Has bullying on yards got worse or better in people’s opinion?

[Goldenstar]

You are completely right. There is most definitely bullying on here. If this forum was a yard there would be mayhem.

The forum is about opinions its why it exists .
A yard is a place where people keep horses they don’t necessarily have any relationship outside that . People will want to use a yard in different ways .
I am curious why it’s ok to be pejorative about people who use livery differently to how you do, we have seen it on this thread in relation to people who spend a lot of time on the yard how on earth is it ok to suggest this is wrong .
You might be a ride and go person but if someone likes to spend time hanging out there ,why’s that wrong ?
I also think the use of the word bullying is over used and I think this a problem and bad manners , insensitivity and even directness get called bullhing.

I think good yards have good yard owners or managers .

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

I saw some very interesting passive aggression with tying up horses in barn corridors this year. On a couple of occasions, cross tying across the aisle and blocking it unless unclipped, one of those when there was an empty tying up bay not 10 feet away. It's very, very dominant behaviour, either completely unthinking or designed to keep others "in their place" by making them beg to get out of their own stabling. The cross tying owner blocking my way out of the barn unless I asked them to unclip and move their horse seemed quite disappointed when I led my horse out the bottom through an obstacle course of farm machinery that he didn't give two hoots about. Current stable has a "no horses tied up outside the box" policy which stops that behaviour dead in its tracks. A good set of rules, uniformly applied, are in every reasonable person's interests in a livery yard.
.

I worked on a yard that didn't allow horses tied up outside it really works and stops all that manipulation and arguments that it seems to cause.

 

[Sandstone1]

Not everyone is going to get along, it would be absurd to expect it. ? As you get older though I think your bullcrap radar goes crazy. I also think things are so different now. Influence etc from social media etc, keeping up with the other kids. When I was a child, we used to get dropped off at the yard on a Saturday morning and picked up on a sunday night having slept in the lorry all weekend lol. It was great.. we all loved it and I am still friends with all those girls. Only one of them has a horse now and she only just got back into it last year. One sadly passed away and she had her horse too at the same yard as me. He went to a retirement a few months after she died. There is no way of doing that kind of thing now.

You are right about the Bull crap radar.

 

[stangs]

Even on this forum I have felt some people have very strong views and don't listen to, or respect, other people's way of thinking, or beliefs. I have read some really cruel, critical, personal comments which have led to members actually leaving, and i have only been a member for a year, this is bullying. A good respectful debate is completely different.

Is it really bullying though? Admittedly, there are strong opinions on here and, if you’re disagreeing with the majority, there does tend to be a pile on of critical comments, but a bit of unpleasantness on one thread every once in a while doesn’t equal bullying. It’s very rare that a personal insult is made, and, when it is, people on both sides of the argument are usually good about shutting that talk down.

Compared to other fora I’ve been on, this is by far the best for respectful debate.

 

[Goldenstar]

It’s not bullying to fail to respect others views there’s loads of commonly expressed views on here I have no respect for, it’s how and if I express that disagreement that matters .

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

I would say there was bullying on this forum. However I would also say that some people bring the harsh criticism on themselves by over sharing, making up stories, making it about them and a constant need for attention.

Swings and roundabouts ??‍

 

[luckyoldme]

I don't get why folk seem so put out about folk sitting around drinking coffee all day or 'having nothing better to do "
That's my ambition. ?

 

[DressageCob]

2 years on since this thread originally appeared. There's still no bullying on my yard. It's a lovely place to be.

 

[scats]

I have no problem with people who have nothing better to do than to spend all day at the yard (fantastic if they can, that’s a lot of peoples ultimate goal) but my experience from a very large yard over a couple of decades were that it did tend to be these people who were in the thick of every drama, argument or fight. It was a bit of a standing joke among everyone else. You’d hear there had been a drama and you could instantly list a bunch of names and, sure enough, they were involved in some way.

 

[Birker2020]

Is it really bullying though? Admittedly, there are strong opinions on here and, if you’re disagreeing with the majority, there does tend to be a pile on of critical comments, but a bit of unpleasantness on one thread every once in a while doesn’t equal bullying. It’s very rare that a personal insult is made, and, when it is, people on both sides of the argument are usually good about shutting that talk down.

Compared to other fora I’ve been on, this is by far the best for respectful debate.

I think you are being incredibly naive. And I don't mean that unkindly. There is a distinct undertone and undercurrent if that is the right word. And I think being accused of being a racist was despicable, think how you'd feel if that was said to you, I can't understand why admin didn't do anything when it was reported to them by at least two people. I was going to take it further, but you know what, it just makes me as bad as them and I can't be doing with all the stress.

 

[Goldenstar]

I have no problem with people who have nothing better to do than to spend all day at the yard (fantastic if they can, that’s a lot of peoples ultimate goal) but my experience from a very large yard over a couple of decades were that it did tend to be these people who were in the thick of every drama, argument or fight. It was a bit of a standing joke among everyone else. You’d hear there had been a drama and you could instantly list a bunch of names and, sure enough, they were involved in some way.

Some people like to express themselves in strange ways we can’t make others conform to our norm .On yard it’s best to accept it’s a drawn together group of people buying a service and that by definition is difficult .
My experience is DIY yards are by far the most difficult in this respect so much room for different types and standards of horse care .

 

[Barton Bounty]

I have no problem with people who have nothing better to do than to spend all day at the yard (fantastic if they can, that’s a lot of peoples ultimate goal) but my experience from a very large yard over a couple of decades were that it did tend to be these people who were in the thick of every drama, argument or fight. It was a bit of a standing joke among everyone else. You’d hear there had been a drama and you could instantly list a bunch of names and, sure enough, they were involved in some way.

Me either, the girls liked to sit and drink coffee, and that is fair enough but I like to ride my horse too, and often we would be sitting and sitting then they would be like ‘I can’t be bothered riding now’ ? So I would just try to ride and do my stuff first before sitting about, good to have banter with the girls too ? our yard was separated into 5 small yard areas so just 4/5 of us to contend with at a time ?

 

[luckyoldme]

I loved the last place I was at.
It was a small holding and the owner viewed livery as a bit of pocket money.
There were five horses and four owners with never a cross word. There was a lot of helping each other out and it was bliss.
Then the owner said he was toying with the idea of getting more liveries.
We had gone four years. Four years of no problems, and I remember saying to him you've got 5 horses and 4 owners and no hassle at all..bear in mind that that's really impressive and it would just take one bad one to totally change the dynamics.
Right enough in they came and upset the whole atmosphere. Just like they had in their previous yards
It finished me with horses completely and ruined what I had thought was a decent friendship . Never again.

 

[FestiveG]

I often think that those who call others bullies, are the biggest bullies themselves. It may be in a more passive aggressive manner, but just as bullying. It is up to each individual whether they engage with people they view as bullies, or not, wherever they are.

 

[Birker2020]

Me either, the girls liked to sit and drink coffee, and that is fair enough but I like to ride my horse too, and often we would be sitting and sitting then they would be like ‘I can’t be bothered riding now’ ? So I would just try to ride and do my stuff first before sitting about, good to have banter with the girls too ? our yard was separated into 5 small yard areas so just 4/5 of us to contend with at a time ?

This is why I was so glad I gave up smoking in the end. Because I used to have a fag when I first got to the yard before I even saw the horse, then two with my friends with a coffee, then muck out, then have another fag, then do more stuff like nets, then have another fag and coffee with my friends again. None of us could be asked to ride, we were so full of coffee!

 

[Pegasus5531]

I have only really been on one yard with a bullying problem and there was a group that were very cliquey and spent all their time drinking coffees and bitching about everyone else and not focusing on their own horses. I just ignored them and sorted my horse but eventually left as Yard Owner told me they had complained that I didn't say hi to them on the yard (YO was never on the yard herself to see their behaviour). Moved to a nicer yard and haven't had problem since.

The one I'm on at the moment is fantastic with no bullying problems. It's also a riding school so YO is there most of the time which I think helps as prevents there being a "Queen Bee" livery which I've noticed can cause issues. Unfortunately comes down to who runs the yard and whether they stamp it out if it is happening.

 

[Birker2020]

I often think that those who call others bullies, are the biggest bullies themselves. It may be in a more passive aggressive manner, but just as bullying. It is up to each individual whether they engage with people they view as bullies, or not, wherever they are.

Some people in life are just very unkind or they 'get off' on other peoples misery due to something seriously lacking in their own lives, a lack of fullfilment or because they are imbittered. Unfortunately once you have been a victim of bullying it changes you forever and it moulds you into the type of person you become. Never underestimate the trauma bullying can bring people, online bullying can be one of the worst. Working in social care settings I've seen a fair amount of online bullying with the involvement I've had through work with young people and how devastating the consequences can be.

When people have been bullied through school - mine was physical and emotional bullying you learn that hell would have to freeze over first before you bullied anyone yourself. I'm glad I am just not made that way.

I've suffered other kinds of abuse as a teen (nothing to do with family) and this has scarred me for life and also shaped me into the person I am.

 

[FestiveG]

I often think that those who call others bullies, are the biggest bullies themselves. It may be in a more passive aggressive manner, but just as bullying. It is up to each individual whether they engage with people they view as bullies, or not, wherever they are.

I also find that they have very little self awareness and honestly do not recognise the harm that their behaviour can cause.

 

[Birker2020]

I also find that they have very little self awareness and honestly do not recognise the harm that their behaviour can cause.

Yes I agree, I am sure the person who falsely called me a racist certainly wasn't aware of the distress they caused me. Were you?

All this nastiness stemmed from a comment I made on the primary teacher thread, I can only assume she was a friend of yours?

 

[FestiveG]

Yes I agree, I am sure the person who falsely called me a racist certainly wasn't aware of the distress they caused me. Were you?

All this nastiness stemmed from a comment I made on the primary teacher thread, I can only assume she was a friend of yours?

Rather than derailing this thread, I suggest that you begin another about racism and what you perceive as racism.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I think you are being incredibly naive. And I don't mean that unkindly. There is a distinct undertone and undercurrent if that is the right word. And I think being accused of being a racist was despicable, think how you'd feel if that was said to you, I can't understand why admin didn't do anything when it was reported to them by at least two people. I was going to take it further, but you know what, it just makes me as bad as them and I can't be doing with all the stress.

How is calling out racism 'bullying'?
Apart from anything else bullying isn't a one off event, it's a systematic, repeated putting down, in one way or another, of a person with less standing in the relationship, which is why it can be a workplace thing and there is legislation to prevent it. This something I have had to explain to small children in the past.
The only way to stop discrimination of any kind is to call it out when it happens. If people realise that their words are not going unnoticed, online or in RL, they might stop and think before using those words/context.
Again, young children often don't 'get it'. I remember one Reception class teacher telling us about the horrified faces of the class in front of her, when she explained that one if their classmates had gone to visit family in Pakistan. Some children had only heard the first part of the word, which of course was banned in the school.

 

[Goldenstar]

I have made a career out sitting around drinking coffee if it was in the Olympics I would have masses of gold medals and now thanks to Professor Spector I learn it’s a fermented food so good for my gut it’s a win win .

 

[ycbm]

Not worth the potential fallout, deleted.

 

[ycbm]

I have made a career out sitting around drinking coffee if it was in the Olympics I would have masses of gold medals and now thanks to Professor Spector I learn it’s a fermented food so good for my gut it’s a win win .

It's good against cancer too! Win win win ? I have just got in from practising.
.

 

[Rowreach]

Yes I agree, I am sure the person who falsely called me a racist certainly wasn't aware of the distress they caused me. Were you?

All this nastiness stemmed from a comment I made on the primary teacher thread, I can only assume she was a friend of yours?

If you had accepted that the comment you made could be construed as racist, and edited your post by removing one word from it, then the matter would have been laid to rest, that thread would not have gone the way it did, and possibly you would not feel the need to rehash the whole thing ad nauseum on this forum.

(It wasn't me btw, before I'm accused of following two people round the forum and quoting everything they post )

 

[Goldenstar]

Not worth the potential fallout, deleted.

wise choice

 

[CanteringCarrot]

What I can't quite comprehend is how some members of this bb are allowed to send nasty PM's to multiple people and 1. Are still here 2. Have the audacity to act like a victim or that they'd never say a bad word 3. Think they have any room to criticize others behavior on here.


Mind boggling.


I still stand by the terms "bully" and "bullying" being overused and really clung to in some instances. No doubt it happens and needs to be taken seriously, but it's straight up rude to use try to use it as a shield to protect you against your own actions.


My post here isn't the kindest post but it's not wrong and re this particular bb, I just don't care anymore.

 

[stangs]

I think you are being incredibly naive. And I don't mean that unkindly. There is a distinct undertone and undercurrent if that is the right word. And I think being accused of being a racist was despicable, think how you'd feel if that was said to you, I can't understand why admin didn't do anything when it was reported to them by at least two people. I was going to take it further, but you know what, it just makes me as bad as them and I can't be doing with all the stress.

Maybe I am being naive, I don’t know. I've experienced unpleasantness, yes, but not a consistent undercurrent of it. If anything, I’m surprised by how tolerant people are. I can be a bit of an extremist on certain topics, and I’ve had very heated arguments with people (my fault). And yet those same people would put that aside to agree with me on a different topic the next day.

In contrast, I used to be on a forum where people held serious grudges. Any disagreements resulted in proper slurs getting thrown about, and it wasn’t uncommon for people to hound others telling them to kill themselves for weeks after an argument. Debate was impossible - if a frequent poster disliked you, you couldn’t say the most mundane comment without the old insults/slurs being brought up. Based on what I witnessed there, I don’t think I’d be upset at being called a racist by someone on the Internet, who doesn’t know who I am, whose claim I know has no validity. and who left it at that. Comparatively, it’s tame.

 

[Birker2020]

How is calling out racism 'bullying'?
Apart from anything else bullying isn't a one off event, it's a systematic, repeated putting down, in one way or another, of a person with less standing in the relationship, which is why it can be a workplace thing and there is legislation to prevent it. This something I have had to explain to small children in the past.
The only way to stop discrimination of any kind is to call it out when it happens. If people realise that their words are not going unnoticed, online or in RL, they might stop and think before using those words/context.
Again, young children often don't 'get it'. I remember one Reception class teacher telling us about the horrified faces of the class in front of her, when she explained that one if their classmates had gone to visit family in Pakistan. Some children had only heard the first part of the word, which of course was banned in the school.

Another very naive person.

 

[CanteringCarrot]

Another very naive person.

Oh fgs. ?