brighteyes
Pooh-Bah
Maybe the difference is I got past the sticky bits and ended up with best friends in and out of the saddle who I've loved beyond everything. I struggle to remember the awful bits!
Would you consider buying this horse?
- Thread starter Ellietotz
- Start date
windand rain
Well-Known Member
I am a cynic but as the sharers dont want to lose him could this be a bit of sabotage going on. If you feel better on a smaller horse or your nerve will stop you getting on with him then back out but he did sound ideal. I honestly think you need to try him every day until the vetting and then decide
Ellietotz
Well-Known Member
Probably why I spent thousands and would go to the ends of the earth for my mare. When I saw those snippets of him being a big riggy with her, I instantly knew that I would rather not ride again than have her get hurt. She is my absolute world and tried everything I could do make her right even if she did scare me at times.
I also really fell for him and when we got back, he was calm again and the sweetest boy. I don't want to give up but how much effort do you put in for a horse that isn't yours yet before you decide if it's worth it or not?
Rowreach
Adjusting my sails
I have been following but haven't commented before.
I never thought you sounded convinced about him, and that's fair enough, but on several occasions now that you have told us about, it seems like the match definitely isn't there.
I imagine the owner is now panicking about selling him to you in case it all goes pear shape, which is why she just wants to have him back and forget it. In her situation, I wouldn't even be giving you the choice, tbh.
I never thought you sounded convinced about him, and that's fair enough, but on several occasions now that you have told us about, it seems like the match definitely isn't there.
I imagine the owner is now panicking about selling him to you in case it all goes pear shape, which is why she just wants to have him back and forget it. In her situation, I wouldn't even be giving you the choice, tbh.
Ellietotz
Well-Known Member
The sharer that I'm friends with doesn't ride this one and she is really level headed and genuine. The owner on the other hand is very much all over the place so I 100% trust the sharer in this instance. We both know how the owner can be.
I will give him another go tonight but it seems he is unsettled and I can't understand why. He was fine up until yesterday.
brighteyes
Pooh-Bah
Your subconscious. They can feel it and he probably might have settled faster had you not felt so anxious once he started. When mine does anything I take a moment to let him process his worry, take charge if he is taking the p or laugh if he is just in high spirits. You need to want to get this far into the relationship.
Ellietotz
Well-Known Member
That's a bit unkind and also not the case. She is desperate for him to come to me and keeps telling me so.
Rowreach
Adjusting my sails
I'm not trying to be unkind, I am trying to be honest and save you and the horse a lot of hassle.
I don't think you are ready for a horse that is going to be anything other than 100% foot perfect with what you want him/her to do, and also be fine in your field with your mare.
There is no shame in having an issue with confidence, I defy anyone to say it's never happened to them, it's certainly happened to me. I've been involved professionally with horses for decades, but I wouldn't be riding now if I didn't have the particular mare I bought last year. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.
The reason I didn't comment before is because I knew you wouldn't want to hear it, and I was right.
Ellietotz
Well-Known Member
It's not the rest of what you said that I found unkind as I'm appreciating what everyone has said on here. It's the part where you said you wouldn't be giving me a choice which just didn't need to be said. So no, you weren't right about me not wanting to hear anything as I've been grateful for what everyone has said in terms of the horse itself for me. I don't need your opinion on if you were the owner.
Mrs. Jingle
Well-Known Member
Ellietotz in defense of this comment by Rowreach I do agree with her and I think you are perhaps reading it as a criticism directed at you.
I dont think it is, I might be wrong, but I read it as my own thoughts, if I were the owner based on your quickly changing day by day of if you want him definitely or not (who knows she may even be on here reading for herself) and if it were my horse, that presumably she knows him inside out. I would be thinking you are not the right person for my horse and stopping the deal and possibly start offering him elsewhere for the sake of her horse's future. That has to be her first consideration as it is for most of us on here when selling a horse.
I do feel for you but sometimes what we want and what we need we really don't know because we have become so bogged down in questioning every minor detail and I would not want that big 'IF' over my horse's head for its future security.
Edit just to say - Apologies Rowreach for making assumptions and responding to your comment to OP!
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splashgirl45
Lurcher lover
i think you need to keep riding him out and if he is unsettled before you ride, lunge him for 10 mins or so ,then you know he has had time to settle before you get on. when i bought my mare i was 55 and very confident, always had hot lively horses and would get on anything... after having a few very scary rides on her i started to lose my confidence so i lunged her each time i rode so i could relax more knowing that she had got her leaps and bucks out of the way. i did still find her scary sometimes so i rode with a martingale and i would hold it if i felt she was going to spin or leap around, theres no shame in having a neck strap to give you a bit more confidence. i lost her when i was 70 and she was 25, my loan horse was safe but i still had lack of confidence for about 6 months until i realised that she wasnt going to do the things my mare did. it can happen to anyone and you have 2 choices, either decide you will have this horse and you are prepared to work through your fears or give him back to the owner and work on your confidence before thinking about buying another. i think you are unlikely to find something else who doesnt go through settling in problems so you need to bear that in mind as well.. you didnt come off him, he just got a bit excited, he may never do that again, you need to think very hard before you decide, hope this helps a bit..
brighteyes
Pooh-Bah
I loaned my gelding to someone and he displayed this behaviour to an in season mare. My own gelding was like this with my in-season mare and I loaned a mare who provoked her loaner's resident gelding to pester her. All these situations were transient and inconsequential. You sound very all over the place and not 'this'll work out'.
milliepops
Wears headscarf aggressively
don't know if I've understood your comment correctly but the bold bit above spoke to me... OP you have been talking yourself out of this purchase from the start and the way you talk about this gelding is with distance between you, e.g. "give him another chance" etc.
I think the only way this would work is for you to buy into HIM as he is, and change YOU rather than hope that he will morph into the ideal horse shaped gap you have in your head. He is who he is, largely (they do change a bit but at that age some things are established) and you either think he's a good bet and therefore figure out how to deal with any not-perfect bits, or you think he's not really what you want after all and walk away.
I understand your anxieties after the issues with your mare and so i think you're probably not ready to just jump in with both feet with this horse.
brighteyes
Pooh-Bah
If that was to me, nope, that's the relevant bit - with infill in another reply about the rubbish I worked through because I was very invested in them all. From day one. I never ever thought - mistake. Not once.
milliepops
Wears headscarf aggressively
yeah same. Each new horse I've acquired has arrived and then there has been a settling in period where we've uncovered little problems or things may have gone wrong etc. but the way I have always looked at it is, well, you're my horse now so we will figure it out together and get help to do so if necessary. it's the only way really otherwise you just end up more and more miserable. or sell them on to someone who is a better fit.
brighteyes
Pooh-Bah
In the current market an easy thing. But the seller might be a bit fed up!
Pearlsacarolsinger
Up in the clouds
OP, I think you really need to decide what you want from a horse temperament wise. Originally you said you thought he might be too boring for you, now he has shown you that you will need to ride him through stuff, you are thinking that he might be too sharp. You honestly won't be able to find a horse that is the paragon that you seem to have in your head. I have had several horses that have been 'bombproof' hacks but they were never going to be world-beaters in any competitive sphere, you really can't have everything in one horse.
Ellietotz
Well-Known Member
The owner definitely won't be on here and she isn't aware of my thoughts on him. She just keeps telling me that she hopes I have him and she has said she is worried about the vetting because she doesn't want it to fail and me not buy him.
Is having lots of questions and potential concerns not the point of a trial though?
Ellietotz
Well-Known Member
I'm not a positive kind of person lol!
milliepops
Wears headscarf aggressively
ordinarily you'd only trial a horse you were pretty committed to though. rather than use the trial to decide if you liked it.
Ellietotz
Well-Known Member
That would be how I would feel if I had already bought him yes, we would work through it. It's just the trial of it and the decision making.
I just need to get out of my head that he is going to do something like my mare did. When he took off yesterday, I wouldn't have been scared if I didn't keep thinking that he was going to slam on the brakes and spin like she did. I'd be willing to take it slow with him to build up this trust. I still have a week with him and I will take him out as much as I can before making the final decision.
Ellietotz
Well-Known Member
I had fallen for him already so the trial was to see if he would be okay with my mare.
Reacher
Well-Known Member
If you have a few days left on your trial I would ride him some more, bearing in mind he has had very little time settling in, if possible with someone to “hold your hand” and see how you feel before the day of the vetting.
Bellaboo18
Well-Known Member
'He is unsettled this morning so not quite sure what is going on?'
I imagine not having his usual companion and now on individual turnout has unsettled him alot.
I imagine not having his usual companion and now on individual turnout has unsettled him alot.
Ellietotz
Well-Known Member
He has been absolutely fine for the last 4 days and not cared at all so I mean why more so now.
Mrs. Jingle
Well-Known Member
Fair enough - good luck with whatever you decide.
Casey76
Well-Known Member
My amazing first horse, Pinto, was very similar to your new guy. I was an extremely nervous first-time owner with severe PTSD after a riding acciden, and although I was competent enough on school horses, getting my first private horse was an eye opening experience.
I didn’t canter him for 6 months (actually i didn’t canter Tartine for 6 months either ?). It took time for him to settle into a new routine, after being stuck in someone’s back garden for 8 years, he was now in a different environment. He loved hacking, and solo he was an angel, though he had definite ideas of what pace he should be going, and it took a long time for him to realise he could walk along certain paths. He never calmed down in a group though, and even after 8 years I was never comfortable hacking in a group (more than 2 others) because he *had* to be at the front and would pull like a train until he got there, and then he completely chilled out. But because he wasn’t the fastest in the world (being a 14.3 cob), if we were trotting or cantering in a group he became a nightmare. So I just didn’t do it.
Pinto didn’t like schooling, I didn’t like hacking; however over time Pinto tolerated schooling, and I learned to enjoy (solo) hacking. I learned to laugh at his spooking as silly things, because he only ever spooked when I was confident.
I was a much more confident rider when I bought Tartine, as soon as I bought her my confidence completely disappeared. She was much, much more sensitive than i had anticipated, and she spooked at everything, which included 180 pirouettes, levitating to the side and running away. But as soon as I saw her I knew she was for me, we worked through our issues - over time. We’ve definitely had ups and downs along the way, but that is just life.
Anyway... the point of this yarning is basically to say - no horse is foot perfect from day 1; you need to learn each other, your quirks and foibles. There is only so much you can change about their inherent personality. I think you either click first time or you don’t.
I didn’t canter him for 6 months (actually i didn’t canter Tartine for 6 months either ?). It took time for him to settle into a new routine, after being stuck in someone’s back garden for 8 years, he was now in a different environment. He loved hacking, and solo he was an angel, though he had definite ideas of what pace he should be going, and it took a long time for him to realise he could walk along certain paths. He never calmed down in a group though, and even after 8 years I was never comfortable hacking in a group (more than 2 others) because he *had* to be at the front and would pull like a train until he got there, and then he completely chilled out. But because he wasn’t the fastest in the world (being a 14.3 cob), if we were trotting or cantering in a group he became a nightmare. So I just didn’t do it.
Pinto didn’t like schooling, I didn’t like hacking; however over time Pinto tolerated schooling, and I learned to enjoy (solo) hacking. I learned to laugh at his spooking as silly things, because he only ever spooked when I was confident.
I was a much more confident rider when I bought Tartine, as soon as I bought her my confidence completely disappeared. She was much, much more sensitive than i had anticipated, and she spooked at everything, which included 180 pirouettes, levitating to the side and running away. But as soon as I saw her I knew she was for me, we worked through our issues - over time. We’ve definitely had ups and downs along the way, but that is just life.
Anyway... the point of this yarning is basically to say - no horse is foot perfect from day 1; you need to learn each other, your quirks and foibles. There is only so much you can change about their inherent personality. I think you either click first time or you don’t.
Lexi_
Well-Known Member
Hope you don’t mind me chiming in with my thoughts, OP.
The gist I’ve got from this thread is that you had a trial ride on him and felt super safe, then one where he was massively hard work and you didn’t like him, then he was very rude on the ground, then he was nice to ride again, then he was a bit lively towards your mare, then he was a bit out of control on a hack? Apologies if I’m missing bits! I guess I’d just encourage you to focus on what you really want and be a bit objective about whether he can give you that, because I'm reading a lot more negatives than positives in your posts.
The gist I’ve got from this thread is that you had a trial ride on him and felt super safe, then one where he was massively hard work and you didn’t like him, then he was very rude on the ground, then he was nice to ride again, then he was a bit lively towards your mare, then he was a bit out of control on a hack? Apologies if I’m missing bits! I guess I’d just encourage you to focus on what you really want and be a bit objective about whether he can give you that, because I'm reading a lot more negatives than positives in your posts.
SpotsandBays
Well-Known Member
What’s he like if you ride him in the arena with other horses working in there too?
Pearlsacarolsinger
Up in the clouds
Because your mare has nowleft him and gone off to do her own thing.