, liveries I think, that were pretty horrible, based primarily on the fact I didn't jump anymore at that point I suspect though I didn't bother finding out what their problem was - just moved on as I found a share. Just sneering and comments under the breath about my appearance etc. It didn't both me too much, as I'm pretty thick skinned, but did spoil things a bit. Luckily I was later able to get the YO out to where I was liverying so didn't miss out on her lessons.

I did have an unpleasant experience at one yard where the YO had a bit of a breakdown and started being quite horrible to another livery who was leaving, having all got on well prior to that. I suspect there might have been something else going on (financial problems possibly) that caused her to over-react to stuff. I'm not sure I'd call that bullying though.

 

[exracehorse]

Has always been bitchy. But far worse now with social media. Group chats.

 

[Meowy Catkin]

I had a much loved young horse die abruptly of a brain aneurysm a couple of years ago. I found him at first check in the early hours of the morning, not a mark on him, lying in his usual spot for sleeping. The one consolation at the time was that it had definitely been peaceful, since he went in his sleep, as opposed to when under saddle or such. Just rotten luck that he was so young when it took him.

Delightful fellow livery put it about that he had broken a leg and been impaled on a fencepost after galloping about in a blind panic for several hours.

If I sometimes seem not to like other human beings, this was the final straw in reaching that point.

That's really horrific. What a nasty piece of work to make up such lies when you'd had such a heartbreaking and shocking loss.

 

[C24]

I’m on a relatively small livery yard, there’s only 4 liveries and one is only going to be on the yard for 3 months whilst she has stables built at her house. There isn’t really any bitchiness, although there is occasional frostiness. There’s one old couple who twine a lot about pretty much everything, we just ignore them, say hello to be polite but certainly don’t linger to have a conversation. In the past this same couple have waged wars on teenage girls who’ve been on the yard and managed to bully them so badly that they would come up earlier or later in order to avoid them, one of them ultimately sold her horse. It’s why we all just avoid having conversations, and if I’m honest they wouldn’t even say hello if it wasn’t for us saying it first. They make the atmosphere a bit frosty when they’re there. The yard owner has considered kicking them off the yard previously, however the horse is a very old guy and has to be doped to the eye balls to even travel. For the sake of the horse, she’s decided to continue trying to tolerate them until the day that their horse has to be put down. I think frostiness comes from the fact that they stamp their feet and get given what they want just to shut them up. They have their own hay barn and feed store while us other three cram our feed bins, hay and bedding into one shed, they have the biggest field with the best grass on the yard. Yet they’ll still complain about the field, the fact that the YO told them that if they want a shelter erected then they’re welcome to do so at their own cost, they refuse to sweep the yard and complain that the hose pipe isn’t long enough to reach their stable (despite them moving their horse to a stable further away from the hose ?). They were asked to move fields so my two horses could go in the biggest field together, they flat out refused. ? They take every opportunity going to complain to anyone listening about the YO not doing enough for them, when they literally get given everything even at the detriment of others. Naturally this results in the rest of us talking about how unreasonable they are.
The rest of us just crack on and live with what we’ve got. It’s not a bad yard, the yard owner couldn’t do more for us and all of the rest of us have a great relationship with the owner and her mum. I’ve known them for years, I was a long term family friend prior to becoming a livery. Just this couple seem to like to latch on to someone to attack, most commonly is the YO at the moment. I’ve told YO that I don’t know how she puts up with it, if it was me I don’t think I’d be able to tolerate it - even if it was for their horses sake. ?

 

[SussexbytheXmasTree]

I’ve definitely been on the end of bullying and I wouldn’t say I’m easily offended but I do see how manipulative some people are and I do really easily pick up on unpleasant atmospheres.

The thing is bullies may appear perfectly lovely to some people but gradually pick away at others. They are very manipulative and devious and can appear to make the victim seem like they are imagining things (is that called gaslighting?) Even when people notice it being done to others they often ignore it which is really sad and just allows the bully to keep on going.

Yes I’m sure some people are super sensitive but again maybe others just don’t notice what’s going on under their nose.

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

I know. There's someone I used to know years ago on one yard I was at who had never had a horse before and was quite a novicey ride when he had his first horse (young ex racehorse mare). I watched him bounce around on his horses back, jab it in the mouth and end up wrapped around its neck. But you know what? He never gave up, kept going, both he and the horse formed a partnership where each accepted the others faults. From lessons, (and lessons learnt!) and through time, patience and experience both improved in way of going/experience and stickability!

Yes he did things wrong, at times his riding was ugly, but I always felt a kind of kindred spirit as I was like that once many moons ago, we all were and we all had to learn. I wouldn't have dreamed of commenting on the way he rode, either behind his back or to his face! Possibly his choice of mount was ideal, and it could have all ended very ugly but it didn't and he conquered!

If only more people were like you. People like nothing more often than pointing out others ‘poor’ riding especially if they are very green, as car instructors say ‘we were all learners once’, and actually the most professional and best riders wouldn’t dream of criticising like that and also know you never stop learning....

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

I’m on a relatively small livery yard, there’s only 4 liveries and one is only going to be on the yard for 3 months whilst she has stables built at her house. There isn’t really any bitchiness, although there is occasional frostiness. There’s one old couple who twine a lot about pretty much everything, we just ignore them, say hello to be polite but certainly don’t linger to have a conversation. In the past this same couple have waged wars on teenage girls who’ve been on the yard and managed to bully them so badly that they would come up earlier or later in order to avoid them, one of them ultimately sold her horse. It’s why we all just avoid having conversations, and if I’m honest they wouldn’t even say hello if it wasn’t for us saying it first. They make the atmosphere a bit frosty when they’re there. The yard owner has considered kicking them off the yard previously, however the horse is a very old guy and has to be doped to the eye balls to even travel. For the sake of the horse, she’s decided to continue trying to tolerate them until the day that their horse has to be put down. I think frostiness comes from the fact that they stamp their feet and get given what they want just to shut them up. They have their own hay barn and feed store while us other three cram our feed bins, hay and bedding into one shed, they have the biggest field with the best grass on the yard. Yet they’ll still complain about the field, the fact that the YO told them that if they want a shelter erected then they’re welcome to do so at their own cost, they refuse to sweep the yard and complain that the hose pipe isn’t long enough to reach their stable (despite them moving their horse to a stable further away from the hose ?). They were asked to move fields so my two horses could go in the biggest field together, they flat out refused. ? They take every opportunity going to complain to anyone listening about the YO not doing enough for them, when they literally get given everything even at the detriment of others. Naturally this results in the rest of us talking about how unreasonable they are.
The rest of us just crack on and live with what we’ve got. It’s not a bad yard, the yard owner couldn’t do more for us and all of the rest of us have a great relationship with the owner and her mum. I’ve known them for years, I was a long term family friend prior to becoming a livery. Just this couple seem to like to latch on to someone to attack, most commonly is the YO at the moment. I’ve told YO that I don’t know how she puts up with it, if it was me I don’t think I’d be able to tolerate it - even if it was for their horses sake. ?

They sound like a nightmare and a grown couple picking on teenagers?? Sad. At least they will move on when their poor horse passes on.

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

I was bullied at school which led to me taking an over dose aged 15. I got the help i needed, and I vowed NEVER to allow anyone to bully me ever again as long as I live! I now run my own yard, it’s a tight ship, and if I got a whiff of anything remotely resembling bullying, I would address it immediately. It’s the YO’s duty to make sure this does not go on. Sadly, in some cases it’s the YO themselves who are the bully, or they simply don’t have the balls to deal with it when it’s involving others. It should never be tolerated in any form! ?

What a story! Good for you turning a negative experience and persisting creating a non bullying atmosphere xx

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

My yard is lovely and bully-free. It has been that way for most of the time I've been there. We had one bad apple but she left several years ago.

The worst bullying I see is online, on instagram and tiktok. It can be quite toxic.

Yes social media as a means of bullying seems a common theme. Something for YO’s to be aware of I think x

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

One of my defrienders was my age, late 30s, another was mid-40s.

Don’t people have better things to do with their time?! When Facebook started I was at uni it all seemed so innocent. Now I hardly use social media personally (I have to professionally) as it can be a minefield and also my actual friends I speak to on the phone!! Plus Facebook are so dodgy re privacy...x

 

[18hhOlls&Me]

Has always been bitchy. But far worse now with social media. Group chats.

Social media really does seem to be a great tool for these types. A shame really. A friend of mines son was heavily bullied at school for the fact that he took horse riding lessons so much so he stopped altogether. That’s another problem, boys often see it as ‘uncool’ and ‘girly’ as if that’s a negative thing and often give up especially when they hit their teens. A real shame x

 

[SO1]

Because of my routine I am often at the yard much later than others as I work in London so on all the yards I have been on I have often been on my own by the time I get there in the evening. If you don't see people then you are less likely to get openly bullied.

My current yard is predominately part livery and most of us pass like ships in the night during the week - I don't get to the yard after work till 7.30pm and mostly on my own there to ride and see my horse. All horses cared for the yard staff so none of this you are not looking after your horse properly as they are all looked after in the same way getting feed, mucked out, turned out, on the same farrier and dental rota.. On the riding side everyone is busy with their own riding and not got the time to spend lots of time watching others and commenting. We are also mainly middle aged professional women with careers (we have to be earning a decent salary as it is not a cheap yard!) so we actually discuss work not just horses.

It is fairly quiet at the weekends too, non of the liveries have horse transport so it is not full of people preparing to go to shows or clinics. We don't all turn up at the same time as no jobs to do. I think as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder so when I do see another livery it is nice to see them and have a bit of a catch up. Might be different on a large busy yard with lots of people who had no other interests or life outside the horses.

 

[PapaverFollis]

The only yard I've been on where there hasn't been open nastiness if not actual bullying was the full/part livery one. Small yard. Yard owner very picky about who was allowed on too. It was a lovely suppotive yard and if we hadn't moved out of the area we would never have left it.

 

[Errin Paddywack]

I’ve told YO that I don’t know how she puts up with it, if it was me I don’t think I’d be able to tolerate it - even if it was for their horses sake

I think I would have to tell them that I was only tolerating them for the sake of their horse and to stop being such ungrateful so and so's. I am not one for confrontation but in this sort of situation I suspect I could make an exception.

 

[Ample Prosecco]

I agree with those who say trouble makers are mostly middle aged women with too much time on their hands where the yard has become their 'domain' to control. Especially if weak YOs dont address it. Kids/teenagers can be very cliquey but the real nastiness comes from older people in my experience. None of that where I am now, thankfully.

 

[scats]

I agree with those who say trouble makers are mostly middle aged women with too much time on their hands where the yard has become their 'domain' to control. Especially if weak YOs dont address it. Kids/teenagers can be very cliquey but the real nastiness comes from older people in my experience. None of that where I am now, thankfully.

Totally agree with this. The people at the helm of trouble have always been middle aged women who either don’t work or spend the majority of their days at the farm.

 

[tblife]

I've been on a lot of yards.

Bullying/b*tchy culture is very much tied up in the attitude and management abilities of the yard owner in my experience. And yes the worst yard I experienced it was the yard manager who was the bully. I actually had a bullying Facebook storm against me after I left there. I had no idea because I had blocked them all. ? But some "concerned" person told me all about it.

I've also been painted as a bully though because I have no patience for manipulative little so-and-sos and calmly told her to leave me alone and that I wouldn't tolerate being sent abuse on messenger just because she didn't get her own way with the turnout field... (this was after months of being needled and having my boundaries constantly tested, she really was a button pushing master) off she went to the yard clique to cry that I was being "nasty". I basically couldn't be bothered setting the record straight at that point and showing them all the awful messages! Let them find out what she's like for themselves. But yes. I was the "bully" in that one.

I don't do very well in social settings and seem to attract a lot of negative attention ? ? I'm pretty easy to wind up and the people who enjoy that sort of thing can spot me coming a mile off. Glad I have them at home now. But I've also learned a lot of social life skills over the years at livery and could go back to it if necessary!

 

[tblife]

I've been on a lot of yards.

Bullying/b*tchy culture is very much tied up in the attitude and management abilities of the yard owner in my experience. And yes the worst yard I experienced it was the yard manager who was the bully. I actually had a bullying Facebook storm against me after I left there. I had no idea because I had blocked them all. ? But some "concerned" person told me all about it.

I've also been painted as a bully though because I have no patience for manipulative little so-and-sos and calmly told her to leave me alone and that I wouldn't tolerate being sent abuse on messenger just because she didn't get her own way with the turnout field... (this was after months of being needled and having my boundaries constantly tested, she really was a button pushing master) off she went to the yard clique to cry that I was being "nasty". I basically couldn't be bothered setting the record straight at that point and showing them all the awful messages! Let them find out what she's like for themselves. But yes. I was the "bully" in that one.

I don't do very well in social settings and seem to attract a lot of negative attention ? ? I'm pretty easy to wind up and the people who enjoy that sort of thing can spot me coming a mile off. Glad I have them at home now. But I've also learned a lot of social life skills over the years at livery and could go back to it if necessary!

Sounds like a yard I was on. Yard manager was the most manipulative person I’ve ever met. Lack of knowledge or sense, constantly criticising everyone and every horse, recruited young teenagers to do the same. I’m glad to say I’m not there anymore but I hear through the grapevine that things are closing in on her and rightly so I’m sure she made peoples lives hell

 

[Stacey_xo]

I’m really thankful that my yard is great, I don’t feel any kind of bitchiness or bullying on our yard, everyone is mixed abilities and mixed disciplines, there is one girl that seems to exclude herself a bit more from the rest of us but I always have a chat to her and offer company for a hack or to accompany the rest of us, I think she just prefers to keep to herself.
The yard before that I always felt there was a sense of judging and other liveries would always watch when you were riding, now I do enjoy watching others riding but mainly just to watch the horse, I don’t care about what the rider is doing and I’m not knowledgeable or qualified enough to comment on other riders abilities, and also everyone starts somewhere. However, on my previous yard you could just tell the snide remarks and bitchiness was there, but I would just own my lesser ability and kill them with kindness haha! Can’t call me a crap rider if I already know I am one lol!

Growing up and learning how to ride I didn’t experience any bullying but usually the older girls on the yard or the livery girls would let it be known that they thought they were better than you because they had their own ponies, and I remember being teased once for not knowing how to put on a pair of brushing boots at the time when one of the livery girls asked me if I could do it for her. Don’t you just love the horse world!

 

[Shysmum]

Bullied at every yard. I suspect they hone in on my "weakness", aka Bipolar. This is why we live in France, with my own yard. Returning to the UK soon though, very nervous. I could write a book about the **** I went through. ?

 

[nagblagger]

There is bullying everywhere, many females together, combined with jealousy of better horse/equipment, with lack of insight of their own (or lack of!) capabilities.
I couldn't keep mine on a yard, i would be the anti-social one, but though on the outside i have a thick skin, words can still hurt. Even on this forum I have felt some people have very strong views and don't listen to, or respect, other people's way of thinking, or beliefs. I have read some really cruel, critical, personal comments which have led to members actually leaving, and i have only been a member for a year, this is bullying. A good respectful debate is completely different.
Just imagine if a yard had all of us as liveries, there would be bullying. (I would be in the corner doing my own thing).
There are thousands of members on here so maybe we should look at ourselves and start to change by thinking how our comments can affect or be (mis)interpreted, by others.
This is just my opinion and i know i am probably just as guilty - open for debate!

 

[ycbm]

I saw some very interesting passive aggression with tying up horses in barn corridors this year. On a couple of occasions, cross tying across the aisle and blocking it unless unclipped, one of those when there was an empty tying up bay not 10 feet away. It's very, very dominant behaviour, either completely unthinking or designed to keep others "in their place" by making them beg to get out of their own stabling. The cross tying owner blocking my way out of the barn unless I asked them to unclip and move their horse seemed quite disappointed when I led my horse out the bottom through an obstacle course of farm machinery that he didn't give two hoots about. Current stable has a "no horses tied up outside the box" policy which stops that behaviour dead in its tracks. A good set of rules, uniformly applied, are in every reasonable person's interests in a livery yard.
.

 

[Barton Bounty]

There is bullying everywhere, many females together, combined with jealousy of better horse/equipment, with lack of insight of their own (or lack of!) capabilities.
I couldn't keep mine on a yard, i would be the anti-social one, but though on the outside i have a thick skin, words can still hurt. Even on this forum I have felt some people have very strong views and don't listen to, or respect, other people's way of thinking, or beliefs. I have read some really cruel, critical, personal comments which have led to members actually leaving, and i have only been a member for a year, this is bullying. A good respectful debate is completely different.
Just imagine if a yard had all of us as liveries, there would be bullying. (I would be in the corner doing my own thing).
There are thousands of members on here so maybe we should look at ourselves and start to change by thinking how our comments can affect or be (mis)interpreted, by others.
This is just my opinion and i know i am probably just as guilty - open for debate!

I am lucky at a quiet private yard, was at a big busy judgy yard, where 1/3 watches, 1/3 have perfect horses and wont ride but will criticise and the other 1/3 dont turn up ?. I like doing my own thing but I am also equally as happy for my friends when they have a clear round or a good dressage test. There is far too much hate associated from woman to
Woman, when did they all get so bitter ?

 

[Getbackboys]

Jnb - wow just read yr post that same post could have been written by me back in 2008, hurt me but dont hurt my horse

 

[luckyoldme]

Lots of sexism and ageism on here.

Ageism is allowed but only for the next 20 years or so ?

 

[Sandstone1]

There is bullying everywhere, many females together, combined with jealousy of better horse/equipment, with lack of insight of their own (or lack of!) capabilities.
I couldn't keep mine on a yard, i would be the anti-social one, but though on the outside i have a thick skin, words can still hurt. Even on this forum I have felt some people have very strong views and don't listen to, or respect, other people's way of thinking, or beliefs. I have read some really cruel, critical, personal comments which have led to members actually leaving, and i have only been a member for a year, this is bullying. A good respectful debate is completely different.
Just imagine if a yard had all of us as liveries, there would be bullying. (I would be in the corner doing my own thing).
There are thousands of members on here so maybe we should look at ourselves and start to change by thinking how our comments can affect or be (mis)interpreted, by others.
This is just my opinion and i know i am probably just as guilty - open for debate!

You are completely right. There is most definitely bullying on here. If this forum was a yard there would be mayhem.

 

[Barton Bounty]

You are completely right. There is most definitely bullying on here. If this forum was a yard there would be mayhem.

Id be locked up ???

 

[Sandstone1]

Id be locked up ???

Locking up might be a bit strong but I get what you mean.

 

[Birker2020]

Much better, I don't think I've been bullied since about 1998 on a yard. There's more bullying on this forum and no matter how the perps wish to dress it up, it is bullying plain an simple.

Most of the bullying I encountered was jealously stemming from one person, she was insanely jealous of my horse and the fact I used to go out and compete like I did, people can be jealous about your horse or what you do with it and this is reflected in their behaviour towards you.

Everyone has disagreements with people from time to time and that is to be expected. A load of females together often gives rise to the odd bad word. But our yard is mainly a happy place and we are all there for each other, I've had some wonderful support since losing my Dad, my partner being seriously ill in hospital and losing my lovely Bailey and now with all the issues I've had with Lari which have been heartbreaking and liveries and Y.O have really supported me, I have appreciated every kind word.

 

[Barton Bounty]

Not everyone is going to get along, it would be absurd to expect it. ? As you get older though I think your bullcrap radar goes crazy. I also think things are so different now. Influence etc from social media etc, keeping up with the other kids. When I was a child, we used to get dropped off at the yard on a Saturday morning and picked up on a sunday night having slept in the lorry all weekend lol. It was great.. we all loved it and I am still friends with all those girls. Only one of them has a horse now and she only just got back into it last year. One sadly passed away and she had her horse too at the same yard as me. He went to a retirement a few months after she died. There is no way of doing that kind of thing now.