Is there (or should there be) a ceiling weight to horse riding

[Winters100]

honestly i would struggle to say. She is an easy going child who rarely gets riled up about anything, the teenage years so far havent been too bad.

we did also have a ,assive struggle with hygeine around puberty BUT again it came across as more couldnt be bothered than anything else and the mum sets a bad example on that front so always put it down to that.

theres no evidence of disprdered eating, no binging or hiding food i thnk its more the food choices at school and portion size?

Must be very sad for you to watch this and be unable to do anything, I feel for you. Realistically you can do very little if she is only at yours at weekends, the poor child probably is unhappy, but really it has to be the parent who she lives with for the majority of the time who implements changes to her diet, and if school are serving food which does not suit her, to send her with a packed meal. You can only hope that one day she will decide to tackle this, and be available to help her if she does, but if the Mother is not serving her appropriate foods in appropriate portion sizes then it will be very difficult for her. A very sad situation for all concerned.

 

[ester]

fwiw I was the slim one, my sister was not even though we always had healthy meals very few sweets/fizzy drinks (mum was teeth obsessed as hers were terrible). Food wise it was always a whole family thing and she had the pick of physical activities (mostly trampolining) in primary school, in secondary we had 3 afternoons worth of sport anyway and we both spend all weekend and holidays at the riding school. Her weight was absolutely never made a 'thing'

She's never been super slim but in our adult life she has done a much better job of being fit, active and healthy than me. She's been a great source of knowledge for my own recent journey and is probably the fittest person I know.

Imagine having to be the only kid with a packed meal at lunch :/.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

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Imagine having to be the only kid with a packed meal at lunch :/.

That would be highly unlikely many parents choose to send packed lunches rather than have to pay for school meals, which may not be good value/nutritious.

 

[ester]

Depends on the school clearly. Didn't know that needed saying.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

There are very few, if any, state schools where only a few children take a packed lunch, so it is highly unlikely that any student would be the only one not eating a school dinner. In fact as children get older they often opt out of school dinners, for several reasons.

 

[ester]

We don't know she attends a state school for a start. I was assuming nothing and 'imagining', hence the use of the word 'imagine'. Didn't think I needed to explain that either.

 

[Birker2020]

It's really hard as I have put on weight over the last three or so years since I stopped schooling my previous horse due to her physical issues. Hacking didn't burn the same calories and I've not actually ridden for the past six months other than walked around a field on a friends horse which was very kind of her to offer and I was very grateful. Lock down didn't help matters either.

Since losing Bailey over a month ago now I am seeking my next horse. I am worried about my weight and also about how others perceive me when I try a horse out. It is very hard but I have gone every day to the gym and done a 40 minute spin class and most of those times also swum a number of lengths. I have cut down on my food and look a lot more toned than I was and I have actually lost a few pounds but obviously any more weight will take a while to come off. I know if I get another horse simply by riding it I will lose more weight but it is very difficult having the confidence to go and try horses with a view to buy.

I have found that there are some incredibly shallow people out there that are very judgemental with the way they perceive you. I am dreading viewing but I am also excited.

View attachment 74974

Going back to this that I posted, I should say that I am 5ft 10" and are a medium build and the horse in the photo was 17.1hh and 9 1/2" bone MW WB weighing around 710KG.

 

[Hallo2012]

It sounds like it is a very tricky situation for you to navigate.

The hygiene thing does make me wonder - maybe she has a lack of self esteem? Is she a people pleaser?

100% people pleaser, will always try to keep everyone happy

 

[Goldenstar]

Going back to this that I posted, I should say that I am 5ft 10" and are a medium build and the horse in the photo was 17.1hh and 9 1/2" bone MW WB weighing around 710KG.

I have never found trying horses fun , and it’s guaranteed to prick any insecurities you have .
I view it as something I have to go through to get a horse .

 

[Hallo2012]

Depends on the school clearly. Didn't know that needed saying.

her sister takes a pack up, she prefer school lunches. as far as i know her friends are a mixture of the two so it wouldnt be an obvious red flag.

i dd suggest to OH that we say as part of a healthy eating drive as a family we are all going to do a healthy packed lunch, as i am bad for picking and nibbling at work so it wouldnt be an obvious dig! but he said it has to be her choice..........hence my wondering at what point does the parent just say "this is happening"??? she is 15.

her mum does accept she is overweight but doesnt really see it as a huge problem i dont think-it has been discussed a couple of times I know and initially on weekends with her mum they were asking to walk the dog etc but that has all tailed off again and i doubt the food choices or portions have altered as mum mentioned in passing to OH she herself had put weight on!

i have to bite my tongue a lot or it causes huge friction with OH but it also stresses the life out of me as it will be me saying she is too heavy for the pony so then i am the bad guy

she doesnt work the pony hard, and its only 2-4 times a week BUT i know she wants to do farm rides, pole clinics etc but really she could do to lose half a stone so as not to putting a lot of pressure on him whilst he works harder. and again OH has tried to gently say that, i think sort of saying "Hallo likes to gallop and jump as well as do dressage so her pony has to be fit, but to get her pony fit SHE has to do lots of exercise and eat healthily to help him,so why dont you try the same and we can book some fun days?"
imo it went totally over her head so so so hard.

 

[Birker2020]

I have never found trying horses fun , and it’s guaranteed to prick any insecurities you have .
I view it as something I have to go through to get a horse .

I know, I am working so hard at the moment with reducing the eating calories and working out at the gym. I guessed I was going to make a decision on B this winter so had slowly started gathering momentum both mentally and physically for the 'loss and next horse' thing, but it was just flung on me so unexpectedly that I've not really had the time I needed to lose this weight before looking for another one.

If I had my own place I'd possibly give it a few months but when your stable is being held for you, no matter how much reassurance I get that it will still be mine, I feel obligated to start looking sooner rather than later.

It's a shame as its ruled out the chance of trying some lovely horses simply because I don't have the confidence and feel I might get laughed off the yard. Like I say people are incredibly shallow.

 

[Goldenstar]

Do you have a friend to go with you ?
Try to think that the opinion of the unkind does not matter .
but I know how you feel I hate trying horses .

 

[Pearlsasinger]

We don't know she attends a state school for a start. I was assuming nothing and 'imagining', hence the use of the word 'imagine'. Didn't think I needed to explain that either.

And there was I thinking that you were empathising with the girl's situation!

 

[Birker2020]

Do you have a friend to go with you ?
Try to think that the opinion of the unkind does not matter .
but I know how you feel I hate trying horses .

Yes partner coming with me. Thank you for your words.

Interesting post OP.

 

[ester]

And there was I thinking that you were empathising with the girl's situation!

huh? Just meant what I said, not sure what you are trying to read into anything here. I mean it's cognitive empathy but for a situation that isn't real.

Hallo, yes definitely trickier with the pony involved, if she wants to keep the same one. But also a tricky age too, and with 2 different households.

 

[Hallo2012]

huh? Just meant what I said, not sure what you are trying to read into anything here. I mean it's cognitive empathy but for a situation that isn't real.

Hallo, yes definitely trickier with the pony involved, if she wants to keep the same one. But also a tricky age too, and with 2 different households.

absolutely its so hard to have mum and dad and me all on same hymn sheet! i totally accept that.

pony wise, my stables are only 10 x 10 and fields are only pony size....we dont have room for a 15hh chunk which further complicates it......i never imagined she would outgrow this one weight wise. Anything very heavy footed or hairy wont work with my absolute bottomless bog of clay in winter we are trying to buy more land to ease pressure but its not easy to persuade famers to part with even an acre!

 

[Meowy Catkin]

100% people pleaser, will always try to keep everyone happy

It's interesting that you said that. I did wonder, plus you said she's the eldest and that does fit together too. Obviously I have never met her but I suspect that she is unhappy to some degree. If I'm correct, to tackle the root cause (the unhappiness which as a people pleaser she will try to gloss over) is what needs working on. It's no good just changing her from being unhappy but overweight to being unhappy but thin. Yes, she could ride her pony at the lighter weight but she'll still be unhappy and prone to having a bad relationship with food.

If you have the time and she will engage with you, could you ask her what would make her happier? Maybe (as you mentioned farm rides) you could go swimming together with the aim of you both being fitter for the farm ride. It doesn't matter if you are already fit, it's the working with her to make her feel better and achieve something she wants as a team. Maybe go and buy some matchy in the same colour, again to be a team.

It's hard. I wish you lots of luck.

 

[throwawayaccount]

agree with all of this.

my OH's eldest is overweight and has been the whole 5 years i have known her. 2 inches shorter than me and cracking on for nearly 3 stone more when clothed.

we have tried to gently bring up eating better, more exercise, being active and staying fit so she can do the activities she wants with her pony.........nothing changes.

she is a laid back, verging on idle, child by nature and i think she thinks "it will never happen" but she is barely 2 lb away from exceeding 20% of her pony weight and at what point do you simply say if you carry on you will be too big to ride him?! (the pony is a weight carrier and very strong backed with good bone, she is nearing 11 stone so not a case of a tiny frail pony)

so far i say nothing as i find the very softly softly approach isnt working but not my place to say anything stronger but aside from anything she is being set up for a lifetime of health problems.

i know what my dad would have said to me and it would have included fat/salad/no more puddings but i am not sure thats right either! at what point do you take control back from a child and regulate the diet more strongly?

i just dont know.

how big is the pony?? nearing 11st isn't dreadful at all.. unless she is quite short?
should nearly 11st be an issue if she is not too short, and if the pony is a weight carrier like you say?

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

absolutely its so hard to have mum and dad and me all on same hymn sheet! i totally accept that.

pony wise, my stables are only 10 x 10 and fields are only pony size....we dont have room for a 15hh chunk which further complicates it......i never imagined she would outgrow this one weight wise. Anything very heavy footed or hairy wont work with my absolute bottomless bog of clay in winter we are trying to buy more land to ease pressure but its not easy to persuade famers to part with even an acre!

I don't know how close to the mark her weight is re: pony but could you not approach dad and say 'so sorry, but 'x' will be too heavy to do the things she would like to with pony if she gains any more weight as he could suffer additional injuries, so we really need to sing from the same hymn sheet re: eating healthier - there is a time pressure and it needs to start soon' - then dad could speak to mum and hopefully with a more tangible reason she will get on board. They won't want to deny her the activity she loves. It's also then not personal as it's not a 'I feel 'x' should lose weight' it's more of a 'her equipment won't stand up to use soon unless a change is made'.

I know that sometimes when someone is in great shape as you are, and is giving weight related advice or has weight related concerns - to someone who is either slightly overweight, or less bothered, it can come across as being OTT, or being a bit 'on your high horse'. Not saying that that's right, but I know that it's the thought train of many overweight people as quite often they lean naturally towards the defensive. And that's not an assumption it's from experience, I hear it all the time from friends, colleagues, my mother etc; when I was a size 6/8 I couldn't say anything to anyone.

 

[Frumpoon]

12 stone

 

[Hallo2012]

how big is the pony?? nearing 11st isn't dreadful at all.. unless she is quite short?
should nearly 11st be an issue if she is not too short, and if the pony is a weight carrier like you say?

she is 5'4 roughly.
pony is 13.2 sec C weighing 375kg....her saddle is around 7kg.....so she is basically ON the 20% and he is not super fit.

 

[Goldenstar]

she is 5'4 roughly.
pony is 13.2 sec C weighing 375kg....her saddle is around 7kg.....so she is basically ON the 20% and he is not super fit.

Her bmi is only just into the overweight category so personally I would not be making a fuss at 5’4 at fifteen she not going to staying on a 13.2 .
I would however be trying to nudge her habits kindly .

 

[throwawayaccount]

Her bmi is only just into the overweight category so personally I would not be making a fuss at 5’4 at fifteen she not going to staying on a 13.2 .
I would however be trying to nudge her habits kindly .

yup.. this, her body will be fluctuating anyway at that age so i wouldn't be too concerned. weight doesn't take into account muscle either. maybe just always make sure theres healthy alternatives there in the fridge when you have her on your days, but don't remove the treats entirely

 

[Hallo2012]

Her bmi is only just into the overweight category so personally I would not be making a fuss at 5’4 at fifteen she not going to staying on a 13.2 .
I would however be trying to nudge her habits kindly .

no i guess not however for now we dont have the space for a much bigger horse and are also unsure if she will continue to ride one A levels hit so it makes most health sense to try and lose a little (half a stone not loads) to continue to ride the absolute saint of a pony she has now. and is better for her health.

I agree its not a total drama as she obese but her weight has crept up and up over the last 12 months, so its the trend that worries me if that makes sense? despite trying to gently push good habits her height hasnt increased in 2 years but weight has.

 

[TPO]

Don't most/all kids outgrow ponies?

Hormones, growing, stress etc affect most teenagers.

I would expect a 13.2 C to carry 11st fine if no underlying issues.

During my brief stint at pony club I was 13 on a 13.3hh welsh x trotter and I had the smallest pony in my age group. I was approx 5ft3 or 4 and around 8st at that age. Everyone else (similar age and heights) was on 14.2hh+

For an average sized 15yr old I wouldn't expecting a section C to be a forever pony.

 

[throwawayaccount]

for the sake of half a stone, that's not much to be fussing over, its not taking into account water weight, needing to go the toilet etc

honestly some of these posts just make me realise WHY so many women and teens have a complex over their weight, fair enough if they were morbidly obese or generally causing the pony to stagger beneath them- but that's literally not the case at all?

 

[Hallo2012]

yup.. this, her body will be fluctuating anyway at that age so i wouldn't be too concerned. weight doesn't take into account muscle either. maybe just always make sure theres healthy alternatives there in the fridge when you have her on your days, but don't remove the treats entirely

oh no absolutely we havent, i just know what my dad would have done!

her weight has crept up and up over the last 12 months hence the concern at the general trend, never decreased even with a growth spurt previously (albeit she hasnt grown now in 2 years) i would be less concerned at fluctations i guess- it is, like i say the trend that worries me.

 

[Hallo2012]

for the sake of half a stone, that's not much to be fussing over, its not taking into account water weight, needing to go the toilet etc

honestly some of these posts just make me realise WHY so many women and teens have a complex over their weight, fair enough if they were morbidly obese or generally causing the pony to stagger beneath them- but that's literally not the case at all?

i dont expect him to carry more than 20% at speed, jumping etc, and its very close. i never said he was staggering.

 

[HuskyFluff]

12 stone

Really? I guess that rules out a lot of the elite male riders then

 

[ycbm]

H2012 you're in an unenviable position, I don't envy you balancing being step mum, living with dad, overweight step child and borderline big enough pony at all.

I'm surprised at people suggesting 11 stone and 5ft 4 isn't anything to be concerned about at 15. She's well into the 90th percentile for her height, age and sex and well into amber/bordering on red zone. Even accepting BMI is a flawed measure, there's definitely an issue of concern for her future health.
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