Taking horse back off loan

[TheChestnutThing]

I have now had a message apologising for the outburst and can she share him from me…..

 

[splashgirl45]

Ok, if all that you say is true , then I have a different view. In your shoes I would have taken him back before as she has contravened the contract. My horses owner didnt stipulate on ridden conditions but I knew not to do too much as she was 18 and owner wanted a hacking, low level competing home with not too much jumping but did ask me to use her farrier, which I did, and to have her back checked twice a year, which I did. I provided My own tack and did ride her in a snaffle rather than the Pelham that they used and did only hack and jump a smalllog if it was across the path but other than that I complied exactly..

 

[splashgirl45]

I have now had a message apologising for the outburst and can she share him from me…..

from the sound of her it might be worth getting him home before you commit, I think you need to have a good think about a share now…

 

[SpotsandBays]

I have now had a message apologising for the outburst and can she share him from me…..

I absolutely would not be allowing her to share the horse now after her behaviour! Go get your horse and be done with her

 

[Surbie]

I have now had a message apologising for the outburst and can she share him from me…..

That would be a 'hell no!' if it were me, once I had the horse back, based on this thread alone. I hope you are getting it asap.

I've been a loaner (since been gifted the horse) and never would have considered breaching loan terms. That would be enough for me to understand someone taking the horse away immediately, though I do think asking the loaner to pay for transport in that situation would be a bit unrealistic.

 

[JBM]

Personally with her short temper and bad management of your horse I wouldn’t let her within 50 metres of my horse
She obviously has no problems about talking about ppl behind their back about opposing management styles so I see her being a headache if she can’t have full control

 

[Barton Bounty]

Personally with her short temper and bad management of your horse I wouldn’t let her within 50 metres of my horse
She obviously has no problems about talking about ppl behind their back about opposing management styles so I see her being a headache if she can’t have full control

Very true! Generally the bitchy ones are the once causing the trouble in the first instance ?

 

[[153312]]

The thing I simply cannot fathom is why, why, why have you not gone and got this animal already? It is deeply concerning for his welfare. I really hope he is still being cared for.

 

[Snow Falcon]

I hope you manage to get your horse back asap. I'd personally be putting him back in his stable or field after collecting him based on her behaviour towards you and for the breaches of contract.

I've been a loaner and loanee. I only loaned to a friend (wvtb) and had 3 on loan (bought one of them). One I had PTS at mine at the wishes of the owner, the other I sadly returned at my expense as I had to cancel the arrangement.

Sometimes circumstances change but the welfare of the animal should never be compromised.

 

[ycbm]

I hadn’t seen him since the summer

In spite of the issues with inadequate bed, lapsed vaccinations and poor worming which you talked about in a previous thread, which ended, I think, with you saying you would check up on him more often, and him being only 9 miles away, and saying earlier on this thread "he is my child" you hadn't actually seen your horse for 5 or 6 months?
.

 

[Jenko109]

She sounds like a narcissist.

I wouldnt be allowing her to share if your accounts are accurate. We only live once. Do not share you time with people who have no respect for you and will treat you so badly.

 

[mariew]

Tbh I'd consider a share and give her the benefit of the doubt if she is a good rider and take her on a trial. She was probably shocked by you wanting to take him back and just lashed out. Also I know you said hacking only but you are taking him home to jump him right? So maybe lessons have done him good and have built up his muscles. Doubt she's being doing piaffe and passage. She should have told you though.

Depending on when you are bringing him back you have both got time for a breather. I hope it all goes well.

 

[Cherryblossom]

Given how volatile she is, if you’re not going to collect your horse immediately, I would play along with her about the share to keep her sweet, and also let the yard owner have your number and details of when the horse will be leaving. But I would be worried that she’s also now playing along at being okay with this and is actually making plans to move your horse.

 

[lannerch]

Tbh I'd consider a share and give her the benefit of the doubt if she is a good rider and take her on a trial. She was probably shocked by you wanting to take him back and just lashed out. Also I know you said hacking only but you are taking him home to jump him right? So maybe lessons have done him good and have built up his muscles. Doubt she's being doing piaffe and passage. She should have told you though.

Depending on when you are bringing him back you have both got time for a breather. I hope it all goes well.

This is what I would do too, I hope it all goes well too.

 

[dottylottie]

i agree that you should be getting him back home immediately, however if you don’t have your own transport i can see how that may be easier said than done.

also agree about keeping her sweet until you can get him, but not letting her share him - sounds like a very unpleasant person to be on a yard with whether she’s got her own horse or yours.

 

[Abacus]

I’m sorry for you that this has happened. Your concern about her stability and reaction was well founded and it sounds as though you have done all you can, having always told her that the loan wasn’t permanent. I hope that you can get him very quickly. You haven’t said what your thoughts are on sharing him but she sounds like a difficult person to deal with and perhaps someone you don’t want in your space, as well as dealing with your horse, even when you are there to keep an eye on things.

 

[ponynutz]

Have you made plans to get him?

 

[smolmaus]

I don't see how badgering OP about not going to get her horse fast enough is helpful. I think the point has been made folks.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

She sounds like a narcissist.

I wouldnt be allowing her to share if your accounts are accurate. We only live once. Do not share you time with people who have no respect for you and will treat you so badly.

She won't be sharing. Unfortunately after her responses (again IF they are accurate...i have offered to share the conversation so if you do not believe me please DM me...), the trust and respect is gone.

 

[JBM]

She won't be sharing. Unfortunately after her responses (again IF they are accurate...i have offered to share the conversation so if you do not believe me please DM me...), the trust and respect is gone.

Hope you’re doing okie is awful to have someone talk to you like that

 

[honetpot]

I went to see him today….long story…mentioned moving him when I was there (as expected it went down like a ton of bricks) and then when I got home due to something she had breeched in contract I sent a message. It got very nasty and I was sent a tirade of absolutely disgusting messages telling me I’m a terrible person, terrible horse woman, she feels sorry for the horse and karma will get me blah blah. I chose to ignore it and be to the point and it got worse with her telling me she is blocking me for the remainder of the notice (she chose not to take up the share) and to contact someone else if I wanted to get in touch.

I am exhausted, drained and flabbergasted tbh that discussing a contractual breech and ending a loan (well not exactly ending it because I offered her to continue at my place) would cause such nasty behaviour.

I will deal with everything tomorrow as she is refusing to pay for transport to get him back to me as per our contract. In fact, she threatened me twice with the police for A messaging her in the first place and B expecting her to transport him back to be as per the contract she signed.

Who knew that taking a horse back would be so traumatic.

I know some will say there are two sides to a story, but in this case there isn’t. And I have all written evidence and a contract to prove it.

I am sorry you are going through this,but in my previous experience this will get worse. I would get someone to help you draft a letter formally ending the contract, and post it, email it, send it by text and send a copy to the yard owner, complete with a copy of the contract, and set a date it must be returned by, so she can not say she has not received it.
I had a friend who had to 'buy'back a horse she had loaned out, they said she had given it to them, which she had not.
Loaners, I am sorry for those that are good ones, but the most IME, have a way of twisting the truth to suit their reality, so at the first sign of trouble you have to take immediate action. Avoiding the issue will not make it go away, you have to make sure she knows you mean it.
Make sure you screen shot all the messages, and any supporting evidence, just in case.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

I don't see how badgering OP about not going to get her horse fast enough is helpful. I think the point has been made folks.

Point has definatly been made. Sometimes it is not so easy to just go and get a horse. I do have my own transport, but was not banking on having to take him back immediately. We turned the spare stable into a tack room, so we need to organise that etc (which we thought we would have 2 months to do) and with the increment weather this week none of the horses are able to stay out. He is not in any immediate danger, I will go every other day to check up (I am not able to go daily due to work/my other horses and there not being enough time in the day), and he will come home as soon as his bedroom is ready.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

I am sorry you are going through this,but in my previous experience this will get worse. I would get someone to help you draft a letter formally ending the contract, and post it, email it, send it by text and send a copy to the yard owner, complete with a copy of the contract, and set a date it must be returned by, so she can not say she has not received it.
I had a friend who had to 'buy'back a horse she had loaned out, they said she had given it to them, which she had not.
Loaners, I am sorry for those that are good ones, but the most IME, have a way of twisting the truth to suit their reality, so at the first sign of trouble you have to take immediate action. Avoiding the issue will not make it go away, you have to make sure she knows you mean it.
Make sure you screen shot all the messages, and any supporting evidence, just in case.

Thank you for this advice, and what good advice it is. I will most definatly be doing all the above today.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

Hope you’re doing okie is awful to have someone talk to you like that

Thank you so very much for this kindness. I'm ok. I hope you are aswell.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

I wouldn't be letting her share the horse after the way she spoke to you I think your totally right to knock that on the head.

I hope you manage to get him back soon.

 

[throwawayaccount]

Point has definatly been made. Sometimes it is not so easy to just go and get a horse. I do have my own transport, but was not banking on having to take him back immediately. We turned the spare stable into a tack room, so we need to organise that etc (which we thought we would have 2 months to do) and with the increment weather this week none of the horses are able to stay out. He is not in any immediate danger, I will go every other day to check up (I am not able to go daily due to work/my other horses and there not being enough time in the day), and he will come home as soon as his bedroom is ready.

how do you know? also your naivety about the internet astounds me, thinking she won’t see this thread. just because she doesn’t browse H&H forum doesn’t mean others don’t.

I think both parties are at fault tbh and don’t understand why you haven’t got him already. stable isn’t ready… sort it then?

 

[JBM]

how do you know? also your naivety about the internet astounds me, thinking she won’t see this thread. just because she doesn’t browse H&H forum doesn’t mean others don’t.

I think both parties are at fault tbh and don’t understand why you haven’t got him already. stable isn’t ready… sort it then?

Op said she doesn’t care if the loaner sees this so why is that naive?
I think you’re being unnecessarily rude for no reason it takes time to move a whole tack room and people have jobs??
She was expecting to have 2 months to have the stable ready not have to move her horse home sooner
Criticism isn’t advice and your post hasn’t added any useful information so why are you being rude? Do you really have nothing better to do?

 

[throwawayaccount]

Op said she doesn’t care if the loaner sees this so why is that naive?
I think you’re being unnecessarily rude for no reason it takes time to move a whole tack room and people have jobs??
She was expecting to have 2 months to have the stable ready not have to move her horse home sooner
Criticism isn’t advice and your post hasn’t added any useful information so why are you being rude? Do you really have nothing better to do?

i was responding to the fact OP didn’t think the person involved would see this thread.

IMO if you were that concerned about your horse, you’d make arrangements: take day off work, put him elsewhere temporarily.

Saying both are at fault isn’t criticism it’s my opinion but ok ?‍ OP has chose to post on a very public forum so cannot be surprised at people’s responses

 

[ponynutz]

Then you have a very naive view of how the world works, throwawayaccount.

OP thanks for taking our advice to get him home as soon as you possibly can, I do hope you find some time to get everything sorted soon and it sounds like you're doing all you can in the background (writing a letter etc.,). I'm sure you'd want him home immediately if you could.

 

[JBM]

i was responding to the fact OP didn’t think the person involved would see this thread.

IMO if you were that concerned about your horse, you’d make arrangements: take day off work, put him elsewhere temporarily.

Saying both are at fault isn’t criticism it’s my opinion but ok ?‍ OP has chose to post on a very public forum so cannot be surprised at people’s responses

She said if she sees it she doesn’t care and what she has said is the truth..unsure how that translates to her thinking she won’t find it?

not that easy to just find another place for a horse livery yards are usually full this time of year and it’s unsuitable to have him in the field due to the weather. Also what job do you have where they let you take a random day off to move horse tack?

yes that one sentence in your paragraph is your opinion

but to be clear her original question has literally nothing to do with where this forum has decided to go