Plats in tails

[trottingon]

Look here tottington, I have broken ever fence I have ever owned. Never needed any help in breaking a fence, each one has been done easily within a few days........................................with a big hammer

And did you bash it round the head with a whip whilst breaking it??? I didn't think so. This is the only way you will gain your fence's respect. You clearly need help from less experienced people! Please don't ask me, someone as smug as myself has better things to do.

 

[Littlelegs]

Rhino- we are not mad, or totally bonkers. Your lack of understanding of basic fencemanship is astounding. I can understand not everyone is a fellow of the bfs like myself, but did you not go to barrier club as a child?

 

[piebaldsparkle]

Could anyone give me some feeding advice for my fence?

I have good study good doer post, but quite fine rails. All are just field ornaments and tends to get warped if over fed.

 

[ausipaliboi]

"Also I have never tied a fence down"

Piebaldsparkle - you have clearly never been through a cyclone Someone down the road from me tied their fence down and all I could think was what a twit, that's a bit ott.

After the cyclone though, his fence was still standing whilst mine had laid down (not very quietly) and died RIP fency.

 

[piebaldsparkle]

ausipaliboi fences should be left free and should not be theatered in such a fashion

 

[hairycob]

I'm afraid you are all missing the obvious - the fence has battery ulcers & it's behaviour is a pain response. You need a 4 week course of battery guard (you are insured, aren't you) followed by strict adherence to a low voltage diet. Do not keep moving the fence as this will make it stressed & the ulcers will come back.

 

[OldNag]

You're all missing the obvious. You need to call in a fence communicator.

 

[Littlelegs]

Ollys mum has not commented for about 10hrs now. This is proof that my earlier accusation of trolling must be correct.

 

[OldNag]

Ollys mum has not commented for about 10hrs now. This is proof that my earlier accusation of trolling must be correct.

Ah you must be a troll then, to have come on here and accuse someone else of being a troll... classic diversion tactic. Admit it, game's up!

 

[Ollie's Mum]

Look, I had to wait until Matron had done the rounds before I could get out of bed and anyway I've just become so traumatised by all this that they've had to up my pills. I'm just the victim in all this, you've no idea what I've sacrificed for that fence. Are your fences out in this weather? Yes I thought so well mine is in a shed, a SHED I tell you. And that shed was my 50th birthday present - I didn't get some fancy trip out to a spa or a pamper day, I got a flippin' shed because my fence's needs come before mine.



Nurse! Nurse! Put the screens round...........

 

[Littlelegs]

Piebald sparkle I have feeding advice- you need timbershield conditioner & a full analysis of your soil. Ad lib rain also. Also, please use the search function for recommendations for bfs instructors.
Ollys mum- if your mental health prevents you caring for your fence, you need to find a good full railing yard instead of keeping it at home.

 

[Merrymoles]

Please let me have your fence's passport number - I may have known it when it was still in Ireland.

 

[Littlelegs]

Moleskins mum, are you saying the fence is a paddy & was erected too young? There is no need for racism.

 

[Ceris Comet]

She hasn't just got the one fence, she's got 200 of them and she puts them up on others peoples land when she runs out of her own .

 

[Booboos]

If you don't straighten your back and look up your fence will never amount to much.

 

[Moomin1]

I have a big Mini which is capable of transporting at least 100 posts if that is any help?! I can pop by first thing in the morning and I will 'rescue' every one of them. I haven't got anywhere for them to go yet, but hopefully will be able to bump up enough donations for me to be able to afford at least 2 week's worth of fence care. I haven't thought further than that, but if it goes pear shaped then I will just post another thread on HHO asking every one else to either pay for their upkeep or find new homes for each of them and pray to goodness that nobody ever contacts me again with a sob story about neglected fences. I don't think I have the willpower to refuse.

By the way, are acorns poisonous to fences? My fields are full of them, the horses love snacking on them at lunch time, and I have only ever had ten unexplained deaths amongst them so can't be all that bad!!

 

[Littlelegs]

Moomin1- what a responsible & caring idea! Yes, acorns are fine. I also have some pretty yellow flowers in my field, they come up beautifully every summer. Some fluffy types say they are poisonous, but in my 475 years of experience in fencemanship i've never had a broken fence, so it must be ok.

 

[Moomin1]

Moomin1- what a responsible & caring idea! Yes, acorns are fine. I also have some pretty yellow flowers in my field, they come up beautifully every summer. Some fluffy types say they are poisonous, but in my 475 years of experience in fencemanship i've never had a broken fence, so it must be ok.

Thankyou Littlelegs!!! I devote my entire life to rescuing fences and posts. So much so that I have run out of space now and can't really afford to take anymore posts on. Because I am so caring though, I will NEVER refuse any fence or post which is in need and I will always find a way to squeeze them onto my already fence weary land and scrimp and save in anyway possible. I have already cut back on the less important things such as fire extinguishers and insurance, and as long as members of the public know they can always turn to me to take on their posts I will continue to make all the cut backs necessary to provide these poor posts with a forever home.

At the end of the day, what harm is it? I mean if the worst came to the worst I could just give them all away for free on a forum!!

 

[piebaldsparkle]

Please let me have your fence's passport number - I may have known it when it was still in Ireland.

1000009867543 (Pleasure Fence Passport)- All rather confusing as micro chip links to a fence with a weatherall passport , but that fence is recorded as deceased!!

 

[Littlelegs]

Moomin1- there is never any harm in giving a fence away for free. Older high maintenance fences are always in demand, lots of caring people will take them on. Is your campaign slogan ' we never chop a good fence down'?

 

[Ollie's Mum]

I have a big Mini which is capable of transporting at least 100 posts if that is any help?! I can pop by first thing in the morning and I will 'rescue' every one of them. I haven't got anywhere for them to go yet, but hopefully will be able to bump up enough donations for me to be able to afford at least 2 week's worth of fence care.

Here we go, a whiff of "donations" and all of a sudden it's "oh I can rescue them". Cramming posts in a Mini like that and no mention of partitions. How many more are going to jump on the bandwagon? The fence has had to be taken into protective custody for it's own safety - it's now at a top secret location

 

[ausipaliboi]

Ollies mum. Just because you put a cover over your fences and sat on them doesn't mean you can say they are in a top secret location

I can't believe all these people who are going to rescue these fences in need. Sob. You are such an inspiration.

I have only ever had passing contact with one such fence (the one that is now dead) and we had such a strong connection that I know my fence would want me to carry on. I have a small back yard and honourably offer my services to care for these fences.

My old fence loved this yard and I know it will make all the new fences very happy. The more I can fit in the better cos then they start doing that thing where they all sway from one side to another while making funny demented faces at one another. I think they must be singing kumbaya.

 

[Moomin1]

Here we go, a whiff of "donations" and all of a sudden it's "oh I can rescue them". Cramming posts in a Mini like that and no mention of partitions. How many more are going to jump on the bandwagon? The fence has had to be taken into protective custody for it's own safety - it's now at a top secret location

Why do you HATE me so much?!! You really do have it in for me don't you?! I know, we should just KILL ALL of my fence posts shouldn't we, because that would obviously make all of you horrible lot feel better!

All I have ever wanted is to give my fence posts a happy life and I have never even been on a holiday because I slog my guts out every day for them - creosoting, repositioning, checking for splinters (they do occassionally get these because of the large amount of barbed wire fences in close proximity) and providing all of the local children with posty cuddles in exchange for a mere £35. What have I EVER done to you?!

I can't bear this - I am having a breakdown - and it's all down to YOU!

 

[Ollie's Mum]

Moomin1 get a grip. (Are you the lady with no teeth in the next bed on our ward?)

I won't have anyone else getting any sympathy, it's just not fair. How dare you take attention away from me?

 

[Moomin1]

Moomin1 get a grip. (Are you the lady with no teeth in the next bed on our ward?)

I won't have anyone else getting any sympathy, it's just not fair. How dare you take attention away from me?

Don't bring my teeth into this!! They flew underneath the bed and landed in the pan when they took me for my weekly shower...

 

[Flummoxed]

I have a lorry ................................................... and I can pick up all your fence posts today. Just let me know where from.

Yours Jamie.

 

[Tinsel Trouble]

I have a lorry ................................................... and I can pick up all your fence posts today. Just let me know where from.

Yours Jamie.

ha ha ha ha ha!!! Classic!! this has made my day!!!!

 

[mulledwhine]

Does your fence have a companion? i have an elderly plastic fence post that I can sell to you for £100, a very sad sale, but it is still in constant work, and I am sure it can carry on with it hard work load for many years.

I would keep it, but it wont do what I need, so have traded in for a younger model

 

[Ollie's Mum]

Don't bring my teeth into this!! They flew underneath the bed and landed in the pan when they took me for my weekly shower...

Oh were those your teeth? The man in ward 8 is wearing them now. (Him with the little ginger wig.)

Nice try Jamie - thought you'd get your hands on the posts for free did you?

Mulledwhine I'm afraid you'd need to pay me more than £100 to take on your fence - you were intending to pay me weren't you?

 

[Littlelegs]

Ollies mum. Please get a grip of yourself & your fence. Have you bought matchy matchy nails & rails? No. Have you done joinery up? No. Have you studied fencinelli & played the 7 gates? No. You are making no effort to become a responsible owner, I have no sympathy.