New horse shopping criteria

Michen

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Out of interest what was the reason for selling the mare you had in the end? I may be mixing
You up with someone else!

Hi everyone. I was indeed taking a few days away but my friend has been reading the thread and has told me to come back on.
I've been overwhelmed by the help and advice given...you've all been fantastic❤ despite the fact that I realise I'm probably trying the patience of a fair few of you 😳🙈

TP has mentioned the cob I bought in 2015 so I'll address that first:
I was a few months in from selling the horse I've loved more than any other I've had, admitting I was well overhorsed was a very bitter pill to swallow for me as I used to be so capable. It tipped the edge on what was already a truly broken heart...a couple of months before that my daughter died. She was 6 years and 10 months old. She had severe disabilities, so while we knew it would happen, it was still a shock. Only, she didn't just die; I had to agree to stop the resus team from trying (in vain) to keep her going. It was the hardest and easiest decision I will ever make in my life. I absolutely know in my heart I did the right thing by her but there will always be that little nagging doubt "what if?"
So, my confidence in my decision making skills has been somewhat screwed over to be honest.
I bought Ralph the cob because I was told by several people and friends that he was the sort of thing I *needed* and he seemed quite nice, plus I'm a sucker for hairy types. He was supposed to be 15.2 but always felt small to me, I kind of ignored that and got on with it. He turned out to be 15hh on tippy toes when measurements were done properly and also he was a pig to catch, and napped like hell. I couldn't get on with him and really didn't have the mental energy to be bothered. Selling him was such a relief.
So, coming to now. I didn't cancel my viewing with Murphy because my friend couldn't come, I cancelled it because she was driving me. My Fibro means driving longer distances can be really really hard for me so I simply could not do 3.5 hours there, try a horse and do the same back. So I missed out, wasn't meant to be.
I have viewed a few horses over the last few days which has opened my eyes a little.
One was a 17.1 Shire x who actually freaked me out totally. I've realised I'm just not up to dealing with that height any more. I ended up also viewing another Shire x who was 16.2 and much better in size but had something not right in his transitions (almost tripped over his own legs going into trot, twice) so no good. I also tried a friends 15.3 maxi/show cob, not for sale but just to see what he felt like and I really liked her, also their 16.1 3/4 ID which I'd have bought on the spot if I could lol.
So basically I have come to the decision that 15.2/3 might be a consideration if the horse is the right build. 17hh is just to big for me now, I found it physically and mentally overwhelming.
So I guess at this point my "perfect horse" is a 16-16.2 ID or ID x.
YCBM, Ihave tried to call about the one local to you and left a message.
AA, I'm currently awaiting more photos of the 15.2 cob you suggested, he does sound perfect.
And I'm waiting to be able to view Meg. Her ad disappeared so I thought she was sold but the seller has had a few issues with her not wanting the bridle on so they want to get to the bottom of that first.
So all in all please understand that I really am listening, I really am extremely grateful for the help...I've just had my brain blown a little lately with various things x
 

SatansLittleHelper

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I've had 2 mares on loan since Ralph. Last one went as was sold by owner, that's when Bailey came along.
ETA: the mare I bought (sort of, long story) was the first loan one from a friend. That was one that I *needed* according to my friends, she bored the life out of me and I almost gave horses up to be honest.
This is why I need to strike a balance between want/need.
I used to get on anything, no matter what kind of idiot it was and it's taken me a few years to come to terms with the fact that I cannot mentally or physically do that anymore. My horsey mojo is well and truly back, my last loan horse restored masses of confidence and my friend's naughty little cob has brought my mojo back. I so wish she was 16hh, my friend would never get her back 😂😂😂
Even Bailey helped restore some confidence in a weird way, seeing him improve so much over the time he was here was amazing, esp once the pro had helped.
I just want safe and sane but with a little spark...and I feel like I'm asking too much :(
 
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G&T

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What an awful thing, I feel so desperately sad for you losing your daughter. Be kind to yourself and take the pressure right off regarding finding a horse, experiencing such deepest trauma will naturally skew everything else from then on, and can be paralysing when it comes to making decisions and having confidence in them. Your experience with Bailey won’t have helped either (I read your thread about him although didn’t comment on it) - if you’re feeling confused, anxious and lacking a bit of self belief then you’re doing exactly the right thing to get support from a trusted friend that can be there in person with you for moral support apart from anything else. You don’t owe anything to anyone on the internet so don’t rush yourself if it feels too daunting (even though I still want you to go and look at ‘my’ horse!!) 😊

Take care of yourself x

Hi everyone. I was indeed taking a few days away but my friend has been reading the thread and has told me to come back on.
I've been overwhelmed by the help and advice given...you've all been fantastic❤ despite the fact that I realise I'm probably trying the patience of a fair few of you 😳🙈

TP has mentioned the cob I bought in 2015 so I'll address that first:
I was a few months in from selling the horse I've loved more than any other I've had, admitting I was well overhorsed was a very bitter pill to swallow for me as I used to be so capable. It tipped the edge on what was already a truly broken heart...a couple of months before that my daughter died. She was 6 years and 10 months old. She had severe disabilities, so while we knew it would happen, it was still a shock. Only, she didn't just die; I had to agree to stop the resus team from trying (in vain) to keep her going. It was the hardest and easiest decision I will ever make in my life. I absolutely know in my heart I did the right thing by her but there will always be that little nagging doubt "what if?"
So, my confidence in my decision making skills has been somewhat screwed over to be honest.
I bought Ralph the cob because I was told by several people and friends that he was the sort of thing I *needed* and he seemed quite nice, plus I'm a sucker for hairy types. He was supposed to be 15.2 but always felt small to me, I kind of ignored that and got on with it. He turned out to be 15hh on tippy toes when measurements were done properly and also he was a pig to catch, and napped like hell. I couldn't get on with him and really didn't have the mental energy to be bothered. Selling him was such a relief.
So, coming to now. I didn't cancel my viewing with Murphy because my friend couldn't come, I cancelled it because she was driving me. My Fibro means driving longer distances can be really really hard for me so I simply could not do 3.5 hours there, try a horse and do the same back. So I missed out, wasn't meant to be.
I have viewed a few horses over the last few days which has opened my eyes a little.
One was a 17.1 Shire x who actually freaked me out totally. I've realised I'm just not up to dealing with that height any more. I ended up also viewing another Shire x who was 16.2 and much better in size but had something not right in his transitions (almost tripped over his own legs going into trot, twice) so no good. I also tried a friends 15.3 maxi/show cob, not for sale but just to see what he felt like and I really liked her, also their 16.1 3/4 ID which I'd have bought on the spot if I could lol.
So basically I have come to the decision that 15.2/3 might be a consideration if the horse is the right build. 17hh is just to big for me now, I found it physically and mentally overwhelming.
So I guess at this point my "perfect horse" is a 16-16.2 ID or ID x.
YCBM, Ihave tried to call about the one local to you and left a message.
AA, I'm currently awaiting more photos of the 15.2 cob you suggested, he does sound perfect.
And I'm waiting to be able to view Meg. Her ad disappeared so I thought she was sold but the seller has had a few issues with her not wanting the bridle on so they want to get to the bottom of that first.
So all in all please understand that I really am listening, I really am extremely grateful for the help...I've just had my brain blown a little lately with various things x

ETA: I'm going to see a 12 yr old 16.2 Clydesdale mare tomorrow afternoon too :)
 

G&T

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Thank you G&T x
I haven't posted all that for anyone to feel sorry for me or to have a "woe is me" style drama.
I'm just really trying hard to help people understand why I'm a dickhead at times 🙄😳

Haha well you don’t sound like a dickhead, nor do you sound self-pitying. I just know that with the best intentions in the world about making a sensible purchase, the horse you ‘need’ etc, buying a horse can still be quite an emotion-led experience (well it always has been for me - I think of it almost like falling in love!) and your emotions have taken such a huge hit that it’s no wonder you’re maybe finding it hard to be completely clear-sighted about it
 

eahotson

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Something very sad about exchanging a grand old servant for a new model. But not everyone is a sentimental old fool like me I guess. My horses must be very lucky, they have all stayed with me until the final goodbye. I have exchanged a husband but never a horse !

Facebook and the like, is full of people offering their wonderful, ancient and with 'so much more to give' to someone willing to give £50 and a 10 star home. Grinds my gears !
Absolutely agree.If you can't keep it don't want to keep do the decent thing and have put down.
 

southerncomfort

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I think you've done exactly the right thing in sitting on a few different types to get your eye in and get a feel for what you need now.

I think it's good that you've been able to rule out very tall horses and rule in slightly smaller types. You are slowly working out what is right for you in terms of size and temperament.

This must be a very painful and emotional time of year for you and I think not rushing to make decisions is absolutely the right thing.

I'm sure the right horse will come along. Horse shopping these days is an absolute minefield and so stressful. I need to replace the mare I lost recently at some point but I just don't have the energy and enthusiasm (or patience!) for it right now.

Lots of luck! Hope you find your new horse soon. 🙂
 

splashgirl45

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thankyou SLH for coming back and telling us what you have been doing. you have had a rough time over the years and i understand (i think) how you are feeling about horses, want versus need. i have had to realise that i now shouldnt ride anything quirky and like you would ride anything when i was younger, but NEED to ride something safe and maybe boring. its a hard thing to come to terms with so i shall start looking again and hope to find mr or mrs perfect for you
 

Lammy

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SLH I do hope you find the horse for you, I think those of us who have the horse of a lifetime or have had them take it for granted sometimes!
Whatever horse it is don’t feel rushed by anyone to buy it, try it more than once and don’t feel too disheartened if something is sold that you like. The right one will come along.
I saw Megs advert on fb, she seems a nice sort!
 

be positive

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SatansLittleHelper

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Those were my thoughts too. Wasnt my sane friend to be fair lol.
I have really fallen for a 16.2 3/4 grey (!!) ID on Facebook. He's being sold by a dealer I have reasonable faith in. He's 5 and hacks alone etc, obviously a little green due to age. He can be a little nervous of new people. BUT there is "something " about him that I fall in love with him all over again every time I see his ad, I have spoken to dealer and got vids. I'd really like some thoughts??

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1662117100762388&id=1391961614444606
 

Hormonal Filly

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Those were my thoughts too. Wasnt my sane friend to be fair lol.
I have really fallen for a 16.2 3/4 grey (!!) ID on Facebook. He's being sold by a dealer I have reasonable faith in. He's 5 and hacks alone etc, obviously a little green due to age. He can be a little nervous of new people. BUT there is "something " about him that I fall in love with him all over again every time I see his ad, I have spoken to dealer and got vids. I'd really like some thoughts??

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1662117100762388&id=1391961614444606

I'd prefer to see a photo of him stood square from the side, there doesn't seem to be any. Can't tell conformation etc.
He looks ok.. really doesn't look 5 to me but then again could be his colouring, I'm no professional. Always remember when a friend bought a 8yr old and turned out it was mid 20's, suppose thats what a vetting is for!

That 16.1 mare is awful, don't view that. Clearly has issues.
 

southerncomfort

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Those were my thoughts too. Wasnt my sane friend to be fair lol.
I have really fallen for a 16.2 3/4 grey (!!) ID on Facebook. He's being sold by a dealer I have reasonable faith in. He's 5 and hacks alone etc, obviously a little green due to age. He can be a little nervous of new people. BUT there is "something " about him that I fall in love with him all over again every time I see his ad, I have spoken to dealer and got vids. I'd really like some thoughts??

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1662117100762388&id=1391961614444606

Too young and too green.....sorry! 🙂

It sounds like his initial backing did not go well if he ended up at a dealers after being backed and was described as nervous when he arrived. Sounds like a long term project.
 

be positive

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Those were my thoughts too. Wasnt my sane friend to be fair lol.
I have really fallen for a 16.2 3/4 grey (!!) ID on Facebook. He's being sold by a dealer I have reasonable faith in. He's 5 and hacks alone etc, obviously a little green due to age. He can be a little nervous of new people. BUT there is "something " about him that I fall in love with him all over again every time I see his ad, I have spoken to dealer and got vids. I'd really like some thoughts??

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1662117100762388&id=1391961614444606

I was a bit concerned it was your same friend.

He is a better type but I would want more info on his nervousness and clarity on what he is like out hacking, they just say 'hacks alone and in company' which does not mean he is good, no mention of traffic either. They have had him a while which is a plus point.
 

SatansLittleHelper

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Thanks folks lol. Southerncomfort that's what sane friend was concerned about...I like him alot but....back to being "sensible ".....
I'm going to see the Clydie this afternoon and should be viewing Meg on Friday with luck.
This had better be the right horse this time because I'm seriously starting to hate horse shopping 😳😳😳😳
 

Hormonal Filly

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Too young and too green.....sorry! 🙂

It sounds like his initial backing did not go well if he ended up at a dealers after being backed and was described as nervous when he arrived. Sounds like a long term project.

Just that I thought after re reading it, who would back a 5yr old then hand over to a dealer? Must be a reason for that i'd guess. Most owners would back with the idea of bringing on.
 

ihatework

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Too young and too green.....sorry! 🙂

It sounds like his initial backing did not go well if he ended up at a dealers after being backed and was described as nervous when he arrived. Sounds like a long term project.

Agree. Looks nice enough and possibly not much wrong that can be righted, but he will likely need someone to ‘produce’ the steady allrounder. We have already come to the conclusion this is not you. This is a ‘want’ horse not a’need’ horse
 

ihatework

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Just that I thought after re reading it, who would back a 5yr old then hand over to a dealer? Must be a reason for that i'd guess. Most owners would back with the idea of bringing on.

Not if it’s come over from Ireland, they buy a batch of just broken with a view to turn around for a profit. Just how it’s done with the lower end of the market
 

Tarragon

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I think that when buying a horses you do need that extra tug on the heart you get when you know there is something about "this" one that clicks with you. Obviously it has to tick the practical boxes too but I wouldn't buy one that ticked all the practical boxes but didn't have that extra!
 
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