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PapaFrita said:
*puts on teacher voice* These words derive from Spanish; Pony in Spanish is ponio, a coblet, or cobbo is a cob, a horsey is a horse, etc etc. People who use these terms are members of a society similar to the masons; they are called the Bunnyhuggeros. They use these words to identify eachother as TRUE lovers of all equines and using these words immediately makes horses love them more than they love anyone else. Bunnyhuggeros are not required to have any common sense or horse knowledge as long as they cuddle and kiss their ponios every day. Hope this answers your question :) *secret handshake*
Click to expand...

ROFL

"BUNNYHUGGEROS"....that has to be THE word of this thread...PMSL
 
Dear PF

If the tube strike goes ahead next week, I would like to ride my horse into work - will I have to pay congestion charge?

Also, am I better off taking him in the lift, or up the stairs to get him into my office?

Thank you!
confused_commuter
 
PF,

I bought a 16 month old colt yesterday and today I decided to see if he was worth the £10 I spent.
Hacking down the road he began to rear and jump about like a kangaroo.
I know his sire was called "Bouncing Boomer", but seller refused to show me any images.
What do you recommend, I hope he isn't a mutation!

:D
 
Dear PF

Six weeks ago I had a saddle fitter out to my horse. I hadn't used them before, but they came highly recommened by my new back person and vets. They told me that the horse that I have had for ten years and has always worn a saddle that was too big for him, it was a medium wide and was checked every six months by my old saddle fitter who said it was a perfect fit. Horse has never had a sore back or a day off with lameness.

I now have a brand new narrow fitting saddle, which saddle fitter advised I needed a sheepskin pad and prolite under as well. For the last few weeks horse has been pulling horrible faces at me when I girth him up, last week it tried to kick and bite me when I took his saddle in the stable, he also feels really odd to ride, stride feels very short and horse just wont canter, that is when I can get on, he has started to rear up when I take him near the mounting block.

Has horse just turned mardy, should I just show him who is boss and carry on?

thank you,

moremoneythansense
 
Dear PF

I read with interest your insightful and educated replies to the questions of a whole lot of morons yesterday, and I thought that perhaps, if demand for your wisdom became overwhelming, I might be able to offer some advice to these idiots and help ease your burden.

Allow me to introduce myself. I have a horse. He is a good horse and I paid £15,000 for him as a 9 year old because he has amazing show jumping bloodlines but luckily he hasn't ever competed, what a bargain! He has a lovely life. I have him because I enjoy hunting, and he is a very lucky horse because he has a lot of time off. He is on holiday all summer – although sometimes I drag him out of the field to see how high we can jump (4'9 is our best!! If there is no-one to lead him over he stops at the jumps so I beat him a bit, but then if I fall off I give up).
During the hunting season we hunt every 2 weeks, and lucky boy, he has all the time in between off to relax in his nice field. He is clipped out completely because I like him to look smart for hunting, but I don’t like mucking out so he lives out in the field. He is a lucky horse because he has 2 rugs, one for inside and one for outside!
My groom (she reckons she is a livery but I like to remind her of her place by calling her my little groom, winking and once I patted her bottom but she told me where to go! She has such an attitude, I love it!) says I need to get a thicker one and that this one isn’t waterproof any more and has holes in and he gets cold out at night in the winter. But it’s alright for her spending my money, honestly, these horsey girls think they can say anything, cheeky little wenches!
Anyway I always bring him in for a day and a night before we go hunting and hose him completely then put on his other rug, an extra warm stable rug. This is so that his hair will lie flat when we go hunting, because when I bring him in from the field it is often sticking up a bit and doesn’t look so smart. It also means that he stops shivering by the time we go, and it means I can fill him full of food so that he has lots of energy and prances a lot and makes me look like a really good rider, think John Wayne! It makes the ladies swoon, and everyone wishes they could ride like me!
The day before a hunt I give him barley rings, competition mix and sugar beet which I sometimes forget to soak. He’s a good boy though, and never complains. People say he needs fibre but I think they pamper their horses too much. He has hay, and I usually pick out the mouldy bits I can see. Sometimes one small haynet will last him weeks! What a good boy.
Sometimes he can be very strong which I don’t like as much as the prancing so I ride him in a myler combination bit which means I can really lean on the reins to balance and this pulls his nose into in chest and makes him (and me!) look even more handsome. He did have a bit of a rotational fall at a hedge last year riding like this – what a silly boy! At least it taught him not to do that again!
Because I look after him so well and don’t treat him in a namby pamby way he has never been lame! The only problem he has sometimes is that when we are hunting he can get a bit of a nosebleed, from both of his nostrils, and then – really annoyingly – the master normally sends me home. It makes me so cross! All 4 times it has happened he’s been fine when we’ve got home! I’ve even taken him for a gallop up the road to check! And nothing! Bah! I didn’t realise even hunting folk could be so full of nonsense!
My groom has 2 ex-racehorses – cheap rubbish – and they seem to keep getting injured. I think it’s in her head because she enjoys mucking out and having them on box rest. She was really cross when I temporarily borrowed her electric fence for my chickens – for godsakes, why so possessive! And just because it was separating her horse from mine she now says my horse has kicked hers (she says that’s why they were separated, I think she just likes making work for herself) and now the horse has a broken leg – poppycock! My horse would NEVER kick another one, he’s a good boy! Anyway, I think that she’s just a bit of a scaredy cat and needs to stop mollycoddling him and get on and ride him! Like all women riders she likes mucking out and brushing tails more than actually galloping over country! She does silly posh stuff with her horses like dressage and eventing anyway which everyone knows is a waste of time.
I can’t understand it! Anyway, when I said that the horse with a so-called broken leg would be better off dead anyway, and that she should get herself a nice hardy horse like mine, she didn’t seem to like it. Perhaps you could explain why, dear PF?

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. It’s the opening meet tomorrow so I’d better go and shove some more M&S flapjacks down my horse’s gullet, what a lovely idea, thank you!

Yours,
Jammychauvinistsexpest
 
papafrita said:
*puts on teacher voice* these words derive from spanish; pony in spanish is ponio, a coblet, or cobbo is a cob, a horsey is a horse, etc etc. People who use these terms are members of a society similar to the masons; they are called the bunnyhuggeros. They use these words to identify eachother as true lovers of all equines and using these words immediately makes horses love them more than they love anyone else. Bunnyhuggeros are not required to have any common sense or horse knowledge as long as they cuddle and kiss their ponios every day. Hope this answers your question :) *secret handshake*
Click to expand...

:d :dpriceless :d :d
 
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PapaFrita said:
"Dear PF
My mare rushes fences with her head in the air. The fences are about 20cms. She's been like this for 4 years (was like this with her previous owner) and her only speed is warp. What can I do to slow her down? Can I use draw-reins? I've been riding for 2 weeks and can almost do rising trot.

Speeddemon"

Dear Speeddemon
Yes, definitely use draw reins and also the strongest bit you can find; a pelham with just one rein (bottom ring!) should do the trick. If you can put it on upside down, it's even more effective. Don't forget to strap her mouth shut with a flash or grakle, fitted just above the nostrils and use a standing martingale. Attach the martingale to the flash (bottom strap) for maximum effect.
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PF if you're going to offer someone advice, at least make it proper advice. In this situation Speeddemon should ride totally off the draw reins (bottom ring!) and not bother with "normal" reins! :D:D
 
Gosh, I'm learning soooo much on here! Here's a tip for you peeps; leave the tack on overnight before hunting or a show as it saves time getting ready in the morning. If you cover it with a king size duvet and a nice thick over-rug to keep it all in place, the horse washes itself clean overnight! Don't give them any feed after putting the bridle on as it gets the bit dirty and you don't get the lean, fit 'hunter look' quite so well.
 
PapaFrita said:
Remember a pony is not just for Christmas so you must keep it until the New Year. Yes, you can keep in a field or even in a small garden. You can feed bread as long as it's wholemeal or at least a bit brown. I'm glad you've got a saddal (please spell it correctly) and bridal; as long as you like the colour, it'll be fine. Make sure it's comfortable though!! You should a Welsh section A for your kids or failing that, a lipizzaner (they always come in white)
Click to expand...


Deer PF,

y carnt pepul on dis fourum spel???? Evrywon nose u spel it saddull n brydull. R u fik or sumit????

urs

ill-it-eer-rut
 
SusannaF said:
This is really great news! I just started up a registry for Coffee-table-loosas because it's a new breed from America based on ancient bloodlines which can be traced all the way back to the Spanish Conquest of Indonesia! The horses are all 8hh, four foot wide and spotted or brindled and must be able to have a full set of coffee cups, side plates, a coffee pot, a cow creamer and a cake stand set on their backs on doilys AND a freshly ironed table cloth. Then they must do reining patterns. The coffee-table-loosa is a working horse, not just a show horse, and their pedigrees have been recorded orally by wandering cowboys for thousands of years.
Tell your friend it only costs £493 to register with the European Coffee-table-loosa Society, and for that she'll get a passport and a laminated doily.
Click to expand...
That's great! And a bargain!! As you are aware it's always a very good idea to have your horse registered as it makes them worth double! I have mine regsitered with the Buzzy Bay Bint society (also accepts mare AND geldings of a more placid disposition) and the Little Cigar with the Looks Like a Llama but it Neighs So We'll Call it a Horse Society :)
 
LadyRascasse said:
Dearest PF

the lame gelding i mentioned last night, is a tiny bit on the *hem* larger side! but he loves his food and i couldn't bear for poor joey-woey not to have his breakfast/brunch/elevenis/lunch/afternoon tea/dinner and supper. what should i do to help him lose his spare tyre??

yours

idon'toverfeedidon't!
Click to expand...

You musn't deprive poor Joey-woey of any meals as this will make him depressed and hate you. I'm afraid you'll just have to invest in liposuction and then in my soon-to-be-released DVD set (£8900) Think Your Horse Thin. With the power of your mind you will be able to make your horse lose any excessive pounds. You won't get to HOYS though.
 
dEar PF,
hope you can help. wE r a familey of 5(wife and 3 lovley but large kids). wE wonted to find a horse 4 me and my wife 2 ride and the kids to feed polos and carrots all weekends and holidays by hand so it got frienley wiv us. wE went to a dealer pimpmyhorse.com i think it was. vEry nice man who had all 6 of his horses in a mickanical round pen 4 when we arrived(think he called it a bob o walker. wE pick out one he called F B think it was short for flippin beautie. hE waz so kind that he lunjed it for a least 1/2 an hour so we could realley sea it move. i Decided to ride it as i had the most expearience(used to ride donkies on skeggie beach all through summer holidays when i was a kid). iT was very sweaty when i got on him so only did a medium walk on a loose rain. wE asked the kind man how much he said £8000 4 cash but that wud go up next week as it wud be more better schooled. wE did not have F B vetted as so expensive(£80 2 put the dog down coz we were getting a horse) any way my wife has read 2 books about horses so she new wot we were lookin 4.
i Now need some answers if you can help
1. F B chews the door and sucks in air. sHall i put chilli sauce on top of the door?
2. he moves his head from side 2 side. tHe man sed he did this at feed times but he seems to do it all the time now. dO i stand at 1 side of his box and clout him when his head cums my way?
3. He has like a wart near his ear, the nice man said it was like a teen age spot and wud go but it has got bigger. sHall i get 1 of my dawters hare bobbels and put it round tite so the bllod dus not get 2 it?
4. when i try 2 hack him F B only goes about 500 yards then wants 2 cum back home also he is fritened in traffic. i have a mate with an artic lorry shall i tie him to it and get hime to pull next to it and how long shud it take to get used to it 2,3,4 hours?
5.i bought a do ally head coller off ebaythe one with heavy buckle, i thought i could ride him in it as well so i wud not have 2 go in to the exspence of buying 1 of those metal things to go in his mouth but he is nervous when i go to put it on.shud i show him that i am an alfa-A male and crack him with the buckel end before i try it on?
6. when my sun(6 year old) goes in the stabul F B tries to kick him. do i get Kevin to kick him first so he knows not to do it?
7. i like the idea of the bannana stick. do i waft it round head or do i get my wife to ram it up his ar** to make him respond to my aids?
8. with the price of hay i have been feeding grass cuttings(not that daft,have limited him to 6 scoops a day) along side his competion mix. is this enough or cud i give him more?

please send me the box set of dvd's as am stuck 4 xmas pressies for my wife and kids
kind regrets your beloved new disciple Wayne John Smiths :)
 
PapaFrita said:
That's great! And a bargain!! As you are aware it's always a very good idea to have your horse registered as it makes them worth double! I have mine regsitered with the Buzzy Bay Bint society (also accepts mare AND geldings of a more placid disposition) and the Little Cigar with the Looks Like a Llama but it Neighs So We'll Call it a Horse Society :)
Click to expand...

Don't forget to tick the box which says "I want my horse to do stallion testing". If your horse passes the test, you can stand it at stud and he can have at least a hundred foals a year. The stallion test is multiple choice, so not too hard for your horse.
 
emmandandy said:
Dear PF

If the tube strike goes ahead next week, I would like to ride my horse into work - will I have to pay congestion charge?

Also, am I better off taking him in the lift, or up the stairs to get him into my office?

Thank you!
confused_commuter
Click to expand...

Nope, you won't have to pay the congestion charge but if he farts in the Low Emissions Zone you could be fined so I suggest a large cork! Good luck!! :)
Oh sorry, forgot to say that you should probably park him in the foyer in case he tries to use the photocopier to photocopy his bum.
 
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Trotting said:
PF,

I bought a 16 month old colt yesterday and today I decided to see if he was worth the £10 I spent.
Hacking down the road he began to rear and jump about like a kangaroo.
I know his sire was called "Bouncing Boomer", but seller refused to show me any images.
What do you recommend, I hope he isn't a mutation!

:D
Click to expand...
Whilst horse-kangaroo mutations are very rare, they DO make very good jumpers so if you've got one of those you'll be on your way to the Olympics in no time at all!! If you shout "Joey!" and he looks round... you're in the money!!
 
Dear PF

I am having trouble with my horse, he is 17.3 and I am 4ft 9. He is very bad tempered in the stable and keeps biting me which really really hurts. I tried some inhand stuff but that did not really work so I thought it would be a good idea to give him some more work to do so I have started to pessoa him and he is brilliant at it, however I thought I would also ride him and he was very good to tack up but when I got on he turned into a bucking bronco!

I have had his back, teeth and saddle checked.

I cannot turn him out as he is too big for the other horses but he does not seem to mind as he has never been turned out with others.

I cannot understand why he is being like this, he was such a lovely foal and we would spend hours playing in the field, mock fighting when he was little:confused:

Should I try a calmer?

He turned 2 this year and I am at my wits end, please help!

Yours in anticipation


Lonelybraincell





This would be funny but it was a genuine question asked of me, person concerned wanted advice :eek:
 
PapaFrita said:
Nope, you won't have to pay the congestion charge but if he farts in the Low Emissions Zone you could be fined so I suggest a large cork! Good luck!! :)
Oh sorry, forgot to say that you should probably park him in the foyer in case he tries to use the photocopier to photocopy his bum.
Click to expand...

There's been talk of ride-your-ned-to-work scheme. I heard hay farts are cheaper than grass farts - check the tariff...
 
Dear PF

I have just bought my daughter a pony for Christmas. I think its a looker and has great breeding potential!

503x.jpg


At the moment it is in the conservatory at Nanny and Grandads house. They are a bit worried as it is lying down a lot.

Should they have given it water?

Also, daughter is 7 and want's to ride at Badminton. Will she have to pay as she is a minor? We are sure the pony is capable-if it gets up again-as it jumped over the sofa to get away from the dog.

Yours

PushyPonyClubMum
 
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lostmymarbles said:
Dear PF

Six weeks ago I had a saddle fitter out to my horse. I hadn't used them before, but they came highly recommened by my new back person and vets. They told me that the horse that I have had for ten years and has always worn a saddle that was too big for him, it was a medium wide and was checked every six months by my old saddle fitter who said it was a perfect fit. Horse has never had a sore back or a day off with lameness.

I now have a brand new narrow fitting saddle, which saddle fitter advised I needed a sheepskin pad and prolite under as well. For the last few weeks horse has been pulling horrible faces at me when I girth him up, last week it tried to kick and bite me when I took his saddle in the stable, he also feels really odd to ride, stride feels very short and horse just wont canter, that is when I can get on, he has started to rear up when I take him near the mounting block.

Has horse just turned mardy, should I just show him who is boss and carry on?

thank you,

moremoneythansense
Click to expand...
Dear moremoneythansense
Honestly I think your horse is being difficult; after all, you've spent loads of cash on a new saddle and sheepskin pad plus the prolite pad to make the saddle comfortable, what more does he expect?? I think the way forward is to communicate with him through an equine psychic; You can then give him a proper telling off and tell him to pull his socks up or you'll send him to the glue factory. Good luck!
 
my pony is 21 years old and I have never jumped him. A lady on my yard says that all ponys will know how to jump upright and spread fences and as he is a welsh cob I should not that he is able to jump 5 foot by 5 foot by now*. So why did he refuse to jump when i tried to do this height last night last night?

*this was said to me as a genuine piece of advice...
 
scatty_mare said:
Dear PF

I read with interest your insightful and educated replies to the questions of a whole lot of morons yesterday, and I thought that perhaps, if demand for your wisdom became overwhelming, I might be able to offer some advice to these idiots and help ease your burden.

Allow me to introduce myself. I have a horse. He is a good horse and I paid £15,000 for him as a 9 year old because he has amazing show jumping bloodlines but luckily he hasn't ever competed, what a bargain! He has a lovely life. I have him because I enjoy hunting, and he is a very lucky horse because he has a lot of time off. He is on holiday all summer – although sometimes I drag him out of the field to see how high we can jump (4'9 is our best!! If there is no-one to lead him over he stops at the jumps so I beat him a bit, but then if I fall off I give up).
During the hunting season we hunt every 2 weeks, and lucky boy, he has all the time in between off to relax in his nice field. He is clipped out completely because I like him to look smart for hunting, but I don’t like mucking out so he lives out in the field. He is a lucky horse because he has 2 rugs, one for inside and one for outside!
My groom (she reckons she is a livery but I like to remind her of her place by calling her my little groom, winking and once I patted her bottom but she told me where to go! She has such an attitude, I love it!) says I need to get a thicker one and that this one isn’t waterproof any more and has holes in and he gets cold out at night in the winter. But it’s alright for her spending my money, honestly, these horsey girls think they can say anything, cheeky little wenches!
Anyway I always bring him in for a day and a night before we go hunting and hose him completely then put on his other rug, an extra warm stable rug. This is so that his hair will lie flat when we go hunting, because when I bring him in from the field it is often sticking up a bit and doesn’t look so smart. It also means that he stops shivering by the time we go, and it means I can fill him full of food so that he has lots of energy and prances a lot and makes me look like a really good rider, think John Wayne! It makes the ladies swoon, and everyone wishes they could ride like me!
The day before a hunt I give him barley rings, competition mix and sugar beet which I sometimes forget to soak. He’s a good boy though, and never complains. People say he needs fibre but I think they pamper their horses too much. He has hay, and I usually pick out the mouldy bits I can see. Sometimes one small haynet will last him weeks! What a good boy.
Sometimes he can be very strong which I don’t like as much as the prancing so I ride him in a myler combination bit which means I can really lean on the reins to balance and this pulls his nose into in chest and makes him (and me!) look even more handsome. He did have a bit of a rotational fall at a hedge last year riding like this – what a silly boy! At least it taught him not to do that again!
Because I look after him so well and don’t treat him in a namby pamby way he has never been lame! The only problem he has sometimes is that when we are hunting he can get a bit of a nosebleed, from both of his nostrils, and then – really annoyingly – the master normally sends me home. It makes me so cross! All 4 times it has happened he’s been fine when we’ve got home! I’ve even taken him for a gallop up the road to check! And nothing! Bah! I didn’t realise even hunting folk could be so full of nonsense!
My groom has 2 ex-racehorses – cheap rubbish – and they seem to keep getting injured. I think it’s in her head because she enjoys mucking out and having them on box rest. She was really cross when I temporarily borrowed her electric fence for my chickens – for godsakes, why so possessive! And just because it was separating her horse from mine she now says my horse has kicked hers (she says that’s why they were separated, I think she just likes making work for herself) and now the horse has a broken leg – poppycock! My horse would NEVER kick another one, he’s a good boy! Anyway, I think that she’s just a bit of a scaredy cat and needs to stop mollycoddling him and get on and ride him! Like all women riders she likes mucking out and brushing tails more than actually galloping over country! She does silly posh stuff with her horses like dressage and eventing anyway which everyone knows is a waste of time.
I can’t understand it! Anyway, when I said that the horse with a so-called broken leg would be better off dead anyway, and that she should get herself a nice hardy horse like mine, she didn’t seem to like it. Perhaps you could explain why, dear PF?

Anyway, enough of my ramblings. It’s the opening meet tomorrow so I’d better go and shove some more M&S flapjacks down my horse’s gullet, what a lovely idea, thank you!

Yours,
Jammychauvinistsexpest
Click to expand...

You are clearly a very experienced horse owner with only your ponio's best interests at heart. Would you like to join my team ofr experts at Huggly Horsemanship?
 
brighteyes said:
Gosh, I'm learning soooo much on here! Here's a tip for you peeps; leave the tack on overnight before hunting or a show as it saves time getting ready in the morning. If you cover it with a king size duvet and a nice thick over-rug to keep it all in place, the horse washes itself clean overnight! Don't give them any feed after putting the bridle on as it gets the bit dirty and you don't get the lean, fit 'hunter look' quite so well.
Click to expand...

What a fantastic tip! Well done you make me so proud! *chokes back a tear*
 
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